The Beginning of the End

[SarahFair]

....Or so I fear.

My mom called in her job today and said she quit.
I do understand why...
She worked in a very racist enviroment. Her boss always made her and this other white guy work double what everyone else did, wouldnt give her the days off she asked for but would let everyone else have the days, tell her that she didnt like the way she did her hair and makeup, didnt like the way she sat, etc.
This is how she looks and dresses at work...

To me I see nothing wrong..

Anyways her boss probly did the best thing for her by sending her to a counselor (some legal stuff, she cant fire her if shes making an attempt to get better or something) but the counselor told her that the best thing for mommy to do would be to get out of that environment.

Ill admit I dont know everything that goes on at work..
I know my mom comes in drunk sometimes and that is completly wrong...
My mom may not put on makeup everyday but who the F is her boss to say anything about it??
Well that is besides the point anyways..

I just feel that now that my mom has quit her job shes going to sit up in her apartment and drown her organs in alcohol. Im afraid shes going to get poisoning...My sister went overthere at 8 this morning and my mom was already 1/2 drunk (I talked to her too).

She says shes going to work at homedepot but hasnt applied yet and I dont know when shes going to.
I just....

 

[puppydog]

Your mother arrives at work drunk? That is immediate dismissal. She is lucky she managed to quit.
Working in a racist environment is wrong. She had every right to get out because of that, but arriving at work drunk is very very serious.

 

[Renee750il]

I'm afraid PD is right.

Not many places would tolerate someone coming in to work drunk even once. It's a serious liability on top of all the other things wrong with it.

I think you're probably right to worry about her, but this isn't something you can make her change - she's going to have to want to make the change herself. I have to wonder if your mom has been telling you the truth about what the counselor told her. You won't like hearing this, but you need to, alcoholics are like junkies - they cannot tell the truth. They will make up all sorts of things to cover their tracks and make excuses and try to keep others - and themselves - from blaming them for their actions.

 

[puppydog]

Good thoughts Rene. I was concerned about that comment. It is very rare that a counciler will advise someone on what they should do.

 

[~Jessie~]

I do agree with PD and Renee. Most companies don't approve of having their employees come in drunk.

Are you sure that the environment is what the problem is? It's quite common for an alcoholic/drug addict to try to cover up the actual problem. Your mom could just be saying that the environment was stressful/racist/they didn't like how she looked, etc, as a way to make herself not at fault. It's a lot easier to accept being fired at someone because of silly reasons rather than because you're an alcoholic.

Is there any way that you could arrange for an intervention? It really seems like your mom needs help asap.

 

[SarahFair]

I see yalls point.
No I dont think she arrived to work drunk. Im sure she slipped it in her office..

My mom...
I really do think she lies...
I was telling her about how I want to be a mortician and she was like your father use to go to funeral homes just to look at the dead people...
I was like whaaat?! First of all my father wouldnt do something like that
secondly when I was telling him about how my uncle felt after he died he was like 'sarah dont go around touching dead people...thats just nasty.'

Shes always saying awful things about him that I know are not true...so she deff lies.
Its just hard to tell fact from fiction

 

[SarahFair]

I am working on an intervention right now.
My mom just plays victom all the time. I just see her being like...
'F**k you little bitches. You all f**king hate me.'

 

[smkie]

I have experienced alcoholism in my home, from someone i needed to count on. I am so sorry for your family and for her! I hope you can find her help and please understand that she needs help to see she needs to turn it around, and that it will be harder then hard, but it is possible, one day at a time. SHe will need all the support she can get, even when it seems she doesn't want it. I pray that you and your family can help her find her way. FOr me it ended up in divorce. I let my husband know that we could no longer live like this, without utilities, without necessities, without him working. I left and gave him 6 months to clean up, i didn't file any paperwork at this time and he was able to see the children when he chose.. HE did it, i thought, i told him that we would start anew, that i didn't want to break up the children from their father, and that i would never bring it up again but if he started drinking i would leave. He attended meetings, his whole demenor changed and i thought i can bury the hurt if it only stays this way. But it didn't. HE starting drinking again 3 months after we had a new and wonderful home. THe landlord let me know that he had not received the rent for 2 months, and he understood that this was not my fault. He said if i could be out by friday..it was wednesday, he would not hold me responsible. I had to break down and move myself, my 2 children and the pets, find an apt, and relocate all in that time. WE would have been on the streets if it hadn't been for the help of my mother for both the new apt and the uhaul. I had to leave so much behind, washer and dryer, all that i couldn't load by myself. I filed for divorce. Becuase of this we had great hardship without any child support for 7 years of my son's life while my ex took himself further into the bottle. He did turn it around. Not greatly, but enough that my son could have a relationship with his father and have some kind of pride in their relationship.
So don't give up please.


AS to how she looks, she is a lovely woman. IF i were judged by my hair and makeup (and that's laughable if you knew me) i would probably be considered a panhandler. She looks just fine to me, very presentable.

Don't let her words hurt you..she isn't being herself, it is the drug in her system and her body's dependency. Tough love are 2 easy words to say, but putting them in practice is the hardest thing in the world to do. ((((((HUGS and HUGS and HUGS and HUGS)))))) Try to find support for yourself from other people that are going through the same thing. THey will help you take the proper steps.

 

[SarahFair]

Thanks Smkie!
((hugs))
I just....
I dont think shell go to any treatment.
All I can do is hope I guess...

I think Im scared for myself. Like what I mean is..Im afraid shell think Im attacking her and shell never want to talk to me again. But on the other side Im afraid of her dying. Some days I can accept it and others I couldnt think of going on without her knowing she wouldnt be a phone call away...
I want her to get help and the biggest and hardest thing is getting over my fear of her rejecting me and try and start getting an intervention together...

 

[smkie]

You have to remember that this is her addiction nor yours. That she is under the influence of a powerful drug, and that it has warped her world, her emotions, and has crippled her ability to see anything clearly. I didn't want my marraige to turn out that way or for my children to suffer, and they did suffer because of the poverty we were forced to endure. I prayed tht my son would never put a drink to his lips, that didnt' happen but a 21 he seems to be able to drink responsibly. I had not grown up in a home where anyone drank so i didnt' thik much of beer every day after work. I do not drink myself, i got very sick on beer when i was 13 and have never wanted it since. What i didn't know was that was only a part of what he was drinking. WHen i packed up i found bottles in more places..even dropped down the concrete bricks in the basement. once you start finding it seems you never stop, not the bottles, the lies or the damage that followed. You have my prayers and my heart.

My mother is 84, she is the only back i have in this world. I love her with all my heart, she is my foundation as well as my friend. I am scared to go on without her too and i know in the near future i am going to have to face that. I don't know how...i dont' know how i am even going to manage without my mary mom. sighs. that is why i just deal with today..if i deal with tomorrow i would be hiding under the bed.