"l love you"

[youhavenoidea]

What's your policy?

Do you say it first in (new) relationships? Always wait for the other person to say it first?

Do you subscribe to the school of thought that suggests one should ALWAYS wait for the man to say it first?

How long do you think you should be with a person before the "L-Bomb" is dropped? How soon is too soon?


I just read an article on the topic, and am interested to see where you all weigh in on the subject.

I'll throw my experiences out for comparison afterwards.

 

[Angel Chicken]

I feel it should be said when one is ready.

You see, I loved Rob very early on, but never said anything because I KNEW his last relationship was rocky, as was mine... so I kept quiet and let him go his own pace. At 6 around 7 months in, he told me he loved me on Valentine's.

I'm glad I waited.

As for your questions!

Do you say it first in (new) relationships? Always wait for the other person to say it first? I usually wait. I'd rather them say it first.

Do you subscribe to the school of thought that suggests one should ALWAYS wait for the man to say it first?
No, but I'd rather them say it first.

How long do you think you should be with a person before the "L-Bomb" is dropped? How soon is too soon? I'd say 7-9 months or so


I just read an article on the topic, and am interested to see where you all weigh in on the subject.

 

[mrose_s]

Never said it like that.

I would probably just say it when I was comfortable to, if the relationship is strong enough for me to feel like that, hopefully it will be strong enough not to fall apart over 3 little words.

 

[GlassOnion]

Whoa, was not aware the guy was even supposed to say it first. Why? That doesn't make much sense.

Usually, if I'm going to say it 'first' at all, it just slips out. Like saying bye on the phone or as I'm leaving her to go somewhere else I'll just go 'alright, cya later, love ya' and leave. Don't really think much of it.

 

[youhavenoidea]

AC:

I think your approach was right on the money, in that I think it depends on the person you're in the relationship with.

You knew his past was sketchy, and that dropping the "L-Bomb" too early would scare him (or something similar, I assume), so you let him have at it in his own time.

Historically, I have been the one to say it first in all of my previous long-term relationships. It's never negatively affected me, but the situations warranted it. - knew my partner would be receptive to it, etc.

In my current situation (I can neither confirm nor deny whether I love this man, at this point in time ), it's different. We're talking about a very guarded person, who's had more than a couple of bad experiences, and has a self-preservation forcefield. LOL Should it come down to it, I will be waiting for him to "get there" in his own time, before I say anything. As I have allowed the whole relationship to progress on his timetable (gotta let 'em think they're in control sometimes or they take their toys and go home ).

In certain circumstances, often involving two strong personalities, I also believe that being the first one to say it can be relinquishing a lot of power in the relationship. Not necessarily a great place to be.

But that's just me.

 

[youhavenoidea]

Whoa, was not aware the guy was even supposed to say it first. Why? That doesn't make much sense.

Usually, if I'm going to say it 'first' at all, it just slips out. Like saying bye on the phone or as I'm leaving her to go somewhere else I'll just go 'alright, cya later, love ya' and leave. Don't really think much of it.

Many people believe that the guy should say it first, because they take longer to "get there" emotionally than women, and should "set the pace" on it. That if a woman says it first, he likely doesn't feel it yet, or isn't sure, and he'll either lie and say it back to placate her, or it'll scare the ever-living s*** out of him, and it'll all fall apart. Or he'll think the girl is a needy crazypants.

 

[Romy]

Depends. Honestly I can't remember if Robert or I said it first. I think he wrote it to me in a letter before either one of us said it out loud...but then again we knew we were going to get married before our first official date, lol.

Other boyfriends...they were a little weird. I had one that said it practically right away and he turned out to have some serious mental problems and became a sex offender :madgo: That was freaky, and I'm sooo glad he's gone forever. There are still moments I wish I had a fila instead of a borzoi though, lol.

 

[youhavenoidea]

I think he wrote it to me in a letter before either one of us said it out loud...

Awww, that's cuteness.

So I suppose you wouldn't find it tacky if someone said it first over text then? Truthfully, I'm actually undecided on that one . . .

 

[GlassOnion]

Text vs a letter are very different. Letter they have to sit down and write, a text they just tap out on the phone.

This is assuming they don't send you a formal love letter (in times new roman, 12 point font, no indentations) but actually write it themselves.

Many people believe that the guy should say it first, because they take longer to "get there" emotionally than women, and should "set the pace" on it. That if a woman says it first, he likely doesn't feel it yet, or isn't sure, and he'll either lie and say it back to placate her, or it'll scare the ever-living s*** out of him, and it'll all fall apart. Or he'll think the girl is a needy crazypants.

I guess that makes sense. But it'd really depend on the time line. If she told me she loved me after a few months, I'd think something was wrong with her. If she said it after a year then I'd say that's a bit longish.

But I've never really sat up at night contemplating it. It just slips out when my subconscious feels it I guess.

 

[youhavenoidea]

Text vs a letter are very different. Letter they have to sit down and write, a text they just tap out on the phone.

I was mostly kidding about the text thing. But it would depend I suppose. If you're in a situation where texting has always been a "thing" for the two of you, or someone felt the need to convey it when talking live was impossible, I suppose it could be acceptable in certain cases.

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

Doesent matter to me who says it first. I don't wait for the other person to say it first. If I feel it then I say it *shrugs* and i've only said it in one relationship.And if the guy says it first and I don't yet have those feelings then I don't respond with "I love you too" at that point. Just like I don't expect "him" to respond if I say it first.

Too soon ranges from 1 week-1 month of time dating and dropping the L Bomb. It was always (and still is) a MAJOR turn off when I guy I had been dating for two weeks says he "loves" me. To me thats just a lame attempt to get in my pants. Sorry but most of the population doesent fall in LOVE that fast. Not real true love. Now lust? Yes you can fall in lust quite quickly.

Now the time its usually appropriate would be somewhere in the 4-7 month time line.

 

[Domestika]

In my current situation (I can neither confirm nor deny whether I love this man, at this point in time ), it's different. We're talking about a very guarded person, who's had more than a couple of bad experiences, and has a self-preservation forcefield. LOL Should it come down to it, I will be waiting for him to "get there" in his own time, before I say anything. As I have allowed the whole relationship to progress on his timetable (gotta let 'em think they're in control sometimes or they take their toys and go home ).

That's a really tough one. I'm one of those "heavily guarded" people and I can see someone saying "I love you" first as both a) a relief or b) pressure. Depends on the situation though, I guess.

If I'm with someone who is slightly clingy/more into it than I am, hearing "I love you" is pressure.

If I'm with someone who seems to be taking things in stride, isn't otherwise trying to push the relationship somewhere, and seems to be able to survive whether or not they're with me (and, of course, is someone I have very strong feelings for as well), then hearing "I love you" first is a big relief. Guarded people don't like to put their feelings out there first.

As far as time frame...I think the people involved are the only two who can make that decision. I've said "I love you" and meant it in the first couple of months (ie. my husband). I've also needed more like 6-8 months to be sure I felt that way in other relationships. So it's really all about the relationship itself. In my opinion.

 

[Domestika]

I have NEVER been given the chance to say "I love you" first. The other person always, always springs it on me first.

Although, amusingly, when my husband and I were first dating we agreed that saying "I love you" so early on in a relationship (even though we felt it) was just stupid.

So he'd say "I drinking glass love you". "I coffee table love you".

And then when it did come out...it was during a very emotional conversation, he said "I'll take it back later. But I love you."

I said I loved him too and we never took it back. It felt like it had been the right time FOREVER.

But, again, he got to say it first. Grrrr.

 

[Snip]

You can say those words? :rofl1::rofl1:

 

[Angel Chicken]

You can say those words? :rofl1::rofl1:

:lol-sign::nono::nono:

 

[Dakotah]

Doesent matter to me who says it first. I don't wait for the other person to say it first. If I feel it then I say it *shrugs* and i've only said it in one relationship.And if the guy says it first and I don't yet have those feelings then I don't respond with "I love you too" at that point. Just like I don't expect "him" to respond if I say it first.

Too soon ranges from 1 week-1 month of time dating and dropping the L Bomb. It was always (and still is) a MAJOR turn off when I guy I had been dating for two weeks says he "loves" me. To me thats just a lame attempt to get in my pants. Sorry but most of the population doesent fall in LOVE that fast. Not real true love. Now lust? Yes you can fall in lust quite quickly.

Now the time its usually appropriate would be somewhere in the 4-7 month time line.

I agree with all of this.

 

[Fran27]

I agree with Pixie!

About texts and stuff, it's more difficult, when so many people text 'I <3 you' to each other nowadays!

 

[jess2416]

I'm scared of the L-word so i stay away from it...as far as when its appriopate imo that really matters on the people and the relationship...cause there are people that know they are meant to be from very early on.. so i dont think there is a certain time period that everyone can go by

 

[youhavenoidea]

You can say those words? :rofl1::rofl1:

You sir, are a jerkus.

LMAO

 

[vanillasugar]

I only had one boyfriend who said it first, it was WAAAAAAY too early (like 2 weeks), and it just made me feel really uncomfortable. Of course, we were 16 and didn't really know much about love to begin with

With Matt, I said it first. Thinking back, it was also probably too early, but really, we were in high school and everyone wanted to "be in love" with someone. We had discussions years later about when we *really* fell in love, which was nice. If I'd waited for him to say it first, he'd told me he probably wouldn't have. He was really uneasy about that sort of thing (I asked him out, I always made the first move).