Help Please! Having Nervous Breakdown Over New Puppy

Doberluv

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#41
My Doberman, Lyric was the one dog I've had (and I've had many) where it took the longest to bond with. I was worried too. I don't remember how old he was, but it was months before that tight bond thing took hold. Then it came to be that he is the one dog I have had the strongest bond to. I love this dog so much, it isn't even funny. So, hang in there. It will hit you at an unexpected time.
 

tinies12

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#42
Oh I know exactly what you are saying about puppy! When we brought Sasha home.... It seemed as though I just brought a baby into the world. This is what i'd say to myself.;

Am I:::

Feeding puppy right?
Leash training right?
Potty training right?

And it goes on and on and one>>>>>>>>

As we all say time and time again, This too shall pass. All is good no worries....
 
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#43
That puppy is a sassy little guy! lol, your feelings are normal. :) Its ok, once he is all trained, or when he settles down a little, your feelings will go away. :) I feel that way with Hershey, because he acts like a puppy! lol, its ok though. It will get better. :)
 

uliaire

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#44
Well I made it through the weekend, barely. I probably only broke down crying 5-10 times. And we got off to a really rocky start this morning. I took him out to the bathroom a little before 6, but then when he went back in his crate, he proceeded to bark LOUDLY for 1.5 hours. I don't know. I feel like a horrible puppy mom. I thought I was going to be such a great dog owner, but if I'm not feeling worn down and depressed I'm feeling angry and frustrated. Every facet of my life is really suffering right now. I've just never been this down before...and it's been almost constant for two weeks. And I don't know if I have it in me to do what I do to make him a great dog. There are a few spare moments when I actually like him and feel like I can make it work, but they are pretty few and far between.

I spoke with a few dog trainers this morning and should be starting puppy class this coming weekend and I hope to start implementing some of the advice you guys have given me...about hanging out with other puppy owners, etc. Hopefully this will help. I've been trying to take your other advice as well and it is helpful at times.

Thanks everyone.
 

Sean5033

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#45
It was hard for me to resist my pup crying for attention in it's cage. But it's tough love. the pup needs to learn that there are ways it can behave to get rewarded. Crying and screaming won't do it. Turn the TV up a couple notches and remember to get up and reward the pup when he finally stops making noise. It'll give up, or fall asleep at some point.

Sometimes when Domino would quiet down, I'd get up to let her out, and she'd start crying again when she saw me come into the room. It broke my heart because she would have to stay in there longer, but it's the only way she could learn the rules. She's very well behaved in her crate now, and she rarely barks, and never throws her puppy fits anymore.

It doesn't make you a bad Puppy mom, it's just enforcing the rules of being a well behaved pup.

Thanks,
-Sean
 

otch1

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#46
Sorry to hear you're this worn out. By this weekend when you're in your class, you will hear from others in the same position. Not a bad "puppy mom", just frustrated because you have an intellegent, persistent and challenging little Pom. If you get a chance, read some of Irotas' threads about his new puppies. He took on 2 and a rather challenging breed, at that. A few things you've said... are you getting enough help from your fiance? Are you also planning a wedding right now? Just a hunch, guessing there's a lot going on in your life that might also be contributing to the stress. Hang in there!!
 
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#47
Ah, yes, wedding planning. Puppy. Fiance'. Dirty Laundry. Work or school. Dinner.... I'm sure the list goes on for the number of demands you have on your shoulders right now. We waited until 6 months after our wedding to get Snickers. Marriage really is such a big change in lifestyle, even if you guys are living together beforehand. This isn't completely puppy related, but it will help: Set your priorities and keep your boundaries! I get the feeling you take the world on your shoulders and can't handle the weight. Bottom line: you CANNOT do everything all the time. Figure out what's most important (including taking care of yourself!), and then let the things on the bottom of your priority list suffer. Whether that means not cooking dinner, getting a puppy-sitter for the weekend, or letting the house stay messy for a few extra days, you need to say NO sometimes. If you are afraid your fiance' won't like it, remind him he will be much happier with a partner who isn't constantly crying and feeling miserable! I bet he'll bend over backwards to help you be more like yourself again :).

When you start going to puppy classes, make some friends and see if there are puppy moms who would be willing to take care of your puppy for the weekend sometime (but of course you should be willing to return the favor!). That will not only give you a weekend of peace, but he'll be worn out from playing with his puppy buddy by the time he gets home too! So when he gets back he'll probably sleep SO well for the next night or two. On the same line of thinking, consider puppy daycare (after vaccinations, of course). He'll be pooped for the next 2 days. Hope this helps!
 
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#48
It will get better I promise! Do you live in a house or an apartment or condo? When I was about to go balistic with Wrigley barking in his crate for no reason I simply picked up his crate put it in the pitch black garage and went back to sleep---lets say I only had to do this twice and he never tried to do it again (but then again that's him and each and every puppy is different)!
 

NemoGirl

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#49
:) Don't worry as time passes it will get better! I have 3 human boys with every one I was overwhelmed:p I tripped, fell, burnt my fingers on bottles more than I can say ..I think puppies are somewhat in the same. Nemo was pretty good as a pup, others may need a little more attention.. You will get through it.......Good Luck.
Andrea
 

jason_els

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#50
Wow! How did I miss this thread??

You wouldn't believe what I went through. It was just me and I got two of them! Nothing like waking-up every two hours when it's near 0F to take the puppies out. Alarm goes off, turn on light, put on clothes, put on boots, put on coat, scoop-up first puppy, put on leash and collar, and bring outside. Wait, praise, treat. Scoop-up puppy and bring back in. Scoop-up second puppy and repeat. Take off clothes. Go back to sleep for another two hours.

It was a complete nightmare and you can read allllll about it here on the forum just by going through my old posts. It was Hell. I too was upset and crying and unable to think clearly. People told me I was making a huge mistake by getting two littermates, that I had to keep them separate in separate crates out of sight of each other and all kinds of things.

I couldn't do it and live at all. It was impossible. I finally realized that I had to learn to trust my own instincts and do what was necessary for me to function. The stress was causing me to be a bad owner and fairly useless in any other circumstance.

What saved me was deciding that I could only do what I could do and go from there. A few people here were instrumental in helping me and I couldn't have done it without them. My pups are very rare and few people have experience with the breed but otch1 has a breed very similar to mine and basically advised me to throw out the books and go with a more gentle approach. It worked and gave me the confidence to realize that I needed sleep to function and be a good owner. For a while I cut off water at night and only woke-up once a night to take them out. It turns out I didn't need to cut off the water after just a week of this. The pups learned not to drink at night unless they really needed it and I started trusting my own instincts. I kept the pups together so they wouldn't cry, confining them to a small pen with just enough space for a bed, bowls, and a newspaper pee box which they actually used. I bought the crates but so far haven't used them. I was lucky in that the pups could see me in bed from their den and that was enough to make them happy. They soon learned to cry or whine when they needed to go out and, knock wood, they're mostly housetrained. For me, the key was taking them out every two hours. They could be out of their pen for up to half an hour with me directly supervising them, after what I call a, "Jackpot," which means they both poop and pee on a potty visit outside. Consistency in taking them out, praising and treating for eliminating made all the difference.
 

jason_els

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#52
It certainly did!

The key is to do what you know must, try and do what you should, and sometimes do something just for fun. We're still working on solid recalls and housetraining, but they're doing great on leash walking and, as a result, get to go out with me more often.

I got my boys at 8 weeks. I'm convinced they should have stayed until 10 weeks, but that wasn't an option.

The confinement is key. I fed them in their pen, played with them in their pen, treated them EVERY time they entered the pen on their own (still do), only give them new toys in the pen or in the car (as they don't like the car). What I suggest doing is to feed the dog no less than 5 hours before bed and cut water 2 hours before last walk which should be immediately before bed. It can help to move the crate to the same level as the bed so the pup can see you at all times. It's also a good idea if you have a/c or cold drafts near the floor. Set your alarm for exactly 4 hours after the last walk, then take your pup out. Be patient. They usually need to walk around a bit to stimulate bowel movements. My guys could go as long as 10-12 minutes outside before needing to poop though it was rarely that long. Praise lavishly and give a small non-salty treat. Four hours later, get up and repeat immediately. Offer water at that time along with breakfast.

Now I did that just for a week because my vet advised me not to withold water for too long. If they had to pee in the newspaper box, they did so. They were on newspaper at the breeder's so it was a substrate they associate with eliminating. That was great for me and it meant they didn't have to walk or sleep in their own poop. Pretty quickly they started making noises when they had to go and, even it was the middle of the night, I'd dash over, grab the pup, and put him outside immediately because young pups usually don't know they have to go until right when they need to do it. Grab the pup and don't put him down until he's someplace outside. I'd drop my guys on the ground right outside the door and then put my coat and shoes on while watching him through the door window.

Getting sleep was the key. I've raised other dogs before but never two at once and just going back to my instincts and knowing what works worked for me. They're now 18 weeks old and are doing very well. They do have accidents indoors if they've been playing very roughly and, "forget," they need to go and I admit there are times they've barked and I didn't realize it was an, "I need to go outside," bark. The good news is they will sleep through the night now and if for some reason they need to go in the middle of the night they will yelp to wake me and they've been doing that consistently since 13 weeks. They even don't mind if I sleep in a little some days.

I've read a pile of how-to books and received some excellent advice here at Chazhound. Not everyone agrees how to do everything, but like I said, to be a good owner you have to do what you need to keep your act together. That's what I did and it worked. YMMV.
 

otch1

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#53
Hi Jason els. When I was posting to this lovely Pom owner to "read Irotas' old posts", I meant you!!! My mistake. He has a lab, you have the 2 Pumik! I thought Uliaire would be able to put things into prospective after reading some of your posts. Lol. We all generally survive the "puppy stage" with our dogs. I now am dealing with mine! He's a handful, a 70 lb bulldozer. How is it going Uliaire??!
 

uliaire

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#54
Hi! As I was writing this he squatted and peed right in front of me at the office! It's the first time he's had an accident here and it's his first accident in 3 days :( Oh well. I have him tethered to my chair and he was about 3 feet away. But overall, it's going so much better! I couldn't have imagined it a few weeks ago, but I seem to be getting the hang of things and the barking and crying aren't getting to me as much. I think I've relaxed a lot and my life is starting to feel like my own a little more. He started puppy class last weekend. We're doing clicker training b/c it was the only class that would let him in w/out all his vaccines...I'm liking it though. He doesn't have very good social skills w/ other dogs and it's allowed to practice them much since all the other puppies are at least twice his size. I'll need to find some other small puppies or dogs for him to hang with. Jason I'll definitely check out your threads :) I really appreciate everything everyone has had to say. It's been really helpful. I think we might actually make it!
 

jason_els

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#55
Glad to hear it's going well. Puppies do have relapses every now and then but they also need to learn how to communicate their need to go. At that age there is next to no time between the urge and the need and you won't catch all of them. Of my guys, Boomer learned first to make noises to alert me, Tweeter still doesn't, which isn't good, but I keep them going out every three to four hours during the day and they spend time outdoors in their pen.

I'm trying to find some bells for the door and train them to use it to alert me. The nice part with the bells is that you can get a few of them. Hang them in the crate, on the door, and on your desk. Whenever you bring the puppy out, move his paws to ring the bells then immediately take him out. This should reinforce the association of the bells with going outside. Whenever you take him out, have him ring the bells, even quickly. My sister alerted me to this technique and she's had great success with it.
 

mjb

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#56
I went through this in a big way!! If it had not been for disappointing my child, I would have given more thought to throwing in the towel. I am so, so, so glad I didn't. I really don't think I could've actually gotten rid of him, but I so wanted to go back to pre-puppy days! Spanky must have been the absolute worst puppy imaginable. And it's hard to believe what a great dog he is. Of course, we're biased, but everyone loves him. He is an absolute joy.

(Besides the constant watching for puppy mistakes and the destroyed property, we had a biting monster. All the neighborhood kids were scared to come in the house! He was difficult to be with because of the constant nipping. Now the kids come to see Spanky as much as they do my son, but that took forever!)

As he was becoming much more enjoyable, I said I would never get a puppy again. It would only be adult dogs coming in to my house! Now, I'm even backing down on those words. I could probably consider a puppy again.

On the plus side, during my 'depression' brought on by puppy, I lost 20 lbs.! Now, I would love to have that duplicated!
 
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#57
Make sure that you pup gets tons of socialization with all dogs (regardless of size)--if he tries to cower by your feet--ignore and walk away! Make sure he is exposed to small children, big children, elderly people, big men pretty much everyone! We made the mistake of not exposing Wrigley to enough children and now he growls and backs away from them.....just FYI!
 

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