Forget HIS plans for the future. What sticks out to me is that you say if he had said this from the start you would be out of there but since he almost never sees them it seems ok. I would end it right there. He has children... You woild have ended it if you knew before bit since they aren't around it is OK but that could change in an instant.
If you don't want to be a step mom
And deal with his kids full time then end it. You are doing a disservice to both of you by going along as long as the kids are on the other side of the country.
At least be honest with him that you would have been out of there by day one if you knew he had kids and that you are not willing to be a step mother.
i actually did tell him that...which made me really understand his perspective and WHY he didn't tell me from the start. Every girl he has told from the start has peaced out on date one. I totally get it, honestly. And for about 3 weeks of the month & a half, we didnt see each other cause we were both out of town. I do wish he told me earlier, but that I can forgive easily. For everyone overanalyzing that...whatever. Not my issue here.
For all overanalyzing the comment of not putting his kids first...also not an issue. Again, for day to day things (we got into this), of course kids & their immediate needs come first. But from his perspective (and actually something I strongly agree with), many couples end up forgetting about their spouse once they have children...he feels it is very important to always keep the spouse's needs in minds & first when possible. I don't feel that this is usually a conflict.
I DO want to probe him a bit more about his involvement & dedication to them, as he did not seem like he wanted to get into it...but my immediate impression of it was NOT cause he didn't like them (he clearly stated he does regret his marriage, but absolutely loves his kids)...but cause he was scared really talking about them was going to for sure scare me off for good. I wasn't exactly like "oh kids!? fantastic!" I definitely had a "WTF" reaction, so its understandable (to me at least), that he didn't want to be like "OMG, let me tell you ALL about them.". If he continues not to act so closed about them, then YES, I would consider that a red flag. Right now I just see a guy with a lot of bad dating history, clueless about how to deal with his past decisions & how they are affecting how he wants to get on with his life.
RTH - as per usual, I agree with you. I can't decide if kids are a deal breaker. I think someone said something about what would happen if the ex-wife died...not that I even want to say this, cause it is horrible to think about, but honestly, while I want children...I don't want to deal with birth & babies, so I prob wouldn't have an issue with that. I am currently going as the legal guardian to my niece & nephew if anything happens (god forbid) to my sis & her husband...something I willingly agreed to...so yah?
I think the best insight this thread is giving me is how defensive of him I am being in my mind when I read the negative posts. Makes me realize how much I like him.