Men & women, can they ever be only friends? Your thoughts

[yoko]

I think for me it's just hard to grasp that people want to close off half of the population as potential friends just because they are in a relationship. I'm not even that much of a people person so it's weird for me to be the one to say that XD

But I guess since I went through so many computer classes and went through all my programming courses I'm a little more open with having guy friends. In the field I was going to school for I would have had to go out of my way to not make more guy friends instead of going out of my way to make them.

When I've been in relationships I've done a lot of stuff with my BF and they got a lot/the majority of my time. BUT at the same time I refused to give up my guy friends or to quit making guy friends.

Also when you are a pretty hard core tom boy, who wears jeans and oversized t-shirts and hoodies, who doesn't wear make up, who is lucky if they do more than run a brush through my hair, who plays video games, who likes comics and anime guys are just more appealing as friends because I have a lot more in common with them than most of the females in my area that I work with or interact with.

Also guys don't get pissy that Yoshi sheds.

 

[sparks19]

I can't say I have ever felt closed off to half the world or like I was lackig. I don't seek out guy friends because I don't feel like I am missing out on not having a guy BFF... Except I do have a guy BFF and I married him. I DO have a guy for a best friend, confidant, person I go to in my darkest moments, who I laugh with, do nerdy stuff with, can be myself with, enjoy hanging out with. I just alsO happen to be married to him. I am not missin out on half the population because I HAVE my male best friend.

But I always say I am not really a good friend. I don't call friends up just to chat, I don't really do "girls night out", etc. sO I Don't really seek out solo time with any gender really.

I have also never really successfully had a guy that was JUST a friend who I actually just hung out with. And at thIs point in my life I absolutely relate to women so much better. I am a mom and my friends are moms. No guy qants to have a conversation about when I was in labor and compare stories lol, no guy wants to hear about our battles with Hannahs constipation, etc etc so on and so forth ad nauseum. I have enough "boyish" tendencies to get along with guys but to have a meaningful friendship with them? Not really anything in common

 

[Grab]

No guy qants to have a conversation about when I was in labor and compare stories lol, no guy wants to hear about our battles with Hannahs constipation, etc e

You can abe friends with my husband. He'd happily talk about little kid constipation, lol

 

[sparks19]

You can abe friends with my husband. He'd happily talk about little kid constipation, lol

LOL I shouldn't say no guy wants to LOL there are the oddballs (your hubby and mine are in that group lol). Sometimes it's like "honey... This person we just met doesn't want to know how fast I dilated or how much fluid came out". LOL but then I am guilty of TMI all the time lol

 

[darkchild16]

LOL I shouldn't say no guy wants to LOL there are the oddballs (your hubby and mine are in that group lol). Sometimes it's like "honey... This person we just met doesn't want to know how fast I dilated or how much fluid came out". LOL but then I am guilty of TMI all the time lol

Jeremy is right there with yalls husbands and my ONE guy friend that is still around enough to count will listen to it all and hes even interested and hes a single guy with no kids LMAO.

 

[Fran101]

I choose my friends based on their character, who I am when I'm with them, their passions, their hearts.. not their genitals.

I am NOT going to say "Oh gosh girls are such drama queens! I get along with guys so much better" because that is such an awful stereotype and does women NO FAVORS. The very idea that you are this rare and special gem and that most women are bitchy little priss queens who only care about purses and boys does women and you no favors. Next time you have someone (a man or otherwise) make assumptions about you because you are a girl.. THINK ABOUT where those assumptions came from and what you are doing by continuing to preach their validity every time you say things about "most girls."
You are MOST GIRLS. Regardless of what tvs and movies would have you believe.

I have the friends I have because they are individuals who I happen to adore lol not because I think they are inherently better or worse because they are male or female.

I am not interested in being in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't trust me or like me around members of the opposite sex like I am some kind of animal who can't control her actions.
My boyfriend could have a damned slumber party with his best friend (who is a girl) and I wouldn't care. I trust him lol I know he is more than a walking penis.

The idea of "Oh I trust him, but I DO NOT trust her" makes no sense to me. It takes two to tango. Even if she did throw herself at him.. he would have a choice. I trust him to make the right choice regardless of outside factors/people. That's life. I can't stick him in a bubble and hide him away lol whats the point of a relationship if there is no trust?

My best friend is a guy. Always has been. Boyfriends that can't accept him and can't accept our friendship haven't lasted because frankly, I have no interest in having a boyfriend that doesn't trust me.

Of course there is compromise! As with all relationships My best friend doesn't barge into my apartment without knocking or calling anymore lol and we have rules about the days/times in which I've gotta focus on the boyfriend and he can give me some space.

It's a very close friendship. I am in a very close romantic relationship. Of course there are rough patches and compromises and awkwardness sometimes. That doesn't mean it can't work it has and does!

My best friend and my boyfriend aren't friends. I mean, they know each other and are fine with each other but certainly aren't buddies. They accept that they have me in common and both love me.. so we make it work.

They are both my best friend, just in different ways. It's like comparing a brother to a husband I guess lol of course the relationship is special, strong, unique.. but its different.

If anything, I feel that my relationship with my best friend is almost, I dunno, more precious.. because it isn't intimate.

My boyfriend and I, our relationship is based off so much, I love him. but there is more than just how much I love him holding us together. There is sex.

With my best friend and I. Sex/physical intimacy isn't there to be the glue/band aid lol we are so close because we put in the work, everything we share..talking, interests, just hanging out.. all of that are feelings that were earned by time, priorities, sacrifice, true honest friendship. There is nothing romantic to help things along, no physical drives, no "love is blind" lol

My boyfriend means so much to me. He is my rock, my best friend, the best sex ever, so many firsts, he gives me butterflies and makes my knees weak. I look at him from across the dinner table and see so many things.. maybe even the father of my kids! lol

but Tyler is my person.
I wish there was another way to describe it.
If I killed someone, I'd call him to hide the body lol
I'm crying, I want him there. He makes me laugh so hard that things come out of my nose and I can sit around with him all day and just do NOTHING.
Sometimes I honestly feel like we know what each other is thinking.

My biggest piece of advice? It's the same with ANY relationship where you have a best friend lol honestly & communication. Sorry there are no short cuts. Compromise and kindness help too.

Your romantic partner doesn't have to be your world. Don't let ANYONE make you feel like that is the only way to be.
You have every right and should have friends, other people, other interests, that doesn't mean that you love him/her any less.

Oh and I'm 20. Height of the sexual hormones and BEHOLD still hold it together around a boy!! *GASP* It's almost like I have a brain!

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

I am NOT going to say "Oh gosh girls are such drama queens! I get along with guys so much better" because that is such an awful stereotype and does women NO FAVORS. The very idea that you are this rare and special gem and that most women are bitchy little priss queens who only care about purses and boys does women and you no favors. Next time you have someone (a man or otherwise) make assumptions about you because you are a girl.. THINK ABOUT where those assumptions came from and what you are doing by continuing to preach their validity every time you say things about "most girls."
You are MOST GIRLS. Regardless of what tvs and movies would have you believe.

This x100000000. I hear this attitude all the time and it makes no sense to me The number of girls I know that fit the 'stereotype' of gossiping and backstabbing.... There are just as many guys that do the same thing lol. For the girls that say they can't be friends with other girls or just get on soooooo much better with guys, I feel sorry for them.

 

[yoko]

This x100000000. I hear this attitude all the time and it makes no sense to me The number of girls I know that fit the 'stereotype' of gossiping and backstabbing.... There are just as many guys that do the same thing lol. For the girls that say they can't be friends with other girls or just get on soooooo much better with guys, I feel sorry for them.

In my area it's basically have kids get married. I can say I'm part of the norm all I want but as a 26 yr old female here with no desire to have kids or be a wife I'm definitely not in or anywhere near my locations norms.

My female friends are great but I think only one other hasn't had a kid and gotten married.

It's not always a 'I'm special' sometimes you just fit into the gender norm for your area.

 

[Lyzelle]

Actually, the major drama queens in me and Jin's married life has been his guy friends. Nothing quite like your "brother" "borrowing" your beautiful '97 GT and running it into the ground, screwing you out of a car and couple thousand in repairs and buying a new car. Most of his guy friends are like that.

I have no IRL friends, so there's nothing there. I'm not a social butterfly. Most people tend to look down their noses at me because I'm young and married(so taboo!), and married to military. So, meh. I don't get along with the Cosmo Wives on base, and all the other wives are like me...got so turned off by the Comso Cult that they hide in their houses. Want nothing to do with the military.

So mostly what I meant by our age and being in a weird spot is that most of the people our age are overgrown highschoolers who party, go to bars, stay out until 5 in the morning, don't pay their bills, gave up on college, and married for "love" at least 3 times by the age of 22...with a babydaddy or babymomma on the side. Everyone older than us looks down on us because they think we are one of those people.

It's an awkward spot to be in when you're looking for friends of any gender!

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

Actually, the major drama queens in me and Jin's married life has been his guy friends. Nothing quite like your "brother" "borrowing" your beautiful '97 GT and running it into the ground, screwing you out of a car and couple thousand in repairs and buying a new car. Most of his guy friends are like that.

I have no IRL friends, so there's nothing there. I'm not a social butterfly. Most people tend to look down their noses at me because I'm young and married(so taboo!), and married to military. So, meh. I don't get along with the Cosmo Wives on base, and all the other wives are like me...got so turned off by the Comso Cult that they hide in their houses. Want nothing to do with the military.

So mostly what I meant by our age and being in a weird spot is that most of the people our age are overgrown highschoolers who party, go to bars, stay out until 5 in the morning, don't pay their bills, gave up on college, and married for "love" at least 3 times by the age of 22...with a babydaddy or babymomma on the side. Everyone older than us looks down on us because they think we are one of those people.

It's an awkward spot to be in when you're looking for friends of any gender!

Too bad you don't live closer. I am not married but in a serious, long-term relationship at 20 and I can admit it would be nice to have some friends who are in a similar situation as I am. Most of my friends are either single or haven't been dating long enough to be serious. I want couples friends!

 

[sparks19]

I choose my friends based on their character, who I am when I'm with them, their passions, their hearts.. not their genitals.

I am NOT going to say "Oh gosh girls are such drama queens! I get along with guys so much better" because that is such an awful stereotype and does women NO FAVORS. The very idea that you are this rare and special gem and that most women are bitchy little priss queens who only care about purses and boys does women and you no favors. Next time you have someone (a man or otherwise) make assumptions about you because you are a girl.. THINK ABOUT where those assumptions came from and what you are doing by continuing to preach their validity every time you say things about "most girls."
You are MOST GIRLS. Regardless of what tvs and movies would have you believe.

I have the friends I have because they are individuals who I happen to adore lol not because I think they are inherently better or worse because they are male or female.

I am not interested in being in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't trust me or like me around members of the opposite sex like I am some kind of animal who can't control her actions.
My boyfriend could have a damned slumber party with his best friend (who is a girl) and I wouldn't care. I trust him lol I know he is more than a walking penis.

The idea of "Oh I trust him, but I DO NOT trust her" makes no sense to me. It takes two to tango. Even if she did throw herself at him.. he would have a choice. I trust him to make the right choice regardless of outside factors/people. That's life. I can't stick him in a bubble and hide him away lol whats the point of a relationship if there is no trust?

My best friend is a guy. Always has been. Boyfriends that can't accept him and can't accept our friendship haven't lasted because frankly, I have no interest in having a boyfriend that doesn't trust me.

Of course there is compromise! As with all relationships My best friend doesn't barge into my apartment without knocking or calling anymore lol and we have rules about the days/times in which I've gotta focus on the boyfriend and he can give me some space.

It's a very close friendship. I am in a very close romantic relationship. Of course there are rough patches and compromises and awkwardness sometimes. That doesn't mean it can't work it has and does!

My best friend and my boyfriend aren't friends. I mean, they know each other and are fine with each other but certainly aren't buddies. They accept that they have me in common and both love me.. so we make it work.

They are both my best friend, just in different ways. It's like comparing a brother to a husband I guess lol of course the relationship is special, strong, unique.. but its different.

If anything, I feel that my relationship with my best friend is almost, I dunno, more precious.. because it isn't intimate.

My boyfriend and I, our relationship is based off so much, I love him. but there is more than just how much I love him holding us together. There is sex.

With my best friend and I. Sex/physical intimacy isn't there to be the glue/band aid lol we are so close because we put in the work, everything we share..talking, interests, just hanging out.. all of that are feelings that were earned by time, priorities, sacrifice, true honest friendship. There is nothing romantic to help things along, no physical drives, no "love is blind" lol

My boyfriend means so much to me. He is my rock, my best friend, the best sex ever, so many firsts, he gives me butterflies and makes my knees weak. I look at him from across the dinner table and see so many things.. maybe even the father of my kids! lol

but Tyler is my person.
I wish there was another way to describe it.
If I killed someone, I'd call him to hide the body lol
I'm crying, I want him there. He makes me laugh so hard that things come out of my nose and I can sit around with him all day and just do NOTHING.
Sometimes I honestly feel like we know what each other is thinking.

My biggest piece of advice? It's the same with ANY relationship where you have a best friend lol honestly & communication. Sorry there are no short cuts. Compromise and kindness help too.

Your romantic partner doesn't have to be your world. Don't let ANYONE make you feel like that is the only way to be.
You have every right and should have friends, other people, other interests, that doesn't mean that you love him/her any less.

Oh and I'm 20. Height of the sexual hormones and BEHOLD still hold it together around a boy!! *GASP* It's almost like I have a brain!

Your romantic partner doesn't HAVE to be your whole world but there is NOTHING wrong with it if they are... as long as it's mutual.

My boyfriend means so much to me. He is my rock, my best friend, the best sex ever, so many firsts, he gives me butterflies and makes my knees weak. I look at him from across the dinner table and see so many things.. maybe even the father of my kids! lol

but Tyler is my person.
I wish there was another way to describe it.
If I killed someone, I'd call him to hide the body lol
I'm crying, I want him there. He makes me laugh so hard that things come out of my nose and I can sit around with him all day and just do NOTHING.
Sometimes I honestly feel like we know what each other is thinking.

all of this describes my relationship with my husband. We could never have sex again (although I hope that doesn't happen lol) and we would be perfectly happy to live out our lives just being together. Our marriage is not about the sex... the sex is a nice perk but it is not THE thing that holds us together (no pun intended lol).

the only other person I've ever been nearly as close with was my best friend in highschool. We were inseperable, finished each others sentences, spent every waking moment together, had all these inside jokes that NO ONE got except us, etc etc etc. We are still friends but over the years and miles we've drifted apart. Still friends but not like it was in highschool.

Now that is what I have with Brian. I don't have nearly as much fun doing anything else with anyone else as I do with him just sitting at home watching TV. he gets me COMPLETELY. It's CREEPY how "in each others heads" we are. We say the same random things at the same random time ALL THE TIME. our family and friends make fun of us about how we are the same person in two seperate bodies. We have the same sick sense of humor, I could count on him for anything... if one day i could not longer wipe myself I know he wouldn't hesitate to help me out LOL.

someone on facebook posted this the other day "Love means never having to ________" and my answer was "Hold in a fart" LOL and it's so true lol. I fart unabashedly around Brian and while I'm sure he might prefer if I was a little more withholding ... he always laughs at me when I do lol.

I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it lol but I can't express it enough. there is nothing a "best friend" could give me that I don't currently have... PLUS we have the sex on top of that (another... no pun intended lol). There is nothing anyone else can offer me that my husband doesn't. He is my BEST FRIEND and if we couldn't ever have sex again that would be OK and I would be happy to spend the rest of my life in a sexless exsistence just to spend the rest of my waking hours with my best friend and husband walking right beside me

 

[oakash]

I really only have a couple of friends who I consider close enough to actually talk about my problems with, and I've only actually let one person at least a little into my life. She's a girl, by the way. (so am I, for all ya'll who were wondering) But then again, I don't even tell my siblings much about myself, and they're by far my best friend.

However, some of my closest friends growing up have been guys, and while I don't trust them to not repeat what I say (Because I don't trust anyone, it's a problem) I wouldn't ever give them up because my SO was jealous. Only if my friends were being inappropriate would I consider it.

 

[Dekka]

I haven't read the whole thread.. but

Absolutely. I have male friends who I have no attraction too. Just because I like someone as a friend does NOT mean there is a spark or a 'something' between you. I am not attracted to my female friends, nor my male friends.

And even if I was.. I am a big girl I could control myself lol.

Hubby has friends who are girls. I guess it could come down to maturity and being comfortable with yourself. I just can't see why it would even be an issue in grounded secure people.

 

[Dekka]

lol reading a few posts...

I don't see why one should only want or need ONE close friend (be they hubby or otherwise) I enjoy having a circle of close friends, and then other less close friends.

This has nothing to do with their sex or gender.

 

[Kat09Tails]

Almost all of my dear friends in life have been guys and I find myself proud to have six very wonderful men in my life. So yes, men and women can be good friends without it being more. However, I am always respectful of spouses and their wishes - IMO a good friend should care enough to not want to make waves at home. Even those friends where I really enjoyed their company but their spouse not so much.. I found a way to include everyone.

 

[Beanie]

I don't see why one should only want or need ONE close friend (be they hubby or otherwise) I enjoy having a circle of close friends, and then other less close friends.

I think this just may be a difference in personalities. I like having lots of friends for various different reasons... some people don't need a lot of friends. I can't picture myself ever being at a point in my life where I went "Meh, I don't really need to make any new friends. Especially no new friends with a penis."
But I am one of those never met a stranger kinds of people too. So I really think it just depends on the personality.

 

[darkchild16]

I think this just may be a difference in personalities. I like having lots of friends for various different reasons... some people don't need a lot of friends. I can't picture myself ever being at a point in my life where I went "Meh, I don't really need to make any new friends. Especially no new friends with a penis."
But I am one of those never met a stranger kinds of people too. So I really think it just depends on the personality.

this im content just hanging out at home with a friend or two. I REGUALARLY see one other person besides Jeremy. Shes another mom LOL

 

[olliethemutt]

My best friend is a guy, a straight guy..... We are both happily married (to other people) and still remain best friends. We still hang out together, talk to each other every day, get drunk together and nothing happens, nothing has ever happened, nothing will ever happen. I am friends with his wife and he is friends with my husband. Of course my husband is another one of my best friends...

 

[Zhucca]

I have a lot of male friends. Not necessarily because I don't get along with girls (because I do) but just because I'm in a male dominated environment. Working in construction makes you an honorary bro.

I think men and women can be just friends, but I don't think that's the normal circumstance. A lot of guys would sleep with their female friends if given the chance, but I don't think that's as common with girls. We're pickier, I guess. I have to say though, with my two best guy friends, there is a lot of tension. One friendship is pure sexual tension, while the other relationship is stuck in "what are we?" limbo. So I guess that doesn't really do much for the stereotype.

I don't think it should interfere with relationships though. Having sex is a choice between two people, not just because you happen to have corresponding genitals.

 

[sparks19]

I don't Understand why the decision to not actively seek out alone time with members of the opposite sex (not forcing one to stop befriending the opposite sex but making the choice for yourself) must mean you are immature and jealous. I am quite mature and extremely confident in myself and my marriage. I have an incredible marriage. I just don't generally seek out alone time with anyone else be it male or female. We are so insanely bisy that I really just enjoy our home time.

It isn't that Idon't like others or don't like meeting new people. Heck, i am a homeschooler involved with two co ops and multiple other activities. NOT meeting people on a regular basis is not an option lol. But because of that the majority of my social time happens during the day at co op and other activities so come evening I just want to be home with my best friend.

On top of that I have not had the experience of friendship with guys who didn't ultimately want benefits so it really just doesn't appeal to me and isn't really a potential drama i want to deal with. I am busy enough without that lol. That doesn't mean I don't have any men that I know that I don't consider a friend. There are lots of people i consider friends that I feel no need to spend a lot of one on one time with. The group time spent together is enough for me. Plus as mentioned earlier, i don't have as much fun without hubby as i do with him so when I am out with the girls or even if it were guys.. I really just want to get back home to my best friend

Eta: i don't think Sex is the be all end all of infidelity and relationship issues. I don't vent about my husband to
Others because i don't think it's right and I certainly wouldn't vent it to another guy. If I have a problem with my husband I vent it to HIM end of story.