Child Discipline....
- Thread starter moxiegrl
- Start date
I have alot of opinions on this kind of thing. I think parents now-a-days are slacking in teaching their kids respect..(a general observation of course).
My father used the belt a couple times......but it was always after the fact and not in anger.......after mom told on me, when he got home from work...lol
I actually appreciate my experience with punishment as a kid...... I never felt abused either. I had very loving parents with an idea of expectations with their kids... And you met those expectations or were punished.....usually restrictions, such as groundings.... but on rare occasions a good ole fashioned whoopin' or lickin' (depending whether it was my mother or father....dad did a whoopin'.....mom did a lickin'....dad was raised in wv...mom was raised in pa.) was in order. Depending on how wrong the "wrong" was.
Anyway about respect..... Kids should learn to say "thankyou" and "please"... that goes along way even if the kids are less than obedient. It is always nice to hear that.
I have entertained neighborhood kids for 3 days after school.......playing with my kids in our yard etc. I have given them sandwiches, peanuts, coke, choc milk, popsicles, and seconds of each of them.....never once did I hear a "thankyou" except from my own kids......because they know I expect that. I just want to know why parents don't teach a simple please and thankyou????????? It really doesn't take much effort. And it goes along way.....
I guess this is a little of a rant for me.......... But parents..... Take a few moments each day and teach your kids to say "please" and "thankyou"......
After all these years......... It is still appreciated!!
My father used the belt a couple times......but it was always after the fact and not in anger.......after mom told on me, when he got home from work...lol
I actually appreciate my experience with punishment as a kid...... I never felt abused either. I had very loving parents with an idea of expectations with their kids... And you met those expectations or were punished.....usually restrictions, such as groundings.... but on rare occasions a good ole fashioned whoopin' or lickin' (depending whether it was my mother or father....dad did a whoopin'.....mom did a lickin'....dad was raised in wv...mom was raised in pa.) was in order. Depending on how wrong the "wrong" was.
Anyway about respect..... Kids should learn to say "thankyou" and "please"... that goes along way even if the kids are less than obedient. It is always nice to hear that.
I have entertained neighborhood kids for 3 days after school.......playing with my kids in our yard etc. I have given them sandwiches, peanuts, coke, choc milk, popsicles, and seconds of each of them.....never once did I hear a "thankyou" except from my own kids......because they know I expect that. I just want to know why parents don't teach a simple please and thankyou????????? It really doesn't take much effort. And it goes along way.....
I guess this is a little of a rant for me.......... But parents..... Take a few moments each day and teach your kids to say "please" and "thankyou"......
After all these years......... It is still appreciated!!
Julie I couldn't agree more.
I mentioned this in another thread. parents just don't care anymore. it seems whenever their kids screw up it is always someone elses fault and never the parents responsibility.
I for one will be teaching my kids that please and thank you, yes sir yes ma'am are expected. I think it's disgusting, the lack of respect kids have for their elders these days.
And a lot of parents don't seem to understand that it is not enough for you to tell them they must behave appropriately but that the parents must be an example. They must also say please, thank you, hold doors for people, be polite. You cannot tell your child to say please and thank you and never say it yourself. That seems to be lost on many people these days.
I mean if you think about it, how many parents these days do you hear saying please and thank you? I for one haven't heard many. Everytime we go to the grocery store we over hear a mother telling her kid to "shut the hell up" When did that become appropriate behaviour around children? and hey wonder why their kids tell them to shut up.
I mentioned this in another thread. parents just don't care anymore. it seems whenever their kids screw up it is always someone elses fault and never the parents responsibility.
I for one will be teaching my kids that please and thank you, yes sir yes ma'am are expected. I think it's disgusting, the lack of respect kids have for their elders these days.
And a lot of parents don't seem to understand that it is not enough for you to tell them they must behave appropriately but that the parents must be an example. They must also say please, thank you, hold doors for people, be polite. You cannot tell your child to say please and thank you and never say it yourself. That seems to be lost on many people these days.
I mean if you think about it, how many parents these days do you hear saying please and thank you? I for one haven't heard many. Everytime we go to the grocery store we over hear a mother telling her kid to "shut the hell up" When did that become appropriate behaviour around children? and hey wonder why their kids tell them to shut up.
I AGREE!! A little curtesy(sp?lol) goes a loooooooonnnnnnngg way!!!!!!!
But you really do have to set an example. These neighbor kids hear the worst of the worst. Not just "shut up" , they hear "shut the "f" up".....etc....So I only blame the parents!!!!!!!!!!
I am actually on a mission to make a "difference" in their lives......
Slowly, but surely.... I will help these kids overcome! And I can do it without any interference, because their parents really don't care... and show NO interest in them.. They could probably stay at my house for unlimited amounts of time.... No interaction with there own parent/or whomever.
I also want to start letting these boys spend the night on weekends....and show them what a family is really about. I think I can make a real difference with these two boys.
But you really do have to set an example. These neighbor kids hear the worst of the worst. Not just "shut up" , they hear "shut the "f" up".....etc....So I only blame the parents!!!!!!!!!!
I am actually on a mission to make a "difference" in their lives......
Slowly, but surely.... I will help these kids overcome! And I can do it without any interference, because their parents really don't care... and show NO interest in them.. They could probably stay at my house for unlimited amounts of time.... No interaction with there own parent/or whomever.
I also want to start letting these boys spend the night on weekends....and show them what a family is really about. I think I can make a real difference with these two boys.
Exactly. I totally agree. Parents need to do exactly what they preach. I've always grown up and been taught to 'yes sir, yes ma'am, please, thank you, etc.' but I wouldn't want my kid to tell me 'yes sir' or his mother 'yes ma'am'... we're not his drill sergeants. I've always been semi-annoyed by that because it's almost as if it sets the parent and child far removed from each other.
Any punishment should be done in love and not anger whether it be corporal or non corporal.
Parents should be wiling to admit when they are wrong.
Parents should be living a life that is a good example to thier kids.
IE Respect for others ect.
Parents should be consistant.
Raising a child is much like raising a puppy. You need love, structure and consistancy.
Parents should be wiling to admit when they are wrong.
Parents should be living a life that is a good example to thier kids.
IE Respect for others ect.
Parents should be consistant.
Raising a child is much like raising a puppy. You need love, structure and consistancy.
The big thing for me is please, and thankyou. I have asked my children to say sir and ma'am to elders...but have never drilled them to say it to me.
But, they have used it to me.....when I have explained something about their behaviour and then asked them "do you understand?" then they have said "yes ma'am". I loved it... it sounded so respectful.
What is wrong with this scenero?
Boy: "Mom, I am thirsty can(should be may, my kids say can) I have a drink?"
Mom: "Yes, would you like something to eat, too?"
Boy: "Yes, Ma'am"
Mom: "What would you like to eat?"
Boy: "A Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich, Please".
Mom: "Sure"
And when mom makes the sandwich and hands it to the boy.........
another "thankyou" from him.
But, they have used it to me.....when I have explained something about their behaviour and then asked them "do you understand?" then they have said "yes ma'am". I loved it... it sounded so respectful.
What is wrong with this scenero?
Boy: "Mom, I am thirsty can(should be may, my kids say can
) I have a drink?"Mom: "Yes, would you like something to eat, too?"
Boy: "Yes, Ma'am"
Mom: "What would you like to eat?"
Boy: "A Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich, Please".
Mom: "Sure"
And when mom makes the sandwich and hands it to the boy.........
another "thankyou" from him.
I see nothing wrong with that scenario. There is nothing wrong with a child DECIDING to use that term to his/her parents. I don't think it should be forced but it definately shows MORE respect when they choose to use it themselves.
but much like you I would never demand they say yes ma'am to me but I would not complain if they decided it would be appropriate to say yes ma'am. just shows they have been taught respect in others AND themselves
But NOTHING bothers me more than when someones child calls them by their first name. or any adult by their first name for that matter (unless it is requested by the adult that they use their first name)
but much like you I would never demand they say yes ma'am to me but I would not complain if they decided it would be appropriate to say yes ma'am. just shows they have been taught respect in others AND themselves
But NOTHING bothers me more than when someones child calls them by their first name. or any adult by their first name for that matter (unless it is requested by the adult that they use their first name)
If a very clear association is made between the action and the consequence, I don't see a problem with spanking. It's when people spank out of frustration or anger and fail to explain to the child what they did wrong, that I disagree with. And honestly I think this is why most people spank. If you stop and think about it, taking away something the child loves for a day (or even a few hours!) is going to be a more effective, lasting punishment. Not to mention they are probably going to work their butts off with good behavior in order to win that thing or priviledge back. But, it's hard for people to do that when they are riled up and angry. A slap on the butt is much simpler and it's done with sooner, but often times I think it's unclear.
I think of it this way: At this point, my dogs are my kids. I wouldn't do anything to a human child that I wouldn't do to my dog. I find that physical punishment done out of anger or frustration doesn't make anything crystal clear to dogs, and I don't imagine it would make anything crystal clear to kids either. (I'm not saying that kids are like dogs, but humans and animals learn in many of the same ways. Humans, unlike dogs, can learn by imitation and by direction. Dogs learn by action = consequence. So do humans, and children in particular.) Punishment can be applied in many other ways that make the child think about what they did, rather than being frightened or in pain.
I'm not a parent, though, just a babysitter. Maybe once I have kids of my own, my opinions will change. lol.
I think of it this way: At this point, my dogs are my kids. I wouldn't do anything to a human child that I wouldn't do to my dog. I find that physical punishment done out of anger or frustration doesn't make anything crystal clear to dogs, and I don't imagine it would make anything crystal clear to kids either. (I'm not saying that kids are like dogs, but humans and animals learn in many of the same ways. Humans, unlike dogs, can learn by imitation and by direction. Dogs learn by action = consequence. So do humans, and children in particular.) Punishment can be applied in many other ways that make the child think about what they did, rather than being frightened or in pain.
I'm not a parent, though, just a babysitter. Maybe once I have kids of my own, my opinions will change. lol.
The big thing for me is please, and thankyou. I have asked my children to say sir and ma'am to elders...but have never drilled them to say it to me.
But, they have used it to me.....when I have explained something about their behaviour and then asked them "do you understand?" then they have said "yes ma'am". I loved it... it sounded so respectful.
What is wrong with this scenero?
Boy: "Mom, I am thirsty can(should be may, my kids say can) I have a drink?"
Mom: "Yes, would you like something to eat, too?"
Boy: "Yes, Ma'am"
Mom: "What would you like to eat?"
Boy: "A Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich, Please".
Mom: "Sure"
And when mom makes the sandwich and hands it to the boy.........
another "thankyou" from him.
But, they have used it to me.....when I have explained something about their behaviour and then asked them "do you understand?" then they have said "yes ma'am". I loved it... it sounded so respectful.
What is wrong with this scenero?
Boy: "Mom, I am thirsty can(should be may, my kids say can
) I have a drink?"Mom: "Yes, would you like something to eat, too?"
Boy: "Yes, Ma'am"
Mom: "What would you like to eat?"
Boy: "A Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich, Please".
Mom: "Sure"
And when mom makes the sandwich and hands it to the boy.........
another "thankyou" from him.
Nothing. I just personally believe it's.. not inappropriate... just awkward, to ME, for a parent-child relationship to have that sort of response to their own mom or dad. Like I said, to me, it sort of seems to make them far removed.
Ok I know this is supposed to be about kids, so I'll make it quick. :lol-sign:
Your dog doesn't jump on people anymore because he understands that jumping is dangerous. If he jumped up on someone and they attacked him (a little extreme working, I'll admit, but to a dog it probably does seem like an attack.) he would learn that it's NOT safe to jump and that he shouldn't do it again. He didn't know and probably still doesn't know that you don't like that behavior. He wasn't born knowing that jumping on humans isn't good to do because they don't like it. Dogs don't understand "good" and "bad" behavior. They only understand what will bring rewards, what is safe, and what is dangerous. They aren't born with a human set of manners and morals.
When you slap your dog on the nose for jumping up, he stops. Does this mean he knows exactly what he was being punished for, and what you want from him? No . . . He may think you're unpredictable and a little mean, but you can't explain to him that he was being slapped for jumping on you because you didn't like it. You CAN explain that to a child. Language is a nifty thing.
Not so "quick". Sorry.
Your dog doesn't jump on people anymore because he understands that jumping is dangerous. If he jumped up on someone and they attacked him (a little extreme working, I'll admit, but to a dog it probably does seem like an attack.) he would learn that it's NOT safe to jump and that he shouldn't do it again. He didn't know and probably still doesn't know that you don't like that behavior. He wasn't born knowing that jumping on humans isn't good to do because they don't like it. Dogs don't understand "good" and "bad" behavior. They only understand what will bring rewards, what is safe, and what is dangerous. They aren't born with a human set of manners and morals.
When you slap your dog on the nose for jumping up, he stops. Does this mean he knows exactly what he was being punished for, and what you want from him? No . . . He may think you're unpredictable and a little mean, but you can't explain to him that he was being slapped for jumping on you because you didn't like it. You CAN explain that to a child. Language is a nifty thing.
Not so "quick". Sorry.
Parents have to be role model in this world. I rather go to jail and let me kids grow up to be punk @ss kids/people.
My kids and wife understand my view. Somewhat, we are similar to dogs. A pack must have a leader. I am a leader of my family. In order for my kids to obey my rules, I have to represent them correctly.
Spanking is not violent. You have to teach your kids this is a real world. It is a tought world out there. Be tough and be strong. Deal with it.
My kids and wife understand my view. Somewhat, we are similar to dogs. A pack must have a leader. I am a leader of my family. In order for my kids to obey my rules, I have to represent them correctly.
Spanking is not violent. You have to teach your kids this is a real world. It is a tought world out there. Be tough and be strong. Deal with it.
Only on the weekends, dear.
As far as my opinions go...I think it's going to depend totally on the child. Some will crumble with a sharp "no" some (like me) will go "what?" and do it anyway. I think there is small time frame between getting old enough to understand action/consequence and being old enough to understand reasoning. Example: 3 year old child walking out into a busy street. The no doesn't stop them and the explination of "getting hit by a car will hurt" doesn't really sink in, since they may or may not understand what "getting hit by a car means". But a swat on the butt and "if you go into the street again, I will swat you again" has an immediate and tangible connection.
Then you can show them what a car tire does to a pop can.
There's definitely such a thing as being too free with spanking though. My friend, though I love her dearly, is a little too liberal with spanking/swatting...I definitely wouldn't imitate her should I ever have kids.