I am not going to go into detail because this is a public forum. But I would like a little bit of feedback if possible. For those of you who know my story about my daughter and her ex husband and his mom.... you'll remember the turmoil and drama that has been in my life for the past 2 years because of them. Well, I have been full of so much hatred toward them and it has been eating away at me. I honestly can't decide who I disliked more.. him or his mom. It was that bad. Anyway, I have been praying for God to give me the ability to forgive them both and bury the hatchet and move on. I managed to forgive them a while back... but it's been very difficult to bury the hatchet because the memories of all the crap they put us through and sometimes still do... is still very vivid in my mind.
But, I did manage to bury the hatchet with his mother last month for allie's 2nd birthday. It was very awkward, but I did it. We got to spend time with allie on her birthday and that was nice. I can't remember why, but he wasn't there for the birthday party, which was probably a good thing because I don't know if I would have been able to bury the hatchet if I had to deal with both of them at the same time...lol
I have been trying to be civil for the sake of the girls and because it makes things go smoother with the joint custody they share. A lot of my stress and anger in relation to them has slowly been decreasing. My dilemma now is that He just sent me a facebook request to add him as a friend. I'm sure that was difficult for him to do because I know he doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. I wanted to click on "accept" so that i can bury the hatchet with him.. but I just couldn't seem to do it. So, I just exited out of the screen. All the hurt and betrayal feelings I have came to the surface again when I saw that friend request. He really hurt me so deeply because I opened up my heart and my home to him. I cared for him like he was my own family.
I want to be able to do this. I know I should, at very least for the girls. But I should also do it for ME. Anger and hostility is not a good thing to harbor for anyone. And I've been holding onto it for so long now. It would lift a big weight for me. I don't ever expect us to all be the best of friends because the damage runs so deep. But I would like to be able to have some sort of relationship with them because they are my grand babies other faimly. They will always be in the picture and I don't want alexis or allie to ever feel the tension or animosity between us because it's not fair to them. And I don't ever want them to feel like they were the root cause of all the drama that has transpired.
Have you ever felt like you should do something but just couldn't seem to get there because you are holding onto the past? What did you do to overcome old feelings? I know I can do this, I'm just dragging my heals. There will always be a trust issue and a wall up, but I do believe we can manage to live peacefully having to deal with each other. I guess I'm just trying to see if anyone has any advice on how to convince my brain to just take the plunge and get this over with because it is the right thing to do. I have to put my selfish feelings aside and think of the girls. I just wish my finger could click the "accept" button without feeling like impending doom is about to occur. I'm trying to replace the bad memories with the good times I did share with him when he was part of our lives. He did have a sweet side to him at one time. Gaahhh.... I can do this, I can do this.. lol
But, I did manage to bury the hatchet with his mother last month for allie's 2nd birthday. It was very awkward, but I did it. We got to spend time with allie on her birthday and that was nice. I can't remember why, but he wasn't there for the birthday party, which was probably a good thing because I don't know if I would have been able to bury the hatchet if I had to deal with both of them at the same time...lol
I have been trying to be civil for the sake of the girls and because it makes things go smoother with the joint custody they share. A lot of my stress and anger in relation to them has slowly been decreasing. My dilemma now is that He just sent me a facebook request to add him as a friend. I'm sure that was difficult for him to do because I know he doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. I wanted to click on "accept" so that i can bury the hatchet with him.. but I just couldn't seem to do it. So, I just exited out of the screen. All the hurt and betrayal feelings I have came to the surface again when I saw that friend request. He really hurt me so deeply because I opened up my heart and my home to him. I cared for him like he was my own family.
I want to be able to do this. I know I should, at very least for the girls. But I should also do it for ME. Anger and hostility is not a good thing to harbor for anyone. And I've been holding onto it for so long now. It would lift a big weight for me. I don't ever expect us to all be the best of friends because the damage runs so deep. But I would like to be able to have some sort of relationship with them because they are my grand babies other faimly. They will always be in the picture and I don't want alexis or allie to ever feel the tension or animosity between us because it's not fair to them. And I don't ever want them to feel like they were the root cause of all the drama that has transpired.
Have you ever felt like you should do something but just couldn't seem to get there because you are holding onto the past? What did you do to overcome old feelings? I know I can do this, I'm just dragging my heals. There will always be a trust issue and a wall up, but I do believe we can manage to live peacefully having to deal with each other. I guess I'm just trying to see if anyone has any advice on how to convince my brain to just take the plunge and get this over with because it is the right thing to do. I have to put my selfish feelings aside and think of the girls. I just wish my finger could click the "accept" button without feeling like impending doom is about to occur. I'm trying to replace the bad memories with the good times I did share with him when he was part of our lives. He did have a sweet side to him at one time. Gaahhh.... I can do this, I can do this.. lol