Child Care

[Buddy'sParents]

I did not want to hijack the other thread.. so here are my two cents, some in response to Showpug,other rambling from my very expensive education that says early childhood education is VERY important. It's a rant of sorts, because many people have this discontorted view of child care, preschool, etc and it really bothers me. This is, by no means, aimed directly at Showpug.. I'm just taking what she said and going with it because I hear it all the time when I have to defend what I do and what I believe in, think of it as a rant of sorts.. I guess.

Sorry, but I would say the majority of the time, parents "CHOOSE" to work and put their kids in daycare.

A large portion of this is due to location. Where we live there is no stay at home parenting. It's expensive to live here. No, it's not materialistic, it's making ends meet.

It's also darned expensive to put your child in a top end child development program. I am paying an incredible amount of money for my education right now. However, what I will be able to do for parents and their children after I have received my MA in Early Childhood Education is priceless in my heart.

So, what it boils down to is not every family is privililged enough to be able to have one stay at home parent while the other parent brings home the bacon. It's simply not likely. Is it materialistic? No, it's being able to provide for one's family.

When it comes to daycare, I am for what is in the best interest of the child. You can't honestly tell me that daycare is better for a child then the care of their own parents, can you?

You think that being around one's parents 24/7 is best for the child? A child does not need to be in daycare 5 days/week from 8 to five. At the place I am at, there are several options... two, three or five days a week. From 8:30a to noon, or 8:30 to 3:15 or 8:30 to 5:15. Most kids leave at noon. Two go home at 3:15 and one goes home at 5:15 (this is a class of 17 two and one half to four year olds).

8:30 to noon, three and one half hours, where the child is allowed to explore, play, prepare snack, go on nature walks, learn new concepts, socialize, learn about sharing, the list goes on and on. These children are surrounded by knowledgable people, constructivist teachers who scaffold these young children to help them be who they are. We give them voices, we give them a means to express themselves. We go by Piaget, Vygotsky, Rogoff, Erikson... thsoe that have done research on children and we form a curriculum to meet their needs, their wants.

Do you know what cognitive, social, fine motor and gross motor developmental level your two year old should be at? What does Piaget say about egocentrism, what does Erikson say about trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame, initiative vs guilt, industry vs inferiority,etc? Most parents can not answer these questions, so that is where those of us with the education and the knowledge step in.

If a woman wants a career so despertley that she spends more time being a career woman than being a mother than choose one. I have no problem with women being career driven. What I have a problem with is when their career is more important that the well being and happiness of their children.

What happened to BOTH parents parenting? BOTH parents are equally important... BOTH parents can work and still provide for their child. It happens eveyday. I see it everyday. I have proof that children being in daycare are very well cared for and are very much happy... I'll snap a picture of 17 individual faces to prove so.


Should a 6 week old infant belong in daycare? No, that's what maternity leave is for. What about a one year old.... year and a half, two years, three years... absolutely! Children need that experience! However, day care should NOT be abused. I do not believe in children being at our program from 8:30 to 5:15.. that doesn't seem right. But for three to five hours a day, a couple times a week... sounds like an excellent plan. Children can not learn everything from their parents. What happens in parents end up not knowing how to teach their child and when they reach elementary school they wonder why their child is struggling with the alphabet and counting.. it's because they never had those early childhood experiences and it's a shame.

 

[squirtsmom]

First of all, when my 2 daughters were little, I was divorced and a single working mother. I looked and looked, and found what I thought was the best daycare option for me. They had to be there 8 hours a day. I did not like it, but I had to work so I could feed them, and keep a roof over their heads. They learned alot, and got to play with other kids. As they got older, they did more. They never told me they d idn't want to go, and it was all good. They are both in college to day, happy, and doing a great j ob with all they have to do . I am not sorry they were in day care. I did not choose to be a working parent, my husband left me and the m. I did the best I could do. Day care was a godsend for me, and I do think they were able to teach them things I couldn't. Now when I got older, and got married again, I didn't have to wor k, but they still went to preschool for a few hours a couple of days a week, and boy did they look forward to that. Couldn'[t wait to go to school. The rant by showpug made me feel like a bad mother. I did the best I could. My kids have turned out great, and are successful. Day care had a part in that. I needed them and they helped me.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

First of all, when my 2 daughters were little, I was divorced and a single working mother. I looked and looked, and found what I thought was the best daycare option for me. They had to be there 8 hours a day. I did not like it, but I had to work so I could feed them, and keep a roof over their heads. They learned alot, and got to play with other kids. As they got older, they did more. They never told me they d idn't want to go, and it was all good. They are both in college to day, happy, and doing a great j ob with all they have to do . I am not sorry they were in day care. I did not choose to be a working parent, my husband left me and the m. I did the best I could do. Day care was a godsend for me, and I do think they were able to teach them things I couldn't. Now when I got older, and got married again, I didn't have to wor k, but they still went to preschool for a few hours a couple of days a week, and boy did they look forward to that. Couldn'[t wait to go to school. The rant by showpug made me feel like a bad mother. I did the best I could. My kids have turned out great, and are successful. Day care had a part in that. I needed them and they helped me.

I totally understand the necessity for childcare with single parents, both parents, etc... I'm sorry if I came across as harsh, I certainly did not mean to, because I am all for a quality early childhood education program!

Children who go to preschool do look forward to it (if they don't, I suggest a re-visiting of the program itself unless they are being typical ego-centric children, of course ).

Early Childhood Education is sooo important. It doesn't have to be 8-5 for kids to benefit though.

 

[Renee750il]

My cousin's four year old is a prime example of a child who desperately needs the experiences you're talking about, BP.

She is a beautiful, bright child, but she is painfully shy and cannot interact with other children without her mother or my mother staying in the room with her. Even then, it is rare that she will go and play with another child.

To exacerbate matters, her mother wants to home-school her. Her mother, although she is bright, does not have any of the tools to provide a basic education for this child - or any child for that matter. She has no self discipline and won't focus on anything that doesn't particularly interest her. She wants to play with her daughter late at night when SHE is ready, and so, won't set a reasonable bed time and stick with it. Consequently, the child is often sleep deprived and becomes cranky and irritable and difficult.

I can understand why she wants to keep her at home, but I also realize that behind the good reasons, there are an equal number of selfish reasons. That's not to say that everyone who wants to home school their children or keep their children out of daycare has selfish reasons, but it's not a bad idea to examine ALL of your reasons just to make certain.

 

[zoe08]

I personally want to raise my own children and do not want to put MY children in DayCare. However I will live in a small town without many Day Care options. I am also seriously thinking about homeschooling. I feel that I can teach my children more than the public school system these days. My mom stayed at home. I knew how to say the alphabet, count, and who knows what before I went to school. My cousin's four year old can add and subtract! She has never been to daycare, and she is going to be homeschooled.

Many parents do know how to teach their children. However, some do not. And some people aren't meant to stay at home with their children. Some people just can't do it. For several reasons. For financial reasons, single parents, and some people just can't spend their life around children constantly, doesn't mean they shouldnt have kids. They spend their evenings and weekends with their kids.

I will probably be a nanny for my sis's baby when she has one for about the first 6 months so it won't have to go to day care so young. But she isn't going to quit working.

And I do think that children need to be away from their parents at some point between the time they are born and start school. They need to go to a babysitter or day care or something at some point when they are still little. They need to learn that mommy and daddy cant be there 24/7.

 

[Debi]

I put my son in daycare/preschool solely for the purpose of having him learn socialization skills. we didn't have children in our neighborhood for him to play with. I was a stay at home mom at that time, and the experience was enriching to his developement. I went back to work when he entered school full time, but I can truly say that there is educational merit to a quality daycare program. and I agree....every young couple I know would love to have mom at home, but buying groceries and paying the bills is not being materialistic. this world is expensive, and most couples BOTH have to work to just provide the basics.

 

[squirtsmom]

Just one more th ing. When my 9 month old is older, she has Down's syndrome, I will be l ooking into the programs they have for those children that really help them and expand their h orizons. I am an intelligent woman, but they do things I have no idea how to do. Like people with their Master's in early childhood education can do. They have fantastic opportunities for these kids, and I will be taking advantage of it. they can do what I can't. Doesn't mean that I don't love her. I want the best for her, and they can really help her learn.

 

[Melissa_W]

Why should the woman have to be the one to give up her career? This isn't the 1950's. If a woman chooses to stay home, that's her prerogative. And I'm happy that women have that option. What bothers me is the implication that all working mothers are wrong for wanting to have a career and children. I think that's a very antiquated point of view.

 

[nancy2394]

My daughter went to daycare during the week while I was in nursing school full time. I had no other options at that point in my life. I think it's a good experience for the children. It gives them the opportunity to have socialization skills. How many times have you seen children who have never been in a situation where there are several kids and they just don't know how to interact with the other children because they've not had the opportunity.

I think this day in age you can't really say that the mother has to choose between a career or a child. In MOST families it takes a double income to survive.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

Why should the woman have to be the one to give up her career? This isn't the 1950's. If a woman chooses to stay home, that's her prerogative. And I'm happy that women have that option. What bothers me is the implication that all working mothers are wrong for wanting to have a career and children. I think that's a very antiquated point of view.

:hail:

Thank you!


My husband and I do plan on having children. But our children will be OUR responsibility. I am not working overtime and paying out of who knows where for my education to simply put it on the back burner when I have children. Yes, children will be my priority, but I have worked very hard for what I plan to do the rest of my life and that inclides being a mother. Maternity leave... yes, probably a good year or so, but I will not give up everything I have worked so hard for because they did so back in the day. Pfft! Parenting is co-responsibility folks! Welcome to 2006.


end second rant/

 

[Fran27]

My issue with women who are more focussed on their career than their child is just that often, their attention to their children is lacking - period. There is a big difference between being focussed on a career and working because you have to bring money home though.

My pet peeve though is how everyone says that SAHMs are lucky because they can afford it. Too many people forget that sometimes you don't earn enough money with your job to afford daycare, and you don't have the choice, either.

 

[Melissa_W]

:hail:

Thank you!


My husband and I do plan on having children. But our children will be OUR responsibility. I am not working overtime and paying out of who knows where for my education to simply put it on the back burner when I have children. Yes, children will be my priority, but I have worked very hard for what I plan to do the rest of my life and that inclides being a mother. Maternity leave... yes, probably a good year or so, but I will not give up everything I have worked so hard for because they did so back in the day. Pfft! Parenting is co-responsibility folks! Welcome to 2006.


end second rant/

Exactly! I feel the same way. :hail:

 

[Georgygirl]

I would babysit for my neighbors when I was in highschool. In their case the dad was pretty much a stay at home dad. He worked from home and only part time while his wife was a physicians assistant who worked everyday. The system worked great for them. I don't understand why it's the mother who gets flamed for working when it's just as much the father's responsibility to take care of the children too. Nobody seems to have anything bad to say when the father works outside of the home and pursues a career. Marriage and parenthood should be an equal partnership.

 

[squirtsmom]

Amen. I just wish my partner was still here. Hard to do it alone, again.

 

[showpug]

My view points don't stand a chance on this thread and I realize that. I realize that it's not the 50's anymore and boy, I sure wish it was. Look at how the families were back then compared to how they are now. Look at what society has come to compared to how it was back then.

I know that now days women feel "entiltled" to their precious careers at the expense of their children. I gave up my career for my daughter and I stay home. I can say 100% that my husband is just as much of a parent as I am, but he has a different role. I am so thankful for him and all he contributes to give us what we have.

As far as the argument goes on socialization, I really don't get it. Babies and toddlers don't need socialization at such a young age. They have their whole lives in school for that. What children need early on is to know that they are important, loved and that their parents are willing to sacrifice their own selfish needs for their well being. My daughter will not spend a single moment in daycare for socialization or for any other reason for that matter. Has anyone ever heard of play groups, Mom's clubs etc.? It's not like kindergarten is all that far away. They have at least 12 years of school in their future. Why do they need to start off in an institution at 6 weeks? YES, 6 weeks is when A LOT of infants are dumped in daycare! In fact, if you watch the play patterns of many very young children, they play by themselves!

I was never put in daycare as a child. The moments I had with my mother at home as a small child are some of my most cherished. She was a loving and nurturing woman and I knew I was loved. She sacrificed her career to be with us even after 7 years of college. She taught us, did art with us and took us places. I never once wished I was dropped off with other kids. I loved being with her. When the time came for school, we were not behind intelectually or socially and we adjusted just fine.

My point of view is pointless in a thread where I am so out numbered. I just think that it's very sad how families are now days. Call me what you want. All I can do is make sure my daughter is raised in a loving home environment. I can admit that for some very desperate situations that daycare is needed, but most of the time it's for selfish reasons that kids spend time there.

With a two parent working household, there isn't time for family anymore. The parents work all day, come home tired, run their kids through the drive through after picking them up from daycare and then everyone wonders why we have obesity and "hurried woman syndrom" and divorces and kids having sex at 12 etc.

I could just keep going, but I don't see the point...

*sigh*

 

[squirtsmom]

I am just going to say that fa mily does still exist. Since my husband was killed 4 months ago, does that mean I don't have a family left?

 

[Fran27]

I agree with you Showpug, I just think there are exceptions - some women need the socialization they get through work or they will get depressed, some just don't have the choice and need to work to get some money, some have to because they get insurance and medical benefits through work etc.

I know I could personally not imagine dropping off my children in daycare at 6 weeks... Granted, I won't have to as my job doesn't pay well, and I'm lucky my husband has a good paying job - but we will do without the fancy vacations, the newest cars or TVs... I do also think that seeing your child grow up is just so so much more important.

And I agree, there are playgroups etc for socialization.

 

[showpug]

I would babysit for my neighbors when I was in highschool. In their case the dad was pretty much a stay at home dad. He worked from home and only part time while his wife was a physicians assistant who worked everyday. The system worked great for them. I don't understand why it's the mother who gets flamed for working when it's just as much the father's responsibility to take care of the children too. Nobody seems to have anything bad to say when the father works outside of the home and pursues a career. Marriage and parenthood should be an equal partnership.

I don't care if the mother or father stays home. I just think one of the parents needs to. One makes the money, one stays home. That is a partnership!

 

[zoe08]

Yes I think the views of family today are messed up. About the only people I know that havent been divorced are the people in my family. All my aunts and uncles and grandparents are still together (or widowed).

But I do not believe that because 2 people work they can't have a family. If they are dedicated to having children, they will give them attention and spend time with them and the children will not grow up deprived of that.

I know just as many, if not more with stay at home moms where the children got less attention, and those were the ones out having sex at 12. Its not whether or not both parents work that determines that. It is how well the parents are or want to be at raising their children.

 

[Dreeza]

I kinda skimmed this, but we were discussing this in developmental psych the other weak, and the most interesting fact i got out of it was this:

Research shows that a working mother spends just as much QUALITY time with her kids as a housewife does. By quality time, they mean interactive time, playing games, etc....
This is because obviously a stay at home mom cant spend every waking moment spending quality time with their kid...they also get frustrated with their child more often than working mothers. In addition, it is psychologically beneficial for a mom to be working, cause that means she is out interacting with ADULTS, not just kids all days.

Please dont start going into exceptions...there are tons of them, we all know they exist. This is just IN GENERAL.

I was basically raised by au pairs...my parents usually didnt get home until after 6 on good days...and i turned out ok!! My parents had a very long, set bedtime routine that allowed for lots of quality time together...we'd always play games before getting ready for bed, and always got a long bedtime story.