Child Care
- Thread starter Buddy'sParents
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My mother was one of those 1950's style Moms - completely . . . I survived. I got to go to nursery school two days a week for half a day and my whole little world revolved around those two days of escape, even though one of the teachers was a hateful old bat. I dreaded the weekends when I'd be home, rather than in school, AWAY from home. Anything was preferable to being a prisoner to my mother hovering over me. She'd have kept track of my thoughts if she had figured out how. BUT . . . she had my best interests at heart and was willing to sacrifice everything and anything she wanted for the sake of staying home with her child - and later her children.
Once she finally went back to work, part time, and back to school, part time, after my sister was in school, it was an improvement. Mom had no business staying home with us 24/7. My sister is a raving, temper-tantrum throwing lunatic (a successful one, but a loon and a waste of oxygen none the less) and the jury is still out on me
And the only common denominator the two of us have is being at home with my mother 24/7 during those early years.
I did the sex. My sister did the drugs.
So, having a parent who sacrifices to stay at home during those pre-school years is no guarantee that life will be rosy.
Once she finally went back to work, part time, and back to school, part time, after my sister was in school, it was an improvement. Mom had no business staying home with us 24/7. My sister is a raving, temper-tantrum throwing lunatic (a successful one, but a loon and a waste of oxygen none the less) and the jury is still out on me
And the only common denominator the two of us have is being at home with my mother 24/7 during those early years.I did the sex. My sister did the drugs.
So, having a parent who sacrifices to stay at home during those pre-school years is no guarantee that life will be rosy.
This mentality really gets under my skin, sorry.
I don't get frusterated with my baby and I'm not just some po-dunk housewife either. I also interact with adults everyday. You don't need to go to a job everyday to get adult one on one interaction. There is no way that my neighbor down the street that is gone from 7:30 am to 6pm at night interacts with her baby as much as I do mine. I change about 6 diapers a day, I kiss and hug her countless times, read her stories, get on the floor and play with her and most of all, I am HERE when she needs me! When her baby falls down and hurts itself at daycare, is Mom there to make it better? No. When baby takes her first step away from a table at daycare is Mom there to see it, NO. Mom isn't there, period!
I don't care what the studies say. Of course there are people out there trying to justify what is common practice now days. It helps people feel better about being selfish and putting their own needs above the needs of their children.
I don't get frusterated with my baby and I'm not just some po-dunk housewife either. I also interact with adults everyday. You don't need to go to a job everyday to get adult one on one interaction. There is no way that my neighbor down the street that is gone from 7:30 am to 6pm at night interacts with her baby as much as I do mine. I change about 6 diapers a day, I kiss and hug her countless times, read her stories, get on the floor and play with her and most of all, I am HERE when she needs me! When her baby falls down and hurts itself at daycare, is Mom there to make it better? No. When baby takes her first step away from a table at daycare is Mom there to see it, NO. Mom isn't there, period!
I don't care what the studies say. Of course there are people out there trying to justify what is common practice now days. It helps people feel better about being selfish and putting their own needs above the needs of their children.
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My view points don't stand a chance on this thread and I realize that. I realize that it's not the 50's anymore and boy, I sure wish it was. Look at how the families were back then compared to how they are now. Look at what society has come to compared to how it wasback then.
I know that now days women feel "entiltled" to their precious careers at the expense of their children. I gave up my career for my daughter and I stay home. I can say 100% that my husband is just as much of a parent as I am, but he has a different role. I am so thankful for him and all he contributes to give us what we have.
As far as the argument goes on socialization, I really don't get it. Babies and toddlers don't need socialization at such a young age. They have their whole lives in school for that. What children need early on is to know that they are important, loved and that their parents are willing to sacrifice their own selfish needs for their well being. My daughter will not spend a single moment in daycare for socialization or for any other reason for that matter. Has anyone ever heard of play groups, Mom's clubs etc.? It's not like kindergarten is all that far away. They have at least 12 years of school in their future. Why do they need to start off in an institution at 6 weeks? YES, 6 weeks is when A LOT of infants are dumped in daycare! In fact, if you watch the play patterns of many very young children, they play by themselves!
I was never put in daycare as a child. The moments I had with my mother at home as a small child are some of my most cherished. She was a loving and nurturing woman and I knew I was loved. She sacrificed her career to be with us even after 7 years of college. She taught us, did art with us and took us places. I never once wished I was dropped off with other kids. I loved being with her. When the time came for school, we were not behind intelectually or socially and we adjusted just fine.
My point of view is pointless in a thread where I am so out numbered. I just think that it's very sad how families are now days. Call me what you want. All I can do is make sure my daughter is raised in a loving home environment. I can admit that for some very desperate situations that daycare is needed, but most of the time it's for selfish reasons that kids spend time there.
With a two parent working household, there isn't time for family anymore. The parents work all day, come home tired, run their kids through the drive through after picking them up from daycare and then everyone wonders why we have obesity and "hurried woman syndrom" and divorces and kids having sex at 12 etc.
I could just keep going, but I don't see the point...
*sigh*
I know that now days women feel "entiltled" to their precious careers at the expense of their children. I gave up my career for my daughter and I stay home. I can say 100% that my husband is just as much of a parent as I am, but he has a different role. I am so thankful for him and all he contributes to give us what we have.
As far as the argument goes on socialization, I really don't get it. Babies and toddlers don't need socialization at such a young age. They have their whole lives in school for that. What children need early on is to know that they are important, loved and that their parents are willing to sacrifice their own selfish needs for their well being. My daughter will not spend a single moment in daycare for socialization or for any other reason for that matter. Has anyone ever heard of play groups, Mom's clubs etc.? It's not like kindergarten is all that far away. They have at least 12 years of school in their future. Why do they need to start off in an institution at 6 weeks? YES, 6 weeks is when A LOT of infants are dumped in daycare! In fact, if you watch the play patterns of many very young children, they play by themselves!
I was never put in daycare as a child. The moments I had with my mother at home as a small child are some of my most cherished. She was a loving and nurturing woman and I knew I was loved. She sacrificed her career to be with us even after 7 years of college. She taught us, did art with us and took us places. I never once wished I was dropped off with other kids. I loved being with her. When the time came for school, we were not behind intelectually or socially and we adjusted just fine.
My point of view is pointless in a thread where I am so out numbered. I just think that it's very sad how families are now days. Call me what you want. All I can do is make sure my daughter is raised in a loving home environment. I can admit that for some very desperate situations that daycare is needed, but most of the time it's for selfish reasons that kids spend time there.
With a two parent working household, there isn't time for family anymore. The parents work all day, come home tired, run their kids through the drive through after picking them up from daycare and then everyone wonders why we have obesity and "hurried woman syndrom" and divorces and kids having sex at 12 etc.
I could just keep going, but I don't see the point...
*sigh*
I am most certainly entitled to my career. Do I have 30k a year to give towards my Masters? Noooo. But I do it by any means possible. But just because I will one day have a career and be a mother does not me any less of a woman, or a mother.
I think it's great for those that want to stay home and CAN stay home. Not everyone CAN and it does not make them selfish in any way. Life is hard and expensive.
As far as you not understanding why socialization is NOT necessary for toddlers.. I don't understand how you can not see the importance of it? Is your child going to learn sharing with you? Learn conflict resolution with peers through you? And yes, toddlers do these things.
From Mills College Children's School website:
And, Showpug, even though we may not agree, your comments are very much valued! I respect you and yours, I'm just trying to shed new light on your perspective is all. I see an early childhood education program in the works everyday and it is brilliant.
What are you going to do when your child is at school and has an accident on the playground? What are you going to do when your kid is hours away in college and they get sick? Are you going to allow her to stay at friends houses? You cannot be there 24/7 and this is something I think children need to learn. They will grow up completely dependent on you, and when you can't be there to hold their hand it will be harder on them. I know this from experience.
You know how many times kids fall down? Millions, not every time needs a rush to the hospital or a babying. If it was an emergency and the child was really hurt they would call the mother and I'm sure she would go running there. But most the time they fall down and 2 minutes later they are laughing and off running around again.
DayCare is not the devil. I understand that you want to raise your own child, as do I. But not everyone can do that. And I don't see a point in putting it down altogether. Everyone's situations are different, you can't put everyone who takes their kids to daycare in the category of they don't spend enough time with their kids.
You know how many times kids fall down? Millions, not every time needs a rush to the hospital or a babying. If it was an emergency and the child was really hurt they would call the mother and I'm sure she would go running there. But most the time they fall down and 2 minutes later they are laughing and off running around again.
DayCare is not the devil. I understand that you want to raise your own child, as do I. But not everyone can do that. And I don't see a point in putting it down altogether. Everyone's situations are different, you can't put everyone who takes their kids to daycare in the category of they don't spend enough time with their kids.
I am most certainly entitled to my career. Do I have 30k a year to give towards my Masters? Noooo. But I do it by any means possible. But just because I will one day have a career and be a mother does not me any less of a woman, or a mother.
I think it's great for those that want to stay home and CAN stay home. Not everyone CAN and it does not make them selfish in any way. Life is hard and expensive.
As far as you not understanding why socialization is NOT necessary for toddlers.. I don't understand how you can not see the importance of it? Is your child going to learn sharing with you? Learn conflict resolution with peers through you? And yes, toddlers do these things.
From Mills College Children's School website:
And, Showpug, even though we may not agree, your comments are very much valued! I respect you and yours, I'm just trying to shed new light on your perspective is all. I see an early childhood education program in the works everyday and it is brilliant.
I think it's great for those that want to stay home and CAN stay home. Not everyone CAN and it does not make them selfish in any way. Life is hard and expensive.
As far as you not understanding why socialization is NOT necessary for toddlers.. I don't understand how you can not see the importance of it? Is your child going to learn sharing with you? Learn conflict resolution with peers through you? And yes, toddlers do these things.
From Mills College Children's School website:
And, Showpug, even though we may not agree, your comments are very much valued! I respect you and yours, I'm just trying to shed new light on your perspective is all. I see an early childhood education program in the works everyday and it is brilliant.
I realize you are passionate about your feelings on the subject as I am mine. And as far as the sharing goes and the peer conflict resolution etc. My daughter has MANY cousins and when the time comes, we can join play groups. I am not worried at all and I am certainly not going to drop her off at daycare for these reasons. Look at all the societies that don't use daycare. How do those children learn and adjust? I never went and I never had trouble sharing or resolving conflict with peers.
I wish you well with your career and all I will leave you with is this. When you have your first child and you hold it in your arms and look into it's eyes, you just might have a clearer understanding of where I am coming from. Children are precious gifts and those first years are so important and special. Our children have plenty of time for school and socializing...
I am talking about young babies. What is wrong with being there and nurturing your children when they are young? Of course she will be allowed to go to friend's houses and be baby sat etc. I am talking about being her Mom! Afterall, being a Mom actually means caring for your child!
When did I say daycare was the devil?
When did I say daycare was the devil?
Constructivist views are based primarily on Piaget, but can also extend to Vygotsky, Erikson, etc.. These men have been deceased for quite some time, now. They learned the importance of early childhood education decades ago.
I stayed home until mine were in school, I do know of mothers who had no choice than to put there child in day care. I also know of mothers who had a baby and could not stand to be at home, could not wait to go back to work at 6 weeks. Personaly I could never have a baby to hand over to a stranger, it would go against every instinct I have.I babysat for extra money, we did go without the fancy things, but we were very happy. Those years are so precious and go by so fast, before you know it they are in school.My children did not suffer by staying home until school, infact they are on the national honor roll.
I have to say, Buddy's parents, I do agree with you. I am a psychology major (originally planning on going to grad school for child psychology), and I have taken many many developmental/behavioral psych classes. I think that socialization from an early age is important for a child's development and learning, and there have been many studies which have shown that working parents give just as much to their kids as stay at home parents.
In today's society, many people are having to rely on double incomes... and parents are having to place their young children into daycares... this in no way makes a parent a bad parent. I think what makes a parent a "good parent" really comes down to how valuable the time spent with the child is.
In today's society, many people are having to rely on double incomes... and parents are having to place their young children into daycares... this in no way makes a parent a bad parent. I think what makes a parent a "good parent" really comes down to how valuable the time spent with the child is.
I'm just reading this thread...(which I think is pretty pointless because it seems to me that you are arguing whether or not mothers who leave their kids in daycare are worse mothers or not) but I'm sure people who have posted in this thread and our pro-daycare have experience with children...just saying... =/
If we have the means for me to be a stay at home mom I will most definately be one. I know some families just can't afford to live on a single salary but then I think.... when you put a child in day care aren't youb asically working to pay for the day care? I know day care can be VERY expensive.
We have already started planning and saving so that I can be a stay at home mom.
I think that if you CAN stay be a stay at home parent then you should.
We have already started planning and saving so that I can be a stay at home mom.
I think that if you CAN stay be a stay at home parent then you should.
The hitch for me is that, ideally, my job will mean more to mean than just a paycheck. I want to be a vet- a GOOD vet. I want to affect animals' and peoples' lives every day. I am young and blinded by optimism, so let's go so far as to say that I want to change the world through vet med. I can't see myself stopping something that I've worked for hard for for 4 or 5 years until my kids are old enough to start school, regardless of if I have enough money (which will never happen because I'm up to my eyeballs in school loans, but I digress). Do you want your dog to be treated by a vet who hasn't seen a patient in 4 years?
Daycare is not always about being selfish, needing extra income for luxuries in life, or not wanting to be around your kids all day. For many people, their work defines them just as much as their status as "mom" or "dad", and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Daycare is not always about being selfish, needing extra income for luxuries in life, or not wanting to be around your kids all day. For many people, their work defines them just as much as their status as "mom" or "dad", and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
I agree... I know that I am working hard for my degree, and I eventually planning on going to school for an additional 5 years to get my Ph.D. This means that I will have gone to college for 9 years when all is said and done.
I do not plan on having kids, but if I did I am unsure if I could give up my career to stay home for 5 years.
I do not plan on having kids, but if I did I am unsure if I could give up my career to stay home for 5 years.
People have their whole lives to pursue their careers. Children are only young once. Cherish it while you have it!
I rest my case. I am not trying to convince people to agree with me. I guess since a mother's role is replaceable and kids benefit more from daycare then I guess I am doing my baby harm by staying home and being here for her. Afterall, studies have proven it, right?
I rest my case. I am not trying to convince people to agree with me. I guess since a mother's role is replaceable and kids benefit more from daycare then I guess I am doing my baby harm by staying home and being here for her. Afterall, studies have proven it, right?
I am definitely not saying kids benefit more from going to daycare, I don't think anyone is saying that they have to go to daycare, just saying that it doesn't make the parents bad parents. Or the mother a bad mother for working. That daycare can be a good thing for parents who cannot or do not know how to provide certain things to their children on their own. Like socialization, and learning stuff before they enter school.
I think staying home is great, like I said. I plan to. I will not leave my child in a daycare center. But Im not going to say the parents that do are bad parents or don't care about their children as much.
I think staying home is great, like I said. I plan to. I will not leave my child in a daycare center. But Im not going to say the parents that do are bad parents or don't care about their children as much.
I am not planning on having kids... if I did, I would most likely be a stay at home mom (since I would be breast feeding, and I would want to spend the time with my children). I think that it is great to socialize your children, though, early on... I would join some "mom and me" clubs, etc...
I was just saying that many studies have shown that child care centers are effective at giving your children socialization skills that will be helpful in their development.
Parents can be good parents whether they are stay at home parents or not.
I was just saying that many studies have shown that child care centers are effective at giving your children socialization skills that will be helpful in their development.
Parents can be good parents whether they are stay at home parents or not.
Whew !!! Don't get me started . EVERY circumstance is different . If you're teenage parents , unless you have a family to step in , then day care is the only way to go . If you have a career and plan a family , you have to decide which is more important . About 10 years ago , it was stated that unless you made over $50,000 a year , you paid out the same amount for day care , clothes , and fast foods etc. It's the math and your wishes . My daughter was very happy to put her law profession aside when she had Nash until he went to nursery school . Her best friend went the 6 mos old route with Day care ..... and admitted how sad she was to miss out on all the " firsts " . And yes , Nash was/is main streamed to have him experience a " normal life " as he happens to have Down Syndrome . Both he and she would have gone nuts 24/7 ! Being a '50s Mom , that was my profession . And my kids came first . My last, EliN , was the only one to go to nursery school . By then with her brother and sister in school , she needed interaction with other kids. Folks , if you possibly can , keep your babies at home with you or their Daddy . It's so important !