Puppy is somewhat timid - please help!

[George10]

Hi! We have a 7 yd old Golden Retreiver (Boy) and a 5 month old Puppy Golden (Girl) that we have had for about 2 months. I trained our 7yr old and he just listens to everything I tell him. No so much with my wife, but sometimes. He looks at me like his master.

I am doing most of the training, disciplining, etc....I accidenatlly stepped on leg while she was eating. She is now timid, kinda scared when we I feed her, she waits for 15 plus minutes to see if the Ghost is clear to eat? Is it becuase I stepped on her? Plus, I had our windows open and had a good breeze coming in the house - I closed a door but the wind caught it and the door slammed. The puppy was right n ext to me and absolutely freaked out. I told her to come and that it was alright. She was very scared......Tail tucked and almost crawling to me. These events occured about 2-3 weeks ago. She licks me and jumps on me from time to time, but will sometimes hide behind a couch to see what I am doing, etc.....It seems when I ignore her, she acts normal. But when I get involved - she gets timid.

Any thoughts/suggestions? Is it becuase she is female and scared of my voice? My wife uses a deep tone in her voice when she says No and she gets timid.

Looking for help. I do not want her to be timid around me becuase I'll call her to come in the house after she goes potty in the backyard or plays and sometimes, not all the time, but a good 50% of the time, she wil not come to me. I have to go out and get her and again, tail tucked and scared?

 

[Doberluv]

How much are you getting her out into the world? She needs socialization. She needs to experience all kinds of things and they need to be made as pleasant as possible. You don't want to overwhelm her. However...when she is timid or afraid of something, don't make a fuss over her. Don't pay much attention at all. She senses your concern and worry and it magnifies her own. She doesn't know what it is you're worried about, just that something is really wrong. She gets comfort when she is in this state of mind and learns that this state of mind is a familiar and comfortable place to be. Ignore her when she cowers about things and go on about your business. While she's eating, stand there by her food or walk past. Be confident and don't reinforce her feelings of helplessness. Don't tippy toe around her. If the door slams, there's nothing you can do about it. She needs to get use to stuff happening but again, don't let terribly frightening things happen to her. For example, socializing with other dogs...make sure they are friendly and don't attack her. Just go slowly, but not too slowly. This may be her temperament and that's not good if that's the case. When she has moments of being confident and happy, that's when you lay on the attention.

Get her busy with some basic obedience at home for a while. Then if she gets so she's not so terrified, take her to a class. Use positive ONLY training methods. You can browse these forums here, look up clicker training online, read a couple of books; Culture Clash, Jean Donaldson, The Power of Positive Training, Pat Miller.

Remember...behavior you don't want, don't reinforce with things he dog likes. For behavior you do want, reinforce...reward, praise etc. You can distract her from doing something you don't want, give an alternative behavior, better yet, an incompatible behavior to the one she's engaging in and praise for her complance. You don't need to use aversives at all to train your dog. And that's an especially good thing with a timid dog.

but a good 50% of the time, she wil not come to me. I have to go out and get her and again, tail tucked and scared?

Don't call her to come at all if she doesn't have a solid recall. If she doesn't come, your cue word becomes meaningless. I would take her out on a leash if she's use to a leash or go out and instead of saying "come," try enticing her by running a little away from her instead of coming to her head on. Make gentle, but fun sounds to try and get her to come along to you. But don't use the word, "come." Wait till she comes by other means reliably. Then start adding in a cue word. The English words don't mean that much anyhow. Use treats. Give her one after she comes a few steps. Make sure she does something for you first and then give her the treat. Don't use it as a bribe, but instead, a reward. Use tiny, pea sized, yummy treats....hot dog pieces, cheese....just tiny.

 

[George10]

Thanks for the reply. What you said makes lots of sense and I am doing some of what you mentioned. She does socialize outside of the home on walks, etc....Plus, she has my 7yrd old Golden to play with.

This evening, she would play with my 7yr old Golden, but go nowwhere near me if I was in the kitchen while she played in the family room. It took about 20 minutes before she did come around to the kitchen where I was. I ignored her the whole time and it did work. Funny when the wife comes home, the pup hangs out in the kitchen with her and not coming near me unless she has no choice. Or, she will go the opposite way (avoiding me) to get to where needs to go like her water bowl or get a bone, etc....But....when I took her out on her leash to go potty, she jumped on me and was very happy. I gave her a treat She seemed happy....We go back inside and she slowly did come near me but was hesitent. I learned that with the whole family in the home, she will jump on me and have fun. When it is just me and the pup, she sometimes looks depressed, is timied and scared....

I guess I'll just have to give her time and have patience. I never experienced this with my 7yr old Golden, so this is a twist to me.

Do pups come out of being timid or scared? If so, how long dos that take?
If she won;t eat her food when I feed her, what do I do? She did today, but yesterday, I gave her food and while I ate my lunch she was far away from me in the family room just starring at me?

Thanks again.

 

[Doberluv]

It took about 20 minutes before she did come around to the kitchen where I was. I ignored her the whole time and it did work.

When she came in the kitchen, was she happy and relaxed or cowering? If she comes near you, I would toss her a treat as long as she's having a moment of relative bravery. And give her a happy, low key voice. Let her know that coming around you is a wonderful thing...always a wonderful thing.

Do you know how and where she was raised for the first weeks of her life before you got her? Who did you get her from? Has she had any stern, frightening treatment? If she has not had ample socializing at the breeders those first weeks, this can be damaging to a dog....socializing as in raised in a home where there are people coming and going, pots and pans rattling, vacuum cleaners going, handling, a little rough housing play, visitors.

There's a "window" of time where ample socialization needs to have been done and that's at about 14-16 weeks of age... after puppy leaves the littermates and mom....to saturate her with everything she is ever going to come in contact with, taking her lots of places, different environments, different ground surfaces, seeing machinery, traffic, other puppies...not just your other dog, kids from 2-5, kids from 5-11, kids from 11-16, adults of different color, wearing different types of clothes, snow suits, men with beards, elderly with canes, people carrying large objects, clipping nails, bathing. Again, experiences must not be frightening but the pup needs to see everything you can think of that she may see in her lifetime. The more she experiences during this window, the better she'll be at accepting novel things later. It must be done by about 14-16 weeks. At that time, their personality is formed. If this was not done, this can cause this shyness and timidity.

Yes, it is possible to be born with a genetically unstable temperament. A lot can be over come, but not everything and not always.

Teaching her some basic obedience can build confidence in her too, but use positive methods. Do you want her jumping up on you or other people when she's full grown? If not, then discourage it now. Don't scold her for jumping up. Show her an alternative way to greet. Teach her to sit by luring her with a treat and praising and giving her the treat after she sits. This could be her way of greeting you. There are games she can play like tug or hide and seek which build confidence. With tug, first she should learn how to give first. Trade her a toy for a treat and give her back the tug toy. Do it back and forth like it's a game. Praise her. Encourage her to retrieve. If she ever ends up getting so brave that she bites you in play, just stop playing with her. You don't have to scold. This is for later. It sounds like she's not very brave right now. But you can try a gentle game.

I don't know why she's afraid and shy when it's just you. Some dogs are more timid with male voices. Maybe something happened in her past before you got her. (?) I just don't know. Like you say, give her time, have patience. Be happy and like everything is just fine...no big deal and she may come around a lot.

But that socializing is the most important thing I can emphasise. If you haven't done enough, try doing it now, but again, prevent overwhelming all at once or having something frighten her unduly. Try associating the things she sees with treats and praise when she's fairly comfortable.

If she won;t eat her food when I feed her, what do I do? She did today, but yesterday, I gave her food and while I ate my lunch she was far away from me in the family room just starring at me?

Put her food down for 15-20 minutes. If she doesn't eat it, pick it up and put away until the next time...or a few hours later if you like. Don't say another word, make any fuss. She'll eat if she's hungry.

Give it time and do things gradually, but steadily. She may come around.

 

[George10]

When she did come in the kitchen, she was somewhat relaxed, not too scared...She basically sniffed around abit and then went to lay down in the family room.

I do not if she had any frightening treatment? However, I do have 2 kids (6 and 11), so she is great with my kids, my kids freinds, etc...From a socialization point of view, she does great. She is still getting used to things like the vacuum. She was scared to death of it but is coming around where she almost plays a game with it.

She is timid when we take her out of the gargae to go out. If a car is moved, a lawn mower is in the way, she knows it. She freaks out. It seems as though when these things happen, I am always the one taking her out, so when she is put into a situation where something is differnet, it is me there with her. I always try to comfort her during these times.

This am, she was very happy to see me and yes, I have to teach her to not jump. I used treats this am and just said sit and she listened.

I'll take the advice which are all good. Treats and ingoring her and most important to build her confisnce.

I guess I just want to know that she will eventually come around and not always be timid or cowering?

 

[casablanca1]

She might be a sort of spooky temperament, which would mean she would always be somewhat cautious and wary of new things. But most dogs will, if handled well, get over the more extreme behaviors like cowering and outright timidity. When she's scared, try not to comfort her ("poor dog, ah, it's okay, good girl" etc.) but be calm and cheerful and go forward, reassuringly ("you're fine, let's go, sweetie!") and distract her with something fun.

You mentioned a couple of times how she's very different than the older dog you're obviously very close to, and I wonder if the puppy might be picking up that you're a little dissatisfied with her. If she's very sensitive, she'll pick up even minor, understandable frustration or irritation, and it'll increase her nervousness.

 

[Doberluv]

She is timid when we take her out of the gargae to go out. If a car is moved, a lawn mower is in the way, she knows it. She freaks out. It seems as though when these things happen, I am always the one taking her out, so when she is put into a situation where something is differnet, it is me there with her. I always try to comfort her during these times.

Don't try to comfort her. Just take her out and act like it's no big deal. Try to get the other people in your family to take her past these scary things like the lawn mower too. She may well be associating scary things with you. Spread it around so the context isn't always the same.

I agree with Casablanca. If (I don't know if you are) you're tense, worried, questioning about this pup, wondering all the time if you're handling each interaction with her just right....you'd be amazed at how dogs can sense human body language, changes in your voice, your expression. They are extremely intuned to your moods. You need to really, sincerely change your thinking so that when you interact with her, you're feeling confident and unworried. And don't inadvertantly reinforce her fears and shyness with a lot of attention. Try to pay attention to when she is relaxed and reinforce that with good things that she likes. Introduce her to new things little by little and reinforce with something she loves when she goes past the lawnmower with less fear than she did the time before. Use something like a tiny piece of left over chicken or other fresh meat, tiny hot dog pieces....something really good, not just some old dried dog biscuit. LOL. You want to turn the "bad" things into "good" things.

 

[Herschel]

I agree 100% with Doberluv. Don't comfort her in new situations. Make it seem like he best experience ever.

For example, I was out for a run with our dog a few weeks ago and he watches my leg to make sure he doesn't get kicked. He watched a little too much and ran into a pole. He was kind of rattled, but instead of saying, "it's OK" (a command he knows to mean crawl to us and be comforted), I said, "Good boy!!" in a happy high-pitched voice, gave him a high five, and we continued on our way. Now he is more careful about poles--but not afraid of them at all.

You should get in the habit of carrying treats with you constantly. Whenever your puppy comes near you, give her a small treat. Every time you call her and she comes, give her a small treat. Give her a small treat just for staying next to you. With each treat, make sure you rub her chest, talk to her in a calm, confident voice and act normal.

Dogs know if you're trying too hard to gain their affection and it scares them. Just let time works its course, follow the advice in this forum, and in a few weeks you should see a significant difference.

You aren't going to be able to fix this in a matter of 1 or 2 days. Give it time!

 

[Doberluv]

Lots of times my Doberman (being the clutz that he is) will smash (and I mean hard) his head on the coffee table or something. I do say, "a-w-w-w-w you poooooor baby" and I make a big fuss over him, rubbing his head. But he's not having some neurotic fear response or any kind of feeling of helplessness. He hurt himself and I comfort him. He gets right over it. In fact he usually seems to perceive my attention as time to play and he starts pawing at me or sticking his rear up and wagging his abbreviated tail. You see what I mean? With this dog, it makes no difference if I do that or not. If he were the type to get all helpless over something like that....if he showed some kind of fear or other helpless reaction, I wouldn't do that. But he's just this big goof ball clutz who hardly notices when he knocks his head or other body part into something. In fact, I pretty much make a fuss over all my dogs if I think they've hurt themselves. It makes no difference. I do it for myself probably. I don't think they perceive our comforting as our being empathetic. I think that's too complex. I think they just see it as attention. With my dogs, they don't get into an fearful mental state. I don't think it causes a dog to get into a learned helplessness unless the fearful feelings are already there. So, you have to use judgement.

 

[George10]

Thanks for all the replies. The more I think about it, it could be that my puppy is picking up on the fact I may be dissatisfied with her becuase of my 7yr old Golden. I'll have to re-adjust on that behaivor because I have favored my 7yr old over her alot.

I'll post results in about 2 weeks on the progress. Thanks again!

 

[George10]

Well, The puppy seems to be coming around very slowly. She is actually starting to come into the kitchen when I am there or when the family is in there too. But, still somewhat timid...For example: I was the only with her yesterday for a few minutes in the family room. I started to play a little tug of war, but she just walked around me with her tail tucked? Then, just laid down. The minute my son came into the room, she went nuts and wanted to play all of us? I am doing the treat thing and she is approaching me from time to time. I just do not want her to be timid or frightened at all.

By the way, she has a totally different attitide around me when we go in the backyard. She jumps on me, plays, etc.....

 

[Doberluv]

Did anything scary happen to her at the breeders? Maybe a man in a kitchen dropped a frying pan on her and she associates you, the kitchen with a scary situation. (?) I don't know.....You got her at about 3 months of age, right? That is just about at the end of the critical period for socialization right there. So, unless the breeder had her exposed to a lot of different things and people, that may account for some of this timidity. If not too much was done in the way of saturating her with experiences in the next couple of weeks, that too can have an effect. And part of this can be her temperament which is just her. Not much can be done about temperament and not much can be done when soicalization wasn't ample from birth to about 14-16 weeks of age.

All I can say is to keep at it, have patience and hopefully, she'll get more and more use to the things that worry her. Don't inadvertantly reinforce the timidity and try to build on the braver times. Let us know. She sounds pretty comfortable in certian situations and with certain people. Maybe more playtime with your son and you together. So, other than that, I just don't know. Hope things continue to improve and I bet they will.

 

[Herschel]

Keep at it--make sure you always give her random treats. I'm glad to hear you're making progress.

It is going to be tough, but don't make a big deal out of this. Your dog will pick up on your nervousness so just act as normal as possible, even if that means ignoring her at times. For example--when you were the only one home with her, if you weren't in the same room as her she probably would have followed you just to have some sort of attention. A treat from you and some praise would have made it an extremely rewarding experience.