No Respect

[tessa_s212]

I belong to a small training club. We are not large. But for such a small club, we still host many many agility trials of CPE, NADAC, and UKC every year. We are often low on help and the help we do have all also run our dogs... but we make it happen.

However, for our biggest show of the year in which we hold a trial that offers ALL three venues at once, we often need to bring in extra help and ask newer members of the club that don't normally help to come by and help. We are also allowed to invite friends and family members to help. And in return, after the day of hard work we get a BBQ and usually its all very nice and relaxing after a hard day.

This year, though I was hesitant, I asked Dustin if he'd like to help. It'd give him a chance to see what I really do, meet my dog training family, and see me for parts of the day when I'm not busy, as well as stay at my house over the entire weekend. And because he's no dog trainer, I invited him to an agility class tonight to see what it was all about just for a small taste before the big trial. Things went okay. He sat and watched, held dogs for me, made friends with my rescue dogs(that I do not own). He kept quiet and helped move equipment. He was respectful and friendly. Well, we always have to move the equipment back across the street to the training building to store it because we use the fairgrounds to practice on. After we got all the stuff packed and I was packing up my stuff(class was officially over), Dustin thought he'd get even from earlier and spray me a bit with water from a water bottle. We get over to the building to help unloadand pack up all the stuff, where Dustin again offered his help for free even though he absolutely did not have to but chose to, and my trainer stops and asks me about why my back was wet. She'd been in an okay mood earlier, so I just laughed and said "must've sweated a whole lot tonight!" jokingly. She didn't think it was funny. Started yelling at me. Dustin jumps in to say, "I'm the one that sprayed her" trying to defend me, and she yells at him. On and on, being rude and yelling at my boyfriend.

Now, I"m used to that kind of abuse. I grew up with it from my mom, I grew up with it from my trainers... I'm used to it. I just take it. But Dustin is not used to it. He's usually not the type to just let people yell at him when they have no right. He cant' understand why I do take it. I did give him a concerned look, and he knew I didn't want him to say anything back... so he didn't. I feel absolutely horrible. I got him yelled at, and I wouldn't even let him defend himself. He tells me its okay, but its different. I at least train there. I'm used to the abuse. He should NOT have to take it..but I asked it of him.. he knew it'd cause problems and he knows how much I love my rescues so he didn't do anything..

She has NO right to be so disrespectful towards a person that was going to offer his work and help for FREE on a hard, hot, looong weekend. She might expect and demand us that train at the club to be her slaves, but how can she even BEGIN to think she has some right to treat others that way is beyond me. But no one has the balls to stand up to her.

Needless to say, he's not coming this weekend. I told him he didn't have to and I know he probably woudln't. Told him she had no right and said he does NOT have to give his free work to such an old bitter woman that treated him so badly.

I know I sound angry. And typing it out, I am offended and angered at that she treated him that way. But I did not react angrily at all. In fact, I just kept quiet, head down, and mostly sad.

But, to ligthen it up a bit... all of us kids in the club have a saying.. "Are they dead already?" (They are verrrry olld and don't believe in going to doctors.) I know that sounds horrible, but it is all said in joke.

 

[ACooper]

I don't understand why she would need to yell about your joke OR him spraying water on you........

It was very good of you and him to stay respectful and keep quiet. NOT an easy task with some people, LOL

 

[adojrts]

She has no right or business yelling at anyone, especially when it doesn't concern her on any level.

I would expect and I am sure you also know, that she maybe the main reason why you don't have many volunteers. Someone should either speak to her or get rid of her.

I trained with someone like that years ago, she bloody near turned me off agility for good.
The club that she was Pres. at finally had the good sense to REMOVE her.
And to top it off, she wasn't even worth it as an instructor and continues to be such.

You don't have to take that kind of **** from anyone, sounds like she maybe a good one to start to open your wings and stand up to her. You don't have to wig out on her, just look her in the eye and tell her she has no right to speak to you like that and if in the future she can't change to NOT speak to you at all.................


Lynn

 

[tessa_s212]

I don't understand why she would need to yell about your joke OR him spraying water on you........

It was very good of you and him to stay respectful and keep quiet. NOT an easy task with some people, LOL

Well, there's some things to know about my trainers. Like for example, the woman is an old, bitter, control freak that tries to make everyone her slave. She uses intimidation, yelling, and rudeness, as well as little tricks to practically force people into doing as she wants. For not even being 5 foot tall, she can intimidate... people don't talk back. Not even the adults. And of course, if it is one of us kids that calmly yet still respectfully talks back, we are being unruly and horrible teenagers.

*sigh*

People don't believe me about her. Then they meet her... and usually instantly hate her, if not strongly dislike her and have some choice words to say about her. The first time my trainer ever met my mother she called my mom stupid.

 

[Lizmo]

She had no right to do that, but you know how I feel about some of the stuff that happens there

And, Tessa, maybe you should have let Dustin stick up for you and not take any more crap from your trainer. Why didn't you want him to say anything? He loves you and that's exactly why he stood up for you.

 

[ACooper]

The first time my trainer ever met my mother she called my mom stupid.

OH! That would have so NOT of worked on me! Further more if I saw her wigging out on one of my children it could put her health in serious jeapordy!

I can remember years ago when I was in Kindergarten, my teacher had a tendency to yank my hair to get my attention or to stop me from talking. Somehow it came up in conversation at home and my mom was at the school the NEXT day. She didn't bother with the principal first, she escorted me to class and pretty much told the teacher that she would be asking me EVERY night, and if she so much as THOUGHT about pulling my hair again that she would GUARANTEE she wouldn't have a hair left on her head the next time she had to come in.

She never pulled my hair again

 

[tessa_s212]

She has no right or business yelling at anyone, especially when it doesn't concern her on any level.

I would expect and I am sure you also know, that she maybe the main reason why you don't have many volunteers. Someone should either speak to her or get rid of her.

I trained with someone like that years ago, she bloody near turned me off agility for good.
The club that she was Pres. at finally had the good sense to REMOVE her.
And to top it off, she wasn't even worth it as an instructor and continues to be such.

You don't have to take that kind of **** from anyone, sounds like she maybe a good one to start to open your wings and stand up to her. You don't have to wig out on her, just look her in the eye and tell her she has no right to speak to you like that and if in the future she can't change to NOT speak to you at all.................


Lynn

She's known around the Northwest Ohio area.. and that isn't a good thing. SHe has a horrible reputation.

No one can get rid of her because it is her and her husband that own and run the entire training club. They teach agility and obedience, however they have never stepped foot into an agility ring in their entire lives from what I know of. Their training instructions certainly proves that.


I know I shouldn't take it. But I've taken it since I was 8 years old. She scared the hell out of me as a little kid and the worst thing I could ever do in my entire life back then was to make her angry with me. I did everything and anything to try and make her pleased. While now I don't care if she's pleased, train MY own way whether she likes it or not, and will always defend my own dogs.. when it comes to just yelling at me, I just take it. Part of it is just a trained response, the other is that she has control over whether or not I can work and trial with her rescue dogs(Dega, Tip and Tusket). I have to pick and choose my battles wisely to insure that she does not take those three dogs away from me. While I will ALWAYS stand up and defend the dogs(she kicked me out last year for a few weeks for refusing to hit my dog), I don't usually defend myself with that same boldness.

My boyfriend isn't coming this weekend. I'm actually hoping she asks why so that I can tell her. I want her to know that she cannot treat him with such disrespect. I will tell her just that. "He chose not to come because of how unrightfully disrespectful you were towards him. Not everyone will just roll over for you, (name). If you wanted free help so badly, perhaps you should rethink the way you treat that free help."

 

[tessa_s212]

She had no right to do that, but you know how I feel about some of the stuff that happens there

And, Tessa, maybe you should have let Dustin stick up for you and not take any more crap from your trainer. Why didn't you want him to say anything? He loves you and that's exactly why he stood up for you.

I know it.

But you know I can't risk having Dega, Tip, and Tusket taken away from me. They'd be placed with someone else that uses harsh correctional methods.. and specifically Dega.. she was so horribly abused in her past.. she couldn't take that. I can't let that happen.

 

[Lizmo]

I know it.

But you know I can't risk having Dega, Tip, and Tusket taken away from me. They'd be placed with someone else that uses harsh correctional methods.. and specifically Dega.. she was so horribly abused in her past.. she couldn't take that. I can't let that happen.

I understand. And I would probably do the same exact thing you are doing if it ment the dogs were okay.

Hang in there girlie ((((((((hugs)))))))

 

[noludoru]

I was going to barge in and say "KILL THE BITCH!" (Or at least maim her.. you know, the usual ) but after reading that.. well.. I see where you're coming from.


((((hugs))) Put some salt in her lemonade next time..

 

[uhmanda00]

Sorry Tess,
I don't know
what to say.

 

[96 GTS]

I have some antifreeze laying around, is she fond of lemonade?

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

That really sucks.

You need to move here Tessa .

~Tucker

 

[Sweet72947]

It seems to me that maybe somebody should start their own agility club. I know it would be a lot of work, and seem like a daunting task, but if you put your mind to it, it could be done!

 

[tessa_s212]

It seems to me that maybe somebody should start their own agility club. I know it would be a lot of work, and seem like a daunting task, but if you put your mind to it, it could be done!

Lol. Believe me, the thought has crossed our minds. The other kids and I always joke asking when they are going to die, and then we'll take over and actually have a GOOD training club in northwest ohio.

But on a more serious note, the thought has crossed my mind. I wouldn't right away, but many many many years down the road after I'd taken many classes with a new trainer, gotten more knowledge and experience and seen how good classes are instructed, it's always a possibility. Anything is better than what we've got right now. But I'd definitely keep my other trainer an hour away very close and asking tons of questions.. she only started her club four years ago and she's HUGE and very popular, with good reason! She's a greeat instructor.

**which is also the reason why I do offer group get together/classes at my house. I teach, but also run my own dogs, and it is just people from our club who would like to learn more. Also, I do not get any pay.

 

[oc_spirit]

There will always be those types of people in our lives who have a grasp on something we desire....and know it! Sadly they tend to go on power trips and abuse it knowing the worst we'll do is bite our lip and fume about it later.

I know how awesome it would be to snap back at her but I also understand your position and respect the way you acted. All I can offer is strength to continue on until an oppstuinity opens up for you to be able to get away from this lady for good!

 

[adojrts]

Why wait to start a new club??? If you have most of the equipment already and a place to train................???? As for instruction, you could bring in once a month an excellent instructor or hold clinics (seminars).
But if people are avoiding the other club and they are using your place, then by rights they should be at least offering to pay for 'green fees'. Equipment needs to be maintained, the grass cut etc and that does cost. A small green fee wouldn't be out of line nor unreasonable.

Good luck and I hope that you or some manages to start a club that will put that woman out of business or at least give people a choice of where they want to train.

Lynn

 

[squirtsmom]

That's awful. Her behavior is ridiculous.

 

[Doberluv]

Why wait to start a new club??? If you have most of the equipment already and a place to train................???? As for instruction, you could bring in once a month an excellent instructor or hold clinics (seminars).
But if people are avoiding the other club and they are using your place, then by rights they should be at least offering to pay for 'green fees'. Equipment needs to be maintained, the grass cut etc and that does cost. A small green fee wouldn't be out of line nor unreasonable.

Good luck and I hope that you or some manages to start a club that will put that woman out of business or at least give people a choice of where they want to train.

Lynn

That's a great idea! Why not? That would be the greatest satisfaction, not only in and of itself, but to put that nut case out of business! She sounds awful. You and Dustin should have just kept on going about your business as though you didn't hear her or even know she was there. In one ear and out the other. If she persisted and demanded your attention, you could very sweetly and sincerely say, "Excuse me, but I am only accustomed to being spoken to by ladies and gentlemen. I really don't know how to respond." (even if it's not true) And continue about what you're doing.

But it's true. There will be all kinds of garbage in this world. I guess this is practice. I hope you kids can set up a new club where you don't have to deal with her. You could go back later when she's all shrivelled up and out of business and thank her for how she treated you, as it lead to your great success. Wouldn't that be fun?

 

[tessa_s212]

Why wait to start a new club??? If you have most of the equipment already and a place to train................???? As for instruction, you could bring in once a month an excellent instructor or hold clinics (seminars).
But if people are avoiding the other club and they are using your place, then by rights they should be at least offering to pay for 'green fees'. Equipment needs to be maintained, the grass cut etc and that does cost. A small green fee wouldn't be out of line nor unreasonable.

Good luck and I hope that you or some manages to start a club that will put that woman out of business or at least give people a choice of where they want to train.

Lynn

Well, you see the problem is starting a club costs money, insurance, etc etc. I'm only 17. And now we are no longer allowed to use my deceased neighbor's backyard(that we took care of for her for a very long time before her death, so she allowed us to make it our own) as an agility training place anymore. I'm having a hard time finding a place where we could just bring ALL of our equipment and have our own classes..that would need transportation and a willing parent to drive. My contact equipment is NOT very easily moved, so we'd be stuck to just jumps and tunnels. Which woudl still bea gREAT help.. but not a real class.

I have emailed my agility instructor nearly an hour away asking about a group/private class just for us 4-Hers over here maybe once a month. We could all split the cost and that would be great help and we could just work on it ourselves as homework inbetween the classes with her. But I have not recieved email back yet.