Vibes?

[4dogs3cats]

I just need some vibes.

Without getting into too much detail, (but not being vague enough to be uninteresting,) My boyfriend and I are about to make a very tough decision.

We have to make the decision if not allowing his son to see his mom will be better than letting him see her the way she is.

There have been rehab stints, relapses that he has witnessed (he is 7,) failed court ordered drug tests, taking him unsupervised when she is court ordered to be supervised, and a laundry list of other issues making us feel she is unfit to be in his life right now.

Its either that or letting her come here once a week to see him. So basically, I get to be involved in taking a childs mother away, or I get to see my boyfriends ex once a week. Oh joy.

 

[sparks19]

I am so sorry you have to make this decision.

I would give the once a week visits a try. That way you know you gave her every chance to be in his life and if she screws this up you will really have a case to get her out of his life for good. I kkow it will suck for you to have to see her every week but its something you kknd of signed up for when you took on him and a son. Unfortunately thats
The price you may have to pay. But if you do this and she still messes it up then you might have a better chance to get her out of hos life for good... Or until he is of legal age to decide for himself.

Who gave her these options? Home visits or nothing at all? The courts? Are you guys able to make that decision yourselves without court interference

I am praying for you and that little boy

 

[jess2416]

good vibes being sent that the very best decision for all involved will be made

 

[4dogs3cats]

Well shes been in rehab twice. Relapsed, while she had him. (She got drunk, passed out in the bathtub, and he watched the paramedics resuscitate her.)

Then she went to live in sober living, she got a 24 hour pass every weekend, so she'd take him. She relapsed again, passed out drunk in front of her house with him inside unattented. The house was filthy, cps was called.

We then got full custody. She got supervised visitation Sunday-Wed morning. As long as she was always with her mom.

She failed a court ordered random drug test.

Then, per the court order, the visitation goes to completely at the fathers discretion. We were letting her see him after school Monday Tuesday, and sometimes we'd allow a saturday night sleepover, provided it was all supervised.

She took him last week to the mall unsupervised, to replace clothes of his that I bought and SHE lost. (We no longer send him in our clothes, and she complained that we send him in the same outfit every time he sees her, and bf said BECAUSE YOU LOSE OUR STUFF!)

BF talked with both her AND her father, everyone agreed she should not have taken him unsupervised, and it would not happen again. She had him yesterday, we allowed him to sleep there and she took him to school. He told me today that once again, they went out without grandma and grandpa.

He got in trouble in school today. Very atypical behavior. He acts out in school pretty much after every visit with his mom. He needs consistency and he's not getting it with her.

We have given her umpteen chances to correct her behavior. But she seems to not get it. So bf decided until court on Jan 13th, a more drastic decision needs to be made.

We feel that he should be with us the entire school week. Breakfast, school, snack, play, dinner, shower, play, bed. Thats our system. He didnt even shower when he was with his mom yesterday. She just doesnt care. He will wear the same dirty underwear for DAYS unless I make sure he changes it. He leaves his clothes all over, because he says his mom doesnt make him clean up after himself.

We are trying so hard to change his habits. But him going over there to see her is just hindering it. She is not well enough to care for him.

I adore this child. I have been in his life for over a year, and I consider him my own. I text his mom back and forth to discuss things. My bf works nights, so I deal with her quite a bit. It's a small price to pay, really. My bf is amazing, she never deserved him, and his entire family says she was this manipulative from the start. He is an extremely nice guy, and its not surprising that he got taken advantage of.

We're just at our witts end. She clearly does not know how to be a mom right now.