Minor rant

[Taqroy]

Actually several minor rants, which all of you can feel absolutely free to ignore.

1) My sister got into town last Friday for her last week in Colorado before she moves permanently to Illinois. I heard nothing from her until yesterday and since I'm going out of town today there's no way I'll see her before she leaves. (The reason I haven't called her is a long involved backstory that I don't really want to get into. Mainly because I tried to contact her for 2 weeks and received one word answers or one line responses so I gave up.) I'm upset that she is moving and clearly doesn't want to see me or maintain any kind of relationship (apparently) when she moves. I don't know why she's acting like this either because I didn't do ANYTHING that I know of and she won't talk to me so I can find out what the effing problem is.

2) My sister in law takes advantage of her brother (my husband) and he lets her. She hasn't contacted us since she moved up here (and when she did before it was because Matt was helping her move plus he was watching her kid for free for two weeks) which was 2-3 months ago. She called him today and asked him to go pick her kid up from school because he's sick. Don't get me wrong, I like Kev (the kid), but I think it's a pretty bad idea to not have a plan in place for things like medical emergencies. I know that Matt's going to go buy him medicine and get him lunch and his sister will offer to pay him back for exactly NONE of it. It's happened many times before. And what exactly was she planning to do if Matt was busy?? She's a single mother and she's working and I respect that but she's also a freaking freeloader and today it's pissing me off.

3) My mom called two days ago to ask me if I'd talked to my sister. When I told her no she came back with "Well you know it'll be your last chance to see her before she moves." No **** mom, it'll also be her last chance to see me, thanks. I've called, texted, and emailed and gotten ****all back for a response so I'm kind of over it. Maybe you should learn the backstory before you jump in and tell me I'm wrong.

AAAAARGH. /endrant

 

[ACooper]

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

All I can say to that is sometimes (hell, most of the time) family will dump on you (over and over) faster and far worse than a stranger or enemy and not have the decency to feel the least bit bad about it, and not see where they are doing anything wrong......blood is thicker than water and all that junk

 

[~Jessie~]

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

All I can say to that is sometimes (hell, most of the time) family will dump on you (over and over) faster and far worse than a stranger or enemy and not have the decency to feel the least bit bad about it, and not see where they are doing anything wrong......blood is thicker than water and all that junk

^^^

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) sent to you as well!

 

[HayleyMarie]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((MASSIVE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Are being sent your way. I agree with Coop. Family can suck sometimes. I hope its gets better for you

 

[Taqroy]

Thanks guys. ((((hugs back)))) I feel better for getting it off my chest. I've been horribly snarky for the last couple days and taking it out on Matt and I hate that. Just...ugh.

 

[Doberluv]

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe you should ask your sister point blank...."Is there something I've done to offend you? I feel like we're not as close as we could be lately. Would you like to have a talk?" I don't know... it could be nothing in particular....maybe she's just so wrapped up in her own thing right now. It's not a nice way to be, granted.

My brother and I lost almost all contact after he moved to Maine, years ago. We had been very close as kids and teenagers. We hung out and had fun when I was first married in my early 20's and he was just about to get married. We were really best buddies and did all kinds of sports and things together. He just go so obsessively involved in making loads of money in his career back east and really withdrew into his own life so much that he became very unresponsive to anything I tried to do to keep in touch. For 30 years, I think we chatted superficially a handful of times and emailed the other handful...like 2 or 3 times. He died from a brain tumor and wrote a letter when he was dying of how regretful he was about not keeping contact. When he was so sick, I sobbed for him and his suffering and for what we lost. That went on for about a year or more. Then he died. I had no more tears. I didn't really miss him because I had lost him a long time ago in reality.

I hope something like that doesn't happen between you and your sister. Time is something that shouldn't be wasted on bewilderment and no answers to things like this. But there's only so much you can do. There was only so much I could do and I tried. But my brother got really weird. If answers don't come and you can't get any response, there finally comes a time where you just have to accept it for what it is and take care of yourself and move ahead.

 

[Ms.Sallie]

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe you should ask your sister point blank...."Is there something I've done to offend you? I feel like we're not as close as we could be lately. Would you like to have a talk?" I don't know... it could be nothing in particular....maybe she's just so wrapped up in her own thing right now. It's not a nice way to be, granted.

My brother and I lost almost all contact after he moved to Maine, years ago. We had been very close as kids and teenagers. We hung out and had fun when I was first married in my early 20's and he was just about to get married. We were really best buddies and did all kinds of sports and things together. He just go so obsessively involved in making loads of money in his career back east and really withdrew into his own life so much that he became very unresponsive to anything I tried to do to keep in touch. For 30 years, I think we chatted superficially a handful of times and emailed the other handful...like 2 or 3 times. He died from a brain tumor and wrote a letter when he was dying of how regretful he was about not keeping contact. When he was so sick, I sobbed for him and his suffering and for what we lost. That went on for about a year or more. Then he died. I had no more tears. I didn't really miss him because I had lost him a long time ago in reality.

I hope something like that doesn't happen between you and your sister. Time is something that shouldn't be wasted on bewilderment and no answers to things like this. But there's only so much you can do. There was only so much I could do and I tried. But my brother got really weird. If answers don't come and you can't get any response, there finally comes a time where you just have to accept it for what it is and take care of yourself and move ahead.

That was so very well said , I also have been separated from my family for years .
We have actually gotten to the place where we never call , or e mail .

Maybe the OP should try and set aside time before her sister moves to say a decent good bye .

 

[Taqroy]

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe you should ask your sister point blank...."Is there something I've done to offend you? I feel like we're not as close as we could be lately. Would you like to have a talk?" I don't know... it could be nothing in particular....maybe she's just so wrapped up in her own thing right now. It's not a nice way to be, granted.

My brother and I lost almost all contact after he moved to Maine, years ago. We had been very close as kids and teenagers. We hung out and had fun when I was first married in my early 20's and he was just about to get married. We were really best buddies and did all kinds of sports and things together. He just go so obsessively involved in making loads of money in his career back east and really withdrew into his own life so much that he became very unresponsive to anything I tried to do to keep in touch. For 30 years, I think we chatted superficially a handful of times and emailed the other handful...like 2 or 3 times. He died from a brain tumor and wrote a letter when he was dying of how regretful he was about not keeping contact. When he was so sick, I sobbed for him and his suffering and for what we lost. That went on for about a year or more. Then he died. I had no more tears. I didn't really miss him because I had lost him a long time ago in reality.

I hope something like that doesn't happen between you and your sister. Time is something that shouldn't be wasted on bewilderment and no answers to things like this. But there's only so much you can do. There was only so much I could do and I tried. But my brother got really weird. If answers don't come and you can't get any response, there finally comes a time where you just have to accept it for what it is and take care of yourself and move ahead.

Dober that is so sad. ((((hugs)))) I think I will give myself a little time to cool off and then try talking to her again. I know there is something going on because usually she'd be using me as an emotional crutch during a time like this....which is something I was trying to steer away from and I *think* why she got pissed off in the first place. But I would regret it a lot if something happened while we were both being idiots about this. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[puppydog]

Yeah, I know how that can be. My sister and I don't talk at all. When she first started her sh*t with me I just ignored it. Then again, she started with me when I was around 14. But things got worse and worse and I was always the one trying to patch things up and try hard. My father was always telling me to get in touch with her, try and work things out, be the mature one (never mind she is 7 years older then me). I always did.

It then reached the point with her that I totally cut her out. The catalyst of that? I told her I was getting Riley and she told me how unfair it was of me to bring a dog into such a bad environment. She being the owner of 2 BC's and an Aussie. All pet store dogs, never groomed, left to roam the neighborhood and fed crap food.

It was at this point where my father finally saw that it was her causing the issues. Just leave out your explanations. Don't talk about the issue, keep telling your mother that you have your reasons and she should respect that. That is what I did and my parents have finally seen my sister for what she is. It was only then that I told my parents that she had taken my private medical information (she worked for my Dr) and spread it around to ALL her friends. Something that I could actually sue her for.

So yeah, the truth has a funny way of showing itself.

Hugs, family stuff sucks.

 

[Doberluv]

Thanks for the hugs Tagroy, though I accepted pretty well the way things were quite a long time ago. There was always a little smidgen of resentment toward him for putting up a wall the way he did. But at the same time, I know he was missing something integral inside for him to live his life that way.

I think your plan is good. If you were pulling away to prevent an unhealthy situation between your sister and you...to prevent a dependency type thing, where she was essentially incapacitated without you, then I wonder if she'd understand that if it were explained to her...that it was not only bad for you, but bad for her. But if she merely needed a little help or support, then that's different. I hope a little talk between you two is productive. But you can only do so much. Part of it has to come from her too, of course.

 

[Beanie]

I have a situation a lot like puppydog's... my sister started all kinds of **** and I've just decided I can't deal with it anymore. Frankly it just makes me sad. I am jealous of people who have great relationships with their sisters. My sister and I used to be close but... I really don't know what happened. My family all thinks I'm the one who's being difficult about it, but I reached the point where I had enough. Trying to patch the relationship up time and time again was only resulting in me being MORE hurt than before, because every time we tried to talk, she'd say something worse. Basically like "oh I didn't mean that you're a bitch - I meant you're a HUGE bitch!" I just couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't actively be upset about the relationship, I couldn't try to fix it anymore. I had to stop the bleeding.

It is really really painful to be on the side where you wish you could have a relationship, but the other half just doesn't really care. Even though I know all of the terrible things she said and there's really nothing she could say or do to fix the damage done, it still hurts. Especially when, say, I see my co-worker who has such a GREAT relationship with her sister. It just makes me sad. But OTOH it would be worse to have not basically given up on it. Not that I'm telling you to give up, but if that's what it ultimately comes down to... well... you're not alone.
My family also still thinks I'm being terrible because I don't want anything to do with her, completely forgetting the fact that SHE is the one who didn't want anything to do with ME in the first place - and only AFTER I confronted her about it and got told I was a terrible person and everybody hates me did I decide I was done. :eyeroll:

 

[puppydog]

I know how you feel Beanie. No matter what I do my sister honestly thinks she is the one hard done by. She honestly does not like me, goes out of her way to hurt me then blames me. This is the woman who managed to get her children expelled from Pre School because of her behaviour.