Why I haven't been very active

[tessa_s212]

Okay, well, firstly I'm going to post the link to a video. It is me practically saying the exact same thing, just in video form so that you can see my face, my expressions.. my tone.. the whole big deal. So, if you can watch that.. I ask that you please do watch that instead of reading this. Well, you can read this too.. but I'd also like you to watch the video first if you can. But for those that can't, I'll also type it out here in this post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECFIpD7RFQ


Okay.. so, just one small part in the reason why I haven't been very active is that I am now addicted to Youtube. I've been spending much of my free time on my computer that I used to spend on Chaz instead on Youtube, and making video blogs and things of the such.

And that is actually part of the reason why I made a video to say this. I have started enjoying making the videos.. though, I will say that I fear that I look and sound stupid all the time.. and all that.. but anyway.. I also made a video because people always say its hard to know exactly the person's tone, and all that. So, I was hoping when I address some of the other issues, that this would come out the right way and I wouldn't ruffle any feathers or anything.

Okay.. soo now on with what I mean to say....

Yes.. a large part of the reason I haven't been as active is because I just got sick of Chaz. I didn't feel that everyone always treated me very kindly. I think a small part of that still holds true,.. but I also know.. I'm also a person that I believe understands myself quite well, understands my reasoning for doing things. Well.. I've got issues. (No, not saying that for attention.. I'm sure many of you probably already know and think this anyway! ) I'm a people pleaser. It's actually more like an obsession.. I've been this way my whole life, and well.. lets not get into my life story. Life goes on.. so blah blah balh. Anywho.. because of that.. well.. I'm hard to deal with sometimes.. as I'm sure some of you already know. I can be defensive... and sensitive.. and ya.. all that stuff. There's just a certain way you have to deal with me if you want to be productive. But I cant' and don't expect people to understand that.. not everyone knows me personally.. not everyone knows some things.. people can't read my mind. So I'm not trying to put any blame on people.

I'm not going to bad talk anyone. I'm not going to name names. But I suspect a certain person will be reading this. And you know who you are.. and to you.. I'm honestly sorry. Well, I actually dont' know what else to say. I'm sorry for any times if I've treated you badly. But I just want and hope for you to realize.. that some of the things you've said haven't helped me..but were hurtful instead. I know you care, and I just want you to know that the way you were addressing me just weren't the way I needed to be treated to be helped.

But no hard feelings.. I understand that some people just have conflicts.

Well.. that's why I've been away.. probably why I'll stay away from the fire hydrant. I'm just going to try and stay out of trouble... not bother people anymore.

And.. I think that about wraps it up.

 

[tessa_s212]

Well, I read this again, and thought that I had some things to add.

In the video I didn't say everything.. I did add some extra comments and explanations typed out above.

Also I didn't want to make everyone feel like it was the people here that was the only problem. Nor do I want people to think it is only one person.. I just spoke a little bit to that one person because.. well, unlike some of the other people that have treated me rudely, that member is someone I actually know cares.. just kind of did a lousy job showing that to me. But I do know it, so that's why.. anyway, I did find Youtube and it is my new addiction, but it is also just because I have been keeping myself busy with school, staying after school to talk to teachers, and ROP. We got some new kids at ROP, so I hope to be making more friends, learning more about them, maybe get out of the house a little bit more. I have been more active in the past two days or so because there hasn't been any school, and you can only make Youtube videos for so many hours of the day.

So that is another part of the reason why I haven't been here, and why I probably won't be very active here on the forum. But, I'm not going to sugar coat anything.. the people problem is what will keep my distant from the fire hydrant in the future.

But anyway.. for anyone that reads this.. don't get your hopes up. I'm still the same person.. If you disliked me before, you are probably still going to dislike me. And if you loved me, you might just love me even more.. or maybe this will not affect you one bit.. oh well.. let it be whatever it is going to be..

I'm out. Gotta get going.

 

[mrsgrubby]

well I hope you will check in with us once in awhile and let us know how you are doing. Enjoy your new hobby, it is great you are discovering other fun things to do. Life is full of great things to do.

good luck, take care

 

[bubbatd]

Do enjoy wherever you are !! Life's too short .

 

[tessa_s212]

Thanks you two.

Basically video blogging just replaced my actual blogging through online journals as well as venting here on the forums.. uhm.. lets just say the venting here never seemed to end very nicely... and I've been making some friends through Youtube that I can honestly vent to.. so,, ya.. its nice.

I've actually had more free time as of late, the reason being why I am able to respond to this right now even. I finsihed my homework early, my teacher didn't have much things to grade, its too cold to agility train out back, and I have no dog training class tonight. Soo.. actually have time to visit here on the Fire Hydrant today, instead of only the training or general or food section.

mrsgrubby.. no worries.. I'll probably be on more than I actually had planned.. free moments here or there... just can't promise that I'll be as active as I used to be.. specifically here on the hydrant. But I won't dissappear forever or completely....

 

[keyodie]

It takes lots of guts to be so honest/and apologize when people HAVE been mean to you. Especially on video. I admire you for that. I agree with them SOMEtimes, but I also think they weren't being as nice as they could be about it.

Hah! I have the same poster (of the beagle) in my room.

 

[Whisper]

It takes lots of guts to be so honest/and apologize when people HAVE been mean to you. Especially on video. I admire you for that. I agree with them SOMEtimes, but I also think they weren't being as nice as they could be about it.

I agree with Keyo.

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

Tessa,

I know I don't say much. At all. LOL

I am also a rather secretive person. I keep things to myself and try to avoid confrontation.

However, there is something I think you should know.

No matter WHAT anyone thinks of you on this forum, I look up to you. I read your posts (when I see them) and get a lot out of them. In fact, I don't think I would be the same person today had I not read your advice. I originally read Brian Kilcommons book and I lucked out that Tucker turned out so great. But what you taught me has made our bond SO much better and he has improved in agility so much after I read your tips/tricks throughout the Dog Sport Boards.

When you post video's of Marq and Cocoa and all the gang I am constantly amazed by how good they are and what a flawless handler you are. Infact, I am hoping to get a BC puppy this summer who I can really work with at agility. I wanted to train him/her using your methods (if you are still around...)because I have seen your students (through your video's) and am impressed. Besides that, you are SOOO positive and the dogs you train all appear to simply love working with you. LOL, expect a lot of PM's next year .

Anyhow, I don't want to go on forever, but I just want you to know how much I value your posts and how much I am going to miss you .

AND, not matter what anyone told you, I think you are a FANTASTIC person and hope to be like you when I am older .

*Hugs*

~Emily

 

[tessa_s212]

Tessa,

I know I don't say much. At all. LOL

I am also a rather secretive person. I keep things to myself and try to avoid confrontation.

However, there is something I think you should know.

No matter WHAT anyone thinks of you on this forum, I look up to you. I read your posts (when I see them) and get a lot out of them. In fact, I don't think I would be the same person today had I not read your advice. I originally read Brian Kilcommons book and I lucked out that Tucker turned out so great. But what you taught me has made our bond SO much better and he has improved in agility so much after I read your tips/tricks throughout the Dog Sport Boards.

When you post video's of Marq and Cocoa and all the gang I am constantly amazed by how good they are and what a flawless handler you are. Infact, I am hoping to get a BC puppy this summer who I can really work with at agility. I wanted to train him/her using your methods (if you are still around...)because I have seen your students (through your video's) and am impressed. Besides that, you are SOOO positive and the dogs you train all appear to simply love working with you. LOL, expect a lot of PM's next year

Anyhow, I don't want to go on forever, but I just want you to know how much I value your posts and how much I am going to miss you .

AND, not matter what anyone told you, I think you are a FANTASTIC person and hope to be like you when I am older

*Hugs*

~Emily

Emily, this means a lot. It really does. It's not often that I get told this, specially about my methods considering the classes I am in and the training methods they use.

But let it be known, I have not always been a positive trainer. I actually used to treat my dogs very poorly. And, to be completely honest, it took an extremely long time to wean myself off of those methods, and even in the past five months I still have corrected my dogs out of frustration. After being a correctional trainer, and a mean one at that, for so many years.. its hard to reprogram your brain. But, I'm proud to say that just another example of my improving is the patience I showed with Marq just today when doing more obedience training.

And as far as everything else goes.. I certainly haven't shown my good character all the time here on the forum. I mentioned earlier that I can be a defensive person as is, and top that off with any family frustrations, mother going crazy, etc etc etc.. So, I can understand people's frustration with me. Buuut.. what I do hope people realize and learn is that positive reinforcement should not only be used on dogs, but also people.

My sister is a classic example. I have neighbors taht are BYBs of rotties. Whenever the neighbor girls, ages 12 and 13, tell my sister they have new puppies, my sister always yells at them. The girls then tell their mother about the being yelled at, and now their mother hates my sister. The 12 year old actually wants to join 4-H, so I went over the other day to help teach her some things about training. Her mom saw me and actually asked, "Are you the nice twin?" She had already formed a grudge against my sister and thought she was stuck up and rude. Now, the fact taht they've had parvo outbreaks, they were keeping their puppies out in the cold, etc etc etc.. it all angers and saddens me so very much.. but when I went over there never did I say a harsh thing. Never. I did tell her that it might be best to keep the puppies they have now until they are 8 weeks, instead of 6, and explained why. So, I'm "the nice twin". She likes me, and now that her daughter is getting interested in 4-H, I hope that her mom will also get interested in what her kids are doing and eventually be open to learning. She's already shown interest in my backyard agility training and my showing of dog and that Marq has his Ch title. It won't be immediate..but I'm waiting. And when the time is right, I have faith that this woman will be educated. But.. my entire point was that now, no matter what my sister says from now on.. she's not goign to want to listen to my sister because my sister has already come off as condescending and stuck up.

 

[RD]

1.) Your video doesn't really work. I only get to see the first 30 seconds or so before it ends, even though it says it's about 3 minutes long.

2.) We've had our ups and downs, Tessa, but I enjoy hearing from you and I especially love talking dogs with you. Hope you keep in touch over IM.

 

[tessa_s212]

1.) Your video doesn't really work. I only get to see the first 30 seconds or so before it ends, even though it says it's about 3 minutes long.

2.) We've had our ups and downs, Tessa, but I enjoy hearing from you and I especially love talking dogs with you. Hope you keep in touch over IM.

Hmm.. anyone else have this problem? It's been working for me and many others.. so I don't know. Could it be your computer? Or maybe Youtube was just beeing grouchy again.

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Hi Tessa....

I just watched your video....you're so right...it's much easier to see where a person is coming from when you can see their expressions, and listen to tone of voice. I'm sorry that you've felt hurt by people/comments in this forum, I do have to admit that I to have felt that way at times with some individuals here!! Thanks for taking time to make the video and talk about how you're feeling about things, I appreciate that!!! Take care of yourself....I will talk to you soon. (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

I know your past Tessa, and I admire you that much more for changing.

*hugs*

~Emily

 

[Whisper]

It didn't work for me either, Tessa. I saw about a a quarter of it.

 

[keyodie]

Hmm...it worked for me. =/

 

[bubbatd]

It took over a 1/2 hr. for me to download .

 

[keyodie]

Hmm, maybe it's just youtube. I know youtube is really slow on some computers. It took almost no time at all on mine.

 

[ToscasMom]

Tessa I don't know you that well. The truth is, unless we have spend a good length of time with someone on this board, NONE of us really knows one another very well. That's the good part and the bad part about the internet. I've been on the internet so long I remember when I had to pay for it by the hour. LOL. It has changed a great deal over time, but one thing that has never changed is the inability to feel, see and touch what people are saying. You just can't do that on the internet. No expressions, no tone, no peripheral senses. Just us and a keyboard. That makes for some pretty inaccurate assessments sometimes, yes? Particularly when we argue, debate or just plain fight. In the real world, we can hug and make up, have some coffee, etc etc. Here, all that's left is more of our keyboard. It's an extremely insecure feeling for someone to apologize on the internet, I have found. That is because It Is Written, so to speak. I have seen your posts and have appreciated them. But after seeing your video, I have to say that you are an incredibly forthright person. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to be forthright in front of 40 million people, my friend.

Anyways, what we see on the net is what we get. But sometimes what we get is not really what is there. Sometimes the way we come across is not the way we are at all. And sometimes, our lives are in dissarray everywhere else so we take it out on a message board. We all do it. The difference is, we don't all have the guts to make a video about it. I am in awe. Just thought I would say that.

As a side issue, you mentioned that you worry about what others think about you. Have you ever considered taking a debate course or two? It kind of desensitizes you to differing opinions and can carry over into life. It might help you care a little less that others who disagree with you aren't very good at it. And since you appear to have some very good speaking skills already, you might really enjoy the entire process and get the added benefit of walking away not caring as much what others think. Just a thought, meant in the most sincere of spirits.

 

[tessa_s212]

Tessa I don't know you that well. The truth is, unless we have spend a good length of time with someone on this board, NONE of us really knows one another very well. That's the good part and the bad part about the internet. I've been on the internet so long I remember when I had to pay for it by the hour. LOL. It has changed a great deal over time, but one thing that has never changed is the inability to feel, see and touch what people are saying. You just can't do that on the internet. No expressions, no tone, no peripheral senses. Just us and a keyboard. That makes for some pretty inaccurate assessments sometimes, yes? Particularly when we argue, debate or just plain fight. In the real world, we can hug and make up, have some coffee, etc etc. Here, all that's left is more of our keyboard. It's an extremely insecure feeling for someone to apologize on the internet, I have found. That is because It Is Written, so to speak. I have seen your posts and have appreciated them. But after seeing your video, I have to say that you are an incredibly forthright person. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to be forthright in front of 40 million people, my friend.

Anyways, what we see on the net is what we get. But sometimes what we get is not really what is there. Sometimes the way we come across is not the way we are at all. And sometimes, our lives are in dissarray everywhere else so we take it out on a message board. We all do it. The difference is, we don't all have the guts to make a video about it. I am in awe. Just thought I would say that.

As a side issue, you mentioned that you worry about what others think about you. Have you ever considered taking a debate course or two? It kind of desensitizes you to differing opinions and can carry over into life. It might help you care a little less that others who disagree with you aren't very good at it. And since you appear to have some very good speaking skills already, you might really enjoy the entire process and get the added benefit of walking away not caring as much what others think. Just a thought, meant in the most sincere of spirits.

Thankyou for the response.

We don't have any debate classes in my school. But I have just recently been kind of forced into a anger management class with my most favoritest mentor ever. Even more than my need to please others, I need to address my issues with self hate and obsession of thinking I need to be perfect. So far I've been doing a pretty good job and so far I've been making small small baby steps in the right direction. I think once I have these other issues fully under control, the other small ones will fall more easily into place.

Oops.. 3 minutes past my bed time. I really need to get some sleep.

 

[SisMorphine]

One of the main reasons I took a few months off after joining this board was because I was met with such closed-mindedness. After discussing why I did not feel I wanted to come back to this board with some members of this board, I realized that it all essentially came back to you and comments you made regarding my choice of lifestyle being immoral in your eyes (I'm talking piercings and tattoos not murder or canibalism).

Now I have no clue if this is part of your deal with what you are aplogizing for. I don't feel you need to answer whether or not it is, either. I will say, though, that I scoffed at my first reading/viewing when you said that you care about what other people think. Then I realized that it must be OTHER people, as in those more important than me (speaking of which, we need to change your priorities ), and that it wasn't the general public that you cared about, it was a specific closed in circle who was influencing you.


I've been there. I've had people close to me tell me what is right, what is wrong, and I followed it. Not blindly, mind you, I knew how I really felt in those situations. Now I'm FINALLY learning at 24 to say "ef you" to those people and live my own life. I am happier and healthier than I've been in a while. I still have a long way to go but I'm working on it. I hope that you have as much success in your personal journey that I have. I hope you grow and can educate/guide others in this process.