Ugh. I'm still heartbroken. But I'm surviving, and enjoying my job(s) and my dogs...
thing is I can't stop talking to him! Not often, just stupid stuff... but still.
And I really, really want him back in my bed but I'm sure I'll end up dead, right?? Tell me I'd die. Because it's really hard not to have him over right now... I have this irrational feeling that "at least I'll have a foot in the door..." and maybe he'll remember we were awesome at one point.
But apparently I'm really stressful - he said "I needed to break up with you I feel bad but I'm more relaxed and being me more" WTF?! I don't think I'm that difficult
Quote from the break up girl bible, "He is just not that into you"
(I used to keep these ON MY WALL)
On the "I miss you.."
Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.
Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.
ON BREAK UPs
Breakups, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago.
Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.
Breakup sex still means you're broken up.
Cut him off. Let him miss you.
He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.
There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.
Don't give him the chance to reject you again.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel crappy or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER:
Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
I'm sorry to be this girl. I know these things hurt to read and hurt to hear but somebody needs to say them and please dear god, you need to REALLY LISTEN TO THEM.
Sweetie, you deserve better.
You deserve somebody who loves you, in all your awesomeness, and who looks at you and knows there is nobody in the world he would rather be with.
I don't think he's this evil guy... I think he's a young guy who went way in over his head very early in life and needs time to just be.. a guy. a single guy. and atleast he is being honest with you.
and now it's time for you to be honest with yourself
Forget what you feel.
and remember what you DESERVE
and what you deserve is not this guy or holding onto a relationship that isn't there anymore.
and I say this because I HAVE BEEN THERE. Right where you are now.
and I know what it's like to think "Oh well having him in my life as something is better than nothing"
No.
He isn't fit to be your friend, your sex buddy, or your anything right now. It will only make the pain worse the more you avoid the dirty truth that this relationship is over.
Turn the page and move on. and only then, when both of you have grown and experienced and healed from this.. can you even consider becoming anything with each other.