Do you want a kid/kids?

[JessLough]

I volunteered in my son's classes in elementary school and still was able to take my kids to swim team, piano lessons, karate or whatever else they were taking at the time. It was during school hours I volunteered.

I also could disappear on a week night for something because the kid's father would be home.

Why is it impossible to do all kinds of other things if you have kids? LOL.

This. My dad was *very* involved in all 3 o our schooling. He would volunteer for everything, be Santa around Christmas time, easter bunny for Easter, etc. I am so thankful he was so involved.

As far as stuff outside of schooling, he volunteered with that too! He was my softball coach, my scout leader, all those types of things.

Really not sure why you can't volunteer whenever if you're not a parent...

 

[Dizzy]

My last name isn't that creative and still..... now... people ALWAYS SPELL IT WRONG. It's not a weird name, it's not a foreign name, and still they fsck it up.

 

[sparks19]

The mission here doesn't require you to be 18 to come in and help out... but I think you have to BE with someone over 18. I know whole families that go down to the water street mission and feed the homeless and such.

It is a benefit of being a stay at home mom and planning to homeschool. We have time to do all the schooling, extra curriculars, and volunteer stuff. I never really liked the idea of getting home from work and then both parents having to split off every single night to take kid A to this and kid B to that and grabbing meals in the car and spending the whole night every night running from point A to point B. Extra curriculars are great but I don't think they need to take up ALL your free time (nor SHOULD they). I mean, when do you have time to be a family or the kids have time to just be kids when they come home from school, barely have time to sit down for a meal and then for the next 2 hours or so they are going from one extra curricular to another and then come home and have to finish homework and then bedtime. That shouldn't be happening every single night and then both weekend days IMO.

 

[sparks19]

I am getting at the same thing there. It goes both ways. I have a really bad head ache so my wording wasn't the best. People who don't want kids say just as many belitting things to get their point across a lot of the time. I don't care if you do want kids either because I am not you. it doesn't effect me. I don't care if someone wants to own dogs, dye their hair blue or wear dresses I don't like. it isn't a backwards statement.

but it is not very nice to say that I am a shell of my former person or parents resent their children for a ll that they missed out on. I don't want to be lumped in a group that misrepresents me anymore than you do. Just like people who don't want kids aren't evil, selfish people with no fufillment. I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids and people are capable of having very fufilling lives without them. Can I fully relate? Not at all. My happiness does come from my child... but I'm not saying yours should.

This

There is plenty of judgement to go around from all sides.

I understand non parents don't want to be called selfish and other such things but on the flip side parents don't want to hear that their life is now meaningless because they have kids or that they are empty shells who are now nothing more than "mom"

 

[Paige]

Mhm. Both sides of this argument make some pretty bold statements about each other. I by no means am trying to project what makes me happy onto someone else and imply they are less than because of it. So if I have said something that sounds that way I am failing at getting my point across. Whatever makes you happy is what you should be doing. If children do not fit into that picture for you then I think that's great that you have acknowledged that and are able to live your life they way you want to.

It takes all different kinds to make this world go round and it would be awfully boring if we were all the same.

 

[Fran101]

Eh I only took offense to one statement made in this thread, the rest, are opinions and wether I like them or not, it's what they are. The statement was later retracted and he apologized and looking back, I do kind of get what he was saying in the sense of seeing life as more than what your plans are/what you want to do. it just got warped with wording.

It's like the dog issue. I try not to be offensive or overbearing, but when you love something and are so happy with being a dog owner, you want to share it with the world and there is always a tiny bit of me that sees people that don't have pets and feels bad for them.
It isn't right, it doesn't make sense.. it's just natural for me to be like "WHAT?! but having a dog is so awesome!" because I imagine how my life would be without dogs and feel like it would suck lol

and I'm sure some people look at us and feel pity that our lives are in some ways taken over by this animal that has to be walked, played with, fed.. "CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH MORE YOU COULD TRAVEL? HOW MUCH MORE MONEY YOU WOULD HAVE? etc.. if you didn't have a dog"

both sides have valid points in some ways but yea, getting either side to agree is pointless. We love what we love and the "bad parts" don't seem like much to bear in our eyes because the good parts are so worth it.

That said,
I LIKE kids and enjoy having parents on this forum. I love pictures, stories and all of it

oh and I have some pictures for my "reasons to have a child" list

I love that you can just dress em up everyday!!

BEHOLD MY FUTURE CHILD!

 

[Paige]

Those babies are really cute. I want that pengiun outfit for Briggs.

 

[Doberluv]

This

There is plenty of judgement to go around from all sides.

I understand non parents don't want to be called selfish and other such things but on the flip side parents don't want to hear that their life is now meaningless because they have kids or that they are empty shells who are now nothing more than "mom"

Didn't have the right eye glasses on and thought you wrote parents don't want to be called shellfish. I thought to myself, I should say not! :rofl1:

 

[Doberluv]

This. My dad was *very* involved in all 3 o our schooling. He would volunteer for everything, be Santa around Christmas time, easter bunny for Easter, etc. I am so thankful he was so involved.

As far as stuff outside of schooling, he volunteered with that too! He was my softball coach, my scout leader, all those types of things.

Really not sure why you can't volunteer whenever if you're not a parent...

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. After school for a couple years I was my son's cub scout den mother. The boys would come over after school and we did crafts and field trips and such. That was pretty fun.

With my daughter's swim team, we traveled to cool places for meets. That was all after school hours or on week ends. I had a big van and got the job of driving the kids to those kinds of things, field trips for their private school where they didn't use school buses. So, yeah, you can do both if you want.

But yeah....kids aren't for everyone and of course, either way is fine I think.

Those are some cute kids there Fran.

 

[Paige]

I take it all back guys. Briggs said no to me today. I am in for it. Save me.

 

[JessLough]

I take it all back guys. Briggs said no to me today. I am in for it. Save me.

:rofl1: and the fun begins

 

[Doberluv]

I take it all back guys. Briggs said no to me today. I am in for it. Save me.

Wait till he's about 12. Then you'll reeeeeelly be in for it. LOL.

 

[Paige]

Seriously he does not talk. He has said other words before but they held no meaning. He just looked me right in the face and said no.

:'(

I hope this was a fluke.

 

[M&M's Mommy]

Seriously he does not talk. He has said other words before but they held no meaning. He just looked me right in the face and said no.

:'(

I hope this was a fluke.

I see it coming! At 2, Katie not only knows to say no when she really means no, but also "Mommy, I think you're wrong!" and goes on to explain why she thinks so! I have a smarty pant, skillful communicator, strong-willed wittle one on my hands and it presents more challenges yet sooooo much more exciting adventures to my parenting job!!! I love it!

 

[sillysally]

I am boggled by "not having children is a selfish decision". Here's my week.

Mondays - Stay late for "talent show club", giving the kids an opportunity to practice and prepare their routines for the school show in June
Tuesdays - Volunteer tutor kids in the poor neighborhood next to my school
Wednesdays - Lead a middle school Bible study through church
Thursdays - Stay late to offer homework help to my own students
Friday - Stay late after school to mentor a girl whose mother died this year, who's interested in a career in animals
Saturday - visit nursing homes with Lucy to see the old people whose kids don't come visit (okay, that's really only twice a month--I guess the other two days are selfish time)
Sunday - Church, take lunches into downtown DC for the homeless (once a month), small group

I could not do ANY of those volunteering things if I had a kid (except maybe therapy dog work, if my husband was willing to stay home and watch the kid, and the kid chose to never play sports or do any activities on Saturdays). I am touching, mentoring, molding dozens of people on a daily basis. I could trade that all in and effect 1 life. But then I look at who the volunteers at school and church are who are leading our young tweens and teens. They're ALL non-parents. Every. Single. One. That means none of the parents are leading clubs, none of the parents lead Bible studies at church, none of the parents are offering free tutoring to the kids who need it most. The school is DESPERATE for volunteers from 3-5pm everyday when the kids are looking for positive outlets after school. These are not selfish people. These are giving, loving people who care so much for kids who aren't even related to them.

I don't see how it's less selfish to positively impact 1 life that I created than to help 100's of lives that I interact with through work and volunteering.

If you want to think I'm selfish, go for it. But I think most would disagree. I don't need a child to learn how to put someone else before myself. Jesus taught me that.

Just because you have a child and positively impact their life does not mean that you cannot positively impact hundreds of lives.

My mom has been a teacher, first middle school, and now elementary for 38 years. She worked full time the entire time she raised me and has had an extremely positive effect on many, many students over the years. Heck, she is now teaching the children of people she taught in middle school. She did put me first but also put an incredible number of *extra* time into her students. I didn't suffer because she taught full time and her students certainly were not shorted because she was a mother.

Your reproduction is your choice but just know that having a child does NOT necessarily mean giving up making other meaning contributions to other young lives.

 

[sillysally]

There are ways that are conducive to children, and many, many ways that are not.

One could not volunteer at a school if they had their own kid, because their own kid needs schlepped to sports practice or music lessons after school. One could not lead Wednesday night Bible studies, because they can't disappear for 3 hours each week and leave younger kids at home to fend for themselves. One could not volunteer to tutor the inner city kids, because it's not safe for young kids to be in that area. One could not volunteer to feed the homeless, because they have an 18 and up age restriction on volunteers.

My parents were fabulous volunteer examples to me growing up. But even with the most loving desire to help others, they still were only able to carve out 1-2 hours a week to volunteer at the animal shelter on Sundays. Mon-Sat they were schlepping my sister and I around town to soccer practices, out of town tournaments, music lessons, karate class, helping with homework, cooking dinner, etc. Without kids, I have the luxury of buying premade meals and eating in my car on the way from work to volunteering. I drop Lucy at day care and don't pick her up until 7 pm. Anyone who did that with their kid would be considered a neglectful parent (and rightly so).

My MIL, who has 8 kids has tutored for years. The majority of Sunday school, communion, and conformation teachers I've had were parents. The majority of volunteers at our school when I was young where parents and the majority of volunteers at my mom's school are parents. My Brownie and 4-H leaders were parents.

If a parent (especially if they have a partner) wants to volunteer there are tons of opportunities, it's just a matter of scheduling and will.....


ETA: It does seem like our culture is geared towards children and becoming parents, but it makes biological sense if you think about it. Just because we have the brain power to make logical decisions about reproduction doesn't mean that we are not biological beings with biological pulls. We are also social beings, and it is not unusual for social beings to focus on the creation and upbringing of the young in the group. In addition, we are not too many generations out from children being almost a necessity for agricultural help and elder care....

 

[PWCorgi]

I guess I can kind of see how parents get sucked into the "I am nothing but a parent" deal, or why other people might see it that way. Mainly because that's how I am with Frodo. My world revolves around him, probably to an unhealthy degree. I do very little that doesn't involve him, spend very little money that isn't directly related to him, and I like it that way! I think partially it is because he is somewhat of a special needs dog (or at least my vet thinks so, lol), and really just ISNT going to be okay as a housepet that doesn't get a lot of attention and stimulation everyday.

Ryan and I talk quite often about how much easier life would be without Frodo, but seriously WHAT WOULD I TALK ABOUT??!?! I talk about him ALL THE TIME, and I'm sure it drives people nuts and I just don't notice What would I do before work if he didn't need to go for a walk and cuddle? What would I do at night if Kongs didn't need stuffing? I understand why people think that others seem unfulfilled without children, because I look at people without dogs and think "God, how boring your life must be." even though I'm sure they are fine and dandy and happy, I just can't imagine that they are, because they don't have a dog. That just does not compute with me. :yikes:

Even though Frodo can be a complete PITA and he probably makes me cry as much as he makes me laugh some days, I love him more than I could ever put into words (seriously, I'm not just saying that to be cliche ). Even though he makes most of my daily routine more difficult, nothing makes me more sad than thinking about him not being here someday.

If I didn't have a dog, I would most definitely lose a huge part of my identity.

 

[PWCorgi]

P.S. I fear for those people around me when I get another dog. :rofl1:

 

[Greenmagick]

Very good point.

Your identity may change when you become a parent, but that is not a negative, doesn't mean you loose yourself.

 

[sparks19]

I guess I can kind of see how parents get sucked into the "I am nothing but a parent" deal, or why other people might see it that way. Mainly because that's how I am with Frodo. My world revolves around him, probably to an unhealthy degree. I do very little that doesn't involve him, spend very little money that isn't directly related to him, and I like it that way! I think partially it is because he is somewhat of a special needs dog (or at least my vet thinks so, lol), and really just ISNT going to be okay as a housepet that doesn't get a lot of attention and stimulation everyday.

Ryan and I talk quite often about how much easier life would be without Frodo, but seriously WHAT WOULD I TALK ABOUT??!?! I talk about him ALL THE TIME, and I'm sure it drives people nuts and I just don't notice What would I do before work if he didn't need to go for a walk and cuddle? What would I do at night if Kongs didn't need stuffing? I understand why people think that others seem unfulfilled without children, because I look at people without dogs and think "God, how boring your life must be." even though I'm sure they are fine and dandy and happy, I just can't imagine that they are, because they don't have a dog. That just does not compute with me. :yikes:

Even though Frodo can be a complete PITA and he probably makes me cry as much as he makes me laugh some days, I love him more than I could ever put into words (seriously, I'm not just saying that to be cliche ). Even though he makes most of my daily routine more difficult, nothing makes me more sad than thinking about him not being here someday.

If I didn't have a dog, I would most definitely lose a huge part of my identity.

That is a good point. As I am sure most can tell, that is how it is with Hannah and I. My world does revolve around her but it's because I like it that way. Not because i am a shell or anything but really if it weren't for here I probably still wouldn't have friends here, we wouldn't have found our church and my life would 't be as fulfilling as it is now. It sounds weird but it is so true. My dearest friends here i met through the local moms group. I joined it to get hannah out with other kids... I didn't expect to make friends myself and have the support system I have through this group of incredible women that I have a lot in common with. We found our church when there was a moms group event there. Being "mom" has opened so many doors for ME. I sPent a few years here and hadn't met anyone. Made no friends. Nothing. Having Hannah made being social and having a social life so much easier. It was not something I expected to happen but it was a pleasant surprise

It is so awesome to go over to our friends house (a husband and wife that we are really close to) and Hannah goes off with their daughter (they are BFF's lol) and they play and have a blast while we socialize, play board games, whatever. It's awesome

My world revolves around her not just because I love her more than anything but also because SHE is the reason I have a social life at all lol. Having her just keeps presenting new and amazing opportunities to make friends and hae a great time, help others, mission work, etc.