child support or not?

[darkchild16]

And a single mother is any different. My mom paid for two my brothers extra expences like sports etc. were paid by his father/ my step dad. Mine were payed completely by my mom and in truth I got to do more things then my brother. I got to go to camp, play any sport I wanted and I was a completely happy and healthy child. My mom had her own house until we moved here and then we had apt. yes most were 2 bed and i shared a room with my brother but i think i survived that pretty well. It can be done it just involves alot of work and money management. Look at Smkie she did it with 2 with no help AT ALL. And my mom went back for her B.S. when I was 8 which is why we moved. She had no job or anything we lived solely on her finacial aid and you know what we SURVIVED and survived WELL.

And you have not had to deal with the child support stuff and the legal aspects of it all I HAVE!! I know what it is like I know what the reality of it all is.

 

[Miakoda]

hence me not holding him responsible. He could if he wanted to but he basically told me that he didnt care aobut either of us. And I'm sorry but if he starts to care 6 years down the line thats 6 years to late. IMO if hes not there at birth he doesnt deserve to be there ever.

The sad part is that while it may be too late for you, your daughter may think otherwise. Truth is, he is her father whether anyone likes it or not at this point. And children don't understand what goes on in the lives of adults. Children want a mom and a dad. They want to be loved. The want to be "normal."

As hard as it would be, I could not deny my child the chance to meet/spend time with his biological father if my child is the one who wants to. Of course I will enact every precaution on this earth, but truth is if I denied my son his wish to spend time with his dead-beat dad, then I would be the one my son grows to despise....not his father.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to allow your child to learn for herself that her father is an uncaring butthole. It's hard for us to watch our children's hearts be ripped out when they realize that their parent doesn't really want them, but yet that's something that they need to find out on their own. Just having the mother tell him/her that & deny him/her the chance to meet his/her father, well, don't be surprised when that boy/girl decides at 15 that he/she wants to live with his dad. And the courts WILL oblige.

 

[Dizzy]

Yes people should provide for their children - whether mum keeps baby OR dad keeps baby.

No child should suffer because of it's parents.

I do however have issues with people who demand money then tootle off and buy themselves a new dress, or cigs.

Money is for baby, and should go on baby (including shelter, warmth, food).

 

[smkie]

lots of ins and outs of that too..as a single mom you find out for instance where to get hand me down scout uniforms, there are sholarships available for campfire kids...you can trade time for time. Some single mom' pair up and share transportation or living expenses. My friend and i have passed clothes down and back and forth, some have come back for the second generation. Toy libraries, churches that have clothes tables in their basements. I knew which thrift store had sack sale, which ones had half price day, and my children had NICE clothes. My daughter had a lovely prom dress, my son a suit. They had bicycles and skates, they lacked for nothing. You coudln't get much lower income then me at that time.

 

[bubbatd]

I don't think she'll miss a Daddy she never knew ......and I'll bet you anything she'll have a loving , caring Daddy who CARES , because he loves her Mommy and her shortly down the road .

 

[darkchild16]

The sad part is that while it may be too late for you, your daughter may think otherwise. Truth is, he is her father whether anyone likes it or not at this point. And children don't understand what goes on in the lives of adults. Children want a mom and a dad. They want to be loved. The want to be "normal."

As hard as it would be, I could not deny my child the chance to meet/spend time with his biological father if my child is the one who wants to. Of course I will enact every precaution on this earth, but truth is if I denied my son his wish to spend time with his dead-beat dad, then I would be the one my son grows to despise....not his father.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to allow your child to learn for herself that her father is an uncaring butthole. It's hard for us to watch our children's hearts be ripped out when they realize that their parent doesn't really want them, but yet that's something that they need to find out on their own. Just having the mother tell him/her that & deny him/her the chance to meet his/her father, well, don't be surprised when that boy/girl decides at 15 that he/she wants to live with his dad. And the courts WILL oblige.

What you dont know doesnt hurt you. I grew up without my biological father and yea now that Im 19 almost 20 I would like to meet him in a way but I dont blame my mother for him walking out on us that was him not her.

 

[gapeach]

If I were a single mom and I thought in anyway that the father or mil might try to take my child there is no way in this world I would list him as the father or ask for money. I wolud do anything humanly possible to keep my chiild with me. But just because you don't list him as the father doesn't mean they won't try and get a blood test to prove it's his (just depends on how freakin crazy his mom is) And you sure can't expect a judge to always do the right thing because there are plenty of loony tunes wearing robes.

 

[darkchild16]

Oh no I can refuse the blood test for her. I already made sure of that. I am the only one that can request and uphold that.

 

[Miakoda]

What you dont know doesnt hurt you. I grew up without my biological father and yea now that Im 19 almost 20 I would like to meet him in a way but I dont blame my mother for him walking out on us that was him not her.

And you are a very strong girl....woman.

I just hope that your daughter takes after you in that regard. My best friend grew up with her divorced parents pitting her against each other & her mom took her to NY when she was 6 & refused to let her see her dad. She moved in with him as soon as she was old enough and had the courts backing. Too bad she had to learn the truth about her dad (that he's a butthole & could really care less), but even to this day she still harbors resentment against her mom for keeping her from her dad in that manner. But again, each situation is different.

I wish you the best of luck and I know your baby girl will have a life envied by many other children.

 

[gapeach]

Then you are doing everything just right, don't let anyone tell you different.

 

[darkchild16]

And you are a very strong girl....woman.

I just hope that your daughter takes after you in that regard. My best friend grew up with her divorced parents pitting her against each other & her mom took her to NY when she was 6 & refused to let her see her dad. She moved in with him as soon as she was old enough and had the courts backing. Too bad she had to learn the truth about her dad (that he's a butthole & could really care less), but even to this day she still harbors resentment against her mom for keeping her from her dad in that manner. But again, each situation is different.

I wish you the best of luck and I know your baby girl will have a life envied by many other children.

And if it was something she seriously wanted to persue at a time when I thought she could handle it at least 10 then I will do everything in my power to give her the strength and support she needs and I will try and find him not that its easy.

You mean the in the womb spoiled one LOL. My friend is even joking about giving her a dog as her welcome to the world gift :yikes: thank god he was kidding LOL.

 

[sparks19]

and btw i had a 10 month baby actually 9 months and 3 weeks

Ya... Hannah was also a little over 10 months.

I think people just tell us nine months to make us feel better but once you get to that final stretch... the extra month seems to take a year.

 

[showpug]

Ya... Hannah was also a little over 10 months.

I think people just tell us nine months to make us feel better but once you get to that final stretch... the extra month seems to take a year.

Or they can surprise you at 37 weeks like my daughter did. I never got to that super uncomfortable stage! lol!

 

[Saintgirl]

On a complete side and note and because I have never had a baby, the average month has 31 days in it, which makes each month 4.428 weeks long, almost 4 and a half weeks. 4.5 X 9= 40.5 weeks. Wouldn't this make the gestation period only 9 months and not 10 months?

This whole father thing is a touchy subject for me. My parents went through a very difficult divorce. I became a ward of the court because I decided to legally emancipate from both of my parents. However my youngest sister who was only 6 at the time was taken by my mother and moved out of the country. She grew up with very little interaction from my father. Was he a dead beat? Absolutley. Did he try as hard as he could have? No he did not. Did he love her? Yes. I know that many of you will say if he loved her he would have done what ever he could have to have her in his life, and I would like to agree, but he is an alcoholic who burried his problems in a bottle. By no means am I trying to justify what he has done in the past, but he did love her in his own way. And in the end who suffered but my little sister. She grew up hearing stories from our mother about how awful our father was, how he didn't care, etc, etc, etc, because of her own hatred towards the man. My sister grew up always wanting to have him in her life, it is natural to want to love your parents. The times when my father would attempt to be part of her life, my mother would try to prevent it, because if he couldn't pay child support what right did he have in her life. The right he had in her life was love. Plain and simple, love. And no child should be denied that.

Sure, there are extreme situations where it is necessary to prevent a parent from having a part in their childs life. But money? Money issues are between the parents, they belong in a court if either party is unhappy with the situation. The relationship between a father and a daughter should be exactley that, not one dictated by the mother.

 

[ACooper]

not one dictated by the mother

I have to agree with that, even coming from raising my son alone for 9 years of his life. (there were and are extenuating circumstances there)

But I see what my brother goes through, and what my BIL went through........it isn't pretty for them or the children

 

[Renee750il]

I think Breeze has a good handle on the situation - don't force anything, don't obligate someone who doesn't seem to be interested, don't create a situation that gives people who are combative any leverage, and, when Bronwyn is old enough to ask questions, give her straight answers and let her choose to seek out a relationship with her father in her own time.

There is nothing, NOTHING, more hurtful and confusing to a child than a gaggle of adults fighting over bullshit.

 

[sparks19]

On a complete side and note and because I have never had a baby, the average month has 31 days in it, which makes each month 4.428 weeks long, almost 4 and a half weeks. 4.5 X 9= 40.5 weeks. Wouldn't this make the gestation period only 9 months and not 10 months?

.

Well....


I got pregnant before Christmas 2006.... Hannah was born September 27th 2007.... so I was over 9 months... AND while some women give birth just after week 36.... there are many who go to 42 weeks.

 

[bubbatd]

My first I couldn't wait to come out .... the other 2 I wanted to carry forever !!

 

[darkchild16]

I think Breeze has a good handle on the situation - don't force anything, don't obligate someone who doesn't seem to be interested, don't create a situation that gives people who are combative any leverage, and, when Bronwyn is old enough to ask questions, give her straight answers and let her choose to seek out a relationship with her father in her own time.

There is nothing, NOTHING, more hurtful and confusing to a child than a gaggle of adults fighting over bullshit.

:hail::hail: thank you mom. I grew up not only in a single parent home. But the second parent (father) was a step father that didnt even legally adopt me. I know what it feels like and I know what a confusing thing it is to learn that you have a different father at 10 and he didnt want anything to do with you. It hurts majorly. Your whole world goes into a tailspin. You dont know what to call this man that has been your father your whole life and you have thought was your biological father. It's a very bad situation. Hence the reason I dont want Josh to jsut pop back up and be able to see her. Sorry but that will hurt her more then anything.

 

[bubbatd]

If he ever " pops in " he's Josh ... not Daddy !