Could you date/marry/be with someone who was...
- Thread starter Paige
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Exactly how I feel. If Ryan told me now, after almost 5 years he is bi, or was, or is or what ever lol. Fine, I love him and all, and dont think I would stop loving.
Now dont get me wrong, I have many gay friends. but to be honest the very thought of 2 guys doing anything sexual freaks me out. hell when I watched broke back mountain i had to fast forward the "sex' scenes lol.
So I dont know exactly how I would feel if ryan told me he dated a guy. I honeslty might be very turned off.
I hold no grudges to any one who is gay, or bi. all power to them.
Now dont get me wrong, I have many gay friends. but to be honest the very thought of 2 guys doing anything sexual freaks me out. hell when I watched broke back mountain i had to fast forward the "sex' scenes lol.
So I dont know exactly how I would feel if ryan told me he dated a guy. I honeslty might be very turned off.
I hold no grudges to any one who is gay, or bi. all power to them.
"what/who came before" no pun intended in a relationship is always murky waters. I mean you ask...you know you do...but do you REALLY want to know what went on before you were together...seriously now?
Don't we all know better? If you know his previous gal or guy tied him up and whipped the living jeebus outta him...and he liked it...but he only ever wants or asks for vanilla with you...that might make you feel weird.
If you're with a man who admits he'd had a STD...but was clean now...you might feel weird.
If he told you he slept with a dwarf male or female you might feel strange about that...
I mean there are SO MANY things relating to intimacy that I flat out would not WANT to know...LOL.
We have shared the basics...exes...about them...a few things that were intimate in each relationship...but really beyond that? It's in the past...I leave it there. I was not virgin and neither was he...and now we're together. Beyond that...what does it matter?
Don't we all know better? If you know his previous gal or guy tied him up and whipped the living jeebus outta him...and he liked it...but he only ever wants or asks for vanilla with you...that might make you feel weird.
If you're with a man who admits he'd had a STD...but was clean now...you might feel weird.
If he told you he slept with a dwarf male or female you might feel strange about that...
I mean there are SO MANY things relating to intimacy that I flat out would not WANT to know...LOL.
We have shared the basics...exes...about them...a few things that were intimate in each relationship...but really beyond that? It's in the past...I leave it there. I was not virgin and neither was he...and now we're together. Beyond that...what does it matter?
Do you find them sexually attractive, though? That's what bisexuality is, finding both genders sexually attractive. (Although I believe in the Kinsey sliding scale of sexuality more than "Pick between one of these three choices--THAT'S ALL THERE ARE, THREE!") It doesn't have anything to do with committed relationships and definitely doesn't have anything to do with sexual contact. Virgins can be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, after all. 
(Incidentally I'm bisexual. )
(Incidentally I'm bisexual.
)TMI post below.....
I'm honest about my past. I had mulitple sexual partners, more than people have in a lifetime to be brutually honest. So before my past comes and haunts me in the future, and someone tells my partner something in my pst, I rather him hearing it from me. Some guys you'ld think would like the honesty, but someone I was recently talking to could not let go of my past. He kept asking me 'would I cheat', 'would I have sex with others while I was with him'...it bugged the **** out of me. My past is my past, and even though I did what I did, didn't mean I was unfaithful either, being promiscuous, doesn't make you some sort of cheater, unless you were romantically involved with someone, but if it was just with friends w/ benefits...how does that count as being someone who is unfaithful? He also didn't like how in one of my myspce captions it said 'nympho'...to him it meant 'hoe'....just because someone is a very freaky person, doesn't mean they're a very freaky person with everyone. I always wanted to be with ONE person and please ONLY that one person, but that was never the case, because I wsa often mislead and taken advanatge of....and some guys that I very much cared for, would like to 'share'....me being naive and not know ny better, I would take the bait, thinking it would make them like me more. That was why I had such the promiscuous past that I did. Not that I ws opening my legs to every guy with a dick nor did I want to majority of the time, but sometimes it was my only choice.....had it been they were my only ride home or I was to afriad of saying 'no'.
Now I told him all this....but the whole stigma that 'you can't turn a 'hoe' into a housewife' bs was all that was drilled in his head, and I doubt it he could of ever taken me seriously or trust me 100%. So I gave up on him.
I'm always torn to either reveal my past or leave it unmention....either way both can ruin any of my future relationships. Either my revealing my past would cause distrust or not being upfront could bit me in the butt and they find out about my past and then that would cause distrust. Sure they don't might not want to know about my past, but I rather I tell them, then they hear it from someone else.
I just hope I can find someone who doesn't care bout my past, but for me...NOW in the present. I really don't see why it matters so much for guys how much partners a girl has had. If she's std-free, still has her walls {not a loose vajj}, and faithful, what does it matter? Like I know guys who won't go out with girls that have more than 2-3 partners, more than five, anymore that is a two-digit number is too much, or a girl that slept with more than just her 'first'. These are also the same sort of people that ask how many people they've done it 'raw' and if its just with their first, its ok, but anyone else, that might mean they have something. But some people cannot go past other people's past.
Is this also some osrt of double standard?...because not much girls I know care about their guy' sexual past, but most guys I know rather not have a girl with 'alot of mileage' on her. Oh and they can't be more experienced in the bed area than them either
Not to thread-hijack, but can I ask you guys honest opinion...does it matter how many partners someone who say you care about has had? Would you tlk to someone that had multiple sexual partners before you?
I'm honest about my past. I had mulitple sexual partners, more than people have in a lifetime to be brutually honest. So before my past comes and haunts me in the future, and someone tells my partner something in my pst, I rather him hearing it from me. Some guys you'ld think would like the honesty, but someone I was recently talking to could not let go of my past. He kept asking me 'would I cheat', 'would I have sex with others while I was with him'...it bugged the **** out of me. My past is my past, and even though I did what I did, didn't mean I was unfaithful either, being promiscuous, doesn't make you some sort of cheater, unless you were romantically involved with someone, but if it was just with friends w/ benefits...how does that count as being someone who is unfaithful? He also didn't like how in one of my myspce captions it said 'nympho'...to him it meant 'hoe'....just because someone is a very freaky person, doesn't mean they're a very freaky person with everyone. I always wanted to be with ONE person and please ONLY that one person, but that was never the case, because I wsa often mislead and taken advanatge of....and some guys that I very much cared for, would like to 'share'....me being naive and not know ny better, I would take the bait, thinking it would make them like me more. That was why I had such the promiscuous past that I did. Not that I ws opening my legs to every guy with a dick nor did I want to majority of the time, but sometimes it was my only choice.....had it been they were my only ride home or I was to afriad of saying 'no'.
Now I told him all this....but the whole stigma that 'you can't turn a 'hoe' into a housewife' bs was all that was drilled in his head, and I doubt it he could of ever taken me seriously or trust me 100%. So I gave up on him.
I'm always torn to either reveal my past or leave it unmention....either way both can ruin any of my future relationships. Either my revealing my past would cause distrust or not being upfront could bit me in the butt and they find out about my past and then that would cause distrust. Sure they don't might not want to know about my past, but I rather I tell them, then they hear it from someone else.
I just hope I can find someone who doesn't care bout my past, but for me...NOW in the present. I really don't see why it matters so much for guys how much partners a girl has had. If she's std-free, still has her walls {not a loose vajj}, and faithful, what does it matter? Like I know guys who won't go out with girls that have more than 2-3 partners, more than five, anymore that is a two-digit number is too much, or a girl that slept with more than just her 'first'. These are also the same sort of people that ask how many people they've done it 'raw' and if its just with their first, its ok, but anyone else, that might mean they have something
. But some people cannot go past other people's past. Is this also some osrt of double standard?...because not much girls I know care about their guy' sexual past, but most guys I know rather not have a girl with 'alot of mileage' on her. Oh and they can't be more experienced in the bed area than them either
Not to thread-hijack, but can I ask you guys honest opinion...does it matter how many partners someone who say you care about has had? Would you tlk to someone that had multiple sexual partners before you?
Do you find them sexually attractive, though? That's what bisexuality is, finding both genders sexually attractive. It doesn't have anything to do with committed relationships and definitely doesn't have anything to do with sexual contact. Virgins can be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, after all.
(Incidentally I'm bisexual. )
(Incidentally I'm bisexual.
)
Both females and males turn me on, but romantically I can never see myself with a woman.
To be bi-sexualism [if thats a word lol] is when you can see yourself romantically with either sex.
Do you find them sexually attractive, though? That's what bisexuality is, finding both genders sexually attractive. (Although I believe in the Kinsey sliding scale of sexuality more than "Pick between one of these three choices--THAT'S ALL THERE ARE, THREE!") It doesn't have anything to do with committed relationships and definitely doesn't have anything to do with sexual contact. Virgins can be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, after all.
(Incidentally I'm bisexual. )
(Incidentally I'm bisexual.
)
http://www.kleingridonline.com/
as for the whole bi-sexual thing...I've gone on some FIONE guys myspace pages only to find out they're gay or bisexual. Hmm so to date bisexual or use to be bisexual won't be the end of the world, but I don't want one that's attention seeking hey look at me I'm bisexual kinda guy. I'm straight and you don't see me having straight pride all the time...I might put on a myspace bulletin survey under preference 'strickly dickly', but thats about it. Yeah you are who you are, but bringing up the fact of your sexual preference all the **** time gets annoying. Like those guys you see that act overly-gay its not even funny anymore or those girls you see on reality tv who kiss a girl at any chance possible to show that they're lez, like seriously? Get over it, you're gay, we get, we get, geesh....I mean I'm not like oh look at me I'm straight, no homo, blah blah blah. There's pride, but then there's also ok enough-with-that-crap-already. I mean I'm proud to be dominican, I show my pride on different occassions, but to flaunt it like your life depends on it all the time, my word...stop it.
T
No, I could not. I absolutely love people of all sexualities and certainly never encourage any kind of discrimination against them, but I've never been attracted to anyone but who is heterosexual. I had a bisexual friend that was married, and her husband was totally fine with it, because that meant my friend could bring her girlfriend home and he got two girls instead of one. It is something that I do not agree with respectively, and not something I would tolerate in a relationship. I may be just a bit conservative, but I want the person I plan to spend my life with to have eyes for me only. I need someone 100% committed to me.
Of course, I'm not suggesting that all bisexuals aren't faithful to their partner. Not at all. And in that case, I'm very glad. For me personally, commitment is a HUGE thing and something I respect greatly. However, it still stands that I've just never been attracted to anyone of the male gender that is not heterosexual, so it'd be hard for me to ever be in a relationship with someone that was bisexual.
I understand the whole "accepting their past" idea and respect people that can do this greatly; however, that is a bit hard for me to actually grasp when it comes to sexual activity and the like. I'll stand up quickly for others that are being degraded for their past or whatever it may be, but still for myself just actually never found myself attracted to people who I knew had been promiscuous in the past. I didn't need to think anything of them, that was always just something that turned me off sexually towards other people. I was very very fortunate to find Dustin. We are each others' first kiss, first hands held, first sexual interaction and pretty much first everything. I think if I had been with anyone else that had prior experience, my issues from my past would have had been even much harder to overcome in a relationship.
Perhaps not willing to be with someone based entirely on their past and sexuality is a bit selfish - but I strongly believe that no matter who or what you are choosing to spend a great amount of time and years with, especially when looking for a life partner, you must be selfish in some aspects. I would never be with someone that wouldn't allow me to have dogs, no matter what a great person he was. And I also would not choose or be attracted to someone that is bisexual.
Of course, I'm not suggesting that all bisexuals aren't faithful to their partner. Not at all. And in that case, I'm very glad.
For me personally, commitment is a HUGE thing and something I respect greatly. However, it still stands that I've just never been attracted to anyone of the male gender that is not heterosexual, so it'd be hard for me to ever be in a relationship with someone that was bisexual. I understand the whole "accepting their past" idea and respect people that can do this greatly; however, that is a bit hard for me to actually grasp when it comes to sexual activity and the like. I'll stand up quickly for others that are being degraded for their past or whatever it may be, but still for myself just actually never found myself attracted to people who I knew had been promiscuous in the past. I didn't need to think anything of them, that was always just something that turned me off sexually towards other people. I was very very fortunate to find Dustin. We are each others' first kiss, first hands held, first sexual interaction and pretty much first everything. I think if I had been with anyone else that had prior experience, my issues from my past would have had been even much harder to overcome in a relationship.
Perhaps not willing to be with someone based entirely on their past and sexuality is a bit selfish - but I strongly believe that no matter who or what you are choosing to spend a great amount of time and years with, especially when looking for a life partner, you must be selfish in some aspects. I would never be with someone that wouldn't allow me to have dogs, no matter what a great person he was. And I also would not choose or be attracted to someone that is bisexual.
No. Although I like or even love people of all genders, races or sexual preferrence, I am not attracted in the least to women in a romantic or sexual way and I wouldn't be attracted to a man who was attracted to men or to both men and women (in that way) He wouldn't seem manly or masculine to me. I guess I'm just a traditional type of gal who likes men who like women...only. LOL.
Just to answer your little thread-jack...
It doesn't matter to me how many partners my partner has had before me. What's done is done. But I DO think it's important for you and your partner to be honest about it. Your past can come back and haunt you sometimes. One of my very good friends.... her husband told her before they were married that he hadn't been with very many people. After they were married a year or so, he came out and told her that he had actually been with lots of people! That was definitely a shock for her. That's not why they're separated now, though...
It doesn't matter to me how many partners my partner has had before me. What's done is done. But I DO think it's important for you and your partner to be honest about it. Your past can come back and haunt you sometimes. One of my very good friends.... her husband told her before they were married that he hadn't been with very many people. After they were married a year or so, he came out and told her that he had actually been with lots of people! That was definitely a shock for her. That's not why they're separated now, though...