Rules to Simplify Your Life

[Renee750il]

from Bob, naturally . . .

1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR ARTERIES. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

 

[Izzy's Valkyrie]

Bahahahaha! love it! :rofl1:

 

[bubbatd]

Those are great !

 

[Chewbecca]

oooh, I want to add a number 8 to this list!
Can I?

It's for the ladies.

8. LADIES, IF YOU START YOUR PERIOD ON THE SAME DAY YOU ARE TO GO TO THE DENTIST (AND YOU HAVE A PARALYZING FEAR OF THE DENTIST) FOR A CLEANING, BRING A GUN. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

 

[bjdobson]

I love those, Rene!!! Perfect!!!!

 

[Renee750il]

oooh, I want to add a number 8 to this list!
Can I?

It's for the ladies.

8. LADIES, IF YOU START YOUR PERIOD ON THE SAME DAY YOU ARE TO GO TO THE DENTIST (AND YOU HAVE A PARALYZING FEAR OF THE DENTIST) FOR A CLEANING, BRING A GUN. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

This is just a wild guess . . . personal experience?

Do you need to hop a bus to Mexico?

 

[DaVinci]

I love it!!! Those were funny.

 

[PWCorgi]

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

Maybe if I'd used that method I would have made my Sociology Club meeting at 11:00 :yikes:

I blame Ryan.

 

[xpaeanx]

haha! those are great!

 

[jess2416]

LMAO those are hilarious... the WD-40 and duct tape is sooo true

 

[MyHorseMyRules]

:rofl1: #6 is sooo true.

 

[tzigane]

Those just made my day complete.

 

[ACooper]

:rofl1:

Yep, that about covers it for me! hahahaha

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

we operate with duct tape and WD 40 around here--for sure!

 

[ACooper]

I want to tell you Renee that Kevin has a cold (the bug going around) and he has been coughing like mad...........

I told him: "Dear, Renee has a sure fire cough remedy" ..........he said "Really? What is it?" I proceeded to tell him and he WAS NOT impressed, nor does he want to try it! LMAO!! :rofl1:

Ah well........you can lead a horse to water and all that.........

 

[GreenFireflyGirl]

giggle.

 

[corgipower]

:rofl1:

The WD-40 and duct tape is so true, but sometimes you also need bailing string.

 

[Shdwonthesun]

hahaha...that's great!