Update

[JennSLK]

John and I had a good hear to hear talk. He cried, I cried, ect...

He has made the decision to change. He will never like the cats but he will never hurt them either.

Im not sure what I beleive of all of this. He wanted me to give him a month to change I told him 2 weeks. I wanted to give him back his ring so he can ask me again in a while when he is ready. He said to keep it as a promise ring for all his promises. He will buy me a new ring.

So I wasnt buying it enitely BUT he agreed to go to a couples councler/shrink I went to once and really liked. We are going at the end of 2 weeks. I havnt decided if I am leaveing or not. He has to prove to me how much he wants me to stay. 2 weeks end of story. I am NOT budging this time.

We've been together so long, but if it's not working Im gone.

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Awwww Jenn.....first of all (((((HUGS)))))!!!! I haven't been on in a while and didn't realize you were having problems....that's always so very hard and stressful!!!! I've been going through that myself these days. I'm hoping that things work out for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!

 

[Zoom]

Tred VERY carefully here, Jenn. Men who threaten violence against animals don't set well with me, no matter how much they beg and plead "Just one more chance!"

Please don't take this wrong, but I think during those two weeks you need to remove yourself from the situation completly. Go to a show or stay with some friends or something, but axe all contact with him. This will give you a chance to think about things without being interrupted by him.

 

[tessa_s212]

Tred VERY carefully here, Jenn. Men who threaten violence against animals don't set well with me, no matter how much they beg and plead "Just one more chance!"

Please don't take this wrong, but I think during those two weeks you need to remove yourself from the situation completly. Go to a show or stay with some friends or something, but axe all contact with him. This will give you a chance to think about things without being interrupted by him.

I have to agree. Get away, think, experience life without him. Then decide if you want to go back. Then decide if you honestly think he could change.

 

[LabBreeder]

my ex started being violent by SHOOTING our dalmation/mix when he was a puppy!!! he had picked him up on the road while truck driving and brought him home...he decided he didn't like the dog having accidents and not listening so he got my bb gun and shot him in the leg. i had to dig the pellet out. *forgot about that poor pup til your story.* i gave him to some young adults that i knew would take way better care of him than my ex ever would. needless to say, once the dog was gone he started choking me, verbally abusing me and eventually tried to throw me down the stairs.

it took me 6 years of on again, off again, to get away from him. i'm not saying your guy is like this, or this bad, but don't let him fool you. a man can "change" in 2 weeks...give him about a month and a half AFTER he thinks he has you back. he'll do it again, 9 times out of 10.

just be careful.

 

[SummerRiot]

OMG.. how have I missed all these threads?!
I need to check Fire Hydrant more!

Jenn i'm SOO sorry to read all this! Bah, I wish I was there for you to chat with!! eek!!

I really hope things work out the way they should for you!

 

[chocolatecoffee]

I'm glad things might be looking a bit better. Just remember to think about yourself first and always make sure you feel comfortable with the situation. You only deserve the best!

 

[blue]

Jenn would you rather be out looking for somebody who is right for you, or do you want to wait and see if this guy will change into the right guy for you? Either way its a gamble.

Men get into relationships hoping the woman wont change, women get into a relationship hoping the man will change.

 

[Saje]

You can work on your relationship and not be in the same place as him. Be safe, protect yourself and your animals and get out. Please. You can go to counselling... whatever but put yourself first and don't get stuck in the routine.

 

[JennSLK]

I appreciate your guy's advice.

I am giving him 2 weeks just to see. If it is working I will stay, but he doesnt know that after that he is still on 'probabtion".

I am watching him very closely. My mom only needs a 3hr notice for me to come home and it takes 3hrs to get to her so I can pick up the phone and ay mom Im leaving this instant and she would be OK with that.

I also have family 1.5hrs away and a whole security team here in Calgary that would be there for "backup" if needed.

The reason I am staying is because of our beginning. We were great up untill a year ago.

We will see and I will b carefull.

Riot - Dont worry. I only made on post about it and other than that I have kept it to myself. I know you are there for me. You and momof7 that is. Not to mention all of Chaz.

I have a huge extended "family"

 

[blue]

You want to make him change? Cut and run with no contact, then after 2 weeks approach him with counselling.

There are allot of paths to failure with the trail you are trying.

 

[Saje]

My sister's roommate drowned her cat while she was at work and then almost killed her when she came home. He hid the phone first. Premeditated? I think so. It doesn't take much time for something bad to happen. Neighbours, family and friends were all minutes away. Her ex was right behind her. He saved her but not before she got hurt. I'm not saying he's crazy but it doesn't sound like you trust him. Plus he's already threatened your animals. Be careful. You aren't following your instincts when you should

 

[blue]

The roommate waited for the 3rd deaththreat before getting a restraining order on his ex GF. I wouldnt have been as patient.

 

[chocolatecoffee]

I'm not saying he's crazy but it doesn't sound like you trust him. Plus he's already threatened your animals. Be careful. You aren't following your instincts when you should

I agree. I can't even imagine how difficult it is to take such a huge step away from something that you've put so much time and energy in to but you have to think of your safety first. If you have any doubt AT ALL, you have to get yourself to somewhere that you know you're 100% safe. Like Saje said, you can still go to counselling and work on the relationship if you're somewhere else; maybe it would be be better for both of you to have some time to think things through when you're more removed from the situation.

 

[LabBreeder]

like i said...u can give him 2 weeks and probation all you want, but the second you put your guard down...i'm willing to bet he will go back to treating you and your animals badly...slowly at first, and apologizing about it, then more and more often, with each time getting worse. i'm hoping, for you and your animals sake, that i'm wrong...i just don't want you to find out the hard way like i did.

 

[Dobiegurl]

Jenn,

I undestand that you have been with him for a very long time and you love him but if a person can abuse an innocent animal they can abuse humans as well. He knows that he has control over you because you have been together for a very long time and there is alot of history in your relationship. I agree with everyone else when they say to leave for a couple of weeks. 1) to stay safe and 2) to show him that you can stand alone and move on with your life. He needs to understand that if he loves you and wants to be with you then he HAS to change.

My aunt was with her fiance (never got married) for 25 years. She loved him so much and he knew that. He slowly began to take advantage of her and her emotions. He went out, cheated on her, had a baby with another woman, and shut her out of his life. She knew what was going on but stayed with him because she loved him so much. Though the abuse was not physical it still showed that he knew how much power he had over my aunt. But your situation can turn physical if you allow it. Many people deal with domestic abuse because they are scared of loosing that person. Think for yourself right now and protect yourself. Best of wishes!!!

 

[Fran27]

I agree with everyone also... Those 2 weeks are not going to mean anything, people don't change! He will just do his best then get back to his true nature after a while - that's why your relationship was great at first then changed too, it takes sometimes a few years before you see someone's true self.

If you want my advice, just get out of there NOW. There is something really wrong with a guy who threaten to kill pets that you love, and who knows what he's going to do to keep you for the next 2 weeks. You seem like a nice gal and certainly doesn't deserve to be with someone like that.

 

[Kama]

Agree with what everyone has said. If I had a GF who said anything remotely about harming my dog, that would be all I needed to know about her character.

Two weeks will do nothing to change him.

 

[Renee750il]

Jenn, Dear, this is sounding all too familiar . . . anyone can change for two weeks. Keep your eyes open. I know you still love him. Now . . . go back and read Dena's post again . . .

 

[filarotten]

Jenn, a leopard doesn't change its spots. Anyone can suck up for two weeks. I have to agree with everyone else. Leave, and take some time to evaluate the situation...not with your heart but with your head.