Why Do I Think This Way?

[Juicy]

All my life I've always dreamed on getting abused by a husband or a boyfriend of some sort, or the person I'm currently with even if the person is not one that is harmful in any way. Or sometimes I dream about getting raped, hit, used, or killed, just something bad beinging done to me by the opposite sex. Sometimes I even dream of my child getting molested by a stepfather of some sort or her own father. And the weirdest part of all sometimes I think about these things myself! I can't control it, its just what pops into my head. Sometimes I even get turned on by this way of thinking, and that part I really never did understand why would I actually enjoy these thoughts.

I was never really ''molested''. Atleast I never felt like I really did to a degree where it did emotionally scarring or I might just be in denial. There was one time when I was younger some older man tried & actually a couple times did feel on me at home depot, but I removed myself after I finally noticed his intentions. But even now I sometimes feel like I like beinging a victim or don't feel powerful enough to stop it, even though I know I could just say no or remove the person away from me. Like even recently for instant last year on the bus, so boy I never talked to just started to feel on me, and I just sat there, just letting him do this to me. I don't know why at the moment I did not do anything about it, although I did feel very uncomftable. Also another situation this time at grad night (senior trip to disney, partying and whatnot) there where actually two guys who actually did get into my pants which I was sandwich between them and started fingering me, I removed myself, but thinking back I think I could of removed them from an early start, but I don't know why I didn't. Is there anything that can explain why I just let guys molest me, even if I do not want the intentions? And these events were never done in a forceful kind of way, so I never did see why I just can't get myself to actually stopping it from happening.

 

[Charliesmommy]

It sounds to me like you could benefit from some counseling. These are not normal/healthy thoughts to have.

Sometimes I even dream of my child getting molested by a stepfather of some sort or her own father. And the weirdest part of all sometimes I think about these things myself! I can't control it, its just what pops into my head. Sometimes I even get turned on by this way of thinking, and that part I really never did understand why would I actually enjoy these thoughts

 

[~Wild Cat~]

Totally agree, Counselling can work wonders, even when you didn't think you needed it !

 

[~Jessie~]

I agree with Charliesmommy. I think that getting some counseling would be best for this situation.

 

[Juicy]

Is this some sort of condition or something? I never really heard of anyone with the same way of thought, except a friend of mine who also thinks about beinging rape and enjoying it, but she was an actual rape victim herself, but I was never a victim of any of the things I think about.

 

[~Jessie~]

Usually people have these types of fantasies because of things that happened in the past.

There are also people who like the feeling of being controlled and being dominated...

I have my BS in Psychology... although I've been going the cognitive route rather than clinical, so I'm not much help.

 

[Melissa_W]

I have to agree. It sounds like you have some issues that need to be worked out.

 

[Melissa_W]

Yeah, I think it's usually from some emotional trauma. It is not totally unheard of, by the way.

During a very stressful time in my brothers life, after he first had twin boys, he had thoughts about drowning the kids in the bathtub. He got counseling, and now he is fine.

 

[Juicy]

There are also people who like the feeling of being controlled and being dominated...

I think that's what I'm suffering from, because most of these fantasies are more in the future sense than present or past if anything.

 

[FoxyWench]

firstly i want to say congratulations on being strong enough to actually speak out...to speak out on this is your inner self saying WE NEED HELP!
and its the first step to recovering.

secondly i want to echo whats already been said, its time to go to see a counceler or therapist. most people get overwhelemed by the thought of going to a therapsit or think it makes them "crazy" however...its a wonderfull tool, and someone to not only listen but offer advice...
especially on this which is a ver difficult topic to "disect and understand"

thridly...from what you describe it sounds like you have a desire to be controled, it sounds like a form of uncontroled submission, and this kind of submissive personality can be very dangerous...unfortunatly when uncontroled many people will take advantage of that fact.
while you KNOW these situations are "wrong" in part it seems that you enjoy not being in control.

rape fantasies and molestation fantasies are 100% a power game, "wanting" to be molested is NOT about the actual molestation, its the power that the person molesting has over you.
the key to this kind of sexual desire is NOT whiping it out completly, its ok to want to be controled in that way as long as it doesnt overtake your life, the key is in controling it for the correct situations.

personally i have a submissive personality, both in life and in the bedroom, when i was younger i had similar thoughts to what your describing and talked to a therapist, she helped me learn what about those fantasies was "attractive" and helped me understand it...

since then i have found a balance, and have been lucky to find a person whome i can SAFELY play these control fantasies out with...

because i dont know you personally and because your thoughts and desires can stem from any number of causes and reasons i STRONGLY suggest you talk to a professional about these thoughts...

just keep in mind, they dont nessicarily mean you want to be molested by random strangers or want your daughter to be raped ect. dreams are representations of inner thoughts and often display in situations that best reprisent the desires.

please seek profesional help because uncontroled these fantasies can be DANGEROUS, there are many people as you already know that WILL take advantage of that "dont like to say no" nature.

good luck and hope this step leads to understanding yourself.


PLEASE NOTE! enjoying being dominated is NOT a "mental condition", Bondage, domination, submition and sadomassichism are all normal sexual outlets when the person is in control of those feelings! and there are many levels to these.

 

[Juicy]

Oh I also feel like my life is less worthy than others, atleast thats my theory, because I always think of dying during childbirth and the child surviving or risking my life for a spouse of some sort in some sort of drama like in a shooting incident. But I guess that has to do alot with self-esteem issues? i think I've improve on how I view myself as a person when it comes to sexually (younger I really never did worship my body as a temple as many young girls are taught to) but I suppose there's still alot mentally I have to work on.

 

[Melissa_W]

Good post Foxy....

 

[Juicy]

firstly i want to say congratulations on being strong enough to actually speak out...to speak out on this is your inner self saying WE NEED HELP!
and its the first step to recovering.

secondly i want to echo whats already been said, its time to go to see a counceler or therapist. most people get overwhelemed by the thought of going to a therapsit or think it makes them "crazy" however...its a wonderfull tool, and someone to not only listen but offer advice...
especially on this which is a ver difficult topic to "disect and understand"

thridly...from what you describe it sounds like you have a desire to be controled, it sounds like a form of uncontroled submission, and this kind of submissive personality can be very dangerous...unfortunatly when uncontroled many people will take advantage of that fact.
while you KNOW these situations are "wrong" in part it seems that you enjoy not being in control.

rape fantasies and molestation fantasies are 100% a power game, "wanting" to be molested is NOT about the actual molestation, its the power that the person molesting has over you.
the key to this kind of sexual desire is NOT whiping it out completly, its ok to want to be controled in that way as long as it doesnt overtake your life, the key is in controling it for the correct situations.

personally i have a submissive personality, both in life and in the bedroom, when i was younger i had similar thoughts to what your describing and talked to a therapist, she helped me learn what about those fantasies was "attractive" and helped me understand it...

since then i have found a balance, and have been lucky to find a person whome i can SAFELY play these control fantasies out with...

because i dont know you personally and because your thoughts and desires can stem from any number of causes and reasons i STRONGLY suggest you talk to a professional about these thoughts...

just keep in mind, they dont nessicarily mean you want to be molested by random strangers or want your daughter to be raped ect. dreams are representations of inner thoughts and often display in situations that best reprisent the desires.

please seek profesional help because uncontroled these fantasies can be DANGEROUS, there are many people as you already know that WILL take advantage of that "dont like to say no" nature.

good luck and hope this step leads to understanding yourself.

Thank you, actually I really didn't realise this until my current partner was actually treating me RIGHT, and for me to think he was WRONG in doing to make me think that I really do have a problem. I'll continue it further more in private with you, since it has to do with a more private issue, but thanks for understanding and I will take everyone's advice and seek help.

 

[FoxyWench]

your more than welcome, feel free to pm me with any questions comments, ect, ive been in the "scene" as a light sub since i was 16, though i didnt become "active" untill i was 19.

it is tough, its a sheltered world when it comes to sexuality and sensuality that can be hard to understand. especially if noone around you is also into similar things. i was just lucky to find a small group of people that had similar thoughts and feelings and between them and my therapist i grew to know it and accept it as ok in safe situations.

 

[Doberluv]

It almost sounds like you feel that you deserve punishment, like if you don't get mistreated, you'll not feel vindicated for some kind of guilt feeling you may have buried inside you. You may feel like you deserved anything that you have mentioned about being taken advantage of. Then you feel guilty for allowing it. Then you feel you need to be punished for those feelings. (?) And round and round it goes. I'm no psychologist but I think you'd really benefit from seeing one and talking things through, raising your feelings of self worth. They can help you with ideas to try for doing that. You deserve to be happy and proud and strong. Go for the help girl.

 

[malmo]

I always preface these responses by reminding people (including myself) that I'm off the clock. However, I would think that counseling could address your issues of control. Many sexual submission fantasies are based in a basic lack of control over circumstances in your life. They are not always based in past emotional trauma.

However, I would be interested in having a professional also evaluate your thoughts about children, etc. I would not jump to the conclusion that these are all based on past trauma (and would be wary of any professional who would wish to help you "uncover" past abuse) but they can be stand-ins for other feelings or thoughts in your life that need exploring.

ETA: I deleted a lot out of this because Foxy basically beat me to my own post! I opened a reply screen, then had to chase after a puppy, take outside for potty, redirect from chewing on shoes, etc. By the time I posted, four posts had gone by! Oops!

Geez, Foxy. Are you bucking for my job?

 

[Juicy]

Thanks doberluv you describe me EXACTLY how I feel. I could never really put it in words on why.

And thanks malmo I always stressed myself on if nothing in the past happened, then what was really the problem, and I guess it really has alot to do with control issues.

 

[FoxyWench]

malmo, not bucking for your job i swear...just experienced with submission and control issues lol.

psycology always did interest me, but mostly because im such a basket case myself that ive leraned alot from myself...
my friends joke whenever i mention changing my major from animal to human behaviour that i could be my own case study LMAO.

 

[malmo]

malmo, not bucking for your job i swear...just experienced with submission and control issues lol.

psycology always did interest me, but mostly because im such a basket case myself that ive leraned alot from myself...
my friends joke whenever i mention changing my major from animal to human behaviour that i could be my own case study LMAO.

Ha! You'd fit right in with the number of psychology students that do research papers on themselves -- thinly veiled.

 

[~Jessie~]

Ha! You'd fit right in with the number of psychology students that do research papers on themselves -- thinly veiled.

A couple of students from my advanced research methods class did this as well. It's easier to research and write a paper when you already have the perfect subject to add to it