so sad

[nancy2394]

I debated whether I really wanted to post or not but I think I need to get it off my chest so I can have closure. This is a sad story... I am just letting you know that ahead of time before you read any further.

I work in a neonatal intensive care unit and last night started off like any other night. At about 9pm we got a call from labor and delivery and they tell us they had a 25 week pregnant woman walk in who was complete and ready to deliver.

Without getting real graphic and using medical jargin..... the water bag was bulging and they could see a little foot in it. So, they had to do an emergency c section. The baby wasn't making any effort to live. They coded it for nearly 9 minutes with no heart rate. Luckily they were successful in the rescuscitation efforts. They got the baby intubated and had a heart rate and the baby even started to pink up.

The baby comes to my unit and within 1 and 1/2 hours we put him on a ventilator and had to give life saving drugs, we put in an umbilical artery line.
His lung blew out and we had to put a chest tube in. There was sooooo much going on at once it was complete chaos. I was so stressed but kept it together and prayed for the ability to do my job effectively. Did I forget to mention that as all this started to happen that song "had a bad day" came on the radio and I thought "geez.... I am having a bad day" But not half as bad as this family.

The baby actually at one point had a fighting chance. His heart rate was good, he had a good oxygen saturation, his color looked fairly good, he had good chest expansion at one point and was moving air great. His breath sounds were clear at that point. His anterior fontanelle (soft spot) was soft and flat as it should be.

But I guess that was the calm before the storm... because he crashed real bad and no matter what we did nothing was working. He was dying right before my eyes. His fontantelle was no longer soft and flat... it was full. Premies are prone for head bleeds and he suffered a massive one. I felt so helpless and had all I could do to keep my composure. I wanted to cry and just scream "WHY??"

He weighed just over a pound and a half and was only 13 inches long. He was fully formed. His heart stopped despite all the measures we took to keep him alive. And just as he left this world as quick as he came in.... the song "I can only Imagine" came on the radio at the exact moment the doctor pronounced the baby deceased and as I reached to shut the monitors off. It sent chills down my spine. And I found out afterward that just as this baby's life was slipping away.... we had another baby born at the same EXACT time.

I then had to bring this poor parents baby to them so they could see him and hold him and say goodbye before the funeral home came to get him. That was a moment I will NEVER forget. To see the look on their face.... it was so sad. I had to bathe this baby and I got his foot prints and hand prints and got a lock of his hair and put it in a memory box for the parents. This was their first baby... how sad.

 

[Bailey+Ralph]

That is very sad
Is this the 1st loss that you have witnessed since working there?
I know that Neonatal/Special Care units really do care and do the best they can for the premmie babies....it is just so sad that Best isn't always good enough
My youngest daughter was in Special care for 5 weeks after being born at 30 week Gestation and weighing 1.64Kg.
I know from experience that nurses just like you are great people to do what you do with our babies.
*Hats off* to you for your work

 

[filarotten]

Nancy, I am so sorry, how very very sad. I can't even imagine how you felt, but just reading this is tearing my heart out.

I have found it amazing how many preemie babies are saved because of neo natal units, nurses and doctors. You guys do pull off some miracles with the preemies. I will forever be grateful to the nurses that worked with my son, he was a preemie also. He only had to stay in the hospital for one week, but he had excellent care while he was there.

 

[Angel Chicken]

Oh Nancy... I am so sorry to hear that.

Thanks to people in Neo Natal units, just like you, I am alive today. So is my little sis. Thank you for being such a great helping hand in our society.

I hope you have a better day today!

 

[Meggie]

Nancy, your post was really hard to read, it brought tears to my eyes. I just don't know how you do it, how you can even try to keep your composure. I know it really doesn't help because saving one life doesn't make up for another lost, but please keep in mind all the babies you help to keep alive, all the families you make complete. Tragically, after your best efforts, this little life was lost. Sometimes just too much goes wrong.

You know, all the times my Mom was in the hospital I found it a struggle to get the nurses and doctor's to see her as a person. I know they see it as best for themselves to be a step removed, personally, from patients, but I saw it as best that they didn't. But when my friend gave birth to her daughter prematurely I was amazed at the heart the Neonatal staff put into their jobs. Caring, actually caring, for those babies made SUCH a difference to their lives and to their families. So many lose hope, it seems so overwhelming and discouraging to see their babies wrapped up in wires and tubes. The nurses, doctors, and support staff demonstrate that it's ok to care, bond, and make connection with the babies.

I'm so glad there are people like you in the world, you make a difference.

 

[Renee750il]

Nancy, the fact that you care so very, very much means more than you can ever imagine to all of the lives you touch in your work.

The time just may not have been right for that little soul to come into the world . . . let it wait and come again at the right time in a healthy vessel. It may sound pat, but from the things you describe going on around you it seems that the Universe or God or Whatever you believe to be holding us in It's hand was trying to assure you that attention was being paid at that moment and to offer you some comfort as you tried so very hard to keep that little life in this world.

 

[smkie]

My mom babysat a little girl that fought the good fight and won. When i saw her newborn pics her little fingers barely covered her mother's fingernail on her thumb. I am so glad that someone like you with the ability to care so deeply is there for the wee babes and their struggles. I hope his tiny spirit goes to the wind and comes back for another chance and this time he is a bit stronger. It hurts so much to see babies hurt, just isn't ever fair. I dont know why baby boys are so much weaker as well.

 

[bubbatd]

Bless you and others like you...and bless those who have such losses. Compassion is so special. I learned it when having my second baby. I was in labor and was quietly working through it , from the cubical next to me a woman was screaming, wailing and carrying on. I mentioned to the nurse what a wimp she was. The nurse told me that she was delivering her 1st... a stillborn. I then cried for her and thanked God for my baby's birth to be.

 

[wildwings811]

What a sad situation

I admire anyone who is a nurse in the Nicu (or anywhere) what a great job see the best times and the worst times in a persons life and life in general

Hats off to you

 

[bubbatd]

Nurses and teachers need to be paid more.

 

[Buddy'sParents]

Nancy, gosh, I don't even know what to say. But, thank you soo much for what you do and for what you did for that little guy last night. I am always so encouraged to find that there are people out there like you. You have such compassion and heart-thank you for you!

 

[LabBreeder]

people like you are a great inspiration in this world today. you put aside your own problems tho help keep babies alive. you (and the rest of the staff) tried very hard to keep this little one going, but like someone else said, it just wasn't this babies time. i also agree that the world was sending it's own messages while the baby was trying so hard to stay here. "have a bad day" sums up his first experiences in the world....and "i can only imagine" sums up what was going on as he was leaving. the time here was not right...the struggles were not easy...as much as you (and everyone else) tried, the baby had to go. i pray for that little one that was lost and found the way to heaven (or whatever you/the parents believe) and met his/her maker. i like to think, in cases like this, the baby was told "you'll get your chance, you just weren't ready yet".
it's very sad what happened and i feel very badly for you and more so for the parents...especially with it being their first child.

 

[casablanca1]

I then had to bring this poor parents baby to them so they could see him and hold him and say goodbye before the funeral home came to get him. That was a moment I will NEVER forget. To see the look on their face.... it was so sad. I had to bathe this baby and I got his foot prints and hand prints and got a lock of his hair and put it in a memory box for the parents. This was their first baby... how sad.

That is terribly sad, but at least the baby had a chance. Though it was probably even more painful for the parents to have that chance and lose, at least they had all those people - you and your coworkers - trying so hard and treating the baby like a baby. Years ago, I assume they'd have just had a miscarriage or a stillbirth, and I think it would have been even more painful because to many people around them, it wouldn't have been official and so, a little less real as a loss. I wouldn't like to be going through what they're suffering, but at least they have the memory box things you mentioned, and the little body and (presumably) a funeral and grave, and it makes some sense, fits somehow into the world.

 

[moxiegrl]

This is so sad...Im pregnant with my first, and its so scary when you hear stories like that. Im 22 and have a high risk pregnancy, and if I ever get pregnant again the risks go up with each one. So many bad things can happen its really not fair.

 

[nancy2394]

Well, I've really not been able to get this baby out of my head yet. I keep thinking about the family and how they are grieving the loss of their baby. Last night was a much better night at work. I had a little 3 pound baby that decided to pull his iv right out of his hand. So, I put another one in only this time I put it in his head and taped the crap out of it and whispered in his ear... "go ahead and try to rip this one out.... I dare you...lol"

Some of those little preemies are fiesty at times. But it's so rewarding to see them get better and get to go home. That is why I think I am so sad about this baby that died.... he never had a chance to go home.

But, I know it was meant to be and we did everything we could have possibly done to save his life. And I'm okay with it... it's just still sad for me.