really upset

[Carolyn]

Joce I'm so sorry I have been there before as well. I think alot of us have at one time. My ex husband was a cheater. I don't even know where he is now. I had a couple of relationships in between, but now I'm married again to a wonderful man. I guess I just want to say it does get better. We wouldn't say that unless we had been through it

As someone stated very well, You are better than that. You are better and you deserve better. I mean for a start he has turned off his phone and isn't answering? That on its own would make my blood boil. It's a big insult, a real message saying "I don't want to talk to you".

I am not going to say to you "it's ok you will find someone else". Yes in time you will, but your thoughts she be as far from that as possible. It's time at the moment for healing, and time for you. You have to grieve, you have to do the painful bit before there is light at the end of the tunnel. And there will be light trust me. When my first marriage broke, up I thought I just might very well die from the pain. But I didn't, I survived and so will you


Hug your dogs, walk them spend time with them, keep a diary, write your thoughts and pain down. Pamper yourself, love yourself and who you are

Sending all the best hugs and vibes

You will get through it..

 

[joce]

He claims it was a co worker,but then I think he changed it to a coworkers frined.

Its jsut done I cna't deal with it anymore. he says its because I flip out and jump to conclusions but what does he expect when he acts the way he does and does some of the stuff he does. With him acting the way he has been it won't work so there isn't much I cna do. I cna not make him love me,no matter how much I love him.

Its jsut so hard to beleive it can all be thrown away like this. I cna't even picture not ebing with him.

he tried to get me to stay over to,yeah,like that would really help me out. being home now I almost wish I would have but I am actually proud of myself for leaving.

I told him how I feel and there is nothing else I cna do. I really do think it is over jsut because he isn't ever going to go bakc to how he used to be. I miss my chazzy

I'm going to get my stuff tommorow. I told him I didn't want to really see him cuz its not good for me but he wants to be there,I almost think he gets a kick out of this but I really hope he isn't that cruel.

I honestly have no clue what to think. I miss him and honestly all I want right now is for him to walk throught the door and hold me.

odd thing is I feel like I might actually sleep tonight,I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It almsot makes me feel bad to think I may be able to sleep and go on if that makes any sence.

 

[darkchild16]

((Hugs)) ill be on all night if u want to talk. just take care of yourself now and dont worry about how he feels about what u need to do for you

 

[Kase]

I'm so sorry Joce ((HUGS)).

 

[doodle owner]

Joce,
Let this guy GO! If he were a real man, he would have talked to you and told you he wanted to 'move on', not ignore your calls, turn his phone off and take up with another woman behind your back. He is a coward and in my opinion, that isn't something to be admired and it isn't a character trait I would want in a mate.
You are shocked, hurt, confused and this will take time to get over but believe me, you WILL get over it, it just takes time. Take it from an old gal who's been through this more times than I care to count. It took me a year and a lot of therapy to get over my second husband and in retrospect I realized that I wasn't even in love with him. I was in love with being in love.
Even now if I ever think about him which I rarely do, I wonder what the hell was I thinking? This man was charming, handsome, witty, out going, BUT...
I was blinded to the fact that he was also a liar, had a very bad temper and quick fuse and he was very manipulative. He ruined my credit and it took me years to fix it. If I hadn't been so 'in love', I would have seen this creep for what he really is. A creep.
Don't think for one minute that if HE decides to come back to YOU that he will change because he won't.
Do yourself a huge favor and surround yourself with people you trust. Family and friends. People who know you and love you. I know you are going through a terrible time and it's going to hurt for what seems like forever but it will pass. See this guy for what he REALLY is, not what you think he is or want him to be. You deserve better than him and please don't find someone else on the 're-bound' just to get over him. That is one of the worst things you can do right now. I did that a few times and it only leads to more heartache for both parties. Give yourself time. Time heals all they say and I can attest to that. This is a part of 'growing' and unfortunately, it's the part of growing that is painful. The next time you get involved with a guy, perhaps you will look at him more carefully and find out what he's all about before falling head over heels. Get to know him and know him WELL. Be friends. You trust your friends, don't you? You have to trust your man 100%.
If this guy really loved you, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Not ANYTHING.
I wish you tons of luck and please, stick with your family and friends at this time. You aren't alone.

 

[joce]

I don't know what to think. I know I do love him but I also think if I had someone to cuddle with at night it wouldn't be nearly so bad if that makes any sence to anyone. Its jsut those times you wake up and reach over and no one is there. Or I jsut think of something I'd rally like to tell him,just stupid little stuff and I just get so upset.

I can't think of not having him in my life but then again I don't think I can be just friends with him. I told him I didn't want to see him when I came to pick up my stuff or I would send my mom to get it and he wants me to do it. I jsut don't get it,why? So he can see my cry? I told him I didn't want to be home when he came to get all his stuff but he acted all offended. I honestly think I'll loose it all over again when I see all his stuff gone.

I think of all the times lately I've been so happy being with him and it all jsut feels like a huge lie now and that almost helps me but it hurts a lot. Hurts even more that he jsut didn't even try. Never even talked to me. I would have literally done anyhting for him. he knows that too and maybe thats another reason it hurts so bad. He honestly jsut doens't care adn there is not a thing I can do to change that.

I know this is for the best and I need someone who really loves me. this was probally doomed from teh begining anyway. When we first started going out all I ever heard about was how bad his dad treated his mom,now he acts like its not that bad. I don't want to end up beign forty and sitting at home calling my kids complaining about their dad. You think it would help him know what not to do.

I keep telling myself I did all I could but why couldn't that have been enough?

there was soo much stuff we were supposed to do this summer. And its jsut so hard to think its all gone now.

I really never thought I would be without him. this sucks

 

[Fran27]

I'm sending big hugs your way... Try to go see friends, watch movies, anything that makes you think about something else. Do those things you never did when you were with him. Make your own plans for this summer. Try to enjoy being single again. And don't hesitate to post when you need to.

 

[Jules]

Of course it's hard to be alone after being with someone for so long. Of course you miss the warm body next to you at night. But just staying with him because you are scared to be alone would be the wrong thing to do.
Go out, see friends you haven't seen in awhile, pick up a new hobby...just stay busy!

Honestly, when I read your first posting in this thread, it was clear that you don't trust him. Before he even had a chance to explain, you jumped to conclusion and expected the worst. You said he didn't treat you right in the past, so it's understandable. But the most important thing in a relationship, imo, is trust. How would you make it work from this point (esp. with his fishy explanation) and repair all the damage if you don't trust him?
It's not bad that you feel like weight has been lifted off your shoulders...if you were doubting your relationship subconsciously, maybe this incident was the last drop you needed to give you the strength to walk away.

((((hugs))))

 

[joce]

I talked to a frined and cried a good long time to her. Doens't really feel better but I feel like I cna go on.

I finally made a my space page,I guess so I have a place to vent even though a live journal would have probally been a lot better.

Please add me people and make it look like I have frineds.
http://www.myspace.com/83628262

Sad thing is I hav eno other pics to use but the one of me and him

 

[Debi]

(((HUGS))) I can't possibly say anything that will make you feel better right now, but I'll be hoping you stay strong. and just sending lots of ((HUGS))

 

[Gustav]

Oh I am sorry Joce! I know how it feels too, been there done that, got the T-shirt.
It takes time to heal!! Get out into the world again girl, look at things with fresh eyes and see new oppertunities in everything!! Being single can be a wonderful experience and very liberating! You may not feel it now but you will soon Sending you big hugs and loads of possitive vibes!!

 

[pup-man]

These are my recommendations:

Get a gym membership if you don't have one already. You won't realize how much frustration and energy you can burn off during these times.... + the benefits of keeping healthy and preparing yourself for the open market

 

[Denaluvscorgis]

Before you go and pick up your stuff- have you talked to him at all?
I mean...I totally understand you, but maybe it IS harmless and he's freaked out about how much you trust or not trust him.
I would definitely talk to him first...I mean, he has to come home at some point. If he is cheating on you- scrrrrew him! It's tough...but we're here for you!

((((hugs))))

First of all Joce BIG (((((((HUGS))))))) I'm so sorry that you had to see that...I agree with what Jules said.....you need to talk to him about this first before you do drastic. we girls.....our minds really go crazy when we see things like that. Have a really good talk with him....get the truth from him!!!! If it is true and he was with another girl......DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!! ONce someone cheats they will 99% of the time do it again, and YOU DO NOT deserve that kind of thing in your life. You are a wonderful, smart, kind, talented & beautiful person, and you CAN NOT accept anything other then total devotion to you and only you!!! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers....Good luck!!!!!

 

[Ash47]

Joce
I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. It sucks big time. I am glad you know that you can talk and unload on us any time. Please PM if you need a friend to talk to.

 

[Renee750il]

Joce ~

Like Gustav, been there, done that, got the crappy t-shirt . . . Reading your posts was like having a flashback.

Now ((((((HUGS))))))

What got me through it when I finally threw Roger out (and he had all SORTS of logical lies, er, I mean "explanations") was my friends. They were there for me on the phone; they made sure I got out and went places with them, they aggravated me and teased me, and they were good enough and brave enough to remind me of all the excellent reasons I had for throwing him out . . . and the even better ones for not letting him back in the house . . . SO REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS AND LEAN ON THEM!

One very valuable thing I learned is that it's like taking off a Band-aid. If you pull it off slowly, it hurts for a long, long time, but if you go ahead and just give it a good, clean yank it stings for a bit, but it quits hurting a lot sooner.

 

[thewhitewitchone]

Hi Joce. I don't know you well but I feel your pain. I've never been cheated on (that I know of) but I was "dumped" by someone I gave up everything to be with. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I lived with this guy and the worst thing was being alone. I filled the gap with friends when I could, played sad songs and cried...a lot. It took a long time to feel better.
I think you are doing the right thing. Let him go and don't look back. You saw him with another girl, he totally blew you off by not answering his phone or trying to talk to you about it. He is going to try to put it off on you...make it look like something you caused. DON'T LET HIM DO THAT.
Once he sees you are serious about leaving...once you are actually gone, maybe he won't be so "amused" or whatever it is you think he is being.
Nobody likes to be dumped...so YOU be the "dumper" and be proud of your strength in doing it. You deserve better. Tell yourself that constantly.
If this guy was concerned with how you feel and losing you, he would have reacted a lot different. I repeat...you are doing the right thing!
You need to talk about it too so take up some of the offers to PM people here. Stay strong!

Pam