Whatever is going on, Stephy, you need to step back and start making healthy, good choices for yourself. There is no way to sugar coat it, I'm afraid. The only way anything will get better is if YOU choose to make it better. One step at a time. One good decision at a time. It won't seem like much but in a year from now you can look back and see where you've come from and realize that your choices make all the difference. Please go look into the links posted here. Find some help and find the courage to make healthy choices for yourself.