Child Discipline....

[moxiegrl]

What is an acceptable form of punishment for your kids?

A lady came to my house today to talk about the baby and stuff, and she asked me what I would do when the baby starts walking, and getting into something I cannot put away. Like the radio, TV, etc. I said I would tell her No, and try to distract her w/ something else.

I dont see a problem with a "tap" on the hand though, when they go for something potentially dangerous.

When I grew up spanking your kids was normal. It was NOT normal for a kid NOT to be spanked. My sister doesnt spank her kids though, maybe once or twice total, and I dont know if I would or not.

Lets keep it nice people and all assume there are no child abusers on here that beat their kids on a daily basis.

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

I don't think a hand tap is a problem at all. We always did it with the nephews.

 

[nancy2394]

I have never beaten my child... but she has definately gotten those taps on the hand as well as a few swats to her bottom. When she got to be a teenager I did slap her face one time and apologized after for it because I felt bad.

 

[GlassOnion]

I was spanked as a child, sometimes with a belt for really bad stuff.

My mom will still swat my head/bottom from time to time which I think is ridiculous but I guess it's the mother in her.


But I don't reckon it's that much different from friends slapping you upside the head when you do something stupid.

 

[2BlackDogs]

I dont see anything wrong with a light tap on the hand every now and then. Depending on what it's for of course. We had a terrible problem with Becca touching the stove and just wouldn't care when you said "HOT!" Something like that I can see. It was the only way to make her understand she would get hurt. It all depends on your parenting techniques and how each parent feels.

 

[tessa_s212]

I don't see anything wrong with spanking. So long as that punishment is followed through with the parent sitting and explaining to that child why it was punished. And also, if you are going to have a system of punishment, you better have a system to REWARD the child for GOOD things TOO!

That is the thing I hate most about punishments.. it is so much easier to just always tell a child "No" and punish it than it is to come up with ways to reward it for the good things it does. And not only that.. but when you have punishment as in spanking, it also opens things up and gives parents the power to abuse that punishment(ie: abuse). My mother did it. She thought she was punishing me, but really what she was doing was physically abusing me. It is one thing to punish a child by spanking it on the butt. It is another to hit a child repeatedly out of anger.

As with anything, there is a fine line.. and it shoudl not be crossed. But, so long as it is not crossed, I don't see anything wrong with punishments such as slapping of hands or spanking of butts.

 

[Adrienne]

We save spanking for serious transgressions, ie. hitting your brother in the head with the hose attachement on the outside hose.

When my kids were really little, around 1-2 there was no hitting or spanking or tapping. Reason being is that they are babies, they have no idea about the world around them and it is our responsibility to make sure they don't have the opportunity to get into things that are not appropriate for them. If it's out, they touch it, it's your fault. Now you know better and put that item out of their reach. If you are cooking, you block them from the kitchen, they do not understand or put together negative consequences with an action until they are older.

I understand that when you are frustrated it is easy to place blame on the child and use a negative consequence like tapping or spanking but always remember to take a step back, assess the situation and remember to never discipline out of anger. Discipline means to teach and I sure as heck don't learn well by getting hit.

Once a child is older and has a reasonale understanding of their surroundings and the rules that go along with that then I have no problem with time outs, taking away priviledges, etc. that always has worked way better than hitting anyways!

 

[Net4n6]

I have two sons 8 and 6 yrs old. I spanked them after 3 warnings. Kids, now a day, need discipline.

I got spanked when I was a little kid. I appreciated my parents for teaching me to become a person I am today.

 

[dogsarebetter]

I think spanking is fine. Id do it. but of course that is if the kid gets in serious trouble. I would use time out first

 

[Adrienne]

I have two sons 8 and 6 yrs old. I spanked them after 3 warnings. Kids, now a day, need discipline.

I got spanked when I was a little kid. I appreciated my parents for teaching me to become a person I am today.

No offense, honestly, the thing to consider though is that discipline means to teach. If you spank you are teaching your child that when things go wrong, or a mistake is made the way to solve the problem is hitting. You are reinforcing a negative behavior with a negative consequence. It is much more effect to sit down with your child, explain what they did wrong and what makes it wrong, explain what they could have done that would have been a better solution and then give a time out or take away a much enjoyed object/activity.

Edit to add: Although we rarely use physical punishment with our three and six year old they are models of excellent behavior. I have never had to walk out of a store due to a temper tantrum, or apologize to another parent because my child lashed out by hitting, calling names, or some other unacceptable behavior. At school conferences we get nothing but praise for how well behaved our children are. Children do not need to be hit to be well mannered or to behave in an acceptable manner.

 

[MyIrishWolfie]

I got spanked when I was a little kid.

So did I... untill I figured out I could hit back.. then I was grounded.. but that didnt last too long..my groundings were a joke. I would be grounded say for a week and only be grounded for a day.. then I got brave enough to walk out the front door and let my mom deal with me later...

Remember parents saying "this hurts me then it hurts you" ya right.. lol

 

[nancy2394]

So did I... untill I figured out I could hit back.. then I was grounded.. but that didnt last too long..my groundings were a joke. I would be grounded say for a week and only be grounded for a day.. then I got brave enough to walk out the front door and let my mom deal with me later...

Remember parents saying "this hurts me then it hurts you" ya right.. lol

That's why disciplining children requires a lot of consistency. I think a lot of parents have trouble when they aren't consistent.

Once the child figures out the punishment is a joke it's all down hill from there. When I hand out a punishment it ALWAYS sticks. The only time it doesn't is if I punished out of anger and the punishment really didn't fit the crime. Then I will go back and evaluate a more reasonable punishment.

And if my child ever hit me back... she'd be picking herself up off the floor after I've knocked her down. It's a matter of respect.. I would NEVER raise a hand to my parents.

 

[Saje]

Personally I think corporal punishment is unnecessary in most cases. If we don't need to raise our hands to a dog why would we need to with someone of our own species with whom we share a language? Why is it ok to hit a child but not a puppy? Seems kind of crazy to me. Now, I'm not going to judge someone who does it as a last resort but 'consistency' does not have to equal spanking and neither does 'discipline.' And unfortunately most parents I know spank because they are at their wits end or they lose their temper. They've lost control of their emotions and that is no way to discipline a child. And if you stop to think about it spanking is an odd kind thing to do anyway

 

[nancy2394]

Personally I think corporal punishment is unnecessary in most cases. If we don't need to raise our hands to a dog why would we need to with someone of our own species with whom we share a language? Why is it ok to hit a child but not a puppy? Seems kind of crazy to me. Now, I'm not going to judge someone who does it as a last resort but 'consistency' does not have to equal spanking and neither does 'discipline.' And unfortunately most parents I know spank because they are at their wits end or they lose their temper. They've lost control of their emotions and that is no way to discipline a child. And if you stop to think about it spanking is an odd kind thing to do anyway

You are so right saje... I can truthfully say that the few times I have spanked Arielle as a young child was out of shear frustration. Then you wind up being so mad and often hit harder than you planned to hit.

I definately believe and teaching your kids that there are always consequences for your actions. Being consistent with punishments is a good way to prove that there are consequences for your actions. I can't tell you how many of my daughter's friends get grounded for doing something and they tell her "oh don't worry... I'll be off grounding by tomorrow" What kind of message does that tell your child??

I do believe a hand slapping like the hot stove situation is in order if it's to protect them from harm. Some toddlers don't understand or listen carefully to what you are telling them. Sometimes "no" and distraction aren't enough to keep your child from trying to touch a hot stove.

I never felt the need to spank my child except a few times when my anger got the best of me. I've found that time outs worked when she was younger for the most part. It's hard being a parent. There are no manuals that come with kids when you give birth to them. What works for one parent may not work for another parent.

 

[GlassOnion]

Hot stove: Why don't you just let her touch it? She'll get burned and won't touch it again.

A burn will not kill her.



As far as dogs go: You don't thump your dog on the nose? Whenever my dog did something wrong I'd thump him on the nose and say no.


As far as people go: Sitting down and talking with your child? May work fro you, didn't with me. I'd just give them a blank stare and say 'yes ma'am' and 'yes sir' and not hear a word they say. Real quick way to learn how to filter out conversations.


As far as spanking causing violence goes: I've never hit anyone unless they hit me first. That's what my parents always told me. "Never hit anyone unless they hit you first, then smack them hard so they don't hit you again."

 

[nancy2394]

Hot stove: Why don't you just let her touch it? She'll get burned and won't touch it again.

A burn will not kill her.



As far as dogs go: You don't thump your dog on the nose? Whenever my dog did something wrong I'd thump him on the nose and say no.


As far as people go: Sitting down and talking with your child? May work fro you, didn't with me. I'd just give them a blank stare and say 'yes ma'am' and 'yes sir' and not hear a word they say. Real quick way to learn how to filter out conversations.


As far as spanking causing violence goes: I've never hit anyone unless they hit me first. That's what my parents always told me. "Never hit anyone unless they hit you first, then smack them hard so they don't hit you again."

Oh, I'm a over protective mom and I could never have let her touch a hot stove. I **** near killed myself tripping over one of the dogs trying to get to her in time before she actually turned the burner on. It happened so fast... I couldn't believe she went straight for it when I turned my back long enough to throw some trash away...lol. I know a burn from touching a burner would not kill her... but it would have hurt her which in turn would have hurt me to see her hurt.

And I have thumped my dogs on the nose before and even gave them a swat before. But it was all harmless. And I have spanked my daughter before... but only a couple of times her whole life and I know it was because I was so angry and I felt that if I spanked her it would make ME Feel better... how weird is that?? lol.

I was only spanked once or twice as a school aged kid... before that I can't remember if I was spanked or not. I know as I got older I was never spanked. I knew to respect my parents. I may not have obeyed all the time, but I knew never to raise my voice or hand to them.

Your last part of your reply made me chuckle. I guess all parents say the same thing "never hit first, but if you have to hit make sure you hit them so hard they hit the ground" My parents used to tell me that and I told my daughter that on more than one occasion...lol. She knows I do not advocate violence, but I also would want her to defend herself should she find herself in a situation where she was about to get hurt by someone.

 

[LizzieCollie]

I dont believe there is anything wrong with a tap on the hand or a light smack on the bum. But I dont think it should replace verbal corrections.

My son is so sensitive that with a firm no he drops what hes doing and cries as if someone were killing him.

Once in while he will bite and hit at the other kids and wont stop, and sometimes I find it necessary to tap him on the hand.


**As for not hitting puppies: I dont hit my pup because I know she will NEVER understand why I am hitting her. She does not understand punishment, and I will only make her fearful/agressive. Dogs dont have the ability to reason bad behavior with punishment, but my child definately does

 

[BigDog2191]

I think the punishment depends on the 'crime'. But I think it's completely normal to spank. I was spanked as a child a lot.. I got into a lot of trouble.

 

[GlassOnion]

Dogs dont have the ability to reason bad behavior with punishment,

...what?

Yes they do.


Tis why my dog doesn't jump up on people any more.

 

[Buckshot]

I was spanked as a kid but prefer it as an adult. I guess it depends on the situation. Is spanking an anger release for the parent or actually used for discipline? I had the utmost respect for the old man and his belt and I still love and respect him today in spite of my occasional attitude adjustment.