Adopting children

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by JacksonsMom, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. JoLeigh

    JoLeigh New Member

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  2. Fran101

    Fran101 Resident fainting goat

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    "birth mother must still prove fraud, duress, mistake, or undue influence to get the child back up to one year after the consent is granted. To my knowledge, an adoption has never even been contested during this time in Alabama; and there is no record of any case law speaking to it ever being raised. But, the law must plan for the worst."

    anytime after that the mother must prove the child was kidnapped.

    Alabama is a great example though so I'll quote this

    SUMMARY OF ALABAMA ADOPTION LAW
    Time Period Can birth mother get child back?
    1-5 days Birth mother can get the child back for any reason.
    6-14 days Birth mother must prove (1) that it is reasonable for her to get the child back and (2) that it is in the child’s best interest.
    15 days – final decree Birth mother must prove that fraud, duress, mistake or undue influence was used in gaining her consent to the adoption.
    1-yr + Birth mother must prove kidnapping.

    I'm just trying to dispel the ugly idea people have that with ANY domestic adoption the mother can wake up one day years down the road and decide she wants her kid back and get him/her.
    MANY people adopt internationally or don't adopt at all due to this very FALSE fear.

    Legally, after the mother signs consent, if everything is done correctly (She isn't forced, kid isn't kidnapped, you aren't abusing the child) your child is your child. Unless there was kidnapping.
     
  3. JoLeigh

    JoLeigh New Member

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    The Part you quoted is all after the consent has been signed no a month after the adoption is finalized it is near impossible for the birth mother but the first two weeks she can and the first 5 days at any point she can change her mind. The week starts from the time of consent or the birth of the child what ever comes first.

    Over 2 decades ago things were very different and untill I was one year old my bio could have recanted. I am SO thankful that this has changed because it was hell on my mother.
     
  4. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    I'd like to weigh in since I was internationally adopted but I'm on my cell. I guess I'll see where this convo is when I get home.
     
  5. oakash

    oakash Kat/Oak AKA The Nice One

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    I've always wanted thought it was unfair of the Christians I know to preach pro-life, and then when I brought up fostering or adopting the children, they would cringe back and look kinda horrified. Not even say that they wouldn't be the right kind of people or that it was too expensive, just the thought of having a child that wasn't 'yours' wasn't right. So I've wanted to foster children, and lately I've been thinking about adopting as well.

    I have a ... well I forget how she's related to me, but she's a little spanish girl who was born without arms and possibly a small mental impairment because her mother was a crack head. This girl is amazing. She can do everything with her feet. Everything. She can tie knots with her toes better then I can with my fingers. I think she is what made me realize that there are children that need help, and I've never liked the idea of being pregnant, so adopting would be perfect for me
     
  6. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, personally, I feel the need is greater in many of these third world countries as others have voiced.

    Others like the idea of a child from their same heritage (it's hard to tell a domestic agency that you want a Korean child unless you want to wait forever), others visit a country on vacation or a missions trip and feel a bond with the children there, others can't explain why, they just feel called to do it.

    I agree with the comment though that at the end of the day, where the child comes from doesn't matter in the least (so long as it's a reputable agency). You provided a home to a child without one.
     
  7. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    That's always bothered me too. I have a friend at church who once made the comment that she "never understood why people bother with adoptions, when it's so much work and the children tend to have issues anyway." :eek: Seriously? We are called to tend to orphans--not just make our own babies!
     
  8. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    Depending on the age child you're look at, teens are pretty well available and many don't get the homes they need. My dad was adopted as a teen. His adopted parents were awesome. They pulled him and his 10 year old sister out of the orphanage. They had 4 or 5 kids of their own, and adopted 6-7 others that were sibling groups with teens in them. It was so good for the kids because they were older and had grown up with their siblings, and didn't have to be separated from them to get parents.

    It's a whole nother set of issues you're dealing with though, but possibly something to look into.

    There's a facility in WA too called Friends of Youth that houses teenage boys who were brought into the US through human trafficking. Many of them were used in the sex trade (it happens to boys too :( ), drug trade, etc. and ended up in juvie for various reasons. Because they are illegal aliens, because they are minors, and because the vast majority of them are orphans in their home country and have no adults to be sent home to they are sent to that organization instead.

    There they learn English, get legal help (like for getting citizenship), sometimes they can find a relative willing to care for them back home. Sometimes they are available for adoption if people are interested. Most of the time they just live there until they are old enough to be emancipated or turn 18. Some of the boys are as young as 10-12 though.
     
  9. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    I really do want to domestically adopt/foster/both in the future.

    I don't have much to add, except that I wrote a paper on transracial adoptions in the US a while ago, and what I learned is that A LOT of agencies still don't support transracial adoptions. They may have to deal with them domestically because of civil right's issues, but plenty of adoption agents in the US will find reasons not to place children with a family of another race. Many people still believe a child is better off in an orphanage or being bumped from foster-to-foster with caretakers of their own race, than place into a stable home with parents of another race who can not understand racial issues the child will go through.
     
  10. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I made mention of thinking about adopting a child to my dad and he was like "Why? It's so much work and money and it's a pain in the a$$"

    :O Guffaw... How is it that I share your DNA? OY. I mean... sure all of that is probably true but what a SMALL PRICE TO PAY to give a child a GOOD and LOVING home.
     
  11. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Yeah because biological children aren't work and money and a PITA regardless :confused: lol
     
  12. Fran27

    Fran27 New Member

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    A few things I don't agree with...

    1) wanting to adopt because 'so many children need a home'. The list of people who want to adopt internationally and nationally is very long. That's why it takes several months or years to have a child... The children you can adopt there don't need a home right now, because there are more families waiting to adopt them than there are children available - unless you are open to special needs. The reason so many kids stay in orphanages is because the system sucks, not from lack of adoptive homes. If you really want to find a child that needs a home, look in the US foster system, but be warned that those kids will often have emotional baggage. Healthy babies and kids will be adopted fast, no matter what country they come from.

    2) It's totally possible to lose a baby in domestic adoption, even if the birthmother has signed her termination of parental rights and the revocation is over... You take their word of who the father is. And if they lied, the father can get the baby back (happened to someone on a forum I go to a couple months ago).

    3) transracial adoption - most people need to be educated about it. Kids need role models of their race, parents who will know how to deal with racism and prepare their kids for it etc... it's not as easy as saying 'race doesn't matter'.

    4) domestic adoption totally sucks and needs to be reformed. If you go that way, don't accept to pay a lot in birthmother expenses. You can lose a LOT of money that way, and unfortunately it's totally legal in most states for them to say they want to place, make you pay for their rent and whatnot, then decide to keep the baby.

    5) Tanya, having adopted... I have to say that your dad is spot on LOL. Seriously, it's a huge pain in the ass, they ask you very personal questions, it costs a lot of money, and it's extra stressful. And yes in the end you give a child a good loving home... but let's be honest, in 90% of the cases, the child would have found another good loving home too. There are really a lot of people who want to adopt out there.
     
  13. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    Good post!
     
  14. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Of course race matters, and yes, children do need to have role models of their own race and parents who are able to help them through the issues that come from growing up as a minority or in a transracial family.

    But it's absolutely ridiculous to say that parents of another race aren't capable of helping a child through those issues. Kids need ROLE MODELS they can relate to, of their own race...that doesn't mean the need parents of the same race. And just because someone can't understand racial issues from the point of view of a minority child does not mean that they can't help the child to find ways to cope with it and support that can understand them.

    Healthy parents who give birth to kids with health problems don't understand those issues. Thin parents who have overweight children can't understand those issues. Parents who were academically successful can't understand what a child with a learning disability goes through. Hell, parents who were raised by their biological parents can't understand what their adopted children go through. But that certainly doesn't mean they can't raise their children just as well as anyone else, despite their differences.

    Plus all of the studies that show children in stable, long term, transracial homes are more successful, happier and healthier than children in foster homes or orphanages or unstable homes with parents of the same race.
     
  15. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    Or older children. If you want a healthy infant, I completely agree with you--there is no shortage of prospective homes. If you are open to a child with special needs, or a child over 5, the wait time is usually only the amount of time it takes to process your paper work--around 6 months to a year, depending on the country.
     
  16. Barbara!

    Barbara! New Member

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    I don't think she was suggesting that they shouldn't have those kids or adopt different raced kids... But simply saying they should be educated about it.
     
  17. Romy

    Romy Taxiderpy

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    :hail::hail::hail:

    Grandpa was full blooded Blackfoot and grandma was Irish. My dad's adopted parents were Swedish immigrants.

    They also adopted a group of Puerto Rican siblings at the same time, and one of their adopted children was part African American (unheard of in those days). ALL of those kids were far far better off with their adoptive family than they were being shunted around in the system. It was even more awesome that they were able to stay together instead of getting parceled out to various families.
     
  18. milos_mommy

    milos_mommy Active Member

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    Oh of course...I'm not suggesting adopting a child of another race is at all the same of adopting a child of the same race, or that it should be handled in the same way, but the point of my first post was that one reason people seek to adopt from overseas is that here in America, most of the babies and young children available for adoption are minority races, and most parents with the resources to adopt are white. Many adoption agencies, regardless of legality, will try to keep people from adopting outside their race, no matter how educated they are about it, even if that means bumping the kids from foster to foster or them growing up in an orphanage.
     
  19. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    I realize it's a huge pain in the arse. I'm no stranger to huge pain in the arse, costs a lot of money and time and gets very personal. I dealt with immigration for 5 years and a sack of crap lawyer who was taking our money and not doing anything lol. but in the end I have my green card and I'd do it again for the end result if nessecary lol.

    What bothers me is his attitude that why would I want to bother with a kid that isn't mine anyway.

    I get that it's a sucky process that costs a lot (although in PA they waive a lot of fees for older children depending on age... I definitely don't want an infant) and my reasons for considering this aren't just "they need a good home". I have some selfish personal reasons for it too lol
     
  20. yoko

    yoko New Member

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    Still on cell so can't add much but wow there is a ton of negative viewpoints here. You know this attitude is part of the problem.
     

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