How well do you know your SO? Do you/did you check?

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Kat09Tails, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. sassafras

    sassafras mushinois

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    I don't understand why this is annoying, but not sharing paychecks in a two paycheck family isn't? I'm not trying to be critical, I honestly don't get it.
     
  2. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    I think it's just the whole..needing to ask/being given allowances for spending thing. It just rubs me the wrong way.

    In a two paycheck family, you do have your own money and can purchase/spend money on basically whatever you need/want. You having your OWN separate account doesn't mean your partner is left with nothing.. like you don't need to ask your husband/wife to spend money because you have money.

    but in one paycheck families.. one person is earning the money and the other has (usually) given up their job to stay home/take care of the family or can't work or whatever (so doesn't have their "own" income technically) and I just think it sucks that they need to ask for money like some sort of child. You are in a partnership, if one person doesn't have.. I think within reason, you should share what you do have.

    If I'm in a relationship and we both have an apple, I don't care if your don't share yours. I have my own.
    but I think it sucks if I gave up my apple tree for you (because I moved onto your orchard when we got married) and you are sitting there with your apple and I need to ASK you for a bite.
    if I gave up my apple for you then dammit you should share your apple! :rofl1:
     
  3. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Ok I am on my phone and its not letting me delete the first part but i just want to respond to the last part

    Yeah that drives me nuts too... Or just makes me sad. A friend of mine posted on facebook the other day that her husband felt that she wasn't worth a $15 haircut (also... Putting down your spouse on facebook and such also annoys me but thats another story) And i couldn't believe that. I just don't understand how people can think like that. I am blessed to be able to stay
    Home and raise out child a do all the things that come with being a homemaker and thank the lord I also have a husband who appreciates all that I do. I know I could not do his job and he knows that he is not cut out to do my "job". It is a mutual love, trust and respect

    However, there are times when i would talk to him before spending any significant amount... Not because i need his permission but because we have a budget... We NEED a budget. I could work but me staying home is more important to all of us than an extra income. There is nothing wrong with consulting your spouse before a purchase (not buying a shirt or something but something pricey) but asking permission is different and I couldn't live like that.

    That being said, i know we are truly blessed to be able to live like we do. We don't have a big fancy house and we live well within our means, which means we can't just run out and buy our hearts every desire but we are able to pay the bills and have extra left over for hobbies, vacations and fun

    So yeah... Consulting your spouse before a significant purchase is different than asking permission. It's more "if i buy this
    Is there enough left to pay the bills". For us, having me stay home is more important than material things
     
  4. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    .. he wouldn't let her get a $15 haircut o.0 ... right there with you on the trashing spouses on facebook thing but WOW.. that really sucks :( I can't even imagine.

    and I totally understand communicating to spouses on what you are buying regardless, I think that's fair in any relationship/financial situation, of course the matter is open to discussion, totally with you there.
    I am TOTALLY not saying that marrying someone means opening up your bank account to whatever the other person feels like doing...
    but I think to ask for permission.. for little things/needs/something you really want that doesn't really cost that much or break budget.. sucks.
    and personally, it's something I would not feel comfortable doing. IMO we are partners.. and with that comes sharing responsibility and being equals.

    ESPECIALLY if the person is a stay at home parent. because that is a job within itself and it allows the other person to have the time and the home taken care of so they can go out and do the work they get paid for
     
  5. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I whole heartedly agree :)
     
  6. Puckstop31

    Puckstop31 Super-Genius

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    This.

    Tanya's job is more difficult than mine. Yet, it pays WAY less than mine. Bummer? For sure. I support her 100% when she needs money for the things she does for Hannah. I trust her and rarely ask questions, as long as it is in the budget. Budget's are everything. Human flesh is weak, if you trust it, you go broke. Make a budget. Stick to it, always. ZERO "reasoning". If it ain't in the budget, NO.

    I am simply grateful for the job I have. (Yeah, I earned it, but Gods hand was there to put me here.)
     
  7. LauraLeigh

    LauraLeigh New Member

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    I second that..

    That's pretty much what we do, consult on larger purchases...

    When we were finally able for me to be a full time SAHM, I never felt I had to ask for things like haircuts, basic items etc.... I did check because we had one account before any more expensive things just to make sure I did not short out the account if something was due (In hindsight a set up like Sparks described would have been perfect)

    Now that my kids are grown and I am working again, we pool our money, and follow the same basic idea, consult before larger purchases out of respect
     
  8. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    I don't think it's terrible to background check someone you just met (a previous co-worker of mine send her now husband's name through every online court case website we had access to when they started going out). I could not imagine doing that to someone before getting married or after being together for years.

    And yes, I understand, divorce rates are high, but I would be terribly hurt if my husband wanted to have prenups. If you don't trust me to be reasonable at my worst, then why marry me in the first place? I don't know, to each their own I guess.

    I also don't get two bank accounts for two incomes. Dan makes a significant amount more money than me, but there is no difficulty differentiating what I buy for myself and what he buys for himself. It's really a "what's mine is yours". Anything big, we consult with each other.
     
  9. puppydog

    puppydog Tru evil has no pantyline

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    I consult Paul on most unnecessary purchases. Its the money he made to support us and we are on a very tight budget right now. He manages the cash flow, he knows how much we have, so I always check first. He will say yes or no. He hates saying no so he will usually tell me when it can be yes.

    I am also quite surprised to see how many of you don't have antinuptual contracts.
     
  10. Lyzelle

    Lyzelle New Member

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    DH and I don't have a prenup. But, neither of us had anything when we got married.

    I handle all the money, even though it is "his" paycheck. He's lost the privilege to handle, or even see, his own money. He would much rather spend everything on games, gaming equipment, and so on than pay bills or take any responsibility. He has very little restraint when it comes to finances.

    Oddly enough, we were both raised poor as dirt. But we handle it in different ways. He thinks in terms of "get it while I can". On the other hand, I'm a money hoarder, and I save it all and refuse to spend anything to save it for a rainy day.

    He trusts me enough to handle his stuff, and that's exactly what I do. It's a job in and of itself. Lol. But it's taken us a year to get this far.

    Money is a big deal, I can see how some people would want a prenup.
     
  11. Red.Apricot

    Red.Apricot Active Member

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    I have no need to do a background check on my boyfriend. We started dating at 16. He has very few secrets from me.

    I heard someone once say about prenups that she thinks they're romantic, because it's saying something like, 'I love you enough now to want to do right by you if I hate you later.'

    I can see why some people think they're a good idea.

    Since neither of us really has much, if we were to marry now, there'd really be no need for one.
     

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