Warning: Long.

Discussion in 'The Fire Hydrant' started by Dakotah, Mar 1, 2012.

  1. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Please do not be harsh about this. I am coming to yall as yall are considered my friends and I am very lost right now. I wish I could just get a hug and it all be over with, but nothing is that simple, it seems.

    As yall know I am with TJ, been with him since June 14th, been living together since Nov. 4th.
    I love him. He is everything to me.
    But I am so unhappy. It has NOTHING to do with TJ, but has everything to do with that I can't find a job, I can't go back to school right now unless I go through Penn Foster or Ashworth (which I am not to comfortable doing, but I want to go back to school so bad!), my relationship with my mom, I miss my dad & grandma & friends (who live about 4 hours north of me around Atlanta).
    I have family and friends where I live but I can never depend on them and I can never talk to them, so I feel like I don't have a connection with them and they aren't really "here".

    I have considered moving back to my dad's. Where I have friends and family, my hobbies like horses, dogs, camping, hunting, and I know I'll be happy.

    But my unhappiness is affecting the way I feel about everything.
    TJ treats me so good and takes care of me, but for some reason, its not making me happy anymore.

    I don't know what to do. Each situation has is pros and cons. Whether its staying down here with TJ or moving back to my dad's. I know TJ will move up there in the same area as my dad so him and I can stay together plus have all the benefits of being back up near my dad but that would make him unhappy cause all his family is down here and his family is VERY VERY close. And I don't want to be selfish and say "well if you want to stay with me, you have to move up where my daddy is" I can't do that. I won't do that. I cannot take TJ from his family. I don't feel he is keeping me from my family either.

    I am just at a cross roads.
    I want to just go with the flow and ride this out and see what happens but I don't think I can. I am very decision oriented. I am a planner and a list maker. I am constantly running through plans about this in my head and constantly making list about this in my head.

    Plus being off my BC and my hormones going crazy and being stressed out is NOT helping this situation, at all.

    I am confused. I guess I just needed to vent and whine a bit. I feel a bit better now.

    :popcorn: If you read all of this <3
     
  2. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    ((((((( HUGS )))))

    Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest but in the end you'll be happy you did it. Is there anyway you and TJ can move closer to your family?
     
  3. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    I know this feeling. I moved away from my family and am not happy. Though my situation sucked where I used to live... living here doesn't make me happy. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the area I grew up in.

    I don't think it's been long enough to fully adjust to where you have been living. It can take awhile to really feel at home somewhere. Are you doing anything for yourself? I know for me just trying to get involved in things that interest me in the area I live in now has helped.

    Worse comes to worst it sounds like you can go home. Why not try and make your current living situation work and if all else fails... well go back. Sometimes change is what we need and other times it just reminds us what we needed was what we had.
     
  4. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thank you.
    Yes we could, its just finding at least him a good job. I know the Macon area is half way between here and my dad so he could be close to his family and I could be close to mine. But I don't want to be selfish.
     
  5. Kristen1980

    Kristen1980 Guest

    Oh nevermind.. you answered my question in your post.. I just reread the whole thing.. lol!! Do what you know whats best for YOU. Follow your heart and the rest will follow :)
     
  6. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Well where I live now, I lived here from the time I was 4 (lived in Germany from 1-4 yrs old) until I was 14, then moved to where my dad is now when I was 14 until I was 19. I moved back down here to go to school. So I'm not new to this area. But I just don't feel like I am home. TJ and I live not to far from where my mom does, which is the house I grew up in before I moved up to dad's.

    But I understand what you are saying. I am going to give this situation the benefit of the doubt and try and make it work. But I hate being unhappy. I've never felt like this.

    Where dad lives is where I consider home. I am a daddy's girl and even though I haven't lived with him since I was 19, it still sucks. I hate being away from him. I just want to feel like I am home, I guess.
     
  7. katielou

    katielou Slave to the Aussie

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    I've been there too. except mine was a whole country away.

    Only you have the power to make yourself happy.

    What can you do to fulfill yourself a little where you are? Any volunteer opportunities?
     
  8. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thank you <3


    Paige - I do some things for myself. I've gotten into reading (which I've NEVER done), I do yoga throughout the day (sometimes 3-4 times a day), I go jogging, I've started writing a book, I play video games (we have an xbox and I am a BIG call of duty nerd). I just miss everything at dad's; the horses, the dogs, camping, etc etc.
    I can't have pets where I live. I want a dog so bad its killing me.
    I have a fish tank with some fish but honestly, you can't do much with a fish.
     
  9. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    The only place to volunteer here right now is the animal shelter. And they are looking for people to give the dogs their last walk (and stuff like that) before they put them to sleep, and I cannot do. That would make me even more depressed and Lord knows I can't handle that.

    The YMCA will need volunteers but that won't be available until May.
     
  10. Paige

    Paige Let it be

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    I haven't gone back because I know it's a lot healthier for me to live where I am... but if I was seriously miserable with where I was for no good reason other than wanting to go back I'd probably go back.
     
  11. Baxter'smybaby

    Baxter'smybaby swimming upstream

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    can you get out and volunteer anywhere? Sometimes just finding a schedule of some sort will help you to settle, meet new people, etc. It is hard moving to a new area--and definitely takes time to develop a "life" in that new place. ((HUGS))--you will figure it out--your heart will tell you what to do.
     
  12. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    I understand that... I am just terrified of hurting TJ.
    He knows how I feel, he knows everything. It kills him I feel like this cause he blames himself cause he works all day but its not his fault.
     
  13. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Its not a new area, I've lived here almost my whole life.
    This town is sh1t to be honest.
    I can keep trying to find places to volunteer at. I just know a lot of places don't start that stuff until April/May.
     
  14. katielou

    katielou Slave to the Aussie

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  15. katielou

    katielou Slave to the Aussie

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    Oh and (((((((((HUGS))))))))))) It does suck.
     
  16. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thank you for the link & hugs <3 <3 <3
     
  17. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thank you so much for that link, Katie.

    I am signed up to volunteer for 3 places. Red Cross, mentoring students in my county, and working with disabled students. <3
     
  18. Beanie

    Beanie Clicker Cult Coordinator

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    First, I do think the BC has at least a LITTLE to do with how you are feeling. Our hormones do really crazy things...

    Second, I think you are really feeling stuck in a loop. You need to get out and get a routine going, but you can't find a job. You also don't have a car right now to be free to go hang out with friends and stuff whenever you want, but to afford a good car you need a job. If you had a good car you could maybe travel outside of the area a bit to get to work, but again, you need a job to get the car... and it just cycles and repeats. You don't see a way out or a way to even start moving forward. I've been there and it really is depressing and it sucks SO bad. And you just make yourself more depressed because you can't break free no matter what you try to do.

    You say TJ knows all this stuff... have you guys really sat down and talked about what to do? What your future is? I know moving to Florida came up but that's not happening right now. To be honest, I don't think it's selfish to talk about moving somewhere in the middle - that sounds more like a compromise. Are job opportunities better there? Is there a college you can go to once you're ready for that? It's easy to say just let it ride for now, but if you guys are serious about a future together, these are things to talk about. I think neither of you really wants to stay where you are right now since you were talking about going to Florida.

    I know you guys are young but I think you guys are committed to each other enough that you can sit down and have a serious conversation about your future, where you guys want to go, how can you get there? And I would guess you're probably isolating yourself from him a bit, you probably haven't totally expressed EVERYTHING because you know he feels guilty about it, and you don't want to hurt him or make him feel guilty... and that's not making it better for you OR for him... I would say it's time to really sit down and talk about the future and see where things are at. And it's not like you're going to have a chat over dinner and figure all this out, but it needs to be an open discussion and I think it probably should start now.

    I think I've told this story on here before but there was a guy I loved very much... wanted to marry him... still think about him sometimes, still think we were such a great match, and that I would have loved to marry him... but ultimately we weren't going the same direction in our lives. Our futures took different paths. So it ended. I still love him, I really do, but love is NOT enough no matter what romance movies have tried to teach us (they also want us to think love is really co-dependent and it's SO not nor should it be, so ignore those stupid movies.) Yes, love is incredible and it can do AMAZING things and defeat a lot. But if your futures are in separate directions... well, love can't change that.
    Just something to keep in mind. Not saying you should or shouldn't break up, just I don't want you to think that it's a sign of how much you guys do or don't love each other no matter what you decide.
     
  19. CaliTerp07

    CaliTerp07 New Member

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    I know each time I've moved, it's taken 1-2 years to really feel like I belonged and it was home. It's only been a few months, as difficult as that is to swallow. I know you said you lived there a few years ago, but it's different now--you're on your own this time.

    I can TOTALLY relate to depression from lack of a job/school. I went absolutely nuts last summer, when I wasn't sure if I was going to get a teaching job. I felt like a total failure, and a mooch on my husband. I am a wreck when I'm not bringing in money or bettering myself in some way (and no amount of hobbies or volunteering made a difference). I'll definitely cross my fingers for job/school prospects for you!!!

    On the subject of being close to your family/his family...If both of you need to be close to your families, then that's a serious deal breaker that needs to be figured out sooner rather than later :( I know at one point in my relationship, I realized that I could either have the west coast that I loved and cherished (where my family and friends were), or I could have Zachary and stay on the east coast. I couldn't have both. I have now lived on the east coast for 7 years, and while it's still not something I like, I'm making the best of it because my husband is worth it (and moving to California wasn't realistic for him, jobs wise).

    Regardless, sounds like you and TJ need to have a real heart-to-heart and figure out what it's going to take to find a happy medium for the two of you--whether that's one or both of you moving, or finding an online university you're comfortable with, or what.
     
  20. Dakotah

    Dakotah Kotah BEAR

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    Thanks yall <3

    Yes, TJ and I have had a real heart to heart about this.

    Job wise, moving to Macon *might* be good. I haven't really looked much into it until this thread and it was mentioned about moving half way.

    As far as our futures...
    I want a LOT in life. TJ wants what I want because he wants to be with me but wants to do his own things to. He likes to fish, as do I. Our landlord has a pond so we go fish there every weekend. He really doesn't have a lot of interests. He had to grow up VERY fast and he has never had to express his feelings until he met me and it kind of scares him a bit. He is a big, tough guy who doesn't know how to express himself due his childhood, or lack thereof.

    TJ doesn't want to lose me. I understand that. I don't want to lose him. But I think I want more in life than he wants but I know he will stick with me through it all.

    Cali- I get what you are saying about living here. I have been living back here again since I was 19, and yes I just recently moved out on my own. But its still Moultrie, small and boring and not much to do unless you travel 45 mins out of town.
     

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