Has anyone ever experienced depression after bringing a puppy home? My husband and I, after years of preparation, research and planning for the right time, finally brought home our puppy. At first we were thrilled. She is such a sweet little girl who gives so much love and affection. Soon, even though my husband remained thrilled and happy, I began to feel depressed. I am sad all the time, cry several times a day, and have pains in my chest and stomach. I've been diligent about feeding times and training schedules, even playing with her. But I feel like I'm going through the motions, not really enjoying our time together. This took me completely by surprise. I thought we'd planned so well. Now I feel so weak for not being able to emotionally deal with this. Has anyone else experienced anything like this, and if so, did it ever subside? I'm just trying to make the best possible home for my puppy, but I don't know what's the matter with me. Any insight would be very useful right now.
New Puppy and Depression
- Thread starter veruca
- Start date
I'm not sure if I experienced the same thing, but I know that taking care of the puppy made me feel crappy all the time. I thought for sure my social life was over and I wanted to cry every night because it was more of a responsibility than what I thought it'd ever be... It was hard for the first month and I never thought it'd go away, but things did get better after the first month. Hope it gets better for you!
Many times when you anticipate something wonderful and then it happens ....you feel drained . I remember one Christmas my young son asked only for a road set . We had it all set up by Santa and he was thrilled when he saw it ..... then just sat by it . When asked why , he answered that he wanted it so badly , but now the fun was over . Go figure ! New Mommies go through this too ! BTW... what did you get and how old is it ????
Totally normal feelings that I think most new puppy mommies and new human mommies feel (like Grammy said). You've anticipated and dreamed and waited and dreamed some more. You always dream about the best even though you're prepared for the reality. Potty training is not fun, even with the human babies and is frustrating. We don't dream about poopy on the floor and wet spots on the carpet when we're dreaming of our perfect pups. We don't dream about eaten socks, pillows, even sometimes expensive matresses and couches that do exist in reality. We get tired and the puppy still needs exercise and play and training. I've sat down on the couch exhausted from my days half falling asleep and half tugging on a rubber chicken head and occasionally throwing it to get his energy out while I sit my booty down and rest. The rain makes baby crazy and mommy sleepy. Laundry is three times the chore because you trip 10 times carrying it and the rest of the time pulling it from puppies grasp, you have to watch the stove constantly to make sure puppy doesn't jump up (assuming it's a big puppy). Sound familiar. Then your puppy nudges you and gives you that special look that makes you melt or does something silly that you can't help but to crack up laughing so hard your cheeks hurt and cuddles up on the couch and lays their head in your lap and you sit and pet and love and relax together. Your puppy will grow and the hard times get less and less until you realize that the well behaved, loyal, best friend is just not the same puppy that you raised what feels like so long ago but at the same time just like yesterday. You'll go through many memories together and time will seem to stand still until the day you are faced with the graying hair and arthritic pains of your aging senior and you hurt for the puppy days and the crazy teenage phases. It seems like only moments ago your aging dog was just a baby. The memories of the puppyhood are replaced with only the happy ones that you want to remember and not the ones that you'd rather forget.
Believe me, I know the feelings in both raising both a baby and a puppy. You'll go through many phases, mostly getting better and better but still with some setbacks along the way. It will be worth it throughout the lifetime of your dog.
Mind you, it took me about a half hour just to type this because I had to get up about 6-8 times to sit/stay my own puppy and trade treats for 3 shoes and 2 newspapers and a piece of schoolwork. I look forward to the day that the good memories replace these ones especially but I don't want to rush it because I know from too much experience that these days will be gone too soon enough.
Believe me, I know the feelings in both raising both a baby and a puppy. You'll go through many phases, mostly getting better and better but still with some setbacks along the way. It will be worth it throughout the lifetime of your dog.
Mind you, it took me about a half hour just to type this because I had to get up about 6-8 times to sit/stay my own puppy and trade treats for 3 shoes and 2 newspapers and a piece of schoolwork. I look forward to the day that the good memories replace these ones especially but I don't want to rush it because I know from too much experience that these days will be gone too soon enough.
Fantasy vs. reality
I'm off the clock and this is not professional advice, but I'm a psychotherapist and, based only on the information you've given, I'd agree that this is something that will likely pass. Like BubbaTD said, there's often a "let down" after we have anticipated something for a long time -- newlyweds go through it, recent grads go through it, new mommies go through it. I think part of it is that the reality of something, no matter how wonderful, is never quite as amazing as the fantasy you have about it.
I think what has to happen for a lot of people is a meeting point between what you had fantasized about and what the reality is. I read a study recently about how mothers who give birth to a child with Down's Syndrome have to take time to re-think their future and their hopes and aspirations for their child. Those mothers who can accept and deal with reality (rather than get stuck in mourning the fantasy and the hopes) fare much better, are less depressed, etc.
"Fantasy" puppies are all snuggles and cuddles! Reality puppies are poop and whines and sleepless nights. The sooner you can refigure your emotions to match your reality instead of your fantasy, the better you will feel, I think.
I'll add that I also went through this when I first got my Milo. I had erroneous beliefs about what a dog would provide me -- and basically thought I could get a living teddy bear who would dispense affection at my every whim. Oh sure, I'd read about dog training and about horror stories of ill-behaved dogs, but I would never have that dog. My fantasy dog was perfect! Didn't smell, didn't cry, didn't lunge.
What I got was a puppy (too young separated from mom and littermates) who wanted to bite me all the time, who kept me up all night, and who ate away my savings in vet bills. I couldn't get him to mind me. I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I cried and cried. Here all I wanted was a puppy to cuddle -- and what I got was a shrieking, biting terror! I took his puppy-ness personally, if that's possible.
The better I got with communicating my desires to Milo (training, etc.), the better I felt. We really did build a bond and a relationship that amazes me to this day. He is the best companion I could ever hope for, and I can't imagine life without him! Is he a teddy bear to dispense affection? Nope. He's a dog. But he's a darn good dog.
You'll get there. I'm about to bring a second puppy into our home, and I feel much better equipped this time. I know what to expect with a puppy, and I know not to take it personally. I also know that puppyhood passes, and the more I can do for the dog during puppyhood, the better of a dog he will be. On the other hand, don't be too hard on yourself for not already achieving perfection. Dogs will teach us patience. They need time and repetition. It'll all come together, I promise.
If you think you're alone in this, go on petfinder.com and look at all of the 10- to 15-month-old puppies who need new homes. Lots of people can't deal with the reality of puppies. It's much more fun to fantasize.
I'm off the clock and this is not professional advice, but I'm a psychotherapist and, based only on the information you've given, I'd agree that this is something that will likely pass. Like BubbaTD said, there's often a "let down" after we have anticipated something for a long time -- newlyweds go through it, recent grads go through it, new mommies go through it. I think part of it is that the reality of something, no matter how wonderful, is never quite as amazing as the fantasy you have about it.
I think what has to happen for a lot of people is a meeting point between what you had fantasized about and what the reality is. I read a study recently about how mothers who give birth to a child with Down's Syndrome have to take time to re-think their future and their hopes and aspirations for their child. Those mothers who can accept and deal with reality (rather than get stuck in mourning the fantasy and the hopes) fare much better, are less depressed, etc.
"Fantasy" puppies are all snuggles and cuddles! Reality puppies are poop and whines and sleepless nights. The sooner you can refigure your emotions to match your reality instead of your fantasy, the better you will feel, I think.
I'll add that I also went through this when I first got my Milo. I had erroneous beliefs about what a dog would provide me -- and basically thought I could get a living teddy bear who would dispense affection at my every whim. Oh sure, I'd read about dog training and about horror stories of ill-behaved dogs, but I would never have that dog. My fantasy dog was perfect! Didn't smell, didn't cry, didn't lunge.
What I got was a puppy (too young separated from mom and littermates) who wanted to bite me all the time, who kept me up all night, and who ate away my savings in vet bills. I couldn't get him to mind me. I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I cried and cried. Here all I wanted was a puppy to cuddle -- and what I got was a shrieking, biting terror! I took his puppy-ness personally, if that's possible.
The better I got with communicating my desires to Milo (training, etc.), the better I felt. We really did build a bond and a relationship that amazes me to this day. He is the best companion I could ever hope for, and I can't imagine life without him! Is he a teddy bear to dispense affection? Nope. He's a dog. But he's a darn good dog.
You'll get there. I'm about to bring a second puppy into our home, and I feel much better equipped this time. I know what to expect with a puppy, and I know not to take it personally. I also know that puppyhood passes, and the more I can do for the dog during puppyhood, the better of a dog he will be. On the other hand, don't be too hard on yourself for not already achieving perfection. Dogs will teach us patience. They need time and repetition. It'll all come together, I promise.
If you think you're alone in this, go on petfinder.com and look at all of the 10- to 15-month-old puppies who need new homes. Lots of people can't deal with the reality of puppies. It's much more fun to fantasize.
PS: I'll also add that if you think there are other life factors that would add up to depression (above and beyond the puppy like, say, a major life change, a family history of depression, a problem in an important relationship in your life, another situation where your reality has not met up to your fantasy), don't hesitate to seek help. The better your feel, the more focus and energy you can give to your life and, in consequence, to the puppy.
Just be careful not to fall into the trap of redirecting sadness and frustration from other things in your life onto your puppy. That's not really fair.
Lots of help out there, if you need it.
Just be careful not to fall into the trap of redirecting sadness and frustration from other things in your life onto your puppy. That's not really fair.
Lots of help out there, if you need it.You're not alone!!!! I kept calling my husband in tears when we got Boris... it was really horrible, I didn't think I could go through it... but I did, and it went much better when he grew up. Then with Tips, I didn't have any problem.
I'm depressed, and I was before, and believe it or not, having the dogs really helped, it just took a while to adjust. Don't give up.
I'm depressed, and I was before, and believe it or not, having the dogs really helped, it just took a while to adjust. Don't give up.
Yes, by all means, I had it when I got Spanky. It didn't start immediately but probably about 3 weeks into it. I don't remember how long it lasted, but it did last a while. I think it was worse (in length) with me than alot of people experience, but I'm not sure about that.
On the plus side, apparently when I'm depressed I don't eat well. I did lose about 15 pounds during his first 4 months with us!!
On the plus side, apparently when I'm depressed I don't eat well. I did lose about 15 pounds during his first 4 months with us!!
Yup, many owners go through what you're going through. I call it "puppy blues". I also tend to get it whenever I get a new puppy. I get pretty down, then question my sanity in getting a dog. The thought of rehoming even crosses my mind a time or two.
But after you get past that phase, having a dog is really a joy. Give it time. I promise it will get a lot better. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to post and ask for support!
But after you get past that phase, having a dog is really a joy. Give it time. I promise it will get a lot better. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to post and ask for support!
Yes, I did wonder if I would have to rehome Spanky. I knew I really wouldn't, but more because of the kids than anything. For my sanity, I thought it would have been the best for me. I am so, so, so glad that I stuck with it, though. I often times think what I would have missed out on if I had given in during that phase.
I am SO glad I stuck it out. Even so, for quite awhile I said I would NEVER get another puppy again. And I might adopt an adult next time. But, I've quit saying I'll never have another puppy.
I am SO glad I stuck it out. Even so, for quite awhile I said I would NEVER get another puppy again. And I might adopt an adult next time. But, I've quit saying I'll never have another puppy.
