Question for women: Would you be a surrogate?

[Miakoda]

This evening has been a stressful one. I found out that my best friend just miscarried her 3rd baby, and this time at 15 weeks. She has severe endometriosis, has had laproscopic sx to removed excess scar tissue, and was taking progesterone from day 1 to help keep this pregnancy. Today the ER OB/GYN told her that he's not honestly sure that she will ever be able to sustain a viable pregnancy.

Now, this is one of my 2 best friends. We've been friends for 25 years (since we were 5). It absolutely kills me to watch her going through this and I'm thinking that she's going to give up. I know they have maxed out a few credit cards doing all the testing, medical treatments, surgery, etc.

So I was talking to my husband and I made the comment that I wish I could carry the baby for her. He looked at me like I was nuts, especially since I have absolutely horrible pregnancies (severe vomiting sometimes resulting in hospital stays & gestational diabetes). So we really got to talking and I mean serious discussion. After 3 hours of discussing numerous issues, outcomes, problems, etc., I fully decided that I would most definitely be a surrogate mom if she & her husband wanted a biological child. In fact, I would sign up to do it as soon as Carson hit a year of age. I would do it even if it meant me not having a 3rd baby of my own(I have PCOS and my uterus is funky...but that's a whole other story).

This got me to thinking, how many other women would honestly do this for a sister or close friend? Or just any woman in general? Do you really think that when it came down to it, you would follow through with it?

 

[jess2416]

To be honest, and I dont have any real reason, and I dont have a long thought out reason of why or why not...

but I wouldnt..

 

[Miakoda]

To be honest, and I dont have any real reason, and I dont have a long thought out reason of why or why not...

but I wouldnt..

You don't have to have a long, drawn out reason.

I just thought it would be interesting to discuss. I appreciate you chiming in.

 

[Brattina88]

I don't have any sisters, but I have two very very close friends that I consider sisters

and I could honestly say that I would.

 

[bubbatd]

Odd that this came up . Now I am going back to 40 years ago when things were different . After my third child I would have loved to carried one for someone in need . I had easy pregnancies and deliverers . I would have done it in a heartbeat for family or close friend .

 

[JustaLilBitaLuck]

I don't think I would, even for someone as close as a sister or a best friend.

Frankly, I'm not crazy about putting my body through something that it doesn't need to go through. Plus, it's a decision that once you do it, you're stuck for the next nine months, whether you want to be or not.

I think that everything happens for a reason, and if you can't have a biological child on your own, there's a reason for that. Whether it means you're not supposed to have children, or whether it means that you're supposed to adopt a child, or whether it means something else entirely.

 

[AgilityPup]

I think that if my sister couldn't, and wanted me to surrogate for her, I would. She's family. It's only right...

For my friends, my close ones, yes, but probably with a lot more thought and a lot more "Well, maybe I shoudn't"s than with my sister.

 

[PWCorgi]

Yes, for someone I was very close to and cared about, yes.

For someone I don't know well, not. Unless they're going to give me a sh!t ton of money to do it

 

[Miakoda]

there's a reason for that. Whether it means you're not supposed to have children, or whether it means that you're supposed to adopt a child, or whether it means something else entirely.

I disagree. I don't think it's fair to tell someone "you're just not meant to be a mother" because she could not get pregnant/carry a baby to term.

As for adoption, I really want to in the future. My cousin just adopted a 5-year-old girl and her 1-week-old sister. I know that to date, my cousin has spent approx. $60,000 on the adoption process. Not everyone has that kind of money to do that with.

And I would like to say that although I'd love to do it for someone other than a very best friend, I would have to say no.

 

[AgilityPup]

What I'd really like to happen here in my family (even though I'm only 15) is for us to adopt a teen... And I have a feeling that when I have my own family, and life, depending on how my family feels about it (once my kids are to the age where they understand) I would love to look into adopting a teen...

My mom talked seriously about it with me a while back, and I told her I wouldn't mind it at all, but our house isn't set up for more kids. It's three bedroom, and they're all taken - plus we have 7 dogs, so I doubt anyone would want to adopt a teen out to us.

 

[sparks19]

I think I would for someone close to me. but I don't think I could for someone I don't really know

 

[Samantha's pet]

I would do it for family (close friends are family). I couldnt do it if I were never going to see the child again. I would be too bonded.

My only concern would be some issues w/ jelousy/envy. I would be afraid the biological mother would maybe have some feelings of failure/incompetance and maybe have a little jelousy about me being able to carry their child rather than them.

I'm sure we could all work past it for a healthy baby, though.

 

[Southpaw]

Given my own medical history, no, I don't think I would (to make a somewhat short story, I have blood clotting issues, and would need to give myself a shot in the stomach every day if I were pregnant).

If I could have a relatively carefree pregnancy, then I would consider it...

 

[Laurelin]

I would if I could for either of my sisters, but not likely anyone else. However, at the rate things are going for me and the severity of my PCOS, it's pretty likely I'll have my own issues to deal with. I hope to adopt if I have the money one of these days.

 

[Giny]

For family or friends I think would, as long as it's their fertilized egg, I could never us my own. It's not something I ever had to think about before so to really say if I would or wouldn't not is a tough call. But I think I would.

 

[Hayley]

depends on the case, I think I would if someone I loved was going through a really tough time and this was thier only resort, however the hardest part would be giving up the baby after carrying it for 9 months.
The people who do this are wonderful people
Good luck in what ever you decide x

 

[Romy]

I couldn't give birth to a baby and then just hand it over to someone else to raise. It would be even harder if that someone was a close friend or family member, because then I would be seeing the child grow up. It sounds weird, and probably makes me selfish, but that's how I feel.

 

[Squishy22]

Without a doubt I would do it for someone who was close to me, like my sister. I wouldn't even think twice. My last pregnancy was very healthy and this one is as well, so far. I wouldn't feel like I am compromising my health at all.

 

[Zhucca]

Nope.. never want to be pregnant. ... unless they gave me a whole bunch of money, like someone already said.

 

[Punkygirl0101]

No. I couldn't. Even if it were for my friends, or my brother's girlfriend. I have enough issues as it is giving up foster animals, I wouldn't be able to carry a baby for 9 months and me not me its mother who takes care of it. Not to mention I don't plan on having kids anyway, because I don't want to be pregnant.