had to call the sheriffs office

[nancy2394]

Wow I'm so sorry that happened Nancy... I definitely wouldn't feel safe. He entered your space and that was completely uncalled for... No apology of his should be accepted in my opinion. He's wasting his breath even trying. Have you told Arielle yet about his intrusion?

He's been trying and trying to get me to talk to him so he can apologize I have ignored his calls... then he started texting me at midnight last night... and I ignored those as well and went to bed. Arielle knows about the intrusion... she can't believe he went as far as he did. He called and called and called over to her friend's house last night wanting to beg her to take him back.

 

[nancy2394]

Hang in there, Nancy. I agree with the others -- you might need to send him a stronger message before this is all over. I know you are trying to be kind and empathetic -- but if he's under 18, the charge won't stick with him and it'll let him know how serious you are.

I agree too... I might need to send him a stronger message. I was just trying to be understanding of his emotions probably getting the best of him. But he's nearly 19 years old and I didn't want him to have a felony record. But he may leave me no choice in the matter. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior again. He knows we're serious and that I will 100% carry through with having him arrested if he continues... but I'm afraid his "want" for her is stronger than the idea of being arrested. I am fully expecting him to continue to harrass us for a while until he gets the picture that she will NOT be going back to him ever.

 

[showpug]

How scary! I am so glad you are okay.

I am late coming into all of this, but I think it would have been best to have him arrested. People who do things like that are flat out dangerous. The fact that it was driven by emotions is no excuse IMO. I don't necessarily agree with the advice the cop gave about the strong verbal warning. Sometimes I think some cops blow things off and don't want to do their JOB!

Anyway, I hope your family remains safe and the whole situation is under control. You may want to ask around and see is there is a Fila for rent in your area?

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

I'm inclined to think that you need to send this kid a very strong message this time. He needs to understand that he can't get away with something like this!!!! Kids who are hurt from break ups can act extremely strange!!! Desparation can be a scary thing. He needs to learn a lesson from this Nancy!!!!!! I'm glad you're ok!! ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

 

[Melissa_W]

Wow, I'm glad you're ok. He sounds very unstable. It fortunate that she got away from him now rather than later. I hope that he lets this go soon.

 

[Sweet72947]

Nancy, I'm sorry you are going through this. Psychotic ex-boyfriends can be a scary thing. Please take everything very seriously, as these people typically turn violent. My friend lived near a girl who was killed by her 25 yr old ex-boyfriend when she broke up with him. He tried to kill her sister too, but she got away. Sending "be safe" vibes to your family.

 

[lilprairiemutt]

I am so glad you are safe. I hope he gets the message. I would probably have shot him when he was trying to force his way into the room. I think ou should have his butt thrown in jail at the very least, especially since he keeps calling. I would not put up with the harrassment for any reason. Also watch out for yourselves, he will likely get around to laying the blame at your door. He won't want to believe that she broke up with him for her own reasons, easier to believe that you made her do it or brainwashed her or something.

 

[nancy2394]

He called me several times at work last night and kept texting my cell phone and tj's cell phone. Apparently he's just not getting that it's over. I'm getting ready to call the school officer in a few minutes and let him know what's going on.

 

[puppydog]

Jeez! This kid is now harrassing the parents! That is super bunny boiler. I would get a restraining order in place ASAP!

 

[smkie]

Since he is obviously stalking you, and harrassing you, is it too late to put up charges? AT least secure a protection order that will give you the power you need, that way he could not call you or come to your home, or be within so many hundred feet of you or your family. If he does, then he would be arrested and get the message that he cannot have what he wants no matter how much he feels the need to persist..

 

[nancy2394]

I contacted the officer at the school and because I live just outside the city limits I am our of their juristiction (sp?) But he was kind enough to call the right department himself and contact the 2nd guy in command to make sure this gets taken care of... unlike the other guy who sort of led me to think filing a report was a waste of everyones time.

You know... when I talked to the guidance councelor.. he knew all about Jake and he said he could 100% agree with my discription of him. He's manipulative, jealous, insecure, angry...etc. He definately made me think I should beware of him.

Then I talk to the cop at the school and he not only if very familiar with Jake, but knows his family. And when I said his family were all wack jobs.. especially his mother... he laughed and said he couldn't agree more. He said he went to school with Jakes mother and she's about as nutty as they come.

I just wish this would go away. He's manipulating me now... and trying to suck me back into his life with his woe is me sob stories... and I bought into it..grrrr. He made me feel so bad for him last night that I about shed some tears over it. I am angry that I let him manipulate me like that.

 

[ACooper]

Nancy, I am glad you followed through and contacted all the right people.

I get where you are coming from feeling sorry for him.......I would probably be crying over his tales of woe too, that just shows we have a heart and compassion. And the truth is that his "stories" may in fact be true..........but that in NO WAY excuses the decision he made to break into your home, and the decisions he is STILL making by being OBSESSED in calling/texting you.

This kid sounds like he has ALL the classic symptoms of a stalker.......seriously. Don't let your compassion for him stop you from using your head and seeing the red flags.

 

[nancy2394]

Now I just want to cry. I called her first period teacher at school because that's the class her and Jake have together. I specifically told Jake last night that he was not to touch her.. that included hugging, kissing, holding hands..ect. I basically told him that anything more than a simple "hello" you would give to anyone would not be appropriate. I even called her this morning and told her not to have any contact with him.

When I talked to her teacher he told me that had I not just told him what had happened this weekend that he would never know anything was wrong. Apparently they were outside for some kind of assembly and it was cold out.. and she was all huddled up with HIM!!!

I am ticked off right now. She really had me thinking this was it. She has put those rose colored glasses back on and has let him back into her life. I am putting my foot down. She will lose privelages because of this. I am still following through with the restraining order. I will do everything I can to prevent them from being together. I just can not sit back and watch him ruin my daughter's life. If she continues to buck me and sneak behind my back then she will be asked to leave our house when she turns eighteen in December. She will have to experience "tough love". I refuse to enable her to be in such a dangerous and unhealthy relationship.

I am so upset right now. I feel like he's got the upper hand because he's got her under his control of manipulation. I wanna beat the living crap out of him right about now. TJ is absolutely going to freak when he hears this.

 

[ACooper]

Oh Noooooooooo!

I don't know what to say Nancy, other than stick to your guns and keep tabs on her. Take away priveleges until it nearly physically hurts.

No money, no car, no going ANYWHERE.......no phone, no computer, no NOTHING. If she feels she can make such a decision in light of this weekends events then I wouldn't give her any luxuries from YOUR pocket.

 

[nancy2394]

Oh Noooooooooo!

I don't know what to say Nancy, other than stick to your guns and keep tabs on her. Take away priveleges until it nearly physically hurts.

No money, no car, no going ANYWHERE.......no phone, no computer, no NOTHING. If she feels she can make such a decision in light of this weekends events then I wouldn't give her any luxuries from YOUR pocket.

I've already put a new password on the computer so she can't get on at all unless I log her on.. which is how it was right up until a few days ago when I removed the password to give her some trust back. I've changed her myspace password so she can't log onto that unless I log her on. The phone is definately gone. She will not be allowed to go ANYWHERE outside of school without an adult present and I will be talking to them first. She is so going to be ticked off.. but tough luck, she is bringing this upon herself. One day she might thank me for intervening like this... might not be for a long time from now.. but just maybe at one point in the future.

I am just fuming about this. Oh, and one other thing.. she wanted to go out and get her driving permit this week because she hasn't gotten around to getting it for the past year and a half... well, let's just say she will still be one of the few almost 18 year olds that doesn't drive.

 

[Gempress]

OMG Nancy! ARRGH! That must be so frustrating for you. It's frustrating me, and Arielle's not even my child.

I would go talk to the school counselor ASAP and demand a schedule change for your daughter. She needs to be kept as far away from this creep as possible. Different class, and maybe even different lunch periods.

I know you feel sorry for this kid, but he is unstable. He has the potential to wreck your daughter's life, and he's not worth it. I would also file criminal charges on him for his antics this weekend ASAP. Maybe if he goes to jail for a bit, your daughter will have a chance to come to her senses.

 

[nancy2394]

OMG Nancy! ARRGH! That must be so frustrating for you. It's frustrating me, and Arielle's not even my child.

I would go talk to the school counselor ASAP and demand a schedule change for your daughter. She needs to be kept as far away from this creep as possible. Different class, and maybe even different lunch periods.

I know you feel sorry for this kid, but he is unstable. He has the potential to wreck your daughter's life, and he's not worth it. I would also file criminal charges on him for his antics this weekend ASAP. Maybe if he goes to jail for a bit, your daughter will have a chance to come to her senses.

nothing is going my way with this. I just spent a long time on the phone with a guy from the local sheriff's office that I swear is related to Goober or Barney from that old tv show that took place in Mayberry.. I can't think of the name of the show..grr.

I am getting the run around and now I find out that our situation might not "qualify" for a TPO because they go to the same school and it would be hard to enforce

I feel like no one is taking me seriously about this. It's not just typical teenage behavior.. this could potentially be a dangerous situation. I talked at length with the guidance counselor and he's going to try and "talk" to her and maybe try and convince her that this relationship is not healthy and could become dangerous. But Arielle obviously has blinders on and she's probably gonna let it go in one ear and out the other.

I just called the sheriff back again and told him the heck with all this crap.. I wanna press criminal charges against him. Then he says "okay, so you want to press charges against the fellow?" Well, duh.. isn't that what I just said to him?!? Then he tells me that they can't arrest him until Wednesday.. apparently that's when they can fit it into their busy mayberry schedule. This just gets more and more ridiculous.

 

[Melissa_W]

I'm sorry about this Nancy. I have to say though that I'm not surprised that she went back to him. I was in a relationship with a similar boy when I was around your daughter's age. It's very hard to get away from that type of person, especially the first try, and especially when you are that young. I understand the need to protect your daughter, but be careful about driving her into his arms. I know that when others came down really hard on my past relationship, it put me on the defensive and we only got closer. But believe me, it's only a matter of time before this relationship will dissolve. I think the third time I broke up with him, I got a restraining order on him and that was pretty much that. I'm sorry about this though, I know how hard this must be for you. It's so hard to watch people you love make mistakes.

 

[Zoom]

Giving Arielle the benefit of the doubt for a second, maybe she doesn't deserve it, but maybe he just came up and put his arms around her and told her something along the lines of "make a scene and I'll..."

I would ask her what was going on when the councelor saw them first, then tell her that all her privledges are gone.

 

[nancy2394]

I'm sorry about this Nancy. I have to say though that I'm not surprised that she went back to him. I was in a relationship with a similar boy when I was around your daughter's age. It's very hard to get away from that type of person, especially the first try, and especially when you are that young. I understand the need to protect your daughter, but be careful about driving her into his arms. I know that when others came down really hard on my past relationship, it put me on the defensive and we only got closer. But believe me, it's only a matter of time before this relationship will dissolve. I think the third time I broke up with him, I got a restraining order on him and that was pretty much that. I'm sorry about this though, I know how hard this must be for you. It's so hard to watch people you love make mistakes.

I am worried about driving her into his arms... but I really feel like this is what I need to do. I made it very clear to her what would happen if she allowed him back into her life.. so she can't say I didn't warn her. If she chooses to be with him when she's 18, then so be it, there's not a thing I can do about it. But I will no longer provide support for her and she will learn very quickly how hard it is to survive with no license, no job, no money..etc. I guess I'll be balancing on a very thin line in regards to driving her away when all I want to do is keep her close to me. It's one of those situations that you're damned if you do and your damned if you don't. I just hope I am making the right decision and one day she will understand why I did it.

She is going to be so mad at me when she finds out he's getting arrested. I'm not going to tell her.. because she will warn him and then it will be hard to serve the warrant on him and take him in. I'm expecting a huge fight between her and I... and I dread it with every cell in my body