We're still alive/horrid break-ups?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by PlottMom, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    I'll apologize in advance if this turns into some horrible pity party, but it's been REALLY bad.

    Has anyone else ever been through a break-up like this?! We were "dating" about 3 years... honest to dog I couldn't have hand-picked someone more compatible with me. Since the beginning, he's been my very best friend, the only person who's always been completely in my corner. He always said he'd waited his whole life for me, that I was completely his dream girl & everything he wanted. He said he wanted to marry me, we'd sit up at night and name our kids, everything. And he loved Daisy, which meant everything to me :)

    So in like 2 weeks he went from "forever and ever, baby :) " to "I need to be selfish and focus on me, I can't support us both emotionally, blah blah blah" and we're done.

    I am devestated to the point of losing like 10lbs, refusing to get out of bed except for work, and it was bad enough my friend came to get me from work the one night because he & his wife thought I'd kill myself. My mom drove 3 hours to take me home for a few days. I don't know why I'm posting all this to the internet, but it kind of feels good to get it out.

    Thing is, I was with PlottDaddy for years & never saw marriage or kids. I'd still marry this guy tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will now die alone, as the crazy old dog lady, because I can never let someone in like that again.

    Cookies if you read it all, and more if you can help me get over this :( I still think we're meant to me, there's just to much to how we got together to make it coincidence...
     
  2. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    I'm so sorry :( and at Christmas and New Years too, that has to suck. Relationships seem to break up around major holidays.. I don't know why? Have you talked or texted him? You need more of a explanation than what he's giving you. Maybe all the talk about marriage and kids frightened him. Some guys are cool with dating a girl for long periods of time but when the girl brings up marriage and kids they go whack and run far far away, but you said you had been dating 3yrs so its not like you sprung that idea on the 2nd date.. ya know? The fact that he went from "forever and ever" to "never never" makes me wonder if he might be seeing someone else and you didn't know it. Could he be?
     
  3. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    Yes, I do have a horrid break up story. Dated a guy for several yrs before meeting Justin. Thought he was the ONE! We moved in a cute little high rise apartment in the middle of Los Angeles. We both had full time jobs, we'd come home in the evenings and fix dinner, go on trips up to San Francisco, Catalina Island, the beach. We spent oodles of time at the beach. We talked about getting married and kids and then one day out of the blue he announced that he needed time to himself blah blah blah and walla just like that my world crumbled into a heap of nothing. So I let him go. I decided that I wouldn't fight for us or what we had. If he was meant to be than he would come back. Took me a good 4yrs to get over us and him. He's married now and has a son. I will always wish the best for him. I look back and now know why things happened like they did. I'm glad we didn't get married lol.

    I know how your feeling. Chin up, take one day at a time and always remember tomorrow is a new day! Oh, and you won't end up an old crazy dog lady lol ;)
     
  4. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    He's actually the one that brought up marriage & such... once upon a time I was like "what, is your master plan to get me to break up with PlottDaddy?" and he was like "my master plan is to make you my wife." so i was kind of the speechless one there.

    And no, he wouldn't have had time for another girl. That one I am sure of.
     
  5. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    Oh I see. Give him time and space. Guys somehow need that time and space to think things over. Those are some pretty deep stuff he said to you that shouldn't be taking lightly. May ask how old both of you are? Are you both in college? Do both of you work?
     
  6. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    I'm sorry. Break ups suck--I had a really messy one with a guy I dated for 3-4ish years. It was painful and teary and waaaaaay too drawn out. I didn't recognize myself for a good 6 months after that.

    I'm glad you have people who love you who you can talk to and who will take care of you. Do you have any neutral person you can talk to? A pastor, a counselor?
     
  7. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    i'll be 27 in feb; he'll be 36. i work (youth services - residential, with teenagers) and he's retired from the army - 100% disability, he got shot up real bad in Iraq & is a purple heart vet (yes, I'm totally proud of him, lol). when he met me my mom was like "why would you want to be with someone who can't keep up with you hiking & coonhunting?!" so he bought his first mtn bike since he was hurt. now everything's coming together for him with sponsors & such, he's kind of a pro-cyclist now... even with only one good leg.



    ETA: that was a novel...
     
  8. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    yea, i'm gonna start seeing a counselor. i kinda thought i needed to for a while, then things got better, and now i think i leaned too hard on "him".
     
  9. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    It's easy to do.

    Has he seen anyone at all? I'm taking a shot in the dark, but it sounds like he's dealt with a lot--any chance he's still going through some PTSD stuff?

    It just seems strange to change so drastically so suddenly. With my old relationships, it was a gradual thing, not an overnight "I need a 180 life change" thing.
     
  10. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    CAUTION. LARGE POST AHEAD FILLED WITH MESSY QUOTES/PICTURES


    I was with my high school sweet heart for 4 years. Same deal "i've waited my whole life for you, I want to marry you ,etc.." and then one day, POOF, "I want to have sex with other people".

    The thing about making somebody your whole world, is that when they disappear, your ***** world falls apart.
    but in the wise words of Taylor swift, "Back then I swore I was gonna marry him some day but I realized some bigger dreams of mine"

    You need to learn how to happy by yourself first, and THEN find a way to let somebody in. That is why you feel so empty right now.. you CANNOT let a boy define your happiness.
    Dive into what you love, find a hobby, find a friend, learn a new language, read and read ALOT.. do what you love to do and be happy with your life and trust me, love will fall into place on it's own.

    I know it doesn't feel that way, and for now, it's going to SUCK. You need to sulk, watch BAD chick flicks, indulge yourself, bitch to friends, let yourself WALLOW in misery, drink heavily, bitch some more
    and then get a hair cut, a new dress, pick yourself up and move on!

    [​IMG]

    Let it hurt.

    “The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.â€
    — John Green

    "Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did. Or thinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was the lie. The only thing you need to know is that it's really good news: He's gone.
    The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed." - He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo



    The "recovery" process doesn't happen over night, it's little by little, and one day, any day, you are going to sit back and realize, "wow, I haven't thought about him ALL day today" and that's when you know it's getting better. It isn't some dramatic OH MY GOD I AM OVER HIM, it's as simple as seeing a couple holding hands and not feeling a pang in your chest, as hearing his name and not wanting to cry.. One day you WILL get all that back. It can happen anytime, any day and you can't really rush it.. Just live your life best you can, immerse yourself in people and things that you love and trust me, it'll happen :D and you'll look up one day and look at your past relationship with him with bittersweetness but KNOW that you are better off

    NOBODY who was your true love/meant to be, walks away like that. Him leaving doesn't mean your love story is over, it just means his chapter in your story is over

    In the words of TV show..
    "Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it’s hard. But if it’s the right person, then it’s easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it’s not like that, then she’s not the one. I’m sorry."

    If he didn't have the balls to look at you, in all your awesome, beautiful brilliance and realize you were worth it. then it is HIS LOSS and he is not the guy for you. I know that sucks to say and sucks even more to hear, but you need to understand that losing this guy is NOT losing your soul mate. No soul mate ever walks away like that

    and one day somebody is going to walk into your life and make you so happy that it never worked out with anybody else and that this guy walked away


    One day you are going to look back at right now and not even recognize that girl. The lonely, crying, sad, depressed girl.. but right now, you need to feel what you are feeling and trust me, IT WILL PASS.

    and the day you realize you are over him, it feels amazing.

    Just..stay away from him. This line has been repeated in breakups time and again.. but people don't listen. CLEAN BREAKS HEAL FASTER.
    No you can't be friends right now. you can't be anything right now. Because your heart is broken and you are bleeding and trust me "better than nothing" will do nothing but hurt you even more in the end

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    and in the words of Nicholas Sparks
    [​IMG]

    Do. Not. Call. Him.
    You. are. too. Good. for. him.

    I don't know who spoke these words but they never fail to be true!

    your heart might be telling you all these things because it's broken, you are vulnerable and more than anything, you want to be happy again.

    Running back to him seems safe, comfortable.. but you need to remember that you deserve more than someone who walked away.

    Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.


    [​IMG]

    break ups suck. They really do. Always.

    but sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can come together :)
     
  11. cloudcandy

    cloudcandy Cloudcandy

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    Oh jeeze.Good luck.I can't offer much advice from experience as I am still in my first LTR.All I can offer as advice is too focus on yourself,make yourself happy and become responsible for your emotions.By that I mean don't be sad because he's not there,try and become strong yourself.If he's worth it he'll come back.If not then he has lost out not you!
    What exactly happened?Did he actually just say that and leave?Or was there more to it?
    Good luck and good vibes :)
    Oh and eat as much icecream and watch some rom-coms X
     
  12. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    Fran, you made me cry <3 thank you.

    Already got a cut & color & a new dress... lol
     
  13. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    This is what I was thinking too that maybe he's having a health problem or struggling with something like Cali mentioned. For some reason men can sometimes think that we are better off without them than with them and their issues... they are usually wrong lol but it's how some people handle health issues or mental distress. Better off without me than WITH a broken me.

    Just an idea.

    My brother and his wife were married for 13 years and had 4 beautiful children and then suddenly his wife did a complete 180 and started fooling around on him and all kinds of crazy stuff. My family basically hates her now but I'm left here wondering whats wrong with her (whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally or what) because people don't just have a personality transplant overnight generally.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this :( I wish I had some advice
     
  14. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Oh Fran, I could hug you for that post <3

    You have to be one of the most inspiration people I know, I know I have said that before but still.
    I know who to go to in terms of love stuff now lol

    Plott - It sucks. It really does. BUT you are a strong, beautiful woman and I PROMISE you will everything fiber of my being, you WILL be okay, you WILL make it.
    Do exactly as Fran said, and things will be okay.

    (((HUGS))) to you, and I hope you feel better.
    NEVER EVER let a man define you. YOU are your own person, and we find ways to rise this kind of stuff. (((HUGS))) again.
     
  15. jess2416

    jess2416 Who woulda thought

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    I'm so sorry that really sucks :(

    but yeah Ditto to EVERYTHING that Fran said...

    (Im so stealing that first picture)
     
  16. PlottMom

    PlottMom The Littlest Hound

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    he does have PTSD and a traumatic brain injury... he's a true success story, in that he functions pretty normally. but yea, that's stuff that never really goes away. he spent 3 years at walter reed...
     
  17. Barb04

    Barb04 Love my pets Staff Member

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    Please know you are a good person. I thought the same thing after a 21 year marriage ended, but happy to say I moved on, found a great guy who I married and am happy again. Take each day one at a time and live life the fullest.
     
  18. dignity

    dignity Pyr Pressure

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    Sorry you're going through all of this. Things usually end up working out some how. Just for now take care of yourself the future will still be there tomorrow and you don't need to have it all figured out right away. Take time and let yourself heal.
     
  19. Izzy's Valkyrie

    Izzy's Valkyrie Very Food Agressive

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    I've been there. I was so bad after my last break up that I ended up in a psychiatric facility on suicide watch. Now, a lot of other things were also wrong with me but I do understand the feeling like it will never be the same again. And you're right, it won't. And even though it's hard to see right now, things will actually be better. *hugs*
     
  20. Sweet72947

    Sweet72947 Squishy face

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    Yeah. And it makes me angry that people think they can make that decision for you. If somebody didn't want you, either broken or whole, then they wouldn't BE here, would they??

    I know how you feel, Plottmom. I wasn't "with" the person I love, although I'd hoped to be. But that didn't make it hurt any less when they decided to cut me out of their life without any real explanation. (Some Chazzers know the story, but I'm not posting it here). Its been about four months now since I last talked to this person. I didn't eat for a week, and I cried every night and sometimes during the day. Heck I still cry some nights. This thread is threatening to make me cry right now. And I can't escape their memories, I have pictures of them in with certain other pictures that have to do with a place that is a big part of my life right now. One of my roommates has a sibling by the same name, so I hear the name all the time. This person is just put in my face all the time.
     

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