So much for just a few more months...

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by ravennr, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    Everyone decided we are staying here, as roommates, for another year. I was not included in this decision, wasn't asked about it, at all.

    Now seriously considering moving back to the states. Breaking my heart, but I don't think I can do this again.
     
  2. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Uh yeah... I think i would be at the end of my rope with that too. :(. I am sorry
     
  3. ~Jessie~

    ~Jessie~ Chihuahua Power!

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    I'd be really, really upset about that. I'm so sorry :(
     
  4. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    Wow... I'm sorry hon. I don't know what to say. It really sucks that you weren't even consulted about that decision. Honestly I think that is what would bother me more than the idea of having to tough it out for another year...
    ((((HUGS))))) with whatever you decide to do. =<
     
  5. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    This. (((HUGS)))
     
  6. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    It's just upsetting. I am in love, don't want to leave. But this situation is draining. It's brought my depression back, my anxiety is worse since moving in here, I'm bossed around and told I can't have things while they get everything....

    I mentioned MONTHS ago that we needed to start saving and look for another place, and was told no, it's too soon. Over and over again, that's what I'm told. Then this happens. I feel like it was being planned the entire time.


    I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I REALLY don't want to move back to Virginia or North Carolina. And honestly, I feel a little betrayed.

    Thanks for the nice thoughts though. I'm glad I can vent SOMEWHERE heh.
     
  7. MafiaPrincess

    MafiaPrincess Obvious trollsare Obvious

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    I'll come with to to NC, I love it there ;)

    On a more serious note.. Can you look at moving out without all of them? How did they all make the decision and not consult you? That's just mean as hell. You get a say in what's going on too.
     
  8. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    I hope you don't take this as negative or mean, but this kind of worries me... if you are thinking this was being planned the entire time, I suspect you are probably right. You have every right to feel betrayed IMO. And it's not like your SO isn't aware of how stressful the situation has been on you, so why make a decision that will keep you stressed and unhappy...
    I don't know. I have to admit I have some alarm bells going off right now... you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. =<
     
  9. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    ERRRGH

    I dunno. I know Ry means well. I wouldn't be here if he didn't, he could've asked me to leave aaaages ago, before the roommates at all. He knew I wanted it to be just us, but I understood the money situation. But he didn't save AT ALL! He made $4,000 at his last show in December, and it's all gone!!! I don't understand! That was enough to put away and build on, and it's like he didn't even try because he was so struck at the time that he had that much to begin with and he went and spent much of what wasn't used for bills.
    I even said months ago, that I was looking into seeing about taking out a loan somehow. It would help with speeding up the process to my permanent residency so I could pay it back quickly and some of it could be used elsewhere to get our lives really started.


    I was also REALLY looking forward to being able to look into getting a dog to help with my agoraphobia and depression. I've been researching into psych dogs a lot lately. Mind you, my roommates said that's all BS and that I can deal with it on my own, and dogs don't help with mental problems made up in your mind. That was so incredibly offensive to me and it struck me so hard that I had no comeback. They think my issue is laziness...they have known me for all of about 9 months. They know nothing about me.
    And what bothers me most is that I feel like my boyfriend doesn't stick up for me. Maybe I should stick up for myself, but let's face it, I'm an introverted wreck and hate confrontation, and he is too damned nice because it's his best friend and "well he means well I'm sure".

    I really don't want to lose my relationship over this, and that's what makes it so incredibly difficult. That's the reason I didn't leave the country to be with my dad, which I have guilt about every **** day. Lately, I've been looking at other people my age, and just wondering what I'm really doing. Sigh. Ramble ramble.
     
  10. Izzy's Valkyrie

    Izzy's Valkyrie Very Food Agressive

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    *hugs* It's really hard when your SO doesn't stand up for you. That's how my Husband is and I know he means well but he really just wants everyone to get along. We had some really bad roommate situations that he wouldn't say anything about because it just wasn't his way. I know how hard it is to live in a place you don't like, that isn't restful because it's full of people (besides your SO) that you don't trust. You can totally come back to NC, I live here and I'm awesome :D

    On a serious note, try to ask him if it was his intention the entire time to live there no matter how you felt about the roommates. Also, if your name is on the lease, you cannot be forced to sign it again if you don't want to live there. After the initial lease is up you're technically free to go elsewhere but your boyfriend won't necessarily go with you :( Have they already signed a new lease or just agreed to do so? If they haven't signed, you might be able to talk him out of it.
     
  11. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    I don't exactly know what is going on besides what is in this thread but I think that is BS, big time, not including you.

    If you are not happy, do something to make yourself happy whether that is moving, getting a dog, anything.

    I was just in the same situation, kind of, as far as the happiness goes, and I am very happy now. I moved, I got my Aussie puppy, I am getting my dream job back, I have my family & friends around me now that care for me, I am living where I want to for now, I could go on and on. Find happiness for YOU.

    (((HUGS))) That everything works out.
    Its not far that you are depressed and have anxiety issues because of this. Its just not fair.

    Also, what they said about you getting a dog, is very offensive to me as well (and most likely to everyone on this forum). Dogs are great therapists. I don't care what anyone says.
    I've only had Penny since Sunday and she has made me feel so relieved and helped my stress go down so much.

    (((HUGS))) again. <3
     
  12. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    I don't mind NC so much (my sisters ALL live in the Triangle!), it's just that Ryan isn't there, and I'm not sure if my heart can handle doing long distance again. It killed me the first time. It just plain SUCKS!

    I'm only on the lease as a resident, so I have no obligation to stay if I don't want to. They put my name there only so I'd have keys up front. They've only agreed to sign, so come June they will re-sign.
    I mentioned to him about the pets thing, he agreed we can all talk about it. But the biggest thing for me was starting our life together. Kind of makes me feel like he's not as ready as he originally made himself out to be, you know? We WERE engaged...but that's a weird situation and we both agreed to wait on it, I suppose. Besides, I don't want to be married without my father present, and since he can't even walk, well...I'd rather wait until he can be there with me, if at all possible.

    I can't afford to live on my own though. The prices here are RIDICULOUS. Like...whoa. It's obscene. And I'm not even legally allowed to work yet so I have no income to leave, unless I go back to the states of course.

    I'll be racking my brain about this all day, probably more than necessary. I've already gone through the "am I just being unreasonable?" phase. I am waiting for whatever's after that, lol.
     
  13. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    (((HUGS)))

    I think you need to do what makes YOU happy for a change. Your bf knows you are so unhappy, yet he doesn't care enough to change the situation you're in... I would really ask myself if this is someone I would want to build my life around. I am not saying that every guy needs to read any wish off his gf's lips and fulfill it.... But this is just a crappy thing to do.
     
  14. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    Yeah the first step should be a SERIOUS talk with your SO. If you guys can't come to a compromise... then make your decision but I'd definitely have a very serious talk with him before deciding either way to stay or go :)

    (((HUGS)))
     
  15. Jules

    Jules Magic, motherf@%$*#!

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    Can you take a looooong vacation back home with your dad? And see how you feel there? Maybe your heart will give you an answer if you are so much happier at home where you can have a life.
     
  16. sparks19

    sparks19 I'd rather be at Disney

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    is this a case where if you move back you will forfeit your residency application? like I know I wasn't allowed to leave the country while my papers were processing. is that the case with you? if it is, that complicates things a bit. if it doesn't... maybe a little vacation would be a good idea
     
  17. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    If I leave, I can't re-enter (not sure for how long). That's partially what's stopping me. Also, if I do go back, I have nowhere to live. :\ That's the other big obstacle. I'd have a place if I were going for just a week or two, but if I leave now, I'd have to be gone for months, and nobody can take me in that long as of right now, unfortunately.

    I am going to sit down and have a talk with him tonight. If we can get SOME things squared away (the animal situation, both me having them, and the roommates taking care of theirs and not talking to me as if I am stupid when I try to help them when they have questions; the money saving/spending and buying of unnecessary things like wall art and vinyl collectible toys, as much as I know that, as an illustrator, he thinks he NEEDS these things, he doesn't; our future together and how long this roommate thing is really going to last) then, I think we'll be okay. But he has GOT to actually sit down and listen to me. His biggest issue, the one thing I hate, is that when we try to talk, he has a bad habit, purposely or not, of making it seem like he is the victim because I need to talk to him about something, whatever it be. I do not like walking away from a civil conversation feeling like I am the bad guy, when I'm the one with the crap on my shoulders to begin with. He has got to understand that we're in this together, that I left my entire family to be with HIM, not his friends.

    I will admit, after a huge talk with everyone a few weeks ago, things HAVE been better overall. These are, down to it, nice people. The girl, I've become close with. Close enough that she comes to me to talk about her problems, for advice, and I appreciate that she is comfortable enough with me to confide in me for things. As lovely as that is, as much as things have gotten generally better with the cleaning and the complaining about trivial things, it still isn't enough. I don't think I'm being picky. Things like 6AM bird screaming (YES, we CAN hear them in our bedroom, so PLEASE be respectful and keep them covered until Ryan has to get up for work at least!!!), telling me what I am not allowed to own when I take care of your animals all day to begin with, making decisions without me and telling me to risk myself here by getting a job under the table just so they can respect me more, talking to me like I don't know what I'm talking about despite the fact that I can prove to you that I do....these things haven't changed, they need to stop.

    A vacation sounds lovely. I intend to take one as soon as I possibly can.


    (HUGS) and thanks so much for listening to my venting. Sometimes, I feel like I really have no one else to talk to. My friendbase here is limited to Rockefeller, my boyfriend (he doesn't want to hear it most of the time) and a few people that I rarely ever see because they are so busy. And, I hate feeling like a burden to people so I usually keep it bottled up. I know that's horrible for me but, meh, I am only just learning that it is okay to speak my mind, but I'm not that good at it yet, heh.
     
  18. ravennr

    ravennr ಥ⌣ಥ

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    Just to add, honestly, Ry is a great guy. He bent over backwards to bring me here. He gets upset at the thought of me leaving. He does everything for me, honestly. He's taken care of me, he looks after me when I'm in a panic mode, he calms me down when I fret over my dad's condition. He's done more for me than I can imagine I'm worthy of, and I appreciate him more everyday. I wouldn't have come here if I didn't believe he were worth all that I've gone through, and am going through. My family adores him, his family adores me, we do want to get married, and when we're on our own, we're perfect as possible. We only even started having any arguments when we moved in here, and even those, really, are sparse. He's everything I could ask for, really. That's why I'm really fighting to stick this out, as hard as I can.

    This decision is only a few hours old still, so we'll see how things go after a sit down. Maybe we can come to a compromise. Fingers crossed.
     
  19. Moth

    Moth Mild and Slightly Nutty

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    I think it is disrespectful of them to not have included you in the decision making process. Since you obviously pull your weight as a member of the household (by cleaning and such) you should have a voice in these things. It is rude to marginalize you simply because of your immigrations status. I have been in that place...you can't work and have few rights and if you mess up in the process you get sent packing. They can not possibly know how much stress that makes one feel.

    As for the whole belittling the fact that you are struggling with a mental illness...it is a sad fact the most people have no idea how hard these things are for those of us that suffer from anxiety, depression, phobias, and a number of other such ailments. I hate the attitude that some folk have that we should just "get over it"...

    Your boyfriend should stick up for you! You should be first on his list...he should advocate for your rights in the household. He is seriously not taking good enough care of you if he does not so...
     
  20. JessLough

    JessLough Love My Mutt

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    Ugh I'm sorry :(. Any way you could even do just a day trip or something to Toronto, clear your head? I know you said you are only like 40 min train ride away, you could easily leave in the morning and to back the same night.

    How long ago did you move up here? Honestly, I'm sure he doesn't mean I leave you out of he decisions... It could just be that he is so used to just having to make decisions for himself, so it really didn't pass through his mind to stop and ask you? He doesn't stop to think his decision is affecting someone else now, not just him.
     

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