Do you believe in spanking kids?

[HoundedByHounds]

There are studies that support either side of the arguement so science if of little to no help on this I'm afraid. One study will show spanking breeds aggression and another will show youth crime rising steadily in areas where spanking is seldom if ever used.

You gotta do what works...if you find yourself spanking often obviously it ain't working for ya...something else might tho. Ditto if you find yourself putting your kid in timeouts or grounding them so often, than you actually hardly ever speak to them or spend time with them.

 

[SharkyX]

I stopped reading around page 5 so if what I said has been covered etc then sorry but I'm to lazy to read 10 pages of paragraph posts

I was spanked as a kid, only ever happened once that I remember because that's all it took to realise that my parents meant business. My brother was the same way... my sister was another story
I was sent to my room repeatedly... but in my room I had comics, legos, I could have a nap to pass the time... it was somewhere fun that I spent all my free time when I wasn't watching tv or outside anyways... so hows that a threat to be sent there.
So after that once, I learned that there were punishments that actually weren't fun in the slightest so I behaved a bit better.

Now I go to stores or public places or have seen friends of the family who had young children, they will be acting up and my favourite example was one of the parents telling her child that if he didn't start behvaing better she was going to count to 3. Of course the kid didn't act any better... so she counted to 3... and I swear it was like something out of a sitcom... 2, 2 and a half 2na d three quarters 3... and then nothing... didn't so anything.
Or of course kids being sent to there rooms... kids have fun things in there! That's not a punishment if they just play Nintendo for an hour... that's as backwards as kids being suspended for skipping classes.

So do I believe in spanking... yes I do. I'm hoping I'll never have to... as it's not anything I want to do... but if necesity calls for it then there is going to be a kid with a sore behind. I would not have my own kids act like some of these out of control monsters with no respect for anything that are all to common today.

 

[Gempress]

So do I believe in spanking... yes I do. I'm hoping I'll never have to... as it's not anything I want to do... but if necesity calls for it then there is going to be a kid with a sore behind. I would not have my own kids act like some of these out of control monsters with no respect for anything that are all to common today.

:hail: :hail: :hail: :hail:

 

[ACooper]

that's as backwards as kids being suspended for skipping classes.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRROFLMOA!!! I HEAR THAT!!

 

[houndlove]

I was not spanked, my husband was not spanked. We will not spank. We both were very good kids (me especially, but he was a pretty darn good kid too and we both still have great relationships with our parents) and grew up polite and well-behaved. I still more than anything in the world fear my parents' disapproval. Not because they will hurt me because clearly at this point they can't, but because I respect them and I don't want them to be disappointed in me. I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel that way, even as a teenager.

Maybe my parents were a little unusual, and it was the 70s lol, but they thought very deeply before I was born about how they wanted to parent. They took classes. They were both always on the same page (I was never able to pull the "but mom said..." card with them) and were extremely consistent. Extremely. They never put their own needs and desires ahead of teaching me the lesson I needed to be taught. I have a very clear memory of throwing a tantrum in a supermarket in the middle of grocery shopping and my parents warned me once that if I didn't knock it off we were going home and it would be on me that they could not finish the family shopping, and I didn't knock it off and sure enough they parked our cart full of groceries and we went straight home and I went straight to my room. I was mortified. And thereafter I knew my parents meant it when they said if I didn't stop doing whatever that we would go straight home and it would not be a happy experience once we got home either.

Anyway, here's the wikipedia link for the style of parenting my parents took classes in: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parent_Effectiveness_Training

 

[HoundedByHounds]

HL,
wow...some good old fashioned guilt tripping in that link LOL...
Guilt trips work great for some...but they too can be abused.

 

[Boemy]

I'm all for spanking, but it has to be the punishment of last resort. Not for every little thing. And, of course, it should never be done in anger, or as an outlet for the parent's anger.

A swat on the bottom is not going to turn your kid into a serial killer.

 

[houndlove]

Well maybe better a little guilt than constantly being told "you're bad". Tell that to a kid enough times and they start to believe you and then you're really in for it!

I just read a totally HORRIFYING tale of child abuse (there was physical but it really took a back seat to the psychological abuse). The book "My Lobotomy" by Howard Dully. You can listen to a story he did for NPR before he wrote his memoir here: http://www.soundportraits.org/on-air/my_lobotomy/ (beware, keep kleenex handy). It makes this entire spanking discussion sound like pretty much a moot point!

 

[smkie]

I did not spank my son, i did not raise my hand to him, swat him, or show violence towards him. THe first time as a teen that he saw a neighbor smack her toddler around he was completely horrified. He was in tears that such a young child should be treated so. THank Goodness. He will not be one to raise his hand against children either. I decided the buck stopped in my home and we were going to do this differently. To me it is a respect thing, i respect their intelligence enough to know they can learn without phsyical punishment. I expect them to respect themselves enough to know that hitting is beneath them. ANd hopefully when they grow up, it won't be the first thing they want to do (even if they don't act upon it) when they are angry. I would tell my son even as young as 2 "you have made a mistake, and i think you are smart enough not to make it again. If you do, you will have to sit here each and everytime. Funny we almost never had a second time out. ANd the first one was always one minute for every minute they are old. Until they are old enough for different direction as grounding, sentences, or increased chores. Hy has never been struck by me and never will be either.

 

[HoundedByHounds]

see this is what gets my goat...why bring up horrendous child abuse when we're discussing spanking?

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

I stopped reading around page 5 so if what I said has been covered etc then sorry but I'm to lazy to read 10 pages of paragraph posts

I was spanked as a kid, only ever happened once that I remember because that's all it took to realise that my parents meant business. My brother was the same way... my sister was another story
I was sent to my room repeatedly... but in my room I had comics, legos, I could have a nap to pass the time... it was somewhere fun that I spent all my free time when I wasn't watching tv or outside anyways... so hows that a threat to be sent there.
So after that once, I learned that there were punishments that actually weren't fun in the slightest so I behaved a bit better.

Now I go to stores or public places or have seen friends of the family who had young children, they will be acting up and my favourite example was one of the parents telling her child that if he didn't start behvaing better she was going to count to 3. Of course the kid didn't act any better... so she counted to 3... and I swear it was like something out of a sitcom... 2, 2 and a half 2na d three quarters 3... and then nothing... didn't so anything.
Or of course kids being sent to there rooms... kids have fun things in there! That's not a punishment if they just play Nintendo for an hour... that's as backwards as kids being suspended for skipping classes.

So do I believe in spanking... yes I do. I'm hoping I'll never have to... as it's not anything I want to do... but if necesity calls for it then there is going to be a kid with a sore behind. I would not have my own kids act like some of these out of control monsters with no respect for anything that are all to common today.

Thanks Sharky!! Your last paragraph explains what I was trying to say in my post when I said that I think that a spanking on the bottom is a necessity on rare occasions.

 

[Dreeza]

I haven't read other's responses, cause I gotta go to class, but my bro, mom and I were just talking about this.

We got spanked as kids, yet my mom is doesn't agree with it, lol.

I am totally in agreement with her. In all my psychology classes, we have learned that spanking/physical punishment is simply NOT effective in the long run. Now, given that, I can't promise I will never do it...just like my mom...she would get so frustrated with us at times, and sometimes, spanking is a quick fix...and is effective for those short periods of time.

Def not effective in the long run though.

 

[lilprairiemutt]

One thing that might contribute to the way children are behaving theses days is the lack of two parent households. Yes I spank, but only as a last resort or if what they were doing is dangerous(like the power outlet thing or something) or harmful to others. I hate it when I have to spank, and as a parent I should. Any parent that doesn't hate doing it when they have to should have their head examined. Alot of times whatever they were doing that they shouldn't have been can be stopped simply because their father and I have a united front about it. But so many girls and women(like the one in Nancy's thread) have four different kids, by four different fathers that are no where to be seen. I know that kids can and are raised successfully in one parent homes, but I think that the lack of that united front in a lot homes doesn't help.

 

[oc_spirit]

There certainly is nothing wrong with a hide tanning given the right circumstances I mean if a kid does something minorly wrong, beating his bum isnt a smart decision BUT kids do need to know that there are consequences for bad choices. My parents didnt spank me but relatives did and wouldn't you know, I had my parents wrapped around my little finger but the relatives who spanked me I would never cross.

 

[Giny]

I am no way an expert in raising a child. We have one child, a son, and I think we're raising him the best that we can. I agree that each child is an individual and discipline for one might not work on another. But I in no way shape or form will ever believe that spanking or hitting, which ever way someone wants to word it, a child would be for his/her own benefit.

My husband and I believe that our son needs a clear understanding on what the rules and boundaries are in our home and he also knows the consequences that will happened if they are broken. The thing is to make sure that if that rule is broken that we follow up with the consequences of his action which to our son is taking away a privilege. And as he grew those privileges have change through the years and it’s up to us, the parent, to figure out what would “sting†most on the loss of such privilege. For those who say that using set boundaries with a child does not work is either not following up with the consequences or they need to find something that will affect a child when they do break these boundary, which does not include corporal punishment.

I read a book and saw a video on the methods of disciplining a strong willed child called 1-2-3 Magic when my son was three years old and it made a world of difference in our lives. I’d recommend this method to any new parents, it’s amazing.

I personally think that if we can accomplish in getting an honest and trustworthy relationship with our child as a toddler it will make a world of difference with this same relationship when they are teens.

 

[smkie]

I had a child with a mental illness. No one unless they have gone through this first hand knows what i mean when i say how hard it is to understand that the behaviors are not in their control during an "episode" and what it takes to keep your own cool during the heated periods. We had behavior modification charts, counciling appts sometimes twice a week. Dr, appts and therapists. THe more i would show stress or lack of control, the more she spiraled. How in the world do you teach a child anger management if you cannot manage your own. How do you expect them not to react by hitting if you hit? Talk about the trenches of emotional rollercoasterhood. Her first reaction was to strike out, if she couldn't get to me she would aim for the younger child so hitting was number one nono in our house. FOR EVERYONE. I wish it would have been so when she visited her father. I will never forget her playing in the bathtub with barbie and ken reinacting an episode between her father and his girlfriend. When i called him and said can't you two manage to not kill each other during her visit, his reply was "it was a situation and i delt with it". He spanked. He beat. And i had to convince this toddler, child, teenager that in our world, in our house, that is NOT the way we deal with our struggles. I thought it would be so much easier for her if both poles of her planet would follow the same rules, but it wasn't to be that way and the contridictions of it all made life that much harder. ASk her today which she would have rather been subject to, i think i know the answer. SHe HAD to learn to control her temper. I only wish he had learned somewhere along the lines of his upbringing to control his. I know my life would be a whole lot different then it is today. SO when i found myself with a baby boy, i thought how can i assure that he will not grow up to "deal" with his struggles by striking out, and the answer was, to not strike him from the beginning. IT is harder, it isn't a quick fix, but the long term effect was exactly what i wanted.

 

[FoxyWench]

"in contrast to what many people here are saying, that plenty of kids who are spanked are not well-behaved. Spanking is not the ultimate answer. Lots of little sh!ts are routinely spanked and they still talk back to authority figures. In fact, they may be even worse for the wear"

I 100% totally agree with you, i know many kids who have been brougth up on either side, and the "troublemakers" are those that are spanked, more so than those who have strong parents who follow through with none "Violent" physicall reinforcment...why? because after the spanking is doen they still get all the things they enjoy.

i belive the Lack of disiplin is 100% due to a lack of follow through NOT a lack of spanking.

my dad was switched as a child, his parents and his teachers...and he is proud to say that despite it all he was trouble! for every beating he got he purposly whent out and did something equally bad or worse to prove that no matter how much they hit him it wouldnt break him, he was brought to bleeding and bruises on occasion, and he was still a little hellion...after his beatings as a kid, he vowed he woudl never hit his kids...and he never has.
my mother was never hit in any way shape or form as a kid, she never smoked, never did drugs, never drank, got good grades, listend to her parents....
she was one of 15 kids YES 15, not one of them was ever spanked, their "punishment" was simply more chores...if you were misbehaviong expect to be the one scrubbing the chicken coop on your hands and knees...

i was NEVER hit...personally speaking as an adult now it wouldnt have effected me in any bnegative way anyway, because as an adult i enjoy some spanking in the bedroom...but anyway, my punishments...if i wanted to throw a tantrum i got 100% ignored...afterall a temper tantrum is about attention, so i never got it..im told i only ever threw 2 in my life...

ive never smoked, i drink responsibly, ive never been in trouble with the police, heck i dont even speed...i dont do drugs...
nor do any of my siblings...
we were never hit...
like my mother, we did something wrong we were puniched, but never through a hit...

outrage in a resturaunt...no food...fine you want to sit there and misbehave we get to eat you dont...(yes they woudl feed us once home but we didnt get to eat the food in the resturaunt like we wanted) if we got real bad out to the car and sit there till your done screming...simple...everyone else stayed and you got to go sit in the car untill time to go home.

or like my mother...extra hard chores...simple...you want to misbehave heres a plastic bag, go pick up all the poop from the yard.
or weed the entire garden, or scrub the house...

well beyond our regular chores...

never once did a hand or anything else have to touch our rears and we turned out fine..
why? because even though our parents didnt spank they followed through on their punishments...it wasnt a matter of "ok you were bad go stand in the corner for an hour and itll all be ok" it was "youll scrub the floors of every room of this house, untill its shining!" then go to your room...by the time we were done we were too tired to even think about sneaking out...

its a lack of follow through and a lack of creativity thats missing.

too many parents take it too far with phsycial punishment, or they dont do any kind of punishment and only try to bribe. they dont seem to realize theres a middle ground that works just as well...
bribing does nothing, and after many runins with terribly behaved spanked children i personally feel spanking does nothing more than those few seconds of pain....
so why not make use of a middle ground that teaches respect without teaching its ok to hit people when they misbehave...

 

[houndlove]

see this is what gets my goat...why bring up horrendous child abuse when we're discussing spanking?

The point I was trying to make is that it's not horrendous child abuse to spank the way all you guys are talking about it, and when you really hear about serious abuse it makes the whole spank/not spank discussion a moot point because it's coming from a whole different place.

 

[HoundedByHounds]

Pain from push-ups is way different than pain from being hit. Its like saying the pain from working out is the same as the pain you endure if someone was to smack you in the face. Plus... push-ups keep you in shape. .

This was physical punishment you did not enjoy when it was happening, correct?

You may feel that NOW...but at the time were you thinking "gosh I am glad I got these push ups because man I am going to be in such great shape!"...or were you thinking "^$&&^& I hate pushups and my arms hurt and I wish I didn't have to do this..and I hate it!"

Many people who were spanked appreciate those spanking NOW but they didn't THEN, ask them and they'll tell you how. Your situation above is no different, IMO...no matter how you want to spin it.

 

[HarleyD]

We must remember that we're only talking about swatting a bottom with a firm hand...not hitting, beating or switching a child until they are black and blue. A red bottom (if that) is all that ever occurs with a good spanking.

Whoever said they've seen horrendous kids that have been spanked haven't seen some of the kids I know that HAVEN'T been spanked. They desperately need it or they will go to jail/juvevile hall very soon. One is messing around with a 6 yr old sexually, cusses and talks back...his sister is a real smart alek but hasn't done anything seriously wrong yet. Both need a good spanking and alot more discipline and they are in a TWO parent home! So, one parent or two...spanking or no spanking...you have to do what makes the kid listen, respect you and other authority figures, know that there are consequences when you do something wrong *all the time*, that hitting isn't the answer but defending yourself is o.k. and never, ever do something sexual that someone doesn't like/want.

Kids learn in different ways...it's up to the parents to figure out the best way and go with it.