One night stands.

[smkie]

JUst didn't mean anything, and made me feel cheap. It isn't my style at all.

 

[jammer]

Well being that it's nobodies business but her own, I would say that she's well within her right to have as many one night stands as she wants. If she's being safe and chooses to engage in these activities then that's her call.
I think people who have narrow views of sex are the ones who are most uncomfortable with sex in general and their sexuality in particular.

 

[Paige]

Fran, real world expierence is what happens when your parents aren't there to bail you out from every mistake you've made. It has nothing to do with the sex itself. In fact, no where in any of my posts did I ever actually say anything about sex, or 18 year olds or 21 year olds having sex. I was talking about the whole maturity thing.

I hate to point to people(but since she pointed herself out), look at paige. 18 with a baby. Guess what, condoms and birthcontrol are NOT foolproof. Accidents happen. Are you prepared to deal with them?

Also, you may *think* you know something will not affect you, only to find out too late that it actually does.

Guess what, when I turned 16 I moved to Germany(by myself), I have more or less been on my own since then. Even before that, I was doing pretty much everything for myself. Most people thought I was 25 at 18 because of the way I handled myself.

Can I tell you something? I'm a lot less comfortable wih the thought of having sex, then I was when I was 18. I look back at the people I have had sex with(and all of it was during actual relationships, not one night stands) and I wish I had been more selective about who I shared my body with. What happened in between now and then? Life happened.

And it wasnt' even the whole, taking care of yourself, day to day type stuff. It was just a general overall mental maturity. I bet in another 5 years, I will look back at myself now and pick out things I'm doing now that I consider childish.

I've seen lives get ruined by sex. yes, simple "safe" sex. It has very real concequences, and they can be very scary.

Exactly my point. I was out on my own for quite some time too with a horse and a dog and doing just fine. Then I got pregnant. I have always been very mature for my years but this has thrown a whole new twist on things. I am not one to tell people what to do but my experience isn't all that uncommon either, sadly. Eighteen is young and the potentail consequences of sex are not something to take lightly. Especially not when it comes to a one night stand.

 

[Fran101]

lol my friend just said this and I had to add it

"I have too many self confidence issues to show my naked body to some dude who I know doesn't love me! A guy that loves you thinks you look perfect naked, some dude you met at a bar probably will notice and tell others about that birthmark on your ass shaped like a cowboy hat!"

..deep lol

 

[Laurelin]

Fran, real world expierence is what happens when your parents aren't there to bail you out from every mistake you've made. It has nothing to do with the sex itself. In fact, no where in any of my posts did I ever actually say anything about sex, or 18 year olds or 21 year olds having sex. I was talking about the whole maturity thing.

I hate to point to people(but since she pointed herself out), look at paige. 18 with a baby. Guess what, condoms and birthcontrol are NOT foolproof. Accidents happen. Are you prepared to deal with them?

Also, you may *think* you know something will not affect you, only to find out too late that it actually does.

Guess what, when I turned 16 I moved to Germany(by myself), I have more or less been on my own since then. Even before that, I was doing pretty much everything for myself. Most people thought I was 25 at 18 because of the way I handled myself.

Can I tell you something? I'm a lot less comfortable wih the thought of having sex, then I was when I was 18. I look back at the people I have had sex with(and all of it was during actual relationships, not one night stands) and I wish I had been more selective about who I shared my body with. What happened in between now and then? Life happened.

And it wasnt' even the whole, taking care of yourself, day to day type stuff. It was just a general overall mental maturity. I bet in another 5 years, I will look back at myself now and pick out things I'm doing now that I consider childish.

I've seen lives get ruined by sex. yes, simple "safe" sex. It has very real concequences, and they can be very scary. now imagine trying to deal with these with someone you barely know? Its hard on anyone... but I think it's really hard when you're so young.

I agree. There are so many things I did at 18 that I look back on and see as completely childish. At the time I did not at all. I know I will do the same in another 5 years. Yes age is just a number but there are experiences that come with age that will hopefully make a person wiser.

 

[sparks19]

My opinion on sex has totally changed since getting pregnant. I met my baby's dad in a drunken blackout and slept with him without even knowing his name. We ended up staying together for over a year but regardless I got pregnant and he's out of the picture. Before I didn't think sex was a big deal at all. I was safe about it but now am rethinking how I could have sex with someone so easily. Eighteen does seem young to me (I am 18) now that I am facing one of the very real possibilities of sex.

No I wouldn't judge her. I probably wouldn't think twice but for myself I know that I won't be doing that ever again.

I was going to mention this....

not about you personally but just generally.

one night stand Sex is all well and good until you have to face a consequence for it. but that also applies to relationship sex or any sex really lol

I've had my fair share of ONS. I won't lie. When I went through my partying every night phase I did a lot of things that I look back on now and think WTF was I thinking.

I'm just very lucky that I didn't have to pay a price for my actions.

So my opinion is... if you are two consenting adults, practice safety and are able to handle consequences IF any should come along... go for it it's your life and no one should tell you how to live it. just be prepared

 

[ACooper]

Fran, real world expierence is what happens when your parents aren't there to bail you out from every mistake you've made. It has nothing to do with the sex itself. In fact, no where in any of my posts did I ever actually say anything about sex, or 18 year olds or 21 year olds having sex. I was talking about the whole maturity thing.

I hate to point to people(but since she pointed herself out), look at paige. 18 with a baby. Guess what, condoms and birthcontrol are NOT foolproof. Accidents happen. Are you prepared to deal with them?

Also, you may *think* you know something will not affect you, only to find out too late that it actually does.

Guess what, when I turned 16 I moved to Germany(by myself), I have more or less been on my own since then. Even before that, I was doing pretty much everything for myself. Most people thought I was 25 at 18 because of the way I handled myself.

Can I tell you something? I'm a lot less comfortable wih the thought of having sex, then I was when I was 18. I look back at the people I have had sex with(and all of it was during actual relationships, not one night stands) and I wish I had been more selective about who I shared my body with. What happened in between now and then? Life happened.

And it wasnt' even the whole, taking care of yourself, day to day type stuff. It was just a general overall mental maturity. I bet in another 5 years, I will look back at myself now and pick out things I'm doing now that I consider childish.

I've seen lives get ruined by sex. yes, simple "safe" sex. It has very real concequences, and they can be very scary. now imagine trying to deal with these with someone you barely know? Its hard on anyone... but I think it's really hard when you're so young.

Let me say that this is an AWESOME post for lots of reasons.........not just on the subject of sex. At every single stage of your life, you WILL look back at some of the choices you've made and either regret or wonder why you went that route. It's life. And no matter how much advice you receive from others, you will still make your own choices because everyone thinks things will be different because THEY are different.........it usually doesn't work out too differently, but we all have to see for ourselves don't we? LOL


Now, on to the subject of one night stands and my opinion, LOL

They are not something I've ever engaged in. I do connect sharing the act along with emotional feelings, so meeting a stranger and having sex is just not something I could do. I *might* be able to have a 'friend with benefits' type situation, IDK, LOL

That said, I would NOT be thrilled if either of my daughters chose to engage in one night stands. I don't feel there is any way to be safe in that situation. I'm not talking about birth control (though that's important too), I'm talking about physically safe alone with a stranger you just met, you don't know anything about them, and you are going off alone with them to get naked and do the nasty? No.........I would be upset about that without a doubt. Not upset about the sex, upset about the stupidity of putting themselves at risk like that. I could see myself getting JUST AS UPSET about them crawling into a car with a stranger for a ride.............same difference in my mind.

One night stand with someone they DO know? A friend? Meh, I think it's not wise and complicates things more, but it's their life, their body, and as long as they are practicing safe sex I wouldn't hit the roof about it. All I can do is sit back and hope I've raised them to do right..........the actual DOING has to come from them

 

[sparks19]

lol my friend just said this and I had to add it

"I have too many self confidence issues to show my naked body to some dude who I know doesn't love me! A guy that loves you thinks you look perfect naked, some dude you met at a bar probably will notice and tell others about that birthmark on your ass shaped like a cowboy hat!"

..deep lol

This is true.

I really don't have body image issues and never really did even though I know I am overweight and have a spare tire. but my husband thinks I'm sexy and beautiful even naked lol. if I went back to some of my ONS now they'd probably be like "OMG go away" lol

that is one benefit with a trusting relationship over ONS... I have nothing to hide or be embarassed about or worry what he's thinking when he looks at me because I know he looks at me and thinks I'm gorgeous

 

[Beanie]

I agree. There are so many things I did at 18 that I look back on and see as completely childish. At the time I did not at all. I know I will do the same in another 5 years. Yes age is just a number but there are experiences that come with age that will hopefully make a person wiser.

Ditto this... it's very common when you're young to think everything is hunky dory, but then you get older and look back and your perspective changes a bit.

I sound like an old fart, LOL. But it's true.

 

[4dogs3cats]

I don't like the phrase "I'm not that kind of girl." I know it wasn't meant to be mean... but just because someone has had a ONS doesn't make them a "kind of girl."

I've done it. Actually when I look back, I've done it twice. No I don't sleep around, and I can, like I said, count all the guys I have been with on my fingers.

If someone is going out having a ONS every weekend with different guys, then maybe, yes, thats a "type" of girl, one that I don't want to be.

But if she knew it was just a one time thing, and just wanted to have some fun, I see no reason to fault her.

 

[sparks19]

I don't think it was meant to say "she's the type that would sleep around" but she is a type... she is the type that CAN do this and be fine with it some people are the type that they couldn't do it at all and they couldn't be fine with it if they did.

 

[babymomma]

Just to clear something up, She didnt tell a single soul... When people watch you leave with somebody, and then one of those people who watched you leave with them see you walking out of his house the next morning they put two and two together

She didnt even tell me, i found out from other people. She came to me after she found out people were talking about her.

 

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

I don't like the phrase "I'm not that kind of girl." I know it wasn't meant to be mean... but just because someone has had a ONS doesn't make them a "kind of girl."

I've done it. Actually when I look back, I've done it twice. No I don't sleep around, and I can, like I said, count all the guys I have been with on my fingers.

If someone is going out having a ONS every weekend with different guys, then maybe, yes, thats a "type" of girl, one that I don't want to be.

But if she knew it was just a one time thing, and just wanted to have some fun, I see no reason to fault her.

But realistically, plenty of people aren't that kind of girl. I've had sex with two people in my whole life and I dated both for more than two years so I can safely say I am not anything like a girl who would have a ONS as far as sexual morals go.

 

[4dogs3cats]

I don't think it was meant to say "she's the type that would sleep around" but she is a type... she is the type that CAN do this and be fine with it some people are the type that they couldn't do it at all and they couldn't be fine with it if they did.

Yeah.. makes sense. But I just hate that people that have had casual nights with someone are lumped in the same category that go home with a different guy every night.

But realistically, plenty of people aren't that kind of girl. I've had sex with two people in my whole life and I dated both for more than two years so I can safely say I am not anything like a girl who would have a ONS as far as sexual morals go.

The funny thing is that just because I have done it doesnt mean I'm that "kind" of girl either. I would have been fine not doing it. it just happened. I dont regret it, yet I dont feel like I benefited from it really. It just... is there. Doesn't mean I don't have morals. i just chose to have fun that night lol

 

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

I never said you didn't have morals Just not the same ones I do.

 

[4dogs3cats]

I never said you didn't have morals Just not the same ones I do.

Oh I know. I think Im just thinking out loud. lol.

I was always the girl that wanted to be in love, waited until I was with Erik. Then that all went down the drain and I thought, what was the point? I actually regret making such a big deal about it before.

I've come to the mindset that sex is sex, and once I find the person I am going to spend my life with, then yes it will be different. kind of like sparks.

I'm not gonna sit here and put sex on a pedistal because that didnt work for me. Im gonna have fun, enjoy my life, do what i wanna do, but be safe in the process, and when I find the person that makes it special, well then I'll know.

 

[Renee750il]

but some people seem to have a problem with her decision, and somehow think its their business (non of mine either really).. I'm having a problem wapping my head around why people are really saying stuff.. Its not really that big of a deal IMO. People do it ALL the time. And some of the people that are saying the most are people that have done/do it themselves, to whats the differance?

I've always found that people who are the most judgmental are the ones who are either doing the same thing -- or more, or WISH they had the chance or the guts.

 

[AGonzalez]

I've done it and don't regret it at all. In fact, my new husband was essentially that at first, though we had talked on the phone before. We went our separate ways for several months...and it cultivated into something much more than that. He ended up contacting me like 5 months later and it all started from there.

But, not everyone can separate sex and emotion, and that's all good. but I can and it doesn't hurt my feelings when "he didn't call me" within a week or anything like that. Usually I'm the one that bails out without leaving a name and a number.

Oh well, it's personal preference. I find that sex with someone you love is more rewarding (and easier, don't have to chew your arm off in the morning to escape, forget clothes, or use your GPS to get home) but if you're single and out having a good time and being careful...well, it's more fun than masturbating.

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

I've noticed that the people saying 21 are in the states. Is it because that's the drinking/gambling/smoking age?

Baby and I are in Canada, where the drinking/gambling/smoking age is 18 or 19 depending on what province you're in. Perhaps it's a cultural difference since Canada seems to be more laid back in general, probably stemming from being far less conservative and religious. Despite 21 only being 2-3 years older than the drinking ages here, it somehow makes a difference...

I also know 18 year olds that are married. Should they not be having sex? And I know plenty of 26 year olds who have sex incredibly irresponsibly.

It's like the drinking age...you can get married at 18 but can't drink champagne at your wedding. you can go to war but can't come home and have a beer. but if you're 21, living at home, and have never had any responsibility in your life, well, you're an adult, so it's okay to get drunk and have sex all over the place.

BUT I certainly don't think all 18 year olds are lol but its up to that 18 year old to think about it and decide, not up to some adult to preach "Your not mature enough! your 18"
maybe you weren't at 18. but I was.

Im not sure what "real world experience" has to do with it.. I don't need to be out of my parents house or whatever to know the potential consequences and reality of what sex is nor did I need it make a mature decision on wether or not it was right for me and him to do it.

to say "18 is too young for sex!" IMO is a bit ridiculous..
then again, im not a fan of blanket generalizations.

hate to break it to ya'll.. but id feel safe saying atleast 83.5% of 18 year olds these days are having sex lol
and the more adults push the "your not old/mature enough to do it!" onto teenagers, the more they are gonna wanna do it lol

Well being that it's nobodies business but her own, I would say that she's well within her right to have as many one night stands as she wants. If she's being safe and chooses to engage in these activities then that's her call.
I think people who have narrow views of sex are the ones who are most uncomfortable with sex in general and their sexuality in particular.

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

I think there is a distinct difference between sex with someone you trust vs. one night stands. The biggest thing is safety. If people are being safe, it's their lifestyle choice. I think it is very much a blanket statement though to say that 18 year olds arent ready for sex, as I know MANY who have and harbor no ill feelings or regrets. I think it is more closely connected to personality than age, IMO.

 

[Dizzy]

Done it. Don't regret it. Wouldn't do it now

Depends on when you do it, how and why and how you feel about it afterwards.