How well do you know your SO? Do you/did you check?

[GipsyQueen]

No, I would not.
Like Dizzy said, I love him, warts and all.
Sure there are bad eggs everywhere - but I have a pretty good sense of people. Besides - we both live incredibly boring lives.

Seriously, I don't even get the "my paycheck goes into my account, your paycheck goes into your account" thing for married couples. I know it works for a lot of people, and whatever floats your boat, but... I just personally don't get it.

Me neither. SO is a fan of it - mostly because his parents have split accounts. I'd be way to lazy to do that. I have better things to do than try and figure out who pays what, or who pays what for potential kid. Siriously? Do you have too much time on your hands? Lifes to short for things like that.

 

[ravennr]

Heh, no. People thought I should just because I met my boyfriend online.
He was perfectly open about his credit card debt, and we worked to get it squared away. My credit history is perfect and he is aware of that. I'm not worried about anything he's done in the past enough to warrant a background check. I don't think I'm at a point in my life where that is something I need to be worrying about, and I'm a little weirded out by how often I see it being portrayed as the norm in movies and television shows.

 

[Romy]

A really good friend of mine was engaged to a man she thought she knew. She had a little boy about 2 years old. A week before they were supposed to get married the police showed up at his door and arrested him because he was a convicted child rapist and wasn't supposed to be anywhere near children under 18. He never told her that. I hate to think what could have happened to her son if the police didn't show up and she ended up marrying him.

 

[ACooper]

A really good friend of mine was engaged to a man she thought she knew. She had a little boy about 2 years old. A week before they were supposed to get married the police showed up at his door and arrested him because he was a convicted child rapist and wasn't supposed to be anywhere near children under 18. He never told her that. I hate to think what could have happened to her son if the police didn't show up and she ended up marrying him.

How awful in so many ways

Don't get me wrong, I don't claim to know everything about my husband. I don't claim to be a wonderful judge of character, don't claim I could never be suckered by a con man or smooth operator (pretty sure Kevin is neither of those, the mere thought makes me ROFL)

As I said, there are very few things that come to mind that would make me leave Kevin, before or after we were wed........the above scenario would DEFINITELY be one of them! Provided I believed it was true, which is another can of worms eh?

 

[houlahoops]

I would never order a background check on someone. If I wasn't 100% comfortable with him, I wouldn't be making a commitment to him.

 

[crazedACD]

No, I wouldn't unless I had reservations or something that caused me to wonder. Personally, I wouldn't care if someone did that to me though I am always 100% honest.

I've known probably 100 people with bad divorce stories. I'm all for a prenup, depending on the situation.

 

[olliethemutt]

No, but I'd love to get one done on myself for sh!ts and giggles..LOL

His past is his past, and my past is my past. If he has any questions, he can ask and I will openly respond (I am a very open person....lol) and he does the same.

 

[Hillside]

Here in Iowa, our court records are online, and you can bet your arse that I look somebody up on there when I meet them. One of my previous dates had assault with intent on his record. Second date? No thanks.

 

[Kat09Tails]

Wow.... you guys really ran with this. Thanks because I was really pondering.

I think at this point, yep I would. Probably at the point where we were deciding to move in together because that is taking the step towards a probable commitment. While trust is earned and I hope that I am the best judge of character sometimes there are deal breakers that someone might not want me to know about. It doesn't mean I would love them less or that I would be hiring a PI but I might check to see where they lived, if they were ever married before, had kids in other places, done prison time, had major credit issues, etc. It's just like even if I'm madly in love and trusting of a person we're both still getting STD tests.

As far as the prenup I don't really consider these things the same thing but I can absolutely understand those who do it - especially if substantial wealth is involved. I know several businesses which have been destroyed after divorce - affecting the lives of many many people.

 

[RD]

I'm young and my boyfriend is young. I am really not concerned about it, and I think it would be terribly insulting to him or to me if either one of us did a background check behind each others' backs.

 

[puppydog]

My marriage is not going to work because we have a prenup? We are married under acrual with ANC. It was done mainly to protect ME from the debt incurred by this opening a business.

I didn't GO into our wedding thinking it will dissolve, I went in not being starry eyed enough to ignore the possibility that sh*t happens. Never enter any partnership without protecting yourself. Husband or not, he is human.

Background check. No way in hell. He and I don't have secrets. We know 90% of each others past, what we don't know isn't being intentionally kept, it will come out eventually. I can't think of anything important I haven't told him. If he hasn't told me anything important, that's fine. He is an individual who is allowed to have his own life.

 

[Candice007]

I have a boyfriend, we have been together 5 months, i would never even think about getting a check done on him, until this thread it never crossed my mind that people even do them.

 

[Whisper]

I'm certainly no expert on relationships (my longest was 8 months, lol), but I'll chime in anyway.
Basically I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I wouldn't do a background check, even though my paranoia threatens to overrule other parts of my mind. If I found out my SO was searching up my past instead of just asking me some questions, I would be terribly hurt. If I didn't trust someone, I wouldn't marry them and/or stay in a long-term relationship. I hope I'd be able to comfortably ask questions (while also respect the fact that they might not want to talk about certain things) and feel confidence of the truth of the answers. And I'd expect the same respect in turn.
As for prenups, I understand the thought behind them, but I agree it kind of sends the message of "Well, at least we'll have our own money and crap when our marriage ends." That's not to say couples who have prenups have marriages destined to fail, it's the just the feeling I get when I think about getting one.

 

[puppydog]

"Well, at least we'll have our own money and crap when our marriage ends." That's not to say couples who have prenups have marriages destined to fail, it's the just the feeling I get when I think about getting one.

IF. Not when. I don't get that feeling at all. Paul and I have put a LOT of work into our relationship. How I feel now is this is forever. I made vows I am going to keep. No matter how tough it gets.

But, that doesn't guarantee success. I am glad we protected ourselves. It is the wise, mature thing to do.

 

[LindaJD]

That's not true....that they can't get good jobs. There are ex felons working at Boeing. And yeah, how could someone not know that their partner isn't working at a good job? It would totally be discovered by me. If he weren't bringing back massive paychecks regularly, he'd be in the discard pile automatically.:rofl1:

My point was in Massachusetts. I don't think I have ever applied to a job in the last 10 years that doesn't do a background check. Even McDonalds does a backgroung check. My husbands company won't even hire someone with a dui 10 years ago. At my age I would know if they brought home a good paycheck or not, but at 20 I might not. My point I guess didn't have as much to do with this thread as much as how long something stays on your background check. Here in Mass, they do a CORI check on every parent before they can chaperone a field trip. I find it sad that a dad committed a felony at age 17 or 18 here and has no record after that and can't go on his kids field trip at age 30.

 

[Taqroy]

Seriously, I don't even get the "my paycheck goes into my account, your paycheck goes into your account" thing for married couples. I know it works for a lot of people, and whatever floats your boat, but... I just personally don't get it.

Me and Matt do this. Except we both have access to each other's accounts and the main reason we do it is so we don't blow all of our extra money (what there is of it) since mine is a checking only and thus is harder to spend money out of. Still feels weird though.

 

[release the hounds]

we have seperate accounts in primary name only. We both have access to them at all times, we just use one to pay all our bills out of, and the other is for fun money which we usually do together anyway.

 

[sparks19]

My point was in Massachusetts. I don't think I have ever applied to a job in the last 10 years that doesn't do a background check. Even McDonalds does a backgroung check. My husbands company won't even hire someone with a dui 10 years ago. At my age I would know if they brought home a good paycheck or not, but at 20 I might not. My point I guess didn't have as much to do with this thread as much as how long something stays on your background check. Here in Mass, they do a CORI check on every parent before they can chaperone a field trip. I find it sad that a dad committed a felony at age 17 or 18 here and has no record after that and can't go on his kids field trip at age 30.

That is incredibly sad people make mistakes, especially when they are young. That's another reason I wouldn't do a background check on an SO. What does it tell me? that they made a mistake? who hasn't? that doesn't mean that's who they are now and it's sad that something like that can totally ruin their life forever and then affect their kids to boot. If it was last year... Ok but when they were young and stupid? it's just wrong

Me and Matt do this. Except we both have access to each other's accounts and the main reason we do it is so we don't blow all of our extra money (what there is of it) since mine is a checking only and thus is harder to spend money out of. Still feels weird though.

we have seperate accounts in primary name only. We both have access to them at all times, we just use one to pay all our bills out of, and the other is for fun money which we usually do together anyway.

We have two accounts also. We are both on both accounts though and have access to both... they are actually tied into each other. Mine is for groceries, my gas and the stuff Hannah and I do all week. Brians is for his gas for driving around for work, the bills and the spending money he needs and then we just pass money back and forth between the accounts if one needs a little extra for something.

I like it that way because before it was too easy for both of us to be using our spending money and then suddenly realize we've both spent too much lol.

So when there is money in my account I know there aren't any surprise bills about to come out of it and take a big chunk of it lol. It's all "free and clear" and I don't have to worry that I'm going over the budget if I come across something I'd like to spend a little extra on. And then I don't have to check with him to make sure there isn't something about to come out and overdraw the account if I do buy said item

We live on one income so it's nice and easy to budget out the money that way and keep all the bill money in one place and the spending money in another

 

[Doberluv]

My point was in Massachusetts. I don't think I have ever applied to a job in the last 10 years that doesn't do a background check. Even McDonalds does a backgroung check. My husbands company won't even hire someone with a dui 10 years ago. At my age I would know if they brought home a good paycheck or not, but at 20 I might not. My point I guess didn't have as much to do with this thread as much as how long something stays on your background check. Here in Mass, they do a CORI check on every parent before they can chaperone a field trip. I find it sad that a dad committed a felony at age 17 or 18 here and has no record after that and can't go on his kids field trip at age 30.

Oh...they do background checks for sure and pee tests to boot. But what I was saying was that certain types of crime in someone's background doesn't necessarily prevent them from getting a decent job.

 

[SizzleDog]

I haven't read the whole thread, just noticed the "separate bank accounts" thing.

Steve and I DO have separate bank accounts. The only reason being that we both have very expensive hobbies, and we never want to end up spending the others hard-earned money on our own hobby, if that makes sense.

I don't want my paycheck going towards a $100 collectors edition video game (unless I specifically buy it for him as a gift.) He doesn't want his paycheck going towards a $100 agitation harness (unless he specifically buys it for me as a gift.) Seems fair to me!

Everything else we split, 50-50. He does make a lot more than me though, so he handles emergencies sometimes.