Marriage shouldn't be allowed before 25

[zoe08]

Has anyone seen this article? Why I Believe Marriage Shouldn't Be Allowed Before Age 25 by Jennifer Nagy
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

Let's look at my stats:
Current age - 29
Divorced for - 8 months
Separated for - 1 year, 9 months
Age when I met my ex - 19
Age when I married - 24

Which brings me to my point: couples should not be allowed to get married before age 25.

Really, YOUR stats make you come to the conclusion that NO ONE should marry before 25? Because you weren't mature enough, no one is?

Who knows? Maybe there are 20-year-olds that get married and stay madly in love for their whole lives. Maybe puppy love can last forever.

Could be. Maybe there is such thing as fairies and unicorns too.

And this really is what gets me, and proves she was in no way ready to be married. Most people don't continue be passionately, madly in love 100% of the time with their spouse. But what makes a real marriage is those that can stay together and work through the times when you're not feeling so madly in love.

And puppy love is not what you need to last forever. Puppy love is not real love, anyone can find that with a new exciting relationship, even with someone they are not truly in love with. If you want that, you will have to go from relationship to relationship your whole life.

 

[Greenmagick]

****, DH and I must be doomed lol.....I was 24 when we got married...started dating and living together when I was 19. Yes, total puppy love obviously

 

[CharlieDog]

We're obviously doomed too. We met at 17 and got married at 23. Obviously we're young, but it'll be seven years in December, so she can suck it.

 

[LauraLeigh]

Hmmmmm

*GASP*

Are you ready?

I was 17, hubby 19.....

We celebrate 21 ( Very Happy ) years this fall....

Blanket statements/ opinions drive me crazy!!

 

[LostAndConfused]

Meh, I was 18 he was 16 when we started dating, but we met 2 years early. And I was 23 and he was 21 when we were married. 3 years in a week and a half.

 

[Shai]

Another doomed marriage, right here.

 

[Shai]

It's just another case of the seemingly wide-spread notion that what is right or wrong for one person must be right or wrong for everyone.

Which is of course nonsense.

But until this author figures that out, it's probably best that she not try the marriage gig again.

 

[CaliTerp07]

I was 22, DH was 23. We'll celebrate 4 years of marriage in a couple weeks.

I do think that for the majority of people in my social circles, they aren't ready much before 25. All my friends were still finishing up law school/med school/grad school, traveling for work to build up their careers, still figuring out what they wanted out of life, etc. You either have to accept that the person you marry at 22 is likely to change big time in the next 5 years (as are you!), or if you aren't willing to adjust and be flexible then it's probably best to wait. Now, at 27/28 our friends are all starting to get married, and none of them to the people they were dating when they were 22-25. I've got 3 weddings to go to this summer alone!

Regardless, blanket statements are dumb.

 

[GipsyQueen]

Stupid blanket statement...

Some people are ready to marry at 18, others at 25 and some are never ready.

 

[Kaydee]

I was married the first time at 20, bad idea...the second time at 25 and we've been together almost thirty years, certainly there were tough times along the way...but know we'll be together till the end of days and beyond.

Having kids is another story. If I knew then what I know now, I would've waited till 30 then one and done. I've got my reasons...the dark humored joke "After raising daughters I know why some species eat their young"...if you haven't had teenage daughters yet don't even try to figure it out...

Having kids young means you have more stamina, energy, enthusiasm and having kids when you're older means you have more wisdom, patience and are probably more established financially...but I personally should have waited with the babies...but they tell me the grandbabies are much more fun, so I am sooo ready!!!

 

[puppydog]

Meh. If everyone is over 18 its no one else's business.

It wouldn't have worked for me, but I'm not everyone.

 

[CaliTerp07]

Okay, so I read the "article" (after replying, of course). It strikes me as being written by someone who's still hurting, big time.

I do think she has a couple valid points--that pre-25, most people are still figuring out who they are. And I do think that people dive into marriage too quickly without thinking things through. But I also firmly believe that couples who want to "beat the odds" can make smart decisions to help them achieve a solid relationship. Find someone who shares core values (on family, faith, money, etc). Find someone with a track record of good decisions and responsible choices (education, career choices, money management). Have those difficult conversations early in the relationship (discussing debt, marriage, kids). Go through pre-marital counseling to make sure you didn't forget to talk through anything.

Most of all, realize that getting married means you have to give up taking care of yourself first, and put someone else's desires before your own. One of the best pieces of advice anyone gave me when we announced we were getting married is to make all decisions based on what was best for the marriage. Sure, that job offer may be perfect, but is your marriage going to thrive or suffer if you have to move to a different state? Okay, you want kids now--is that really going to improve your marriage right now, or is it stress that (when added to the current situation) is going to make things too overwhelming? Is your spouse going to be able to handle you taking grad classes on the weekend, forfeiting date night for years at a time? You have to be flexible, willing to adapt to whatever life throws at you.

Using that logic has made me make a lot of decisions I didn't necessarily like, but they were for the best of our marriage at the end of the day, and I can honestly say that my marriage is awesome and I wouldn't change a thing in the way we interact with each other.

 

[LindaJD]

I was married at the age of 23, starting dating him when I was 19. We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago, but I was the last of all my friends to get married and I am the only one still married. Honestly I could tell before they got married that it probably wasn't going to last.

 

[Dizzy]

Ha funny. I have just been having a convo with my 18yr old friend about her plans to marry my friend (who is 30). She is from the US and reality is if she wants to stay with him, she needs a visa. But we've been deep in talk about how people change, and how she is young yet.

If I got married at 18 there's no WAY it would have lasted. But that's not to say it doesn't for everyone.

 

[swabby]

I was married the first time at 20, bad idea...the second time at 25 and we've been together almost thirty years, certainly there were tough times along the way...but know we'll be together till the end of days and beyond.

Having kids is another story. If I knew then what I know now, I would've waited till 30 then one and done. I've got my reasons...the dark humored joke "After raising daughters I know why some species eat their young"...if you haven't had teenage daughters yet don't even try to figure it out...

Having kids young means you have more stamina, energy, enthusiasm and having kids when you're older means you have more wisdom, patience and are probably more established financially...but I personally should have waited with the babies...but they tell me the grandbabies are much more fun, so I am sooo ready!!!

My Dad likes to tell people that the longest ten years of his life, was between my 15th and 16th Birthday.

 

[Lyzelle]

DH and I met at the ages of 15/12.
We married at 20/18.

I guess we're doomed. Oh well, so far so good.

 

[CaliTerp07]

My Dad likes to tell people that the longest ten years of his life, was between my 15th and 16th Birthday.

Hah, I think my dad would agree with yours!

 

[Baxter'smybaby]

count me in for the doomed marriages---we were 18 and 19 when we met, married at 23 and 24. Lets see...we just celebrated our 26 anniversary.....wonder when the doomed part happens?

 

[Kaydee]

Okay, so I read the "article" (after replying, of course). It strikes me as being written by someone who's still hurting, big time.

I do think she has a couple valid points--that pre-25, most people are still figuring out who they are. And I do think that people dive into marriage too quickly without thinking things through. But I also firmly believe that couples who want to "beat the odds" can make smart decisions to help them achieve a solid relationship. Find someone who shares core values (on family, faith, money, etc). Find someone with a track record of good decisions and responsible choices (education, career choices, money management). Have those difficult conversations early in the relationship (discussing debt, marriage, kids). Go through pre-marital counseling to make sure you didn't forget to talk through anything.

Most of all, realize that getting married means you have to give up taking care of yourself first, and put someone else's desires before your own. One of the best pieces of advice anyone gave me when we announced we were getting married is to make all decisions based on what was best for the marriage. Sure, that job offer may be perfect, but is your marriage going to thrive or suffer if you have to move to a different state? Okay, you want kids now--is that really going to improve your marriage right now, or is it stress that (when added to the current situation) is going to make things too overwhelming? Is your spouse going to be able to handle you taking grad classes on the weekend, forfeiting date night for years at a time? You have to be flexible, willing to adapt to whatever life throws at you.

Using that logic has made me make a lot of decisions I didn't necessarily like, but they were for the best of our marriage at the end of the day, and I can honestly say that my marriage is awesome and I wouldn't change a thing in the way we interact with each other.

Very well said, jus' about perfect really. One of the bumpiest parts of the road for me was I never had time to "find myself" as a single adult. I went from living at home to wife to mom to single mom and back to wife over five years...that would get anybody a bit dizzy. Then by the time I was 30 I had three kids to figure out too. Wish I had opted for establishing a career and some fun time before I had to be responsible for the whole world...ya know???

 

[sparks19]

We were married when I was 24. Married 7 years this august and it seems we must still be in the honeymoon phase lol. When Brian was off work last month people kept asking me if I was sick of him being around all the time and ready to get rid of him. Are they kidding? I LOVED having him home all the time. If we were independantly wealthy and he didn't need to work ever again I would be A OK with that This week has been a tough adjustment going back to having him gone most of the day at work. I miss him terribly.

I've grown and changed A LOT since we got married and honestly I wonder how he put up with me in the first years of our relationship because I was a mess and I went through a depression being away from home for the first time (8-10 hours away from home). He was older (7 years older than I am) and perhaps that is why he was so patient with me or maybe it was just because we REALLY truly loved each other so even in the worst times giving up was not an option for us. Being apart would have been worse than any of our trials.

I can see how a lot of young people rush into marriage with the wrong person and expect all sunshine and butterflies all the time and why the divorce rate is so high because a lot of people just don't want to work at anything anymore, they want it to just come easy. I can also see how lots of people are dedicated enough to stick it out through the hard times and truly love each other.

My dad is in the category of "people should never get married ever" LOL. He may be 65 years old but he is no more prepared to put anyone (other than his kids) above himself. He's a selfish man when it comes to partners. don't get me wrong... I LOVE him dearly. he is my father and even when he drives me bonkers he is a very dedicated father and always has been but he is just not meant to be a husband. he sucks at it lol.

What Caliterp said is absolutely true. You HAVE to be more than willing to put your spouses desires above your own. That doesn't mean you be a doormat but it also means that you can't always have your way. As a couple you both have to be willing to do that.

Brians friend (and ex boss) always said he was jealous of the relationship Brian and I have and Brian told him... it's EASY to obtain. You just have to care more about them than you do yourself. At times Brian would text with me and his friend would say "See that's what I couldn't stand. When I'm out... leave me alone" Well... maybe that's why you are alone... or maybe you need to find someone that feels the same way. For us, we are worriers. I don't text him to nag him. I text him to say "Hi... I love you" or "did you make it to your destination Ok" and he does the same. A lot of times I'll text him and say "hey we made it to such and such. text you when we are heading home" and he will do the same. he texts me everyday when he gets to work because he drives almost an hour and a half to work now and I would worry if I didn't hear anything from him. As a couple... we get that about each other and we are both very similar in that way so it works for us. We like to be in contact lol. it's not nagging, it's not "why aren't you home yet, what are you doing, hurry up". One morning in the winter he was going to a customer that was 2 hours away and it was snowing and his car was old. I hadn't heard from him in a while and I texted him... nothing... I called him... no answer. I texted again.... nothing. then I was freaking out because it was not like him to not respond. My imagination totally ran away with me and I was in full blown panic attack mode. I actually called his work LOL (of course it was a small company and I had met everyone many times and they know who I am). I just said "Hey... I'm not trying to be pest but I've been trying to get ahold of Brian to make sure he made it to his destination and he hasn't responded and that is unusual. the weather is bad out there and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I was just wondering if you knew if he made it or not." His co worker understood where I was coming from and thought it strange as well and was also a bit worried as they also hadn't heard from him yet that morning. He called around and got a hold of him on his cell phone. He was still on his way there and his ringer was off and he hadn't heard the calls come in. Brian called me immediately and was apologizing all over the place for making me worry. Instead of thinking about how I inconvenienced him (and everyone else LOL) he was worried about ME and how I was feeling. I was apologizing to him for freaking out and being "that person" lol and neither one of us was thinking about how it affected us individually. I acted totally irrationally lol and he would have had every right to be frustrated with me but instead HE was worried about ME being worried about HIM lol.

I don't know what the point of all that rambling was lol other than a couple needs to agree on the big things but the little things can have big affects too if you aren't on the same page or willing to understand where the other person is coming from.