Broke people making more kids...

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Fran27, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    AND ANOTHER THING (not sure why this topic has me so ragey today)... just because someone can't afford birthday presents THIS year, it doesn't mean they never have or never will be able to afford them. Maybe saving money for the pregnancy/new baby has something to do with it THIS YEAR?

    But no, let's not assume the person is being responsible and putting their money into a fund for the new baby, let's assume the worst automatically because poor people suck. -_-
     
  2. AdrianneIsabel

    AdrianneIsabel Glutton for Crazy

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    I have no idea what happened here but I saw the topic and thought, " yup, that'll go well." lol

    I suppose I should read this thread... It's a complicated issue.
     
  3. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    That, to me, sounds like a major parenting issue and NOT an income issue. If they have that other stuff then the money is obviously there. They're just a crap parent with the wrong priorities.
     
  4. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Then maybe they should save up another year. If they can't afford $10-20 out of their saving plan for the new baby, they are not saving enough.

    My point again is that if you can't afford a $10 present, you have no business getting another child. I'm not even going to get into how much mine have cost me in medical expenses alone (and we didn't pay a cent for their birth and the 3 weeks they spent at the hospital). Let's just say it's way, way more than $20.

    Oh and I can't imagine telling my kids 'sorry kids, we can't afford your birthday presents because we have to put all the money in the new baby that me and daddy wanted'. Ugh. If it was an accident, fine... but a lot of 'accidents' are just a case of 'we had sex without protection and OMG now we're pregnant'.
     
  5. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    A lot of the time, I think people just aren't thinking or are being irresponsible. I know I'm being out of proportion defensive about this topic, but I just don't like the knee-jerk assumptions, they make me prickly.

    ETA: I think I stated this confusingly. I meant to acknowledge that a lot of the time I DO think people aren't thinking or are being irresponsible. But I just don't like the assumption that any given person is.
     
  6. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

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    That is so upsetting to hear; my boyfriend (not husband, even) is 23, and this summer he just said, "I want a vasectomy," they said, "Okay, go to the info/counseling session, then schedule it," and he did. Easy peasy, $15 copay.
     
  7. smkie

    smkie pointer/labrador/terrier Staff Member

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    :hail::hail::hail:
     
  8. Izzy's Valkyrie

    Izzy's Valkyrie Very Food Agressive

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    Ok I stopped reading on page 5 just to post this thought real quick before I keep going:

    There is a 100% effective birth control method: DON'T HAVE SEX. If you have experienced failed birth control more than once and had children from it, try not having sex until you figure out what went wrong. Sure, people who are married and love eachother should be able to have sex and whatnot but realistically, if you're risking bringing another unplanned child into the household every time you have sex, shouldn't you be reconsidering your options?

    I say this for people who have had more than one child that way because one time is easily a fluke but two times means your body has no intention of cooperating with your preventative methods so you need new ones. Honestly, Chaz is the reason I am super paranoid about having sex with my husband right now. I DON'T WANT KIDS! I want them in 3 years, not right now and I'll be damned if I'll be a statistic of failed birth control methods. So, we're having patience and when we can't help ourselves, we do double up but I'm terrified every time if my period is a day later than normal. We're not just base animals, we do have control over our urges and we can therefore prevent unplanned and (initially) unwanted children by just keeping it in our pants.
     
  9. sillysally

    sillysally Obey the Toad.

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    Honestly, if the kids in question are one or two years old will they really know the difference? Maybe grandparents or other family members are giving gifts.

    Also, nobody here knows if the family DID have an emergency fund for unexpected expenses and just did want to tap it for birthday gifts. There is just a whole lot of assuming about someone's financial arrangements going on here.
     
  10. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    Probably not. And odds are grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle, blah blah blah will get them a gift so it's not like Christmas morning and nothing under the tree type thing, LOL

    IMO, the actaul GIFT is not the real issue..........the issue is if your money is THAT tight, should you add another mouth to feed?

    Understand that everything I've posted pertains to a PLANNED CHILD......not an oops in anyway. Life happens and it can come at you fast sometimes.

    EDIT: OOPS! Quoted you while you must have been adding/fixing stuff! LOL
     
  11. StillandSilent

    StillandSilent New Member

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    Birth control isn't always easy to get. I don't want children. I know I don't want children. I'm a borderline phobic of children, and actually break out in hives from having to spend time with them. I am not at an age where they will consider tying my tubes, and will not be for many years. Furthermore, I am one of those broke people who shouldn't be having kids.

    I went on the pill, and made my friend with benefits use a condom every single time. I still got pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Clearly, those methods weren't working.

    Without insurence, though, I can't afford the exam or to have an IUD implanted, or one of the arm implants or shots. So I"m stuck going the next decade without sex which I do not want to do, or risking another unwanted pregnancy.

    But I see something bigger here, at least in the US. Women have fought very, very hard to get reproductive rights, and this is part of it. Women have fought for hte right to not have someone else tell them that they must carry a baby to term and have it. Well, the flip side of that is no one can tell another woman that she can not have a child, whether it is a wise choice to do so or not.

    The solution? Don't know. More readily available birth control, including surgical sterilization for those who want it? That would help, but is is enough?
     
  12. zoe08

    zoe08 New Member

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    Exactly how I feel.
     
  13. smkie

    smkie pointer/labrador/terrier Staff Member

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  14. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    i am sick to death of the attitudes of Poor = Bad people who lay around making bad choices living off other people money.

    according to this site , a family of 4 with one provider has to make 12.01 and hour to make federal poverty levels.
    http://www.familiesusa.org/resources/tools-for-advocates/guides/federal-poverty-guidelines.html

    BUT federal minimum wage is 7.25 hr
    http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/wages/minimumwage.htm

    so just being a working stiff KEEPS you below poverty level .

    NOT everyone is good for college , ow yeah what is the stats on unemployed college grads?
    I dont even know where i am going with this , it just burns me up how people scream about how the poor do this and the poor do that , but almost half of the country IS POOR with NO WAY OUT!!

    Viscious cycles abound and until the ECONOMY changes and people ideas of what is valuable in life change this merry go round will continue.

    I used to be on medicaid and food stamps , and i had an 2 children on the system . Yes they where oops , with caleb i was an irresponsible 19 yr old who should have known better . i screwed up and got pregnant. i went to the counseling sessions to have an abortion. i was an hour from it happening , but i could not get the 200 bucks to pay for it. so i had him and grew the **** up and became a mom.

    that is the issue i think access to birth control and jobs. changing people views will take time , after all it has been what 2 generations that got us into this entiltment thinking.
     
  15. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

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    I agree- not everyone is cut out for college. College isn't the only option, though. There are a ton of non-college options out there. You can get a hands on job in construction, you can be an electrition, you can be a plumber, you can work in H-VAC... there's the post office, UPS, Fedex (<--- all of these make a good bit of money!)... you can also work up in retail. Publix only hires managers from within, and it's NORMAL to not have a college degree. The store managers make close to $150k a year, and if you're good they move you up really quickly. When I worked there, our store manager at one point was in her late 20s with no college degree- she started as a bagger in high school and just worked her way up.

    My ex's dad is a postal worker... he was a college dropout, and worked for the post office for 30+ years. Him and his wife (also a postal worker) own a house on a lake and live very comfortably. Neither one of them are college educated.

    It's not "go to college" or "stay making $7 an hour". It's not that black and white.

    And just to be clear, the rest (or even what I wrote above!) isn't targeted to you. It's just something that presents itself way too often- the whole college or nothing argument.

    If I were making $7 or even $12 an hour, I wouldn't have kids. If you do have a family of 4 and are making only $12 an hour, add a second job. Have your spouse get a job. Work hard and get yourself into a better situation.

    I'm still amazed at hearing about all of these birth control failures... fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me. If I had one failure, I'd be prepared to not have another next time.

    If you can't afford the kids you have, then maybe you should abstain from sex? Like sparks said, sex isn't the only activity you can do with your spouse.

    If you're digging a hole and can't get out of it... then stop digging. Take every precaution you can to not accidentally get pregnant. I just can't fathom wanting or feeling content to add another child to a home where you were already struggling with money.

    ETA: I don't care if you're poor and you can make things work... but not being able to spend $10 on a gift should be (imo) a wakeup call to not add another child into the situation. It's not that kids need gifts (although I couldn't look into my child's eyes and tell them they're not getting a gift because I can't afford it YET we're having another baby)- it's that $10 isn't much of anything and even putting $1 a week away into a jar will get you $10 in 2 1/2 months.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2012
  16. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    Why do you think I don't work? I wouldn't get paid enough to put my kids in daycare.

    I'm 100% for helping people who work their ass off but have issues providing for their families. But I don't understand how people can be irresponsible enough to keep having kids they can't afford. That's not the same thing at all, sorry. There's a difference between people who TRY to make things better, and people who make choices that make their life even more difficult (like having sex without birth control).
     
  17. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    Let me say I'm annoyed at myself because I can't walk off and quit shaking this around like Orson with a new stuffy.......I really am sorry! LOL And I also want to say I am NOT intentionally picking at anyone, because I quote your post just means either I've heard that before and would like to address it......or it made me remember something else i wanted to say! :eek: LOL

    And how do you know who has or has not experienced dirt poorness? (is poorness a word? LOL) How do you know who did or did not grow up that way, never having much of anything because your parents weren't responsible with birth control or money.

    People who HAVE climbed out of a hole, know it's dammed hard, but KNOW it can be done are WAY less tolerant of those who choose to stay in the hole and whine about it........trust me ;)

    Bogie, I got pregnant at 20. It darn sure wasn't intentional......but I got TWO jobs instead of going on 'the system' We barely scraped by for a few years, it sucked, but you know what? It was a daily reminder not to do that again, LOL (and I didn't until I was married 10 YEARS later I had my youngest son 'cause Kevin wanted one together) Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm glad he's here......but I'm not going to use age or circumstances as an excuse. I was able bodied and took personal responsibility.

    As stated above, people who've crawled out of the hole you're in have less tolerance for those who choose to stay in....
     
  18. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

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    Also, I think there's a big difference between being broke and poor.

    You can be rich and broke. You can be poor and budget correctly.
    This blog post explains it pretty well:

    http://www.iheartbudgets.net/2012/05/broke-vs-poor/
     
  19. ACooper

    ACooper Moderator

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    That's a good point Jessie, I like how they explained it well :)

    We have friends who's monthly/yearly income is TWICE what ours is, they only had 3 kids instead of our 5, yet they haven't/didn't save one dime for their kids college, always getting hounded by bill collectors, always late (due to lack of funds) on the bills they DO pay! It's incredible to me how much waste there is at their house!

    They eat out constantly, are always enjoying nights out (with/without the kids...just depends) spend WAY too much on clothes and gifts, the kids all have fancy cell phones/plans........Just ugh.

    They are broke, not poor.
     
  20. -bogart-

    -bogart- Member of WHODAT Nation.

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    i need to clarify ,i was a high school kid no work or anything when i got prego. i ran away and stayed with my sister , got on medicaid to see a doctor , took until i was 7 months prego for that to go thru , when it went thru i moved into a friends house and became there full time nanny for room and board.
    i was not on anything but medicaid and wic for him. no money , no food stamps nothing.
    i was not in a relationship when i had him and stayed single for 1 year then had a horrendous girlfriend for 2 years. then i met chris and within 6 months was prego again. totally screwed up that time also , was doing the other things and he ....anyway i got prego. had JD and got a real job and he has a job and we are together. we had boys and chris wanted a girl so bad, that 4 years later i have insurance and we planned on it. had monkey wrench on two girls but hey we make it work. my insurance and cash feeds them and takes them to the doctor.




    EXCEPT for Caleb , he is still on medicaid thru his Social Security Disability , if not I could NEVER be able to afford his medicine. The medicine costs would be 600 a month and i can not afford that . what am i going to do , let him die?
    adopt out the other kids because a mosquito bite him and gave him west nile encephlities and caused his seizure thresh hold to drop causing him to have seizure?

    most probably would say not to have had the girls then because Caleb is on SSID , i say F.U. my life and i live it. the kids are happy and healthy , our bills are paid and we will on the poverty line.


    /rant and rereading this in not directed to you dober , i just felt the need to clarify , i have never recieved cash assistance and recommend going to see what the actual guidlines are in your state .

    edit , i am not saying there are not lifers , justy t hey are not as rampant as everyone thinks. just more visiable.
     

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