I got dumped. beware of rant

[Bailey08]

Oh, honey. ((((((Hugs))))))

You are strong. You *will* get through this. It will get better. And, while I know you wouldn't have chosen for this to happen, you will actually become stronger through this process and will get to know yourself better.

For now, just take your time and be good to yourself. Spend time with Kenya. Maybe you can foster again or volunteer for a rescue or shelter? Talk to your close friends, and hang out with them even if you feel like you're faking it a bit right now.

And I agree with a prior poster (Beanie?) about contact with the boy. I think trying for a friendship with him will just delay the inevitable, and could make you even more miserable in the process. For now, you need to concentrate only on yourself.

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

oh Fran--it's rough territory you are in. I know it feels bad--and certainly he was at least upfront with you. Much better that he broke it off now, then for him to cheat and lie to you about it. Really--it hurts, I know--but at least he respected you enough to be straight about it. That says something about you and him.

As for magazine guidance--toss the magazines, and do what's in your heart. That will shine through to whomever is out there waiting for you.
((HUGS))

 

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

I've been in the nearly exact same boat before. First serious boyfriend, dated 2+ years, first person I was ever "with" and then it was over. I was so devastated I had to go somewhere for a few days to clear my head (Of course I wasn't chemically balanced before this all happened!) But let me tell you this, and I know you won't believe it because I never did when people told me. but things will get better. If he did this to you he's not the right person and someone who is the right guy will come along sooner or later. I promise it will hurt less as the days go on and getting a puppy isn't really a great way to solve it.

Add some extra effort into things you might have given up when you started dating. Read more, draw more, listen to more music, go for a bike ride, spend a day shopping, just do things that are all for you so you can remember what it's like to be the the strong independent woman that you are.

 

[Hairy&Stumpy]

Sorry this happened to you. Right now there probably isn't much that anyone can say that will make you feel better...it just takes time.

I was at the receiving end of dumpage this February and let me tell you it was not fun. I thought the same things, like--"what did I do wrong? Or, how could I have been better?" When the fact of the matter is it had nothing to do with me...

You'll move on pretty quickly in a few weeks...just make it through the next couple of days by doing whatever you can and keeping those close to you in the loop and stay busy!

 

[puppydog]

Break ups suck! Do you believe me when I say that in a year from now you will probably look back and cringe at the fact that you were with him?
Keep strong and you will be fine.

((HUGS))

 

[Fran101]

I really am trying to not be sad

My friends are trying..and I put on a happy face for them. but I dont want to go clubbing, i hated it. I hated having guys talk to me that way, and I hated having guys try to dance with me that way. and I hated not having him there to protect me.. ive never felt more alone.

I hate to say it, but my so called "friends" are flakes. they both are with their boyfriends 24/7 and im pretty sure the only reason we were friends was because we could stay in couples. they left me in the club and I had to take a cab home... but thats a whole nother story.

I can't stop thinking about it. and it hurts.. to make it worse, ive called him.. and he picks up and is kind, and understanding... which only makes me feel worse about everything. I know I need to stop calling him, but its such an instinct to call the one person who always makes me feel better when im feeling bad.

I haven't eaten since he broke up with me. I dont know whats wrong with me.. i haven't had problems eating since I was 13. I try to force myself but I t ends up just coming back up. at a time in my life where I should be pigging out, the sight of food makes me want to hurl

I haven't told my family.. i just keep lying to them. i feel like if i tell them then that will make it real.

I have to go to class today, and I really don't want to. Im liable to just break down and cry in public, which is not something I wanna do in college..everytime I see a happy couple at school I want to SCREAM. How is that guy OK with just 1 girl? What did that girl do that was so **** frikin special? I keep saying its not about me, but usrghyhnsg its so hard! and its easier to just blame it on me.. I can change me. me is the only thing i have control over

I read all your posts over and over, and I hope that someday I will be able to feel better. Thank you for caring everyone

 

[mjb]

Somehow make yourself go to classes. Drag yourself there however you can.

Concentrating on your classes and your school work is a good distraction....
even though it seems like it will be impossible to even get your mind on what's going on in class.

If your mind is on something else, it won't be on him or on you. Also, if your body is actively DOING something, your mind is often occupied, too. This might be a good time to go help out serving meals to the homeless, etc. If you're thinking about and helping someone else, that's another way to keep yourself off him and off your troubles.

You can be told the pain subsides over and over, but it doesn't make it any easier now, does it.

 

[CaliTerp07]

Aww, Fran, I'm sorry.

For what it's worth, I don't think he is/was an idiot or an @$$ or anything of the sort. I think he just realized that at 18 (or however old you guys are), he wasn't ready to settle down. Nothing wrong with that. Most people have multiple boyfriends in their lives--only one ever becomes a husband.

I'll give you the other half of the coin. I dated my high school boyfriend junior and senior year. I was convinced he was "the one". We went away to separate colleges, and I was MISERABLE. I missed him, I was lonely, I skipped the freshman year parties and social networking events because I didn't want to meet new boys. It sucked. I ended up transferring colleges to across the country (hence how I came from California to DC) to be closer to him. A few months later, we broke up--for a variety of factors, but mostly because I realized that staying with him was causing me to change into someone who wasn't ME.

I fully, fully believed that if was meant to be, it would work after college (after I had a better idea of what I wanted in life). Surprise, things did work out--just not with him. I had a wonderful time in college, ended up meeting my best friends and my now-husband.

The right guy for you is out there. If it's the guy who just broke up with you, things will work out in a few years. If it isn't, someone else fantastic will come into your life. Everything happens for a reason. Right now, it's not evident, and it sucks major monkey butt...but it'll be better soon. Go run a few miles or go for a swim or read a book or do SOMETHING to distract yourself.

And tell your family. It sucks, and I hid it too...but when your friends are flakey, your mom will still be there to hug you and watch whole seasons of gilmore girls with you.

 

[pacopoe]

Man, being dumped *sucks*. Losing your appetite and a few pounds is standard but just think of it this way: by the time you're all healed you'll be looking extra foxy

Another thing you can do to help is exercise. It tires you out and makes it so you can actually sleep at night.

I've been on both ends of the break-up spectrum more times than I'd like to admit, but I really do think it all works out in the end. I mean, do you really want to be with somebody who is willing to bail so easily? How would he react when things actually get really hard?

Just remember that painful experiences are designed to push you in ways you haven't seen before, and the end result is that you'll come back even stronger, wiser, and a better person.

He... well, it'll be a couple months and then he'll realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life. Just promise us you won't go back when he calls up begging