Wedding etiquette question
- Thread starter milos_mommy
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What does the invitation say? If it specifies you by name only, then +1 or "and guest" (usually with a line where you write the name of your +1) then you don't have to ask. A plus one is intended to be for a (ideally long-term) partner, but it is technically for anyone - within reason: not somebody who is coming solely to enjoy the open bar, somebody the bride hates, somebody who is specifically NOT invited so you bring them anyway, et cetera.
If they are expecting your BF as your +1, it would be polite to let them know "the BF couldn't make it but so-and-so is attending on his behalf." But you were afforded a +1 so you wouldn't have to attend alone.
But if the invitation says both of your names specifically, it is against wedding etiquette to try and "transfer" the invitation so to speak.
If they are expecting your BF as your +1, it would be polite to let them know "the BF couldn't make it but so-and-so is attending on his behalf." But you were afforded a +1 so you wouldn't have to attend alone.
But if the invitation says both of your names specifically, it is against wedding etiquette to try and "transfer" the invitation so to speak.
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Speaking as someone who is currently trying to plan a wedding I'm going to have to disagree here. If you have a long term SO or husband that the bride/groom has met then that is the person the invite is intend for regardless if is says their name, +1, or guest. Weddings are really expensive, it's at least 100+ per guest just for food and drink costs. That means unless the wedding couple is filthy rich, they could use that empty +1 spot to invite another friend or relative that had to be cut from the list or they could save that money for their future lives together. I know I'd be pretty PO'ed if someone brought a random friend of theirs to my wedding without asking me first.
Think of it this way, if you knew exactly who that +1 was intended for when you opened the invitation, then that's who they intended for you to bring. The reason for putting a +1 or guest when a friend or relative has a SO is because it would be rude to expect your guest to show up without their "other half". It's not a free for all to bring whoever you want. You could certainly ask if a friend can come in his place, but don't just show up with some "random" person without letting them know first.
Think of it this way, if you knew exactly who that +1 was intended for when you opened the invitation, then that's who they intended for you to bring. The reason for putting a +1 or guest when a friend or relative has a SO is because it would be rude to expect your guest to show up without their "other half". It's not a free for all to bring whoever you want. You could certainly ask if a friend can come in his place, but don't just show up with some "random" person without letting them know first.
I don't know specific etiquette rules, but when my sister was planning her wedding, it was pretty much this. "Plus one" was reserved for people who we knew had a long term SO, but didn't know the SO. So if my sister was friends with Bob and Suzy, the invitation would go to Bob and Suzy. If she was just friends with Suzy and had never met Bob, but knew that Suzy and Bob had been together for a while, then it would likely say Suzy + 1. I don't know that anyone random showed up and while on the day of, I don't know that it would have been an issue worth bringing up, it definitely wasn't the intent to just have people bring a random friend.
That's a good point. I guess for me it depends on how far out the wedding is. Mine is in September. I've already booked the caterer for a specific number and rented a tent and chairs for that number. If that person didn't show up, it would just be an empty chair/plate.
Honestly, your best bet is to probably ask the couple : )
Honestly, your best bet is to probably ask the couple : )
And think of it this way - if they intended for you to bring one person and one person only, they should have put that person's name on the invite.
Wedding etiquette actually stipulates that it is far more proper for a bride (or someone on her behalf) to actually get in touch with guests to find out if they are wanting to bring someone so they might put that person's name specifically on the invite rather than a generic +1.
My friend did this when she got married at eighteen years old.
If a bloody eighteen year old can do it, anybody can.
Wedding etiquette actually stipulates that it is far more proper for a bride (or someone on her behalf) to actually get in touch with guests to find out if they are wanting to bring someone so they might put that person's name specifically on the invite rather than a generic +1.
My friend did this when she got married at eighteen years old.
If a bloody eighteen year old can do it, anybody can.
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Yeah, I think I tend to agree with Beanie. My friends have never met or even spoken to my SO. But they know his name and we send them Christmas cards/mail together.
Here, I've really never been to a wedding where +1s are reserved for long term partners. Either only married couples/couples who the bride or groom is close with both members are invited (by name) or everyone receives a +1 invitation and some people bring their boyfriend of 2 years and some people bring their neighbor they're fooling around with and some people bring their same-sex platonic work friend who they wanted to spent time with. I just usually have the experience that if someone is in a long term relationship and their partner can't go, they just go alone.
I've also seen a lot of situations where people bring their mom, sister, cousin, etc to a wedding. So I don't think it's very uncommon (at least for single people with a +1) to bring a "random" not-really-a-date date).
Here, I've really never been to a wedding where +1s are reserved for long term partners. Either only married couples/couples who the bride or groom is close with both members are invited (by name) or everyone receives a +1 invitation and some people bring their boyfriend of 2 years and some people bring their neighbor they're fooling around with and some people bring their same-sex platonic work friend who they wanted to spent time with. I just usually have the experience that if someone is in a long term relationship and their partner can't go, they just go alone.
I've also seen a lot of situations where people bring their mom, sister, cousin, etc to a wedding. So I don't think it's very uncommon (at least for single people with a +1) to bring a "random" not-really-a-date date).
People bring dates to weddings all the time, SO or not. When I planned my wedding, I included names of those who had an SO and those who didn't, I put guest. Especially traveling a distance to be there, I would definitely bring a friend if your bf can't go.
I hate that people make all of these stupid complicated rules for weddings.
I hate that people make all of these stupid complicated rules for weddings.
I should also note that having a "B-list" of people to invite after/if your "A-list" invites turn you down is also, um... well, people WILL find out they weren't special enough to make the first cut. This happened at another friend's wedding (some distant family member who didn't make the first round) and there was a confrontation AT THE WEDDING over it. Screaming and yelling while standing on the dance floor. Ughhhh.
I was asked to be a bridesmaid once and found out afterward it was because two other people said no before me, and the "sides" just HAD to be even, so she was just going down the list of female friends trying to find somebody... ew. No thank you.
Haha, well, my view on it is you are of course always free to do what you want, it is YOUR wedding after all. But there are a lot of people who take wedding etiquette very seriously and will always be offended. The royal wedding caused a HUGE stir on the +1 subject even though really they didn't break any etiquette, the Brits are big on etiquette LOL.
I was asked to be a bridesmaid once and found out afterward it was because two other people said no before me, and the "sides" just HAD to be even, so she was just going down the list of female friends trying to find somebody... ew. No thank you.
Haha, well, my view on it is you are of course always free to do what you want, it is YOUR wedding after all. But there are a lot of people who take wedding etiquette very seriously and will always be offended. The royal wedding caused a HUGE stir on the +1 subject even though really they didn't break any etiquette, the Brits are big on etiquette LOL.
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If it says your husband/boyfriend/SOs name...then you bring them or you bring nobody.
If you have a long term partner and that is specifically WHY you got a +1 and you were important enough to get an invite AND a guest even guest list cuts, budget etc.. their name would be on the invite.
If there is just a vague +1 or "and guest"...I assume I can bring a friend or date or whatever. People bring dates to weddings pretty commonly.
If the budget and guest list count is THAT much of a concern to the couple, they aren't throwing down invites with guests to people whose SOs whose names they don't know or aren't close enough to to just ask.
My 2 cents.
If you have a long term partner and that is specifically WHY you got a +1 and you were important enough to get an invite AND a guest even guest list cuts, budget etc.. their name would be on the invite.
If there is just a vague +1 or "and guest"...I assume I can bring a friend or date or whatever. People bring dates to weddings pretty commonly.
If the budget and guest list count is THAT much of a concern to the couple, they aren't throwing down invites with guests to people whose SOs whose names they don't know or aren't close enough to to just ask.
My 2 cents.
