Really bad at spoken word?

[tessa_s212]

Anyone else really really bad at spoken word?

It seems I can write here plenty. I can type out my thoughts quickly without any problem at all..but ask me to express my thought in the spoken word, and I can't. I can't express thoughts or emotions easily at all. Yet, right here I'm expressing thoughts and my emotions just fine, and I can do the same on paper.

For example, today Dustin and I(or more like just Dustin) had a conversation while at the library. He spoke about some things he learned using references to the bible, and though I didn't outright disagree, I had a different outlook. Yet, it was extremely hard for the words to come to my mouth or make them make sense. I'm usually never pushy with my thoughts, but I think part of me still worries I'll make the other person angry, especially someone close to me. Going back to my fear of displeasing others, I think. A built in need to try and make others love me?


Am I alone? Is there any way to help this? I really want to get to the root of the problem and learn to actually verbally communicate how I feel and think to others.

 

[jess2416]

I have a hard time doing it..

 

[RD]

I'm terrible at it. Hell, I have a hard enough time expressing myself in writing, and that's with the wonderful handy-dandy backspace button!

Sometimes I'll go to say a sentence that made perfect sense in my mind, and it'll come out as a big jumble of nothing. It's pathetic!

 

[jess2416]

I can express my feelings somewhat in spoken word, but I have to be either really really mad, or it has to be drug out of me LOL

 

[agilityretrievers]

The first step is for you to figure out why you need the love/approval of other people. Do you feel like you need them to take care of you, do you need their support to know you're doing okay, are you trying to make up for feeling unloved during childhood, etc.

As far as just learning how to express yourself better verbally, joining some sort of debate or mock trial team might help with that. You might be able to sort of forget you're talking to someone you're close to and just get into debating mode. But it's more likely that you'll still be afraid of disappointing them, and you're still going to have to deal with the real cause somewhere along the line.

 

[M&M's Mommy]

I'm totally opposite. It's much easier for me to talk than to write my thoughts down. Actually, when I'm writing anything, specially important work-related documents (reports, email exchanges, etc), I have to talk it out. Well, I call it "thinking out loud"

 

[tessa_s212]

I can express my feelings somewhat in spoken word, but I have to be either really really mad, or it has to be drug out of me LOL

hehe... yup. I can express knowledge just fine, .. but when it comes to feelings, usually it has to be asked about before I'll speak up, and even by then I feel pressured and might not even exactly remember what it was I was feelign and how to explain or say it.

 

[jess2416]

hehe... yup. I can express knowledge just fine, .. but when it comes to feelings, usually it has to be asked about before I'll speak up, and even by then I feel pressured and might not even exactly remember what it was I was feelign and how to explain or say it.

LOL I know what you mean...I get soooo tongue-tied, and embarrassed... so usually I end up saying "never mind" and never getting to say what I want LOL

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

Try googling "Active Listening"--then try some of the techniques. It's a great way to "rephrase" what you THINK the other person was saying (so clarifying if you understood their meaning)--and then moving to your view or opinions. It is really an exercise, but can help since it gives you sort of a 'framework" for thoughts and responses.

 

[tessa_s212]

The first step is for you to figure out why you need the love/approval of other people. Do you feel like you need them to take care of you, do you need their support to know you're doing okay, are you trying to make up for feeling unloved during childhood, etc.

As far as just learning how to express yourself better verbally, joining some sort of debate or mock trial team might help with that. You might be able to sort of forget you're talking to someone you're close to and just get into debating mode. But it's more likely that you'll still be afraid of disappointing them, and you're still going to have to deal with the real cause somewhere along the line.

I know why. I don't feel like I need taken care of. It's really the opposite. Growing up I took care of myself. I had always safe-guarded myself against letting myself need others. Some know about my past.. most probably don't. I won't go into details here on the forum. I know my mom loves me, but when it comes to my dad, I was an unloved child. He's been completely indifferent to me my entire life, and in return I've been trying to please him enough to make him love me my entire life. And I guess its a built in habit that do to most everyone around me, and though not always, sometimes even to those who I know for a fact love me.

My school is too small for any of that stuff. There's nothing around here like that. Other than my work at humane society and dog training where I can easily speak and instruct others to train or pick the right dog for them,...

 

[Jules]

Oh, Tessa... you have no idea. I am not great great at expressing myself in writing- that makes me double as pathetic!

Spoken word.. phh.... I noticed lately that I am a really awkward person when I meet new people. It's gotten horrible. I think that is probably because I hang out too much with animals. Last week I was talking to Dan and all I wanted to do was to ask him if he wanted to hang out outside... what came out was in my very happy voice "You wanna go outside, Dan, yes?" like I talk to T-Bone. Oh boy.

 

[agilityretrievers]

So maybe you just need to deal with your own confidence to make yourself care less whether you're loved by people like that? I know it's natural for a child to want to please their parent, and obviously it's perfectly normal to want to be loved, but you need to recognize when someone is just impossible to please. It's not worth trying to earn love from people who will stop loving you because you disagree with them or otherwise displease them in some small way, and people who do love you are not that petty, so really you shouldn't worry.

 

[tessa_s212]

I already know all this.

Much easier said... and it won't happen overnight...

Though really I can think of many many times where even I thought it might end up in a fight, I could still state my opinion and feelings(not well, but I wasn't afraid or reluctant). However, I think most all of those times include people I'm not terribly afraid of losing or displeasing. But truthfully, I hardly have anyone this close to me that it becomes a problem. Just occasionally.

However, I still suck at talking.

I've just got some small kinks to work out still.

 

[Brattina88]

I can express my feelings somewhat in spoken word, but I have to be either really really mad, or it has to be drug out of me LOL

ditto

 

[Buddy'sParents]

I'm just as a pistol with spoken word as I am with the written word. I didn't always used to be that way, though. It took me awhile to come into my own and kinda commandeer my life, lol. It still takes me awhile to warm up to a crowd or people I don't know, but once I'm in my element, there's no standing back, lol. I've always stood up for what I believed in and always will.

At my college, in the student union type of thing, students have painted sayings and quotes. There is one-

"I have nothing to say and I'm saying it."

 

[Lizmo]

Sometimes I'll go to say a sentence that made perfect sense in my mind, and it'll come out as a big jumble of nothing. It's pathetic!

Ditto! It's ridiculous, I can think about what I am going to say, say it to myself over-and-over, but it still comes out wrong

 

[agilityretrievers]

I know it's not easy, especially for people our age who can't just go to a shrink and get happy pills. But if you could state your opinion and feelings with people you're not terribly afraid of losing, that means sucking at talking is not the issue, and even if you stopped sucking at talking, you'd still have to deal with those issues.

 

[tessa_s212]

I said, "However, I still suck at talking." Even if I wasn't afraid to talk, doesn' tmean I'm good at expressing myself always.

And I am dealing with the issues. Obviously, since I posted this thread, and in my relationship with Dustin, and even with friends that I never have not let myself get too close to.