Parents and kids too........how do you feel about home drug/alcohol screening?
- Thread starter ACooper
- Start date
I would have thrown a royal fit as a teen-but thats because it would have not been negative
If your kid gives you any reason to suspect something then why not? You are their parent and not their best friend. Kids do lie. It is your job to care for them. Look at some of these adults that you see and think why did their parents not do something? Maybe they thought they were taking it to far.
If your kid gives you any reason to suspect something then why not? You are their parent and not their best friend. Kids do lie. It is your job to care for them. Look at some of these adults that you see and think why did their parents not do something? Maybe they thought they were taking it to far.
depends who you have for a doctor I guess LOL.
i'd rather my parents give me the test than the doctor I had. I HATED her. she was a miserable cow who couldn't be bothered with you. I'd rather face my parents with the results than her.
But Hannah's doctor I would be comfortable taking her in. Gives her someone "neutral" to talk to about it.
i'd rather my parents give me the test than the doctor I had. I HATED her. she was a miserable cow who couldn't be bothered with you. I'd rather face my parents with the results than her.
But Hannah's doctor I would be comfortable taking her in. Gives her someone "neutral" to talk to about it.
it's a good thing most parents don't hate their children for life everytime they betray trust
I think for MOST parents they would be doing this test out of concern for the CHILD not for their own fun. I know kids don't really get that at the time... I know I didn't. My mom did a lot of things or told me I couldn't do something because she was concerned or for my own safety. At the time it just made me mad and I threw my little hissy fit. Now... I GET it.
She didn't enforce rules, make me do things I didn't nessecarily want to do etc for the pure joy of it. Certainly it would have been easier to just say "fine do whatever the heck you want I'm done with you" but she's a PARENT and her priority is to keep me safe, teach me lessons and try to raise me responsibly. she did just that. ticked me off a bunch of times "betrayed my trust" a few times I suppose (like when she found the phone bills I had been hiding under my bed because she snooped for them as she should have) but I also betrayed her trust A LOT. I wasn't a bad kid and I didn't go out doing drugs and getting wasted or have parties when she wasn't home... but there are still times that I broke her trust. Good thing she hasn't held onto those grudges
I think for MOST parents they would be doing this test out of concern for the CHILD not for their own fun. I know kids don't really get that at the time... I know I didn't. My mom did a lot of things or told me I couldn't do something because she was concerned or for my own safety. At the time it just made me mad and I threw my little hissy fit. Now... I GET it.
She didn't enforce rules, make me do things I didn't nessecarily want to do etc for the pure joy of it. Certainly it would have been easier to just say "fine do whatever the heck you want I'm done with you" but she's a PARENT and her priority is to keep me safe, teach me lessons and try to raise me responsibly. she did just that. ticked me off a bunch of times "betrayed my trust" a few times I suppose (like when she found the phone bills I had been hiding under my bed because she snooped for them as she should have) but I also betrayed her trust A LOT. I wasn't a bad kid and I didn't go out doing drugs and getting wasted or have parties when she wasn't home... but there are still times that I broke her trust. Good thing she hasn't held onto those grudges
it's a good thing most parents don't hate their children for life everytime they betray trust
I think for MOST parents they would be doing this test out of concern for the CHILD not for their own fun. I know kids don't really get that at the time... I know I didn't. My mom did a lot of things or told me I couldn't do something because she was concerned or for my own safety. At the time it just made me mad and I threw my little hissy fit. Now... I GET it.
She didn't enforce rules, make me do things I didn't nessecarily want to do etc for the pure joy of it. Certainly it would have been easier to just say "fine do whatever the heck you want I'm done with you" but she's a PARENT and her priority is to keep me safe, teach me lessons and try to raise me responsibly. she did just that. ticked me off a bunch of times "betrayed my trust" a few times I suppose (like when she found the phone bills I had been hiding under my bed because she snooped for them as she should have) but I also betrayed her trust A LOT. I wasn't a bad kid and I didn't go out doing drugs and getting wasted or have parties when she wasn't home... but there are still times that I broke her trust. Good thing she hasn't held onto those grudges
I think for MOST parents they would be doing this test out of concern for the CHILD not for their own fun. I know kids don't really get that at the time... I know I didn't. My mom did a lot of things or told me I couldn't do something because she was concerned or for my own safety. At the time it just made me mad and I threw my little hissy fit. Now... I GET it.
She didn't enforce rules, make me do things I didn't nessecarily want to do etc for the pure joy of it. Certainly it would have been easier to just say "fine do whatever the heck you want I'm done with you" but she's a PARENT and her priority is to keep me safe, teach me lessons and try to raise me responsibly. she did just that. ticked me off a bunch of times "betrayed my trust" a few times I suppose (like when she found the phone bills I had been hiding under my bed because she snooped for them as she should have) but I also betrayed her trust A LOT. I wasn't a bad kid and I didn't go out doing drugs and getting wasted or have parties when she wasn't home... but there are still times that I broke her trust. Good thing she hasn't held onto those grudges
And if its positive . . . ok, so are they doing lots of cocaine, or did they experiment once with a joint at a party last week? You won't know. Perhaps they just had some poppy seed cake. It doesn't give you enough information to DO anything.
And if its negative, well then the kid has every right to be pissed at you . .. because you falsely accused them, they told the truth, and you didn't believe them. And I would probably still would not have forgiven my parents for the latter had it happened.
Maybe its just me, but if you want to do this to your kid, you better be SURE they are doing drugs. Because if it comes up negative, I'd say they have every right to hate your guts for it.
As for the doctor . . . if I didn't like the doctor, I wouldn't take my kid there. But I think using a doctor is better . . you'd get a more accurate test, and it would impress on the kid just how VERY seriously you take the situation.
Of course, I should also note that I am just as fiercely opposed to drug testing for non-safety reasons by employers.
well according to the test that was posted on the page before this one you can send the test in and have it verified what the drug is. and if it was a false positive or not they can test it again to be sure so that's not too much of an issue.
yes I think parents need to be very open with their kids about drugs and what they expect of their kids and I think I'll make it VERY clear to Hannah that if I have a reasonable concern I will have the test around that she can take. I'll likely make that clear long before there is ever any concern for drug use (meaning we will talk about this and drugs when she is young. not wait until she's a teen and then spring it on her)
I think I'd just sit her down and just be totally raw and honest with her. of course this is hypothetical since she's not even three yet so I'm sure it won't go as smoothly. but I think if it came time that I thought a test was nessecary I would sit her down and talk to her and tell her exactly why I feel this way and that it's not a lack of trust or a lack of love. it's honest concern (since I wouldn't be doing this test just because I felt like it but because I felt it was nessecary) I'd give her the option to do the test at home or go and speak with the doctor. her choice. and if she wants or needs to be mad at me for it that's ok too.
but yeah... if I had real reason to believe there were drugs involved and she had a PROBLEM. I'd be willing to lose her trust to get her the help she needs. If it turns out the test is negative then there is something else WRONG that she would still need help for. that would be a sacrifice I would have to make because if I didn't I couldn't live with myself if that PROBLEM ended up consuming her when I could have done SOMETHING
so that's not too much of an issue.yes I think parents need to be very open with their kids about drugs and what they expect of their kids and I think I'll make it VERY clear to Hannah that if I have a reasonable concern I will have the test around that she can take. I'll likely make that clear long before there is ever any concern for drug use (meaning we will talk about this and drugs when she is young. not wait until she's a teen and then spring it on her)
I think I'd just sit her down and just be totally raw and honest with her. of course this is hypothetical since she's not even three yet so I'm sure it won't go as smoothly. but I think if it came time that I thought a test was nessecary I would sit her down and talk to her and tell her exactly why I feel this way and that it's not a lack of trust or a lack of love. it's honest concern (since I wouldn't be doing this test just because I felt like it but because I felt it was nessecary) I'd give her the option to do the test at home or go and speak with the doctor. her choice. and if she wants or needs to be mad at me for it that's ok too.
but yeah... if I had real reason to believe there were drugs involved and she had a PROBLEM. I'd be willing to lose her trust to get her the help she needs. If it turns out the test is negative then there is something else WRONG that she would still need help for. that would be a sacrifice I would have to make because if I didn't I couldn't live with myself if that PROBLEM ended up consuming her when I could have done SOMETHING
The way I see it: If I wasn't doing drugs, and if I had nothing of that sort to hide, I would flat out offer to pee in a cup for my parents in order to get them off my back.
If you flip out, rant and rave about how it's unfair, scream at your parents or flat out refuse to **** in a plastic cup for 5 seconds, then you're afraid of what they'll find and you're trying to hide it. JMO.
That being said, if my kid was adamant that s/he never did drugs, but I still suspected it, I'd be up front with them about it. I'd ask if there was anything they could do to put my mind at ease, because I know no kid likes having mom breathe down their neck. I would be highly suspicious if the kid would rather have me ride their ass 24/7 about what they're doing, instead of taking a minute to pee in a cup and show me they're clean, and grant themselves a great deal more privacy and freedom.
If you flip out, rant and rave about how it's unfair, scream at your parents or flat out refuse to **** in a plastic cup for 5 seconds, then you're afraid of what they'll find and you're trying to hide it. JMO.
That being said, if my kid was adamant that s/he never did drugs, but I still suspected it, I'd be up front with them about it. I'd ask if there was anything they could do to put my mind at ease, because I know no kid likes having mom breathe down their neck. I would be highly suspicious if the kid would rather have me ride their ass 24/7 about what they're doing, instead of taking a minute to pee in a cup and show me they're clean, and grant themselves a great deal more privacy and freedom.
I agree with this ^
I do look around at some adults and wonder why their parents let it get that far, or where were their parents before it got this bad. Even though I KNOW some parents are good parents and some kids just choose what they choose and go down a bad road..........it's not always the parents fault, but it's still the first thing that comes to mind for most people.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again. If I have REASONS.....actual CONCERNS about what is going on with my kids, I ask. If I feel that didn't cover it, I'd snoop...........but let me tell you, I'd snoop RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. I would sit them down right in their room (or computer, or wherever) and let them watch me search and see exactly what I was doing. I wouldn't do it behind their back.
We knock on their bedroom doors, we don't eaves drop on phone calls, letters, notes, diaries, or computer conversations. If I have to enter their rooms for any reason when they aren't home, I inform them of the fact when they get home. They have their space and privacy.
If I have reasons to think they are using drugs or alcohol, I would talk to them.......I have talked to them about it in the past. And like above, if I didn't feel good about that talk or felt they weren't being honest with me, then yes, I think I could/would test them at home.
As for them asking US for the drug screen? They are OUR responsibility, legally and morally, until they are adults, not the other way around. I am of legal age to consume alcohol if that is my wish (I do have wine on occasion, LOL) Illegal drugs? I can see where that could affect THEM if I were using, (I mean it could cause all sorts of family problems, it could break up the family if I were arrested/jailed, etc) so I would probably consent to showing them I was clean if they asked.
I do look around at some adults and wonder why their parents let it get that far, or where were their parents before it got this bad. Even though I KNOW some parents are good parents and some kids just choose what they choose and go down a bad road..........it's not always the parents fault, but it's still the first thing that comes to mind for most people.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again. If I have REASONS.....actual CONCERNS about what is going on with my kids, I ask. If I feel that didn't cover it, I'd snoop...........but let me tell you, I'd snoop RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. I would sit them down right in their room (or computer, or wherever) and let them watch me search and see exactly what I was doing. I wouldn't do it behind their back.
We knock on their bedroom doors, we don't eaves drop on phone calls, letters, notes, diaries, or computer conversations. If I have to enter their rooms for any reason when they aren't home, I inform them of the fact when they get home. They have their space and privacy.
If I have reasons to think they are using drugs or alcohol, I would talk to them.......I have talked to them about it in the past. And like above, if I didn't feel good about that talk or felt they weren't being honest with me, then yes, I think I could/would test them at home.
As for them asking US for the drug screen? They are OUR responsibility, legally and morally, until they are adults, not the other way around. I am of legal age to consume alcohol if that is my wish (I do have wine on occasion, LOL) Illegal drugs? I can see where that could affect THEM if I were using, (I mean it could cause all sorts of family problems, it could break up the family if I were arrested/jailed, etc) so I would probably consent to showing them I was clean if they asked.
Well yes, I can agree that it does..........but if we (kevin or I) are using alcohol to the point it's having a detrimental affect on the children, I doubt they'd need to ask us for a screening. I'm fairly certain they'd be aware of it, LOL
As for 'legalities' it has LOTS to do with it. If I, as a parent, am using illegal drugs and get myself into legal troubles, that takes money away from our family. It can also break up the family if I were sent to prison for using illegal drugs.
If my kids are using drugs/alcohol, that is illegal for them at their age. Leave out the health and happiness issues at the moment. Either one is illegal. If they get into trouble with the law for using alcohol or drugs, they not only have marks on their record, they also lose the scholarships for college they have earned. BOTH of those things directly affect their FUTURE welfare and happiness besides their health. So yes, legal DOES have bugger to do with it IMO, LOL
As for 'legalities' it has LOTS to do with it. If I, as a parent, am using illegal drugs and get myself into legal troubles, that takes money away from our family. It can also break up the family if I were sent to prison for using illegal drugs.
If my kids are using drugs/alcohol, that is illegal for them at their age. Leave out the health and happiness issues at the moment. Either one is illegal. If they get into trouble with the law for using alcohol or drugs, they not only have marks on their record, they also lose the scholarships for college they have earned. BOTH of those things directly affect their FUTURE welfare and happiness besides their health. So yes, legal DOES have bugger to do with it IMO, LOL
Maybe its a personal quirk of mine . . . but I have never forgotten every false accusation ever made against me, every time some drastic measure was taken without consulting with me (and every time I was not believed when I told the truth). Its one of the few things that I really do hold grudges about. It makes me really, really angry . . . always did.
I had a lot of troubles as a teenager (I was severely, clinically depressed, which no one figured out until I was 18) but had my parents tried to make me take a drug test, it would only have made things MUCH worse. Oh, I probably would have done it . . . and it would have been clean. And I would never have let them forget that it was clean. Indeed, every time they expressed concern about something, I would have snapped "remember the godd*mn drug test?!?!?!?" (yes, I could be very difficult). Screaming fight would have ensued.
But the thing was, when I really, really needed by parents help, I trusted them enough to turn to them and say that I really, really needed help. And I trusted them partially because they trusted me and because they had never done anything like that to me . . . losing your kids trust may mean that when they really, really need you . . . they won't trust you enough to ask for help.
I guess my main concern is that this would be used by parents who do not have a really serious concern and a real reason to suspect their kid is on drugs, enough of one that they are going to need to get help, but instead will be used as a routine thing (time for your drug test, honey), or when there is a slight suspicion (gee, what was he up to at that party?). I think in both those scenerios, it would be a mistake. But the only teenager I have known well is myself, and I'm pretty sure it would have been a disaster with me.
I had a lot of troubles as a teenager (I was severely, clinically depressed, which no one figured out until I was 18) but had my parents tried to make me take a drug test, it would only have made things MUCH worse. Oh, I probably would have done it . . . and it would have been clean. And I would never have let them forget that it was clean. Indeed, every time they expressed concern about something, I would have snapped "remember the godd*mn drug test?!?!?!?" (yes, I could be very difficult). Screaming fight would have ensued.
But the thing was, when I really, really needed by parents help, I trusted them enough to turn to them and say that I really, really needed help. And I trusted them partially because they trusted me and because they had never done anything like that to me . . . losing your kids trust may mean that when they really, really need you . . . they won't trust you enough to ask for help.
I guess my main concern is that this would be used by parents who do not have a really serious concern and a real reason to suspect their kid is on drugs, enough of one that they are going to need to get help, but instead will be used as a routine thing (time for your drug test, honey), or when there is a slight suspicion (gee, what was he up to at that party?). I think in both those scenerios, it would be a mistake. But the only teenager I have known well is myself, and I'm pretty sure it would have been a disaster with me.
Impact of parents use.
I am of course referring to excess use - of EITHER
Any drug (including alcohol) has minimal effects when taken responsibly.
I am of course referring to excess use - of EITHER
Any drug (including alcohol) has minimal effects when taken responsibly.
But...
Can you shoot up heroin responsbility? What about crystal meth? And ectasy? You can die from a single dose of any of these.
I put these drugs on a much scarier level than drinking and smoking weed. I consider heroin, meth, ectasy to be things I would NEVER want my child to even go near. THESE are the things I would drug test for if I had a suspicion and cause to believe my kid was dabbling in them... even if they did it "responsibly" (which I still want to know how that is possible!).
You can die from a single dose of booze.... Just knock back a few shots then prepare to choke on your own vomit - no less dangerous. Or drink and wander into oncoming traffic. Or drink and think you can get into a fight with someone twice your size. Doesn't take a lot.
And yes - you can take them responsibly just as you can drink responsibly.
Heroin is probably one of the safest LONG TERM drugs to take leaving almost no long term damage to the body.
Unlike long term alcohol use.
Street drugs are dangerous because of the crap they are MIXED with, the general lack of education around them and the fact that they are illegal means you are pushed into the underground world of crime etc.
But yes - they can be taken very responsibly for many years. Unfortunately the nature of the user (socially outcast and mixing in the underworld) means other social issues come to the forefront - abuse, crime, illness, poverty.
I'd still say there are more responsible drug users than drinkers in the world though. Just come see any UK town centre on a saturday night if you don't believe me.
And dying from a single dose of Ecstasy? No one has EVER died from ANY amount of E never mind a single dose..... Over heating and all manner of other things - but never from E....
And yes - you can take them responsibly just as you can drink responsibly.
Heroin is probably one of the safest LONG TERM drugs to take leaving almost no long term damage to the body.
Unlike long term alcohol use.
Street drugs are dangerous because of the crap they are MIXED with, the general lack of education around them and the fact that they are illegal means you are pushed into the underground world of crime etc.
But yes - they can be taken very responsibly for many years. Unfortunately the nature of the user (socially outcast and mixing in the underworld) means other social issues come to the forefront - abuse, crime, illness, poverty.
I'd still say there are more responsible drug users than drinkers in the world though. Just come see any UK town centre on a saturday night if you don't believe me.
And dying from a single dose of Ecstasy? No one has EVER died from ANY amount of E never mind a single dose..... Over heating and all manner of other things - but never from E....