Would this **** you off?

[puppydog]

So, as most of you are aware, there is an ongoing, 3 year long war between Pauls family and me. The only family members of his I like are his older sister and her husband and son. I invited them for dinner this evening and was looking forward to it.

Well, Paul phones me just now and asks if Ian, the cousin can come. Ian gives me the serious creeps. He is in his forties, cannot drive, lives with his mother and can't have a coherent adult conversation. He also reports back to the younger sister who I can't stand. I say no. I then get told that either he comes or the dinner is canceled and Paul goes to their house instead.

Now the evening that I had been looking forward to is totally ruined. I spend my days alone, in my office, working. I look forward to adult company and having the chance to let my hair down a little. Now that Rain Man is coming that is out of the question. I battle to be in the same room as him. The man is WEIRD!

I am beyond angry right now. The problem is that Paul and I have been at each others throats for the last few days and now it is a case of picking my battles. If I stand up to him now this will blow up. I have to sit through this evening and then sit down and have a SERIOUS talk with Sir I Do What I Want.

To compound matter, I agreed to go to a flipping airshow with him tomorrow because I thought I would have this evening to relax, not only that but I have to go to his PA's wedding on Saturday and I CANNOT stand her. She is miserable and just plain aweful. Horray for my long weekend. Le Sigh!

 

[grayada1]

I am amazed at what people will let their family do to them. They will let their family treat them worse than they would ever let a stranger treat them....just doesnt make sense, family should treat you better than anyone, if they dont why be around them?

 

[Doberluv]

Who's idea was it for the dinner party? Who's doing the cooking and cleaning up afterward? I think Paul is wrong to interfer with your dinner party plan that was already in the works. He could have said that maybe next time, this cousin could be invited...as a suggestion. But to wreck your plan was just wrong, imo. If Ian gives you the creeps, Paul ought to respect you and your feelings above that of Ian's or his own. He can go visit Ian anytime. Why does he have to force this on you???? I wouldn't tolerate it. I'd be pissed and would say, "okay....fine. Have it your way. There's chicken in the freezer, lettuce in the frige. I'm going to go out with some girl friends." (Of course, maybe that's why I'm divorced.) :rofl1: You're probably right about picking your battles. But I totally empathize with your plight.

 

[milos_mommy]

Maybe I'm the odd one out....

but if Ian was my cousin, and I wanted to invite him to dinner, and my SO said "no", I'd be pretty unhappy.

You don't get to pick your family. You don't get to pick your SOs family. Everyone has a different sense of what family means, and to a lot of people, it means you love them and spend time with them even if they suck. Especially if Ian's just weird, not abusive or incredibly rude. It honestly sounds like he just might not be all that intelligent, and that's not a reason to exclude someone's family from coming along.

I would tell Paul he can bring Ian, don't make a huge deal about (and insist Paul helps cooking and cleaning up and hosting), and then make plans for some girl time with his older sister or make it clear next time you want a VERY SMALL get together.

Why won't the airshow be fun? And guess what...if you have to go to the wedding of someone you don't like, you only have to talk to them for three seconds and then spend the rest of the time drinking and dancing because they'll be totally preoccupied. Enjoy Paul's company, enjoy the company of anyone you do like at the wedding (there will be new people there), etc.

 

[puppydog]

Maybe I'm the odd one out....

but if Ian was my cousin, and I wanted to invite him to dinner, and my SO said "no", I'd be pretty unhappy.

You don't get to pick your family. You don't get to pick your SOs family. Everyone has a different sense of what family means, and to a lot of people, it means you love them and spend time with them even if they suck. Especially if Ian's just weird, not abusive or incredibly rude. It honestly sounds like he just might not be all that intelligent, and that's not a reason to exclude someone's family from coming along.

I would tell Paul he can bring Ian, don't make a huge deal about (and insist Paul helps cooking and cleaning up and hosting), and then make plans for some girl time with his older sister or make it clear next time you want a VERY SMALL get together.

Why won't the airshow be fun? And guess what...if you have to go to the wedding of someone you don't like, you only have to talk to them for three seconds and then spend the rest of the time drinking and dancing because they'll be totally preoccupied. Enjoy Paul's company, enjoy the company of anyone you do like at the wedding (there will be new people there), etc.

Oh stop being so rational on my rant thread! :rofl1:

Ian has apparently done one of his disappearing tricks. He tends to go walk about and turn up a few days later in strange places, so he won't be joining us this evening! Whoo hoo!

I am still going to have a talk to Paul about respecting the fact that he does Jack Sh*t around here and it should be up to me to have final vote on guest list on MY dinner party.

 

[sparks19]

I'm on the fence about this one.

I think what would have p!ssed me off about this is the "either he comes or I'm going to their house for dinner" THAT would make me mad.

I wouldn't be mad about him inviting the cousin to dinner or wanting to. I think I would just say fine and have the cousin over with the others. I don't think it's worth making a stink over and these people are going to be in your lives whether you like it or not and as much as that sucks you are probably going to have to find some kind of coping mechanism or it's just going to be a fight everytime. I think you can get clear ear plugs so no one could see them :rofl1:

The ultimatum is what would have me riled up. I think if I were given a choice like that I would tell him that I hope he enjoys dinner at their house lol. and then I would relax at home in the peace and quiet

 

[sparks19]

Oh stop being so rational on my rant thread! :rofl1:

Ian has apparently done one of his disappearing tricks. He tends to go walk about and turn up a few days later in strange places, so he won't be joining us this evening! Whoo hoo!

I am still going to have a talk to Paul about respecting the fact that he does Jack Sh*t around here and it should be up to me to have final vote on guest list on MY dinner party.

Ah yes this is another thing that would probably annoy me a bit lol. If I had to do all the cleaning and cooking and everything on my own while my SO doesn't lift a finger to help but he keeps inviting more people... I'd have an apron waiting with his name embroidered on it lol

 

[Doberluv]

Does Ian have dissociative identity disorder? Does he not remember how he turned up in strange places? It sounds weird that he walks about for days and winds up in strange places.

Yeah, if he's just a weird guy and doesn't do anything to be abusive, maybe you ought to make consessions. But if he creeps you out.....I don't know. I'm kind of on the fence there.

Anyhow, that's great that he's not coming tonight. At least that's the plan now, huh. He just might show up when you aren't expecting him.

I agree with Milosmommy in that the wedding and air show can still be fun, that you don't have to be focusing on what you don't want to focus on. I LOVE air shows. They are exhilarating and interesting. Just have fun!

 

[Doberluv]

Ah yes this is another thing that would probably annoy me a bit lol. If I had to do all the cleaning and cooking and everything on my own while my SO doesn't lift a finger to help but he keeps inviting more people... I'd have an apron waiting with his name embroidered on it lol

:rofl1::rofl1::rofl1: Good one!

 

[milos_mommy]

What will happen if you say "I'm glad you want to invite people to my party, but I really need your help cooking and cleaning up if we're going to have more guests."?

 

[puppydog]

What will happen if you say "I'm glad you want to invite people to my party, but I really need your help cooking and cleaning up if we're going to have more guests."?

Oh, I did. He said no. When I asked why he just says he doesn't want to tell me. He is being a douche on purpose because we are circling each other like stiff legged dogs right now.

Ian, I don't know, I swear there is something wrong with him but Paul and everyone in his family says there isn't. Typical of them though. You are not allowed to even suffer from depression or you are a freak in their eyes.

I also just found out that Ian is not his cousin. He is apparently a son of his mothers friend who they call their cousin. Bunch of Hillbillies I tell you! :rofl1:

 

[puppydog]

Oh joy! They found him!

 

[Dreeza]

Oh, I did. He said no. When I asked why he just says he doesn't want to tell me. He is being a douche on purpose because we are circling each other like stiff legged dogs right now.

Ian, I don't know, I swear there is something wrong with him but Paul and everyone in his family says there isn't. Typical of them though. You are not allowed to even suffer from depression or you are a freak in their eyes.

I also just found out that Ian is not his cousin. He is apparently a son of his mothers friend who they call their cousin. Bunch of Hillbillies I tell you! :rofl1:

ok, you have a reason to be mad at him for his douche-y behavior...and I think it is just really hard to separate the two issue at hand. If y'all weren't having issues I'd say you are being a bit in the wrong to deny Ian from coming...especially since Paul did ask (he wasn't just like "he is coming btw" at the least possible second).

It sounds like Ian has a mental disability though, so even if they are denying it, it may be something you want to be a little more sensitive to.

But the fact that he is being extra douchey kinda changes things...y'all need to step back and stop doing things to purposely annoy each other...thats just never a healthy thing to do in a relationship!!

 

[Saeleofu]

Sounds like Ian has something he may need medical treatment or therapy for. Rather than shunning him, maybe you could treat him like family (since he is, after all) and help him get help. I'd be pretty pissed if you told me a family member couldn't come just because he's "weird." If he hasn't done anything to hurt you, what's the problem? My mom's family is that way - her brother has mild dementia and is already in a nursing home at 45 years old because nobody wants his "weird" self around them. It's so childish. It's family - sure, you don't always like your family, but get over it.

The Rain Man comment is pretty offensive, too. The man the movie was based on (Kim Peek) was a wonderful young man that unfortunately passed away recently. I also take offense to it as most people associate Rain Man with Autism, and the movie itself is NOT how Autism is. It's a gross misrepresentation. Kim Peek was actually not autistic, but had savantism and probably also Opitz-Kaveggia syndrome. I've heard more "Rain Man" remarks and insults than I can count, and it really pisses ME off to see them thrown around.

 

[Renee750il]

Well, Paul phones me just now and asks if Ian, the cousin can come. Ian gives me the serious creeps. He is in his forties, cannot drive, lives with his mother and can't have a coherent adult conversation. He also reports back to the younger sister who I can't stand. I say no. I then get told that either he comes or the dinner is canceled and Paul goes to their house instead.

To be fair, that's probably more the crux of the matter than the "weirdness." He's being used, no doubt, and there's also no doubt that he was encouraged or foisted off on Ian for the dinner party just to annoy PD and bring back gossip. THAT is a good reason to be pissed about it. And I'm sure that's exactly what Ian's family had in mind -- and causing strife between the two of you. Mission accomplished.

 

[Fran101]

Ehh I'd probably be mad because of the "if he cant come then I'm not eating dinner here!" thing

I'd let him know to tell me IN ADVANCE who he will be inviting next time. its hard cooking and setting the table and preparing the house without knowing the exact number of people coming early

As for weird cousin? I'd let him come. Nobodies family is perfect and it doesn't seem like he means any harm and frankly, its not worth the fight lol theres no getting rid of him, hes family. and who doesn't have weird family members? i know I do.

 

[SweetAdeline]

The Rain Man comment is pretty offensive, too. The man the movie was based on (Kim Peek) was a wonderful young man that unfortunately passed away recently. I also take offense to it as most people associate Rain Man with Autism, and the movie itself is NOT how Autism is. It's a gross misrepresentation. Kim Peek was actually not autistic, but had savantism and probably also Opitz-Kaveggia syndrome. I've heard more "Rain Man" remarks and insults than I can count, and it really pisses ME off to see them thrown around.

Oh, I am so glad you said this! My nineteen year old is severely autistic--he cannot speak or communicate. It hurts terribly when people want to exclude him from activities because he is different.

 

[dachshunds4me]

Maybe I'm the odd one out....

but if Ian was my cousin, and I wanted to invite him to dinner, and my SO said "no", I'd be pretty unhappy.

You don't get to pick your family. You don't get to pick your SOs family. Everyone has a different sense of what family means, and to a lot of people, it means you love them and spend time with them even if they suck. Especially if Ian's just weird, not abusive or incredibly rude. It honestly sounds like he just might not be all that intelligent, and that's not a reason to exclude someone's family from coming along.

I would tell Paul he can bring Ian, don't make a huge deal about (and insist Paul helps cooking and cleaning up and hosting), and then make plans for some girl time with his older sister or make it clear next time you want a VERY SMALL get together.

Why won't the airshow be fun? And guess what...if you have to go to the wedding of someone you don't like, you only have to talk to them for three seconds and then spend the rest of the time drinking and dancing because they'll be totally preoccupied. Enjoy Paul's company, enjoy the company of anyone you do like at the wedding (there will be new people there), etc.

Actually this is how I'd feel too.
We recently had the chance to attend a wedding for my husband's niece, over in Idaho.
I did not want to go for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is my husband's family never comes by, never calls, nothing.
But I told hubby yes we could go, because I don't want to be the one causing (or exacerbating) a rift, if there is going to be one.
We ended up not going (for a variety of reasons) but I was happy I'd at least not been the one to make the decision we were not going!

 

[milos_mommy]

When you're in a relationship, you pick and choose your battles. And maybe a lot of people think "that's why I'm not in a relationship"...but it's not that bad.

If you let Ian come to dinner, you'll probably have a much better time than if you fight with Paul over it, he ends up leaving, and you have to host his sister alone fuming about the fight.

I'd ask him to help out with hosting/cleaning/whatever at a time when you're NOT at each other's throats, before it becomes a problem. And if at that time he's going to be an a-hole about it, then you can get mad.

 

[Renee750il]

As for weird cousin? I'd let him come. Nobodies family is perfect and it doesn't seem like he means any harm and frankly, its not worth the fight lol theres no getting rid of him, hes family. and who doesn't have weird family members? i know I do.

You reminded me of this, Fran -- and it's totally true, lol. It's one of the things I DO like about the South

YouTube - Crazy People in the South