Social Anxiety/Depression (whine, but need advice)

[noludoru]

^ Agreed with SM.

I have my own depression issues, and the larger part of them stem from my issues with myself. However, I know some of it really IS just there, and haven't figured out what the cause is, yet. So I can't help you (or anyone) there. I do know that when I got my cats, I was completely depression-free for one year, and then only had a few day-long episodes. After an incident several months ago + stress, I've started getting very depressed again. I try to deal with that, and due to family and doctor pressure I've agreed to temporarily go on drugs for it... but most of the people I know who have gone on drugs have had the same issue SM had, where they were just dead to the world and didn't think or do anything until their dumb*** parents finally figured it out and stopped dosing them. Hell, with most of these meds, side effects are suicide! :yikes:

I would go with trying to get someone to regularly talk with about your issues.. and to force yourself to be completely candid.. and use Dakota to help. My bet is that he + support + desensitization will help you so much more than drugs ever will.

 

[Dirk]

I also suffer from social anxiety disorder and depression. It wasn't until I almost had a complete meltdown at age 47 that I ran to my medical doctor and asked to be put on medication. He did and it did help but when I tried to get off of it, I had a horrible time. I think I may be one of those people that need to be on medication, I don't know. I probably should see a psychiatrist but I am uncomfortable about going to one.

I agree with the others that maybe you should try other things first. That's just my opinion. I'm not a professional. Maybe a second opinion would be a good idea. Maybe a Dale Carnegie course, a public speaking course or maybe see a therapist that will slowly desensitize you to your social phobia. There is even a clinic at a college in ohio where people spend a week or two going through a desensitization process.

Do some research on social anxiety disorder. That may help you with your decision. Good luck!

 

[Jules]

You guys always seem to amaze me with the quality of answers and suggestions you give. So many good things have been said here... I don't know what else to add... other than I agree with them.

I would stay away from meds as long as you can and give other options a try... I think having Dokota with you is a great idea.

Most of all, I think it is great that YOU are looking for options instead of just nodding your head and taking a pill. Going to the gym is a really good idea... it will boost your confidence and make you feel more aware of your body and yourself.
Getting your license is also a good idea!

If none of this helps... maybe you can see a "homeopathic counselor" (no idea what the proper English term is) who can give a homeopathic supplement (not meds) as the next step.

(((((((HUGS))))))) to you, RD.... and keep your head up!

 

[bubbatd]

I'm glad that you're getting help and know that we are here for you !! ((( Hugs ))).

 

[Sunnierhawk0]

I would def. go with your gut instinct about the meds. Grace you and I have know each other a long time, and beleive me, there is nothing wrong with you. I think everyone has thier "quirks" but that is what makes us human. If we dont fit into the "norm" of what some people think is that "norm" then there is automatically something wrong with us. I was on meds for depression for awhile, and I felt like a walking zombie. I had no expression, couldn't get "excited" or show emotion for anything.

I do beleive in certain cases meds have thier place... but like I said, having known and talked to you this is def. not the case.

On a lighter note... where are my videos?! I'm waiting for them.... You gonna be home today? Im going to call you and have you walk me thru the steps. *shudders at the thought*

 

[Renee750il]

First off, I'd have definitely been diagnosed with some sort of social anxiety/personality disorder at your age had it been in vogue then. Painfully shy doesn't even begin to cover it. Like about half the teenage population, I wanted to stay holed up in my room and for everyone to just leave me alone. If I could go an entire day without having to deal with anyone it was fine with me - better than fine. I painted my room dark, dark blue. I never wanted to come out

Later in my life I did become very depressed . . . but I knew it was a feeling and went to an excellent counselor with an MSWC instead of someone who would prescribe a magic bullet. She and I taught me to dig to the bottom of my feelings, find out what was at the root of them and bring it all out into the light and look at it where I could see it clearly enough to DO something about it. She also helped me learn to turn off my receivers so I wasn't running around like a wide open satellite receiver picking up literally everyone around me's problems and feelings.

For you, right now, why don't you try what a lot of people do for their dogs who are very anxious? Pick up some Bach's Rescue Remedy. Help you get over "the hump" when you need it. Go do something you want to do. Get your license. A little freedom goes a long way toward amelioriating the angst.

 

[Whisper]

I agree you know if meds would help you or not and if you're comfortable with them. I am on many different meds. I have had to see a phychiatrist and therapists for 3 years. I have been hospitalized twice, and gone to a step down unit before being ready to come home. I have severe panic disorder, PTSD, GAD, dissociative disorder, and have also diagnosed with depression.
I was getting an EEG and even with sedation I could not fall asleep because I was so anxious. So then the lady came in to talk to me and showed me pictures of her dogs and my heart slowed down enough to fall asleep. My animals are of the only that can relax me and it's been suggested to also certify one as a therapy dog.
That could definitely be an option for you to try and certify Eve or Dakota.


You know what's best for you and whether you need to be on meds or not. If you don't feel comfortable with them you can always refuse them.
Also, you are not alone, I understand social anxiety completely, and you can ALWAYS talk to me about anything. and I promise it's not bugging me. (((((((hugs))))))))

 

[FoxyWench]

its actually interesting to see how many people here actually do suffer from some degree of anxiety or depression disorder, it seems a common tie that we all seem to be drawn to animals for comfort!

myself, bipolar depression and severe social anxiety, top it off with epilepsy and im a basket case about going new places or being around new people. Even the thought of going throught The public speaking class in college (needed to graduate for my associates) mind you would send me into panic attacks, the beggining of the semester walking into a new class forget it, i HAD to get there early and get in there before anyone else walked in the class, i also HAD to sit in the back corner so people wouldnt realy notice me.
i couclnt walk into any class late, and speaking to anyone other than those i knew, forget it i would be physically sick.
mines aparently a fairly bad case of SA and i have to be carefull as the anxiety has been known to induce seizures.

im also always worried about having a seizure infront of people even though most wouldnt notice (i freeze).
Making new frineds is almost impossible for me, essentially i sit in a corner and let THEM start up a conversation...i People watch, sizing people up before ever even smiling at them. i CANT talk on the phone, though this is getting better thanks to a very persistent boyfrined who calls me then does all the talking lol.

i was on meds for the bipolar at one point, but it reacted badly with my meds for my heart and seizures. so its been all natural for years.
if your Health insurance will cover it, see if you can find a homeopathic dr to talk to about some more natural aproaches in terms of herbal and behavioural. ive found lavender oil very calming and light therapy can help depression!

but for the most part...my dogs are my therapy. i intentionally seek out other dog people so i have something i can talk to them about. im lucky both vixie and dodger alert to oncomming seizures, but unfortunatly there jsut not cut out to be service dogs, vixies too busy interested in everyone but me unless im hving a seizure and dodgers overly protective of me ANY time. but in reality they ARE my therapy dogs.

im hoping Skye will pick up on oncomming seizures and if so he will be trained as as my service dog. i know there are now pushes for the recognizment of mental health dogs being recognized as service dogs too so its definatly somethign you shoudl look into if that will help you get through it.

for the depression, surround yourself with things you love. my roms painted my favorite colours, i burn essential oils in my favorite scents all the time, i have my favorite flowers and plants right outside my window. its NOT a cure, but it does help.

personally i found meds made me very zombi-ish they stabelized me but every part of ME dissapeared.

i also foudn that doing rennaisance faires helped. the nice thing with faire is you dress up in period clothes and take on a completly new persona, essentially your acting but theres no audience, and everyone else there is dressed liek that too so you dont stand out.
i found taking on my inner self as my persona i had more confidence because "i wasnt me" if noone liked that persona, next day i could be someone else completly. it helped me alot and im much more outgoing (though still compared to eveyrone else painfully shy lol) but when im dressed as a pirate running round the rennaisance faire i feel more at ease than when im in normal clothes with "normal" people.

 

[Dizzy]

I think that most people suffer at some point in their lives.

I think meds should be a last resort for anyone, because I think there are much more natiral steps to making your self feel better. And I don't mean wacky herbs.

Depends how disciplined you are really...

It sounds like a cliche' but eating healthy, sleeping properly, exercising and ROUTINE are great for the mind.

Also, setting yourself small targets, and recognising when you reach them. Don't do too much at once. Say you are wary of strangers, try going somewhere or to a situation you find uncomfortable. Just go with a friend and observe. Then when you feel better, take the next step, maybe go alone and observe... then on and on.

Try and keep a diary of times you feel 'less bad'... so.. for instance, you feel less self aware, or down - try and write it down, make a mental note.. "when I was here/doing this/etc I wasn't worrying so much".

Then you can start looking at increasing those activities that make you feel more relaxed, and more happy.

There's lots of small things you can do BEFORE you even think about meds. If you try everything, and absolutely nothing works, then perhaps look at herbal remedies.

I think we are in control of our own minds pretty much, but different people react different to different emotions/feelings/situations, and some people cope better than others...

Often just changing your surroundings can help...

Good luck.

 

[Fran27]

I'm the same way RD. But I think lots of people are. Just because you don't always enjoy people's company and are shy doesn't mean something is wrong with you... It's just how you are.

I've been depressed for years and took meds for a bit, but stopped after a week. I don't think they are the solution either. Just too easy nowadays to prescribe meds for about anything...

 

[Sunnierhawk0]

Yea Grace.. why dont you try some Rescue Remedy!!! ( inside joke... I once "overdosed" on Rescue Remedy *is that possible* and had a funny phone call with Grace. )

I too find it interesting that most of us have some sort of anxiety or depression. I could be your A+ Hermit if it wasnt for dog shows to *make* me go outside the house.

 

[zoe08]

I too was finding it interesting reading how many people here have this. I am the same way. I cannot talk to strangers. And I was sooo completely stressed out last spring because I had to take a journalism class and not only did I have to talk to strangers, I had to interview them! I was freaking out constantly. It did help me some, but then I knew I HAD to do it. But now when I dont HAVE to. I don't. I have been in college for 3 years and barely made my first friend.

I can talk to people in class some, but not near as much as the others do. But I can never invite them to hang out after class. I feel like if they wanted to, they would ask me right? I also feel like a lot of times people ignore me, or don't respond, not just in person either, but even on the forums. That is a big reason I rarely frequent some forums because I feel like I post and no one ever pays attention to my threads or posts.

I also don't fit in because I don't drink, smoke, party like others do. For one I don't feel comfortable being in that situation, but I also found that I don't really find it entertaining at all. I would much rather do stuff like watch movies, play games, go bowling, stuff like that instead of going to big parties and such. Everyone I hear talking is talking about parties and getting wasted, etc. And I am not into that, so I feel like I am practically the only person in college who doesnt. And even in life in general cuz I don't really know any people that dont. Other than maybe my sister, but she never has time to hang out with me anyways. When I was in high school all of my friends quit hanging out with me and inviting me to go with them, because they were all getting drunk and high, and they knew I didn't. I wish all the time that I liked to do that and that I could stand the taste of alcohol, and didn't mind getting wasted and making myself sick, just so that I could have friends. Also my anxiety is a lot more than just social I am afraid of everything, especially germs and have a huge fear getting sick, etc. Mostly I get the anxiety due to my fear that I am going to get sick and not be able to get anything done, because I am a procrastinator and do everything at the last minute, but I am always afraid that I am going to then end up sick and not be able to get stuff done.

It is also really hard for me cuz I am supposed to be a photographer, and I am thinking that is never going to work. Cuz I feel like I don't know what I am doing when I am taking pictures of people I don't know. I can't tell them where to stand or how to pose or anything. So I am completely freaking that I spend the past 3 years in college for photography and it will never work out cuz I can't talk to people I don't know. When I am taking pictures of people I don't know I completely forget everything and I cannot think of any ideas!

I also have been diagnosed with anxiety and my doctor wanted to put me on Paxil, but I said I didn't want to go on meds. I saw a counselor at school for 8 sessions, but that is all I could get for free, and I can't afford it. But towards the end I was also getting uncomfortable cuz thats when we started getting to talking about me being alone, and not having any friends, etc, which made me upset I didn't want to show that. So I decided I would stop going. I didn't want to go in there and cry, I don't like to cry in front of people I don't know. The only people I don't mind crying in front of is my fiance and my mom.

But I still have anxiety attacks sometimes, but they are not very often. I also go in and out of times of depression, that past year or so I have been a lot better about that, but my first year in college I was depressed all the time and completely stressed.

I think it often goes in phases and I would put off the meds if you don't think it is really serious and completely interfering with your life. Anyways, sorry for going on and on.

 

[RD]

You guys are the best, thank you for all your thoughts. ((((hugs)))) I think I'm going to avoid the meds (and this shrink) and try a more natural route. It can't hurt and I think it'll help, especially the dogs. I've talked to my parents extensively and they're not too opposed to letting me get some sheep so I can do stockwork more often with the border collies. So we'll see.

Rescue remedy works great for me. Not so great for Ryan. :lol-sign: Oh, how I wish I had saved that conversation.

 

[Saje]

lol Grace. Ryan might be happy you didn't

Would your parents be interested in having you talk to someone who believes in a more natural approach? That might help As for the anxiety I found that I was able to make friends with people who had the same passion as me. Which was horses. So 4-H, pony club...that's where I had the most fun. Anything like that you might want to get involved in?

 

[~Jessie~]

I only believe in going on meds if it is the only option left =/ I am actually just graduating with my BS in psych... I'm planning on going to grad school for clinical to become a liscensed psychologist. There are so many options other than medicines out there.

I think that a lot of people are being misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety as well... It's much easier for doctors to load their patients up with meds, than to figure out the actual route of the problem. I went to a neurologist for migraines (which ended up actually being sinus headaches), and the first thing my neurologist did was tell me that a) I was deeply depressed because I bit my nails and had headaches and b) put me on a TON of meds. My sinus doctor actually found out that a cyst in my sinuses was actually causing all of these problems... and I am so glad that I didn't listen to the neurologist. He wanted to refer me to a psychiatrist...

((((((HUGS)))))) and if you need to talk, I'm here.

 

[Saje]

Oh I also want to say that I think meds do work for some people are definitely necessary at times but it's my opinion that people should try all other options first.

 

[ToscasMom]

I can't be of much help on these things but I do feel for all of you who have these feelings.

But I can give you a first-hand take on today's social anxiety drugs, I think they call them SSRI's.

I am from the smoker generation and wanted to quit smoking. There was a drug on the market that was purported to be a great help with this, apparently decreasing your desire to smoke. I can't remember the name of it, to be honest. But my nurse practicioner is an old friend of mine so, at my yearly checkup she had an idea. The drug for quitting smoking was not covered by my insurance but the chemically exact drug known as Wellbutrin was covered. Identical medicines and she had prescribed it before in place of the chemically identical smoking drug. So she prescribed it for me. She called me about a month later and asked me how I was doing with the smoking. I jokingly said, "No I am still smoking, but do you mind if I stay on this sh!t for life?". I found the drug to be a mood elevator of the highest order, and could see why others who were feeling anxious or depressed would benefit by it. Needless to say, since it didn't help my smoking habit, I got off of it. But it certainly did have an "effect" on me.

Oh, and I did quit smoking on my own, destroyed a few relationships in the process though, lol.

 

[Doberluv]

RD...I noticed this thread late and sort of read through it fast. I apologize. I think you're wise to be cautious about medications. However, if you follow the prescribed directions, because of the effect on neurotransmitters, happy hormones and such, they can take enough of the edge off that you are able to think and therefore your talks with your therapist will have a better effect too. When you are in public, you'll keep from getting into that fight or flight and your logical part of your brain will help you think and work through things. So, there is a lot to be said for some of these drugs as long as you don't misuse them and follow the dosage etc.

Another idea might be to desensatize yourself, just as you would a fearful dog. Instead of flooding yourself, try to set up situations which are milder and try to find some way to reinforce yourself when you're feeling better than other times.

I'm no psychiatrist so take whatever I say with a grain of salt. I'm just trying to think of some ways that you can relate to.

I think taking the dog with you is a great way to ease you in to dealing with crowds.

I am not particularly fond of big crowds of strangers, but I don't experience undue anxiety or fear. I am very able to strike up conversations with strangers. If you have your dog with you and someone starts chatting, with the dog as a frequent conversation starter, does that help? Are you OK with that kind of situation? If it's just one on one? That could be a starting point. Then when you're finished chatting with someone, do you analyze it at all, in an intellectual sort of way? Like....try to figure out what about it was comforable and what wasn't? What parts of the time spent were more nerve wracking than others? I don't know.....just a thought.

I sure am sorry to hear that you have this hurdle to get over. But I know you will, especially with help from someone who really knows where to go with this. It would be really nice to be able to go places where a lot of people are and not have those intense axious feelings.

I think a lot of people have a little bit of that...one degree or another. I think it's a natural thing to feel cautious or a little bit nervous with the unknown, including people who are unknown to you. It's an inherent thing, probably. It's just taken off with gusto in your case. I too have that feeling but to a much lesser degree. And I can sing on stage with NO problemo. LOL. Isn't that funny?

Good luck to you. You'll be all right. Let us know how you come along.

 

[Erica]

Grace,

I don't think you can really reach any major decision EITHER way about meds or no meds without first seeing a *good* and ethical therapist or psychologist (I would shy away from psychiatrists since they're usually all about MEDS MEDS MEDS!). A diagnosis can't just be made in a few seconds. Mental illnesses aren't something you can do a simple blood test or a swab for.

I have Borderline. Though it would've been easy for my therapist to send me to my MD with a recommendation to prescribe Prozac, she didn't. After about three months of working with her on a weekly basis, we decided that it might be a good idea to try medication. The Prozac was a very, very small dose but it helped me leaps and bounds. I no longer take it because I don't need it. The medication wasn't just prescribed and then I was left hanging on it. I used the meds paired with talk therapy to learn how to deal WITHOUT the meds. It's wonderful.

Basically -- I suggest you find a good therapist to work with. Though the shrink you saw may have been a quack, her diagnosis might not have been completely off base.

 

[Saje]

You know, I'm really not a fan on labelling people. I listened to Michelle Borba speak once (she's an author) and she said that there are studies that show there is no such thing as a 'shy' child. They may be aloof, sensitive, watchful.... but they don't actually become 'shy' until someone tells them they are shy. I thought that was so interesting. And relevant because no one should be labelling you after just once visit!