I got dumped. beware of rant

[Fran101]

College is tough for high school relationships.. thought mine would last and it looks like it isn't going to..
I've never been broken up with, he was my first boyfriend.. went on for 2 years. I didn't know it would hurt this much. I don't know what to do with myself.
and instead of taking this like an adult all I wanna do is go out and buy myself a puppy or something to take care of. Which I know is wrong.. Having him and the puppies leave around the same time is just too much. I dont know what do to with my time. i obviously can't get a puppy, i just hate that thats the only thing I can think of to make me feel better

I haven't gotten any sleep or eaten anything. I took kenya for a long walk, and prayed to God for something to distract me from the pain and then lo and behold, kenya gets stung by a bee on her face.. not exactly the distraction I was looking for...thanks for trying God.
we went to the vet, shes fine.

I wish he had a better reason.. I wish there was something else. but he just wants to be single and have sex with other girls... thats the only reason he gave me. and I can't help but think its something I did wrong.. something wrong with me.

I did everything all those **** magazines tell me to do. I was kind and fair, and didn't play games. I didn't gain weight and always dressed up for him,I planned trips and fun things to do, I kept sex interesting, I was friends with his friends, went to all his games, watched sports even though I HATE sports, was great with his parents, learned to cook his favorite foods, tried to show interest in his interests, etc..

He told me it wasn't me. it was him. but thats what everyone says! it has to be me! He said all the usual things, that it isn't the right time for him to be in a relationship, that if this relationship happened later in life then he would ask me to marry him. That is was perfect, HA! well obviously not!!
my friends all tell me this is usual breakup talk.

he said he didn't want to hurt me. well he sure did a swell job at that.

he wants to be friends, of course I want to be his friends.. we were friends before we dated. but everyone tells me that that never works. and to be honest.. i would much rather be his girlfriend. I dont want to date anyone else, i dont want to have sex with anyone else.. Ive never been with anyone else. wtf am i supposed to do?!

Im going grow old and alone and be that crazy old lady with like 20 dogs in the middle of nowhere telling people to get off my lawn.

It actually felt good to write this out..

 

[tessa_s212]

I wish he had a better reason.. I wish there was something else. but he just wants to be single and have sex with other girls... thats the only reason he gave me. and I can't help but think its something I did wrong.. something wrong with me.

I did everything all those **** magazines tell me to do. I was kind and fair, and didn't play games. I didn't gain weight and always dressed up for him,I planned trips and fun things to do, I kept sex interesting, I was friends with his friends, went to all his games, watched sports even though I HATE sports, was great with his parents, learned to cook his favorite foods, tried to show interest in his interests, etc..

Sounds like a loser, and NOT someone you'd want to marry anyway. Geez. I say you are much much much better off without him! He does not respect you.

I got fat. I didn't dress up. I didn't do my hair. I'm boring and afraid of new experiences, so Dustin couldn't take me out much in our highschool dating years. I wasn't always fair. And could hardly show much interested in his computer knowledge, as I'm just dumb about computers. But Dustin loved me anyway. THAT is the kind of man you want to share your life with. Not someone you have to stay skinny for (trust me, pregnancy throws that out the window!), not someone you have to entertain for him to still 'love' you, not someone you have to be a slave for.

I know it hurts, and I'm so sorry. But it is nothing wrong with you.. he was just a loser. Here's for a new, single chapter of your life that you can focus on your dogs, college and maybe even someday for Mr. Right to happen along.

 

[AGonzalez]

I have to agree that you're better off without him. Very few high school relationships end up working in the long term, and it's much better to find it out now than 5 years down the road and you have kids and it's an ugly divorce or something.

You sound like you put out the effort and he did not. Sorry but those magazines are full of crap. Being fair and honest should happen, kissing his ass shouldn't.

 

[iwantmypup]

Oh fran, I'm so sorry! *big hugs*

 

[GipsyQueen]

((((HUGS))))

If he broke up with you to have sex with other girls in college, then he wasn't worth it.

Take a deep breath, get a good movie that you can wallow about and eat as much of your favorite ice cream as you want. Or have a nice wellness night with a few friends and gossip a litte or something. It helps. When I broke up with my boy friend of 1.5 years, I had no idea what to do with myself - but I have now discovered the wonders of being single.
When you're ready, you'll find someone who doesn't care if you don't dress up or get fat, or are not interested in sports - because he loves YOU for who you are, and not someone who tries to be perfect.

 

[bubbatd]

Feel for you ......want some chocolate ???

 

[mjb]

I'm sorry you're in pain right now. It will hurt awhile. Eventually, you can look back and learn a few things. You will learn that you don't try to do things and be things to keep somebody happy and keep them liking or loving you.

You will get interested in things in college and start enjoying life, and you will meet people who enjoy the same things you do. You will find people who you enjoy being with and people who enjoy being with you.

I think you do probably have to go through a little hurt before it gets better, though.

 

[Beanie]

No, baby, if he told you he just wants to be single and have sex with other girls, it's NOT you. And let me tell you something... if that's what he's looking for, if that's really apparently so high on his priority list... he does NOT deserve you.

By the way... IMHO, the kind of guy who breaks up with you telling you "But you're exactly the kind of girl I want" - run FAR FAR away from that guy. He wants to be friends? I wouldn't recommend it. I get the feeling he might want (maybe he hasn't expressed it now, but he might in the future) to be friends with benefits; those benefits might be sex, those benefits might just be your emotional attachment to him. Whatever it is... take it from me. Don't do it. For a long time I was involved with a guy who, whenever he was feeling low, he came back to me... because he knew I would always be there for him because I loved him, and I wanted to be there for him. It was a WASTE of my time and my emotions, and it took a long time for me to realize there was nothing I could do to make him stop being an immature idiot. He got a rude awakening when he realized I wasn't going to be there for him anymore, ever again. I will not be used. So you make sure this guy doesn't use you, too. You deserve far better.

 

[Fran27]

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry... break ups suck!!!

Take this time to be YOURSELF! You shouldn't have to try so hard for someone to love you... be yourself.

 

[Fran101]

Thank you all for the kind words..

I know it doesn't seem like it. but we were happy. I was really happy, I didnt do all those things to make him love me, i did it because I love him. he loved me regardless.. but I love making him happy.

I just dont understand. what am i missing? why wasn't I enough for him?

i dont want to find anyone else, i wouldn't even know how.

 

[GlassOnion]

I just dont understand. what am i missing? why wasn't I enough for him?

Because he wanted other girls. It's not necessarily that you weren't enough, just that he wanted to go off to college, do the college thing, and have no strings. It's not uncommon for guys (and girls) to do. But I'd remember that in case he comes back later wanting you back. If he did it once, he'll probably do it again.

Besides, college is way better with a gf/bf who's there to share it with you. Long distance sucks.

i dont want to find anyone else, i wouldn't even know how.

Easy, you don't look. You go your merry way and someone will find you. I've never had much success with the people I find. The best relationships I've had were the ones that found me when I wasn't looking. Sounds corny, but it's true.

 

[KenyiGirl]

I'm so sorry Fran But it sounds like you are way better than this guy. I have to agree with the others, he's a loser.
Don't worry too much about finding someone else, worry about taking care of you. Go ahead and keep venting if you feel like it, we're good listeners.

 

[GlassOnion]

Oh by the way, in the future don't change yourself for a guy, just find one who likes you the way you are. And 'the magazines' are full of ****, don't listen to them.

 

[Renee750il]

Thank you all for the kind words..

I know it doesn't seem like it. but we were happy. I was really happy, I didnt do all those things to make him love me, i did it because I love him. he loved me regardless.. but I love making him happy.

I just dont understand. what am i missing? why wasn't I enough for him?

i dont want to find anyone else, i wouldn't even know how.

Fran, that's got nothing at all to do with it. Weirdly, when he gave you his reasons, he was probably being absolutely honest. No more complicated than that, but so confusing.

He's not at the point in his life when he's ready to settle down with his perfect girl. He may never be. He may figure out how badly he's screwed up. Or not.

Your job now is to keep finding out more about YOU.

You're going to be hurting, but please try to stop doubting and second guessing yourself -- it really isn't you. It's him.

Keep yourself busy, cry some, let your friends distract you. Be good to yourself.

 

[jess2416]

Because he wanted other girls. It's not necessarily that you weren't enough, just that he wanted to go off to college, do the college thing, and have no strings. It's not uncommon for guys (and girls) to do. But I'd remember that in case he comes back later wanting you back. If he did it once, he'll probably do it again.

Besides, college is way better with a gf/bf who's there to share it with you. Long distance sucks.



Easy, you don't look. You go your merry way and someone will find you. I've never had much success with the people I find. The best relationships I've had were the ones that found me when I wasn't looking. Sounds corny, but it's true.

Oh by the way, in the future don't change yourself for a guy, just find one who likes you the way you are. And 'the magazines' are full of ****, don't listen to them.

^^ Agreed...

IM sorry Fran ((hugs))

 

[JennSLK]

You sound like a great person. Dont worry about it. Your young and you will find the rigth person. I know its not helpfull right now. But it only gets better.

Sending Katie hugs

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

Agree with all the above.

I know right now it seems like you won't want anyone else, but I have had friends go through this exact kind of thing who find people so, so much better.

We are here for ya sister

(((hugs)))

 

[Dizzy]

Ok, this is going to sound odd and strange, but you need to look at this as a positive experience.

It won't feel like it yet, and it might take months, but in time you'll realise that this will make you stronger, and you're one step closer to figuring out what YOU want in life, not how to make someone else happy.

It probably WAS him.

He can't help how he feels anymore than you can. I think he was honest with you, he said he wants to meet new girls, and he could have lied then gone off and done it and made you feel worse.....

You're both young, you both have SOOOOO much growing to do, and this is just another experience in life that you have to go through.

Explore your emotions, allow yourself to acknowledge how you feel, accept it, and then turn it round.

These feelings of pain are just growing pains, and in time they'll go, and you'll come out the other side a little closer to being an adult

Indulge in some you time.

 

[Pops2]

you are a beautiful, intelligent young woman (who also happens to be very pretty).

unfortunately this is a part of life. guys in general are going to be thinking w/ the wrong head from about ages 12-25. some keep it up past that and some never stop that way of thinking. don't worry too much about a serious relationship, it'll happen when it happens and usually will start from a common interest. use your free time to do stuff you want to do but haven't had time for like skydiving or scuba or whatever it may be. spend your free weekends & gas money on some dog sport like PP, agility or weightpull. volunteer some time at a good shelter/rescue, the zoo or w/your state wildlife management agency. and yes veg out w/ a good movie (my DW made me watch PS I Love You again last night I highly reccommend it) make some ghiardelli turtle brownies and top w/ your favorite ice cream. but the next day move on because you did NOTHING wrong.

 

[pitbullpony]

It's never about you; it's always about them

Oh lovey; that sucks; but it's never about you. Even the bitchiest, snarliest person in the world can find their match (or they are being bitchy and snarly to avoid finding a mate; so it works either way). Anything a person says to you or about you; comes from their heart; not from you. You can never "please" another; only yourself. Simply by being a secure, love-yourself individual; then others can love you for you. No confident secure person needs you to "entertain" them.

His message being delivered = good -- you are better off. At least he told you what he was gonna do; as opposed to just cat'n around and you finding out.
His message delivery = not so good -- but that's boys for ya!

Live a little; change your hair, eat some chocolate, walk your doggers, go to parties with no expectation but you can hang with your buds, have a good time and go home. Read some bodice rippers - (Bertrice Small is a great way to start). Watch some sappy, bound to make you cry movies - Where the Red Fern Grows is good; just saw Sweet November; also nice.
As said before; just live a little; there is no need to have someone else to hang with; it just seems weird after so long.:Mr-T: