Parents and kids too........how do you feel about home drug/alcohol screening?

Dizzy

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#61
I hope you're kidding. One of my ex's friends died from a single dose. She choked on her own tongue and they found her the next morning on the floor dead.
She died from choking on her tongue - not E.

You CAN however die from alcohol poisoning if you drink excess.

You can munch 30 pills in a row, probably bounce off the walls and enter psychosis for a period of time - but you won't die.
 

Dizzy

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#62
Awesome, let's promote using hard drugs.

You should market a product called Baby's First Syringe. I'm sure it'll go really well. Since heroin is no big deal now :rofl1:
It's not promotion - it's reality.

Hard, cold fact.

You can't help people with scare tactics and bullshit.

And to add - the UK classification system is pointless.

Legality does not equate to dangerousness.

Because something is illegal it does not make it and less safe than something that is legal.

Alcohol would be a class A drug.
 

ACooper

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#63
Legality does not equate to dangerousness.

Because something is illegal it does not make it and less safe than something that is legal.

Alcohol would be a class A drug.
I don't disagree with alcohol being more dangerous, more destructive, and more life changing for many people than say marijuana. I'll never understand the reasoning of why one is legal and the other isn't, but that was not really my point in bringing up legalities and not really the point of this thread since we are talking about HOME testing, not turning your kids into the cops, LOL

My point in bringing up legalities was in connection with your comment on my kids asking ME to take a screening test. If I have a glass of wine or a beer now and then (BARF to beer btw) it's perfectly legal and I won't be arrested or have a mark on my record. I won't be breaking the law and hence throw away any college scholarships and things like that which my kids (all under drinking age at the moment) would be in danger of doing.

Now if I were ABUSING alcohol, that would have a direct effect on me, my kids, and my family as a unit.........legal or not, that would most definitely be their business.
 

Bailey08

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#64
I think it must be so hard for parents sometimes. I don't know anyone who didn't drink underage, including in the later high school years. I work with someone now whose 14 and 16 year olds go to parties where there is drinking. So scary!

I suppose that I'll just be honest with them and do the best I can to educate and try to keep an open dialogue. And hope and pray that they don't do any permanent damage.

As an aside, I actually knew someone in college who did enough acid that his actual personality changed -- he became more paranoid in "regular" life. And I knew another person who said he'd seen his brain scan and there was damage from ecstasy. That scares me more than anything else. I can understand a little experimentation, but teenagers and college age kids tend not to think about life past 21, lol.
 

joce

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#65
Spend any amount of time working with addicts and I guess this becomes not an issue;)

The problem you run into with them is they dance their way around every subject. From you don't trust me,I can't believe you would think I would do that,it was just one hit,it was only pot,it was my friends cocaine, I was clean so why not have the new to heroin high,I am not hurting anyone but myself,Blah blah blah. They will say anything to justify their drug use,or to make it sound like they are not using.

You have to be very blunt and bottom line about it.

Yes your kid might not be using,probably just experimenting if they are-but there does need to be a line drawn.

Maybe seeing addicts who deny problems all day makes me see it differently. I would rather stop it way before its an issue. Seen to many people crying over their dying children to worry about a bit of anger from a child who will one day understand.

Really you can argue about drugs being ok or not all day long. But as a parent you have to make those decisions for your child.
 

Dekka

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#66
Maybe its a personal quirk of mine . . . but I have never forgotten every false accusation ever made against me, every time some drastic measure was taken without consulting with me (and every time I was not believed when I told the truth). Its one of the few things that I really do hold grudges about. It makes me really, really angry . . . always did.

<snip>

I guess my main concern is that this would be used by parents who do not have a really serious concern and a real reason to suspect their kid is on drugs, enough of one that they are going to need to get help, but instead will be used as a routine thing (time for your drug test, honey), or when there is a slight suspicion (gee, what was he up to at that party?). I think in both those scenerios, it would be a mistake. But the only teenager I have known well is myself, and I'm pretty sure it would have been a disaster with me.
This is exactly where I am coming from too Not that I hold grudges but I would have remembered and never ever let go that they didn't trust me when I was being totally honest.

What I meant by if it came back postitive would you let them retest. How many parents would freak out and not listen to their children anymore? How many would let the child retake it if it was a false postive, I know of parents who were the concerned that the drug would be out of the system so 'of course he would be clean now...'

There was a case of one of our olympic medalists loosing a medal for testing postitive for THC. It was given back, turns out being at a party with other people smoking up was enough to give a specific positive...

To me there are other ways to handle this that isn't possibly going to destroy your trust. I am all for parents being parents lol. Ask my child if 'no' ever means maybe... I have a child who gets decent grades, is polite (lol over all he is a 9 year old boy..) responsible and compassionate. I will do what I can to keep him safe, of course. But I also want to set him up for success later on. Betraying the trust of those 'in your power' is not a good lesson to teach kids.

Oh and on the note of heroin not being a 'big deal' Its not. That doesn't mean Dizzy is promoting it, just that its not dangerous long term. That is a fact, but that doesn't change the fact that its a horrible drug to be taking. One of the most interesting facts I learnt in psyche class was the definition of a drug problem:

A. A maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one (or more) of the following, occurring within a 12-month period:

1. Recurrent substance use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to substance use; substance-related absences, suspensions or expulsions from school; neglect of children or household)
2. Recurrent substance use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use)
3. Recurrent substance-related legal problems (e.g., arrests for substance-related disorderly conduct
4. Continued substance use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance (e.g., arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights)
So basically by clinical definition if you hold down a job and maintain healthy relationships and stay out of trouble and you take heroin (or what have you) every day then you don't have a substance abuse problem...
 

Baxter'smybaby

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#67
I've been trying to answer this question for awhile....and can't really give a yes/no answer.
I think if my child was showing some major changes in personality, or habits, I would think about what I needed to do to find out what was going on. If a home drug test was the most reasonable way to get some information, I might consider it.

I think alot depends on your relationship to begin with. If there is a reason to distrust what your child is telling you, and it is dangerous or illegal behavior, then I think as a parent it my duty to be sure I find a way to identify what's happening and how to get or give help.

My sons are old enough now to appreciate what we did/talked about when they were younger. They can actually say they appreciated that we talked about topics that were uncomfortable then, because they always knew we would be open to further discussion when THEY needed it, or wanted to initiate it.
 

sillysally

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#68
I think that there would need to be some sort of sign of something first as well as a reason not to trust their word before I would take it there.

Incidentally, I have several cousins from both sides of the family who have had issues with drugs. One went though rehab for heroin (cause it's just so darn harmless and all) at 17 and so far has remained clean. My other two cousins have been repeatedly at-home tested by their parents. Why? Because they both have abused drugs repeatedly (and not just pot) and lie like rugs. One of the cousins actually has to test "clean" as a condition of her dad paying for school.

ETA: I am actually much less concerned with the "long term" effects of a drug like heroin than I am with the "here and now." My dad's cousin buried her 22 year old son a couple of weeks ago after he ODed on heroin. OK, so it doesn't destroy your liver, but that won't matter if you don't live to see 25 anyway. :(:(:(
 

milos_mommy

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#69
I would probably not argue and just do it if my parents requested it, but I would be absolutely horrified and traumatized that they thought I needed to be drug tested.

My mom knows I drink in moderation and smoke pot very rarely. She's not the type of parent who would drug test me unless she thought I had a serious problem.


I can't imagine drug testing a kid would help ANYTHING. If they're denying that vehemently any drug use, what the hell would I do to help them? If they were underage I could make them go to rehab but unless they wanted to be there, it wouldn't do ****. I would certainly offer help and try to do whatever I could, but even if a teenager is doing drugs, nothing I could do would help.

I had a friend who in his senior year of high school got caught with like....a miniscule amount of pot, maybe enough to roll one blunt. He smoked probably a lot more than anyone should, but whatever. Good student, good kid, good friend, stayed safe. They sent him to rehab, kicked him out of school, made him go on home-teaching. He came out of rehab doing E and all kinds of more dangerous party drugs and having unprotected sex with all sorts of girls he didn't know. If they left him the hell alone he would have been FINE.
 

milos_mommy

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#70
There's a difference between doing drugs and abusing drugs. Like there's a difference between drinking alcohol and abusing it. Some drugs might be dangerous if used "properly" but most of them are not, in themselves, very dangerous.
 

sparks19

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#71
well here's my thing... until they are 18 I am responsible for their behaviour. commit a crime and not only does it come back on them... but it comes back on the parent too. The parent is held accountable in many cases. not saying they serve the jail time but the parents have to pay the fees and the lawyer costs and everything else. Plus you do NOT want CPS injecting themselves into your house.

Yeah I think I'll be telling Hannah early on about drugs and what not of course but also what I expect from her when it comes to this and that the possibility of taking a drug test will ALWAYS be on the table so it's not like it won't be such a shock that this possibility could come up.

sorry there are just certain times when "their word for it" isn't enough. If I didn't have any reason to suspect anything then yes I'd say her word is enough... but with signs of drug abuse no her word will not be enough for me and she'll know that before she ever decides to start (hypothetically speaking of course lol). No I can't force her to stop... but I will do every single thing in my power to TRY. I could NOT bury my daughter knowing that I didn't TRY EVERYTHING I could. It would kill me.

I will always try my best to be open and honest with her and open minded and try to never do anything to make her feel she can't come to me and trust me... but there are certain things that this does NOT apply to.
 

ravennr

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#72
as has been said, a crime can easily not only effect the child, but the parent as well.
i am pro decriminalization/legalization and responsible drug use (and i get plenty of crap for it every day without fail, particularly from parents), but if i had children, i would like to know what, if any drugs they are trying or doing regularly.
from there, i could deal with it. i cant say for sure what i would do because i not only dont have children but i dont want them, animals are my area not two leggers. but if i suspected my kid were doing drugs, i imagine i would simply talk to them about it, explain my own beliefs, and let them know that they dont have to fear my deadly motherly wrath or anything like that.
 

Pops2

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#73
i think if your kid gives you a reason, then go for it. if they don't like it they can try to get emancipated. you as the parent should (in theory anyway) know your kid well enough to spot indicators.
 

Dekka

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#74
I can't imagine drug testing a kid would help ANYTHING. If they're denying that vehemently any drug use, what the hell would I do to help them? If they were underage I could make them go to rehab but unless they wanted to be there, it wouldn't do ****. I would certainly offer help and try to do whatever I could, but even if a teenager is doing drugs, nothing I could do would help.
THIS!!!

Thinking back to highschool. I didn't do drugs, nor drink other than wine at family dinners lol. But I had friends who were into drugs. Some were fine, doing a little pot etc still getting A's holding down jobs etc. Some weren't. Those that were in denial ended up just moving out when their parents had the melt down and ended up far far worse off then they had been.

So it also comes down to what you think you will be accomplishing. If you think confronting them is going to fix it, well then you are the 'one in a million parent' Because if you didn't have a good enough relationship that they could talk to you before how is humiliating and alienating them going to change that? By all means get them help! But don't drive them away, cause if they are old enough they can move out and there is nothing you can do, and often the will run away if they are that bad off.

I liked how my parents handled it. They educated me and we talked about drugs/sex openly from when I was about 13. I was told if I wanted to try something (drugs alcohol etc) That was ok as they knew if I really wanted to I would try a way to do it on my own, but that they wanted me to try it at home NOT at a party. They also taught me things that if I was going to drink at a party to get a bottle or a can and open it myself and not to leave it unattended anywhere. That if I wanted to have sex that they better have met him and that my mom would take me to get birth control (I knew about condoms and STDs)

What that did was take the 'forbidden fruit' aspect away. I knew the score. I knew they would be there for me no matter what. I didn't drink or do drugs even though my whole crowd did. I married the boyfriend I had teenage sex with (lol at 17). I saw so many of my friends with parents who handled things exactly the way so many here are promoting. Can't say it worked with a a single one. Every parent who took the 'this is my house and its my way or the high way..' every single kid given that ultimatum chose the highway. Kids with supportive parents who got them help (professional) and treated them with respect and love didn't move out and almost all of them moved on with their lives...
 

GipsyQueen

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#75
I'd be a bit hurt that my parents didn't trust me enough to make me take a drug test. Alcohol test wouldn't be nessasary because Im allowed to drink legally, so yeah. I don't abuse either, and Ive never given my parents the idea that I could be.
I would probably be pretty pissed and would start getting a bit louder!
 

sparks19

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#76
THIS!!!

Thinking back to highschool. I didn't do drugs, nor drink other than wine at family dinners lol. But I had friends who were into drugs. Some were fine, doing a little pot etc still getting A's holding down jobs etc. Some weren't. Those that were in denial ended up just moving out when their parents had the melt down and ended up far far worse off then they had been.

So it also comes down to what you think you will be accomplishing. If you think confronting them is going to fix it, well then you are the 'one in a million parent' Because if you didn't have a good enough relationship that they could talk to you before how is humiliating and alienating them going to change that? By all means get them help! But don't drive them away, cause if they are old enough they can move out and there is nothing you can do, and often the will run away if they are that bad off.

I liked how my parents handled it. They educated me and we talked about drugs/sex openly from when I was about 13. I was told if I wanted to try something (drugs alcohol etc) That was ok as they knew if I really wanted to I would try a way to do it on my own, but that they wanted me to try it at home NOT at a party. They also taught me things that if I was going to drink at a party to get a bottle or a can and open it myself and not to leave it unattended anywhere. That if I wanted to have sex that they better have met him and that my mom would take me to get birth control (I knew about condoms and STDs)

What that did was take the 'forbidden fruit' aspect away. I knew the score. I knew they would be there for me no matter what. I didn't drink or do drugs even though my whole crowd did. I married the boyfriend I had teenage sex with (lol at 17). I saw so many of my friends with parents who handled things exactly the way so many here are promoting. Can't say it worked with a a single one. Every parent who took the 'this is my house and its my way or the high way..' every single kid given that ultimatum chose the highway. Kids with supportive parents who got them help (professional) and treated them with respect and love didn't move out and almost all of them moved on with their lives...
that's how my parents handled it and that's likely how we will handle it too.

it was never forbidden to have a drink at home. My dad bought me and my friend a six pack one year for new years since we were just going to sit in the basement and watch tv and hang out. although in this day and age I probably wouldn't do THAT with a childs friend over because it's much more serious now .

I think you assume that parents who would drug test are going to be hovering parents who don't let their kids do anything and keep them under lock and key.

that's not it at all. My parents were upfront and honest about drugs and alcohol and I was allowed to have a drink or two on special occassions, a hot summer day or on vacation. but not like I could come home from school and just pour myself a whiskey lol.

I tried pot once when I was 16 (and I'll tell hannah that if she wants to know) and I smoked when I was 16 for a VERY brief amount of time because it was "Cool" know how I got busted and why I stopped?

My friend and I were smoking downstairs whiel my mom ws sleeping. she woke up and came down to get a drink. we tried to hide it but really... how do you hide smoke in a common room. she walked into the room... looked me dead in the eye and said "I thought you didn't like smoke" and walked out. I never touched another cigarrette after that until I was an adult and smoked socially very briefly.

I GET it. I had great parents who were very open with me and whom I could trust and who trusted me. and if my mom came up and asked me to take a drug test for her peace of mind I would have done it and NOT felt betrayed because our open relationship went both ways... her concerns would be valid even if they weren't true. If she told me that it was just for her own peace of mind I would do it for her. she's done tons of things for my peace of mind... I love my mother and I would have done it just to help her sleep at night and not worry about me.

She wouldn't ahve come up to me and been like "you stupid kid you are lying to me... take this darn test or else" she would have sat me down and TALKED to me about why she wanted me to take it and I would have done it for her.

I hope Hannah and I have a relationship like THAT. Where I can ask things of her that may seem unreasonable and have her understand my craziness and love me enough to do it just as I would love her enough to entertain some of her requests that might seem crazy or unreasonable to me (as long as they aren't dangerous)

I'm also not talkikng about POT. some of the most harmful things are over the counter like gravol and cough syrup and cleaning products.

When I smoked pot again it wasn't until I was in my 20's and my responsibilities were my own and wouldn't come back on my parents. I've BEEN in troublesome situations and I've gone to my parents even with the threat of punishment.

when I was with my ex and he was abusive to me emotionally and mentally my dad didn't step in. He knew that if he did I would likely revolt since chris had manipulated me so badly. BUT had it gotten physical... My dad would have taken action NO questions asked no matter HOW I felt about it. He would NOT sit back and allow him to beat me up in my own fathers HOUSE. My dad knew I would come to my senses eventually and I almost wish he would have stepped in during the emotional stuff but I know I would have revolted because of the manipulation. he just made comments and talked to me about it when we were alone. but he made it CLEAR that if he laid a FINGER on me it was over and no matter how I felt about it he would not tolerate THAT happening under his roof.

there just comes a point wher eyou have to do the hardest thing.
 

JacksonsMom

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#77
THIS!!!

Thinking back to highschool. I didn't do drugs, nor drink other than wine at family dinners lol. But I had friends who were into drugs. Some were fine, doing a little pot etc still getting A's holding down jobs etc. Some weren't. Those that were in denial ended up just moving out when their parents had the melt down and ended up far far worse off then they had been.

So it also comes down to what you think you will be accomplishing. If you think confronting them is going to fix it, well then you are the 'one in a million parent' Because if you didn't have a good enough relationship that they could talk to you before how is humiliating and alienating them going to change that? By all means get them help! But don't drive them away, cause if they are old enough they can move out and there is nothing you can do, and often the will run away if they are that bad off.

I liked how my parents handled it. They educated me and we talked about drugs/sex openly from when I was about 13. I was told if I wanted to try something (drugs alcohol etc) That was ok as they knew if I really wanted to I would try a way to do it on my own, but that they wanted me to try it at home NOT at a party. They also taught me things that if I was going to drink at a party to get a bottle or a can and open it myself and not to leave it unattended anywhere. That if I wanted to have sex that they better have met him and that my mom would take me to get birth control (I knew about condoms and STDs)

What that did was take the 'forbidden fruit' aspect away. I knew the score. I knew they would be there for me no matter what. I didn't drink or do drugs even though my whole crowd did. I married the boyfriend I had teenage sex with (lol at 17). I saw so many of my friends with parents who handled things exactly the way so many here are promoting. Can't say it worked with a a single one. Every parent who took the 'this is my house and its my way or the high way..' every single kid given that ultimatum chose the highway. Kids with supportive parents who got them help (professional) and treated them with respect and love didn't move out and almost all of them moved on with their lives...
Totally the same deal here with me. I was exactly like that. I am 20 now and still don't drink or do drugs but all of my friends do... my parents were always so open with me and exactly like you described. Out of all of the friends I knew growing up, I was the one who turned out the... I don't wanna say 'best' because that makes me sound conceited or something. But I can't think of another word.
 
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#78
Make it sound like regular govt/corporation bulls8it. "Hey kids I hate to say this but it seems like all non bill payers in a household need to be drug screened. I don't like it either but we got to play by the rules". Thats the crap that I hear from jack asses that don't trust me and I usually give in to it.
 

sparks19

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#79
Make it sound like regular govt/corporation bulls8it. "Hey kids I hate to say this but it seems like all non bill payers in a household need to be drug screened. I don't like it either but we got to play by the rules". Thats the crap that I hear from jack asses that don't trust me and I usually give in to it.
yeah well... when you are responsible for the party under 18 and their record is your record (essentially)....

You may not like it but that's the way it's going to be in this house.

and that's not HOW it's going to run at least in this house.

there will not be regular drug screenings in order to live here. IF you exhibit symptoms of it I do reserve the right to ask you to pee in a cup and you will know this from early on.

there will be honest and trust and lots of love and I wll be VERY honest that this is a possibility. from there.. the choice is hers.

If that makes me wrong or a bad parent then that is a title I am willing to accept with pleasure. you may assume whatever you like about how this will be conducted and how it will be carried out. but YOU aren't the one that has to live with it :) the people in this household are. I have a responsibility to my child and I will carry it out even if it isn't popular and even if it might tick her off for a bit :)

If I just left it and never addressed the problem I would still be a bad parent who is seen as "how could the parents allow this child to turn out like this" I'd rather be seen as a bad parent for caring too much ;)
 
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#80
yeah well... when you are responsible for the party under 18 and their record is your record (essentially)....

You may not like it but that's the way it's going to be in this house.

and that's not HOW it's going to run at least in this house.

there will not be regular drug screenings in order to live here. IF you exhibit symptoms of it I do reserve the right to ask you to pee in a cup and you will know this from early on.

there will be honest and trust and lots of love and I wll be VERY honest that this is a possibility. from there.. the choice is hers.

If that makes me wrong or a bad parent then that is a title I am willing to accept with pleasure. you may assume whatever you like about how this will be conducted and how it will be carried out. but YOU aren't the one that has to live with it :) the people in this household are. I have a responsibility to my child and I will carry it out even if it isn't popular and even if it might tick her off for a bit :)

If I just left it and never addressed the problem I would still be a bad parent who is seen as "how could the parents allow this child to turn out like this" I'd rather be seen as a bad parent for caring too much ;)
I dont understand how that relates to what I said. I was just giving people suggestions on how to approach it, plenty of sarcasm was added. Have you been hitting the bong?
 

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