Men & women, can they ever be only friends? Your thoughts

[Dogdragoness]

LOL i dont plan having one or a few close friends, it just works out that way.. I am famously socially awkward & the friends i have have just "happened" LOL.

I have this one close (opposite sex) friend who I have known for the better part of 10 yrs. we act/treat each other like brother & sister. I have many aquaintances (which i do not consider "friends" persay, as the word "friend" to me means something deeper) of both sexes

 

[SkyRock]

This sums it up for me.

Me too, I don't know if age is a factor. But I don't mind hanging out with a male friend alone, while my boyfriend is somewhere else, because I know that nothing is going to happen, and my boyfriend needs to trust me if he's in a relationship with me the same way that I'd trust him, besides I hate people controlling me, it really suffocates me, lol I'm getting way out of topic here, but after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship I see things different now, and I don't stop living my life for anyone else.

 

[SkyRock]

I choose my friends based on their character, who I am when I'm with them, their passions, their hearts.. not their genitals.

I am NOT going to say "Oh gosh girls are such drama queens! I get along with guys so much better" because that is such an awful stereotype and does women NO FAVORS. The very idea that you are this rare and special gem and that most women are bitchy little priss queens who only care about purses and boys does women and you no favors. Next time you have someone (a man or otherwise) make assumptions about you because you are a girl.. THINK ABOUT where those assumptions came from and what you are doing by continuing to preach their validity every time you say things about "most girls."
You are MOST GIRLS. Regardless of what tvs and movies would have you believe.

I have the friends I have because they are individuals who I happen to adore lol not because I think they are inherently better or worse because they are male or female.

I am not interested in being in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't trust me or like me around members of the opposite sex like I am some kind of animal who can't control her actions.
My boyfriend could have a damned slumber party with his best friend (who is a girl) and I wouldn't care. I trust him lol I know he is more than a walking penis.

The idea of "Oh I trust him, but I DO NOT trust her" makes no sense to me. It takes two to tango. Even if she did throw herself at him.. he would have a choice. I trust him to make the right choice regardless of outside factors/people. That's life. I can't stick him in a bubble and hide him away lol whats the point of a relationship if there is no trust?

My best friend is a guy. Always has been. Boyfriends that can't accept him and can't accept our friendship haven't lasted because frankly, I have no interest in having a boyfriend that doesn't trust me.

Of course there is compromise! As with all relationships My best friend doesn't barge into my apartment without knocking or calling anymore lol and we have rules about the days/times in which I've gotta focus on the boyfriend and he can give me some space.

It's a very close friendship. I am in a very close romantic relationship. Of course there are rough patches and compromises and awkwardness sometimes. That doesn't mean it can't work it has and does!

My best friend and my boyfriend aren't friends. I mean, they know each other and are fine with each other but certainly aren't buddies. They accept that they have me in common and both love me.. so we make it work.

They are both my best friend, just in different ways. It's like comparing a brother to a husband I guess lol of course the relationship is special, strong, unique.. but its different.

If anything, I feel that my relationship with my best friend is almost, I dunno, more precious.. because it isn't intimate.

My boyfriend and I, our relationship is based off so much, I love him. but there is more than just how much I love him holding us together. There is sex.

With my best friend and I. Sex/physical intimacy isn't there to be the glue/band aid lol we are so close because we put in the work, everything we share..talking, interests, just hanging out.. all of that are feelings that were earned by time, priorities, sacrifice, true honest friendship. There is nothing romantic to help things along, no physical drives, no "love is blind" lol

My boyfriend means so much to me. He is my rock, my best friend, the best sex ever, so many firsts, he gives me butterflies and makes my knees weak. I look at him from across the dinner table and see so many things.. maybe even the father of my kids! lol

but Tyler is my person.
I wish there was another way to describe it.
If I killed someone, I'd call him to hide the body lol
I'm crying, I want him there. He makes me laugh so hard that things come out of my nose and I can sit around with him all day and just do NOTHING.
Sometimes I honestly feel like we know what each other is thinking.

My biggest piece of advice? It's the same with ANY relationship where you have a best friend lol honestly & communication. Sorry there are no short cuts. Compromise and kindness help too.

Your romantic partner doesn't have to be your world. Don't let ANYONE make you feel like that is the only way to be.
You have every right and should have friends, other people, other interests, that doesn't mean that you love him/her any less.

Oh and I'm 20. Height of the sexual hormones and BEHOLD still hold it together around a boy!! *GASP* It's almost like I have a brain!

This is exactly how I feel, you summed it up perfectly!

 

[darkchild16]

Me too, I don't know if age is a factor. But I don't mind hanging out with a male friend alone, while my boyfriend is somewhere else, because I know that nothing is going to happen, and my boyfriend needs to trust me if he's in a relationship with me the same way that I'd trust him, besides I hate people controlling me, it really suffocates me, lol I'm getting way out of topic here, but after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship I see things different now, and I don't stop living my life for anyone else.

I'm 24 and I wouldn't do it unless my husband was at work and my friend made a special trip or they tagged along for something. Of course my only real male friend lives a hour away and Im not driving that far without my husband to hang out with someone because I like to be home and have dinner ready for him before he comes home.

 

[Dogdragoness]

Yeah like when my fiancee goes out with his friends (some of which are women in the group) i see no problem with it, esp if one of them likes scary movies (which fiancee doesnt) or thrill rides (which fiancee doesnt... hes terrified of rides) both suck when you do them by yourself LOL

 

[Sweet72947]

For a long time, I never really had male friends (and I never really thought I would as guys were typically mean to me, I was happy enough when I was ignored). The guys I hung out with I knew because they were dating (or married) to my girl friends, and I never really considered them friends. However last year and this year I have made some friends with guys who are my friend because of me, not just because they happen to be dating my friends. I love them as brothers, and have NO THOUGHTS of anything more happening. For example, back at the apartment, Ben used to walk out of his room in his underwear in the morning, and as he's rather well endowed, you couldn't help but not see morning wood. My first and only thought about it was EW. Lol. His wife did explain to him certain things about living with roommates, and now he wears pants! Ben isn't willfully inappropriate, he's just oblivious sometimes. XD

But yeah, I'd say that it is entirely possible to be "just friends" with the opposite sex. Its not that different than being friends with your own sex. I mean, I learned I wasn't straight when I fell in love with one of my GIRL friends, so nothing is impossible! Lol

 

[Paige]

Men and women, or people who swing towards the same genders, can TOTALLY be friends without any kind of sexual or romantic attraction. I don't personally have friends I hangout with on a regular basis so no one really needs to feel threatened. However, I wouldn't be dropping a male friend based on the fact my spouse is jealous nor would I expect my spouse to get rid of a female friend either

 

[Dakotah]

Absolutely.

Some of my best guy friends I have known for almost 10 years (That made me feel old LOL) and I've never slept with them or even thought about it, because they are kinda of my brothers, since I have none.
Now girls, very very very few girl friends. My best friend is a girl and I've known her for almost 5 years.
But Michael is one of my best friends as well. The moment we met, we hit it off. We've known each other for almost 2 years (this coming up January) and didn't even start "talking" until this past April and have been in a relationship for almost 3 months (next month on the 17th). And since he was mentioned about sleeping with guy friends, Michael and I didn't sleep together until like the middle of July.

But some girls I know, sleep with every.guy.they.have.ever.known. Its kind of... odd, if I do say so myself.

 

[Dakotah]

Your romantic partner doesn't HAVE to be your whole world but there is NOTHING wrong with it if they are... as long as it's mutual.



all of this describes my relationship with my husband. We could never have sex again (although I hope that doesn't happen lol) and we would be perfectly happy to live out our lives just being together. Our marriage is not about the sex... the sex is a nice perk but it is not THE thing that holds us together (no pun intended lol).

the only other person I've ever been nearly as close with was my best friend in highschool. We were inseperable, finished each others sentences, spent every waking moment together, had all these inside jokes that NO ONE got except us, etc etc etc. We are still friends but over the years and miles we've drifted apart. Still friends but not like it was in highschool.

Now that is what I have with Brian. I don't have nearly as much fun doing anything else with anyone else as I do with him just sitting at home watching TV. he gets me COMPLETELY. It's CREEPY how "in each others heads" we are. We say the same random things at the same random time ALL THE TIME. our family and friends make fun of us about how we are the same person in two seperate bodies. We have the same sick sense of humor, I could count on him for anything... if one day i could not longer wipe myself I know he wouldn't hesitate to help me out LOL.

someone on facebook posted this the other day "Love means never having to ________" and my answer was "Hold in a fart" LOL and it's so true lol. I fart unabashedly around Brian and while I'm sure he might prefer if I was a little more withholding ... he always laughs at me when I do lol.

I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it lol but I can't express it enough. there is nothing a "best friend" could give me that I don't currently have... PLUS we have the sex on top of that (another... no pun intended lol). There is nothing anyone else can offer me that my husband doesn't. He is my BEST FRIEND and if we couldn't ever have sex again that would be OK and I would be happy to spend the rest of my life in a sexless exsistence just to spend the rest of my waking hours with my best friend and husband walking right beside me

This and what Fran101 said.

 

[sillysally]

I don't Understand why the decision to not actively seek out alone time with members of the opposite sex (not forcing one to stop befriending the opposite sex but making the choice for yourself) must mean you are immature and jealous. I am quite mature and extremely confident in myself and my marriage. I have an incredible marriage. I just don't generally seek out alone time with anyone else be it male or female. We are so insanely bisy that I really just enjoy our home time.

It isn't that Idon't like others or don't like meeting new people. Heck, i am a homeschooler involved with two co ops and multiple other activities. NOT meeting people on a regular basis is not an option lol. But because of that the majority of my social time happens during the day at co op and other activities so come evening I just want to be home with my best friend.

On top of that I have not had the experience of friendship with guys who didn't ultimately want benefits so it really just doesn't appeal to me and isn't really a potential drama i want to deal with. I am busy enough without that lol. That doesn't mean I don't have any men that I know that I don't consider a friend. There are lots of people i consider friends that I feel no need to spend a lot of one on one time with. The group time spent together is enough for me. Plus as mentioned earlier, i don't have as much fun without hubby as i do with him so when I am out with the girls or even if it were guys.. I really just want to get back home to my best friend

Eta: i don't think Sex is the be all end all of infidelity and relationship issues. I don't vent about my husband to
Others because i don't think it's right and I certainly wouldn't vent it to another guy. If I have a problem with my husband I vent it to HIM end of story.

Pretty much this. Actually, I agree with Cali and Sparks on this one.

I disagree that if you chose not to seek out opposite sex friendships you are somehow immature. Actually, it was not a conscious decision on either if our parts-we didn't sit down and discuss it, we just fell into that groove. I've never conciously said, "I'll not be friends with him because he's a man," it just happens that way. I do have a few male friends that I've had since before DH, but I really don't do things with them alone. I don't think DH would care if I did, it just has never come up. Honestly, I only have a very small circle of friends, and DH is my best friend. I tell him everything, I enjoy his company, and we also have a creepy way of saying the exact same thing at the same time-lol. I really don't have a lot of time for friends, so I need friends that are cool with a low maintenance relationship. I'm not one to go shopping with girl friends- the ONLY people I like shopping for non-pet related items with are my mom and DH. I do think that DH is very relieved that I have found a friend (female) who loves to go to animal expos, dog shows, sales, the state fair, etc, as those things tend to bore him. If she were a male though our relationship would be different because we do a lot of stuff together where we end up sharing a hotel room for a weekend, and occasionally sleeping in the same bed. Definitely not appropriate to do with someone of the opposite sex, IMHO.

I suppose people are always going to judge, but this works for us, so I see.no reason to change it.

 

[Southpaw]

For the girls that say they can't be friends with other girls or just get on soooooo much better with guys, I feel sorry for them.

I don't know... I honestly think I DO get along better with guys :dunno: That's not me saying I'm different from/better than other girls. I'm not. I'm (mostly) just like every other girl out there. But it is easier for me to be myself around guys. Don't really think I have a reason for it - maybe because they are not as judgey/cliquey as other girls would be. Who knows. Just the way it's worked for me. It's easiest for me to draw from my high school experiences (since my vet tech program was pretty much all female, and now that I'm out of school completely, I'm not really meeting new people), where I pretty much only had male friends. I was friends with girls I guess.... but in more of a "hey, we sit by each other in class so we should probably get to know each other" way. But I had closer friendships with guys where we actually got to know things about each other and had meaningful conversations, and it wasn't just an "in class" friendship.

It's not that I avoid girls and don't want to be friends with them. I'm just not very good at it! My best friend is a girl but we have been friends since 1st grade. Miraculously she is the only person from school that I have not drifted away from.

 

[Dogdragoness]

same here, nothing personal, i just dont "get" most girls they are so... immature sometimes & often times pretty back stabby/cliquey. ironically the girls i get along with are tomboyish LOL

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

same here, nothing personal, i just dont "get" most girls they are so... immature sometimes & often times pretty back stabby/cliquey. ironically the girls i get along with are tomboyish LOL

It's just THIS that bothers me... So you are saying that girls are this way and guys are not? I don't get where people are meeting this multitudes of backstabbing and bitchy girls, and all these angelic guys...

 

[Romy]

It's just THIS that bothers me... So you are saying that girls are this way and guys are not? I don't get where people are meeting this multitudes of backstabbing and bitchy girls, and all these angelic guys...

To be fair, MOST guys I have met have been more confrontational when something/someone is bugging them or they don't like something. I think it's more of a cultural thing than a true gender difference though. Guys are expected to be direct and aggressive (ugh, that's not quite the word I'm looking for) where girls who behave like that are labeled tomboys or bitches.

On the flip side, girls are expected to act more civilized, not confront directly, I think it encourages more roundabout backstabby confrontation.

Personally as I was growing up, I found the directness and honesty in the guys around me, even when they were douchy about it, to be really refreshing. I could tell right away if a guy was good friend material and was someone I shared viewpoints with and wanted to hang around, or if they were just a flat out douche canoe.

The girls were a lot harder to read. Socially they were really nice and friendly because they were expected not to be directly rude to someone, but then some did turn around and gossip in private and that really hurts. It's just not something I've really seen guys do.

Again, I think it's more of a cultural construct than an actual gender difference.

Finding lady friends I have a lot in common with is harder work for me than finding guy friends, but definitely worth it (all friends are!). The female best friends I had in high school and college are still some of my closest friends today.

And to answer the OP, yes people of opposite genders can definitely be friends without any hanky panky. Of all of my friends, regardless of gender, I've NEVER had any physical relationship with whatsoever. I've only kissed three people in my entire life, and I had known them for less than a week the first time. It'd be pretty lame if I only had three guy friends ever anyway. :rofl1:

 

[Equinox]

I am NOT going to say "Oh gosh girls are such drama queens! I get along with guys so much better" because that is such an awful stereotype and does women NO FAVORS. The very idea that you are this rare and special gem and that most women are bitchy little priss queens who only care about purses and boys does women and you no favors. Next time you have someone (a man or otherwise) make assumptions about you because you are a girl.. THINK ABOUT where those assumptions came from and what you are doing by continuing to preach their validity every time you say things about "most girls."
You are MOST GIRLS. Regardless of what tvs and movies would have you believe.

I actually agree with this and want to thank you for posting, because I am completely guilty of the above, and even encouraged this stereotype recently (saying girl friends are high maintenance and guy friends are easier to be around). I should NOT extend my experience within my group of friends into a blanket statement that encourages assumptions that are already far too common and does nothing but enhance a negative image for girls.

I do prefer the overall company of guys over girls, but in my case, it's because I'm big on social events and most of my friends are only people I spend time with for the sake of company and fun. I associate with a lot of people who I'm not even remotely close to, and those associations are typically connected with drama almost inevitably. I try to be there for my friends when they need me, but it wears me out and among my group of friends, the girls tend to talk to each other about their problems more often than the guys do.

Which means that my tendency to hang around guys is more a reflection of my POOR character - at heart I'm really just being a bad friend Avoidance behavior and all. Despite that, my closest friends, the ones I genuinely love, are girls. I've been best friends with one of them since we were both 8 years old. We have more to talk about, a better understanding of each other, etc.

My guy friends, on the other hand, are the ones I prefer to spend down time with and I can easily say that I have a very platonic relationship with my close male friends. No sexual tension, no romantic interest, and it is great that way. I also believe, however, that there can be something sexual in a relationship where both people are strictly friends, but I am probably in the minority with that experience/belief.

I don't make friends based off of their sex or gender, either. It's true that I do see some distinct differences in my relationship with girl friends and my relationship with boy friends, I definitely do not end up doing so intentionally. For example, I never realized until now that since moving to this new city, I have not made a single good girl friend, while I've met several guys who I am close to now. I think because of this, I end up reflexively stereotyping the respective groups of friends because I see so much in common among them, but the truth is that it just happened to wind up that way, and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter their sex or gender.

All of my friends are individuals and awesome by their own right. Not because they are a girl or a guy.

 

[Barbara!]

IMO, I don't find it appropriate for someone in a relationship to go hang out with someone of the gender they are attracted to by themselves. Like, if Josh went out to eat with a chick friend, or I with a guy friend... I think that would be totally rude and inappropriate.

 

[CharlieDog]

I have approx two real life friends. It's a combination of mental difficulties and the fact that I'm weird. I think the most really good friends I've ever had, like I would talk to about personal sort of stuff friend has been around three. I know plenty of acquaintances, but not the sort of people I'd talk to if I had a serious problem. Right now that number is two, and they're both guys, and I happen to be married to one of them.


However, I don't think I'm qualified to answer the question as far as can you be friends without sleeping with each other because, well, yeah. I've been with two people. Ones my husband, the other is my best friend, and one of my husbands really good friends.

I can still stay out until 5 am with him and my husband is fine with it. He trusts me. He could be out until 5 am if he wanted to with some of his friends and as long as he's keeping in touch and not doing anything stupid like getting in the car with someone who's been drinking, it's fine.

I think it depends on your trust levels, your maturity level and what each person individually is comfortable with. If your SO isn't comfortable with you being friends with someone of the opposite sex, you need to have a discussion and reach a compromise. Or figure out if it's going to work out.

In my relationship, I would have left DH a long time ago if he asked that I not be alone with literally my only other friend. Like seriously, this guy is my bestie. If anything happened that I need to talk to someone and it can't be DH for whatever reason, or if I just need a different perspective, it's him. Every time. We grew up together basically, so yeah. Wouldn't ever happen.

Anyway, rambling.

 

[Equinox]

I have approx two real life friends. It's a combination of mental difficulties and the fact that I'm weird.

S'okay. I'll move to Georgia and we can be friends. And I can nab Indy while I'm at it. Because I'm a total backstabbing bitch

But really though. Sometimes I wish I had more awesome dog friends.

 

[CharlieDog]

S'okay. I'll move to Georgia and we can be friends. And I can nab Indy while I'm at it. Because I'm a total backstabbing bitch

But really though. Sometimes I wish I had more awesome dog friends.

Bwahahaha.

Yes please!

I used to have a few more friends than I do now. A combination of time and other folks breaking up have caused us to just sort of drift. My problem is that the girls that I know are usually the girlfriends of my guy friends. So when they break up, it ends up we break up too, lol.

My brother and his ex girlfriend don't talk anymore and he gets a little upset if he knows I've talked to her, but *I* didn't break up with her

 

[Equinox]

Bwahahaha.

Yes please!

I used to have a few more friends than I do now. A combination of time and other folks breaking up have caused us to just sort of drift. My problem is that the girls that I know are usually the girlfriends of my guy friends. So when they break up, it ends up we break up too, lol.

My brother and his ex girlfriend don't talk anymore and he gets a little upset if he knows I've talked to her, but *I* didn't break up with her

If I weren't in college, I would have no friends. I'd have no idea how to go out of my way to meet new people - I've drifted away from a lot of good friends from school already. We promise back and forth to get together and start chatting again, but neither side's motivated enough to actually put aside time and do it.

I hear you on the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend front. Especially because some of my friends end relationships on really bad terms and expect me to hate their ex as much as they do.

NOT FUN.

NOT COOL.

Maybe I should just surround myself with dogs and dog people who I like. We can be neighbors and talk about drives (and scare non Shepherd people away lmao) and have all sorts of fun taking bites from Knox and fighting over Indy.