Jealousy - Help!

[lisaandloki]

Dear All,

I have a somewhat urgent situation at hand. As some of you know, I've recently relocated to Kansas City from Chicago. I took a home based on pictures I had seen, and when I arrived the house was not in livable conditions, so I am moving again tomorrow. I am moving in with my brother Jeff to a very large home.

I am having problems between my brother and my dog Loki which is causing me some stress and I need to work this situation out so everybody can live together peacefully. I suspect the problems for both brother and dog to be jealousy. My brother thinks that my dog should respond to him the way he responds to me. Loki, on the other hand has had me all to himself for his entire life until moving back here to KC where friends and family are in and out consistently. In Chicago it was just me and the dog. Loki has never exhibited agressive behavior with any person ever and is in fact very friendly and loveable....to everybody except my brother, and this has happened 3 times now. He becomes agressive, snarls at my brother and has tried to bite my brother nearly every time my brother is around him.

My brother has never been a dog owner and I, myself, am a first time dog owner. I've done my homework and understand that I am the pack leader as far as my dog is concerned, and I am the master. I just don't know how to integrate the two and I don't want my brother to get angry and yell at my dog when I have to be out of the home. My brother is prone to fits of anger that dissipate quickly. I also don't want my dog to be at odds with my brother because his nature has always been friendly and loveable with any person. It's just all new to him.

Also interesting is that I've not been able to get Loki neutered yet. I lost my job in Chicago which is why I relocated back to my home town. He's been to the vet and I just paid for the balance of everything he needs for his first year, save neutering and now, I'm saving to have that done within the next 30 days. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with Loki's behavior.

Anyway, I'm caught between a rock and a hard spot and I'm stressed out and could use some very good advice here that comes from someone familiar with behavior issues and dogs. My dog is very loyal .... to me. This does not seem to extend to my brother...ugh.

Help!!!
Lisa

 

[Roxy's CD]

First off, I'd suggest locking Loki in your room or away from your brother if your not around. You don't want a big mess.... I don't let anyone else order my dogs around, ever. Me and my bf that's it. I always keep a close eye on them and if their bugging people, I tell them to back up.

Being aggressive towards your brother however is not acceptale, it is your brothers house. You need to be very assertive, let your brother feed Loki a whole bunch of good treats! Perhaps even make him carry a whole bunch of them in his pocket. If he wants Loki to bugger off, get your brother to tell him to lie down and stay, and he can get some treats....

I don't really have any other ideas right now but if I think of any I'll let you know

 

[Zoom]

First off, hi and welcome to the fourm. Second, welcome back to KC!

To supplement what Roxie just said, I'd start by taking a step back and just having your brother toss a good treat near the dog whenever he walks past. No other interaction beyond that, not even eye contact. Of course, if the dog is showing aggression at all, no treat. But if the dog is just lying there being quiet, then chuck him a treat or two. Get it through his head that good things come from your brother.

Second, tell your brother to quit trying to boss your dog around. It's not his dog, the dog has no prior experience as to why he should listen to him. In his mind it's no different than some random stranger walking down the street telling him to down/stay. As you said, it's been just you and him for quite some time. There is a necessary adjustement period needed, and the additional stress of having your brother trying to essentially force his dominence over your dog isn't going to make it easier.

 

[lisaandloki]

Thanks.....

Yes, I've considered locking Loki up when I'm gone. However, because we do live together....I need them to be buddies! The snack idea is great. I'm also encouraging my brother to get acquainted with facts in general about dogs and again about shih tzus so he understands the nature of the dog...which is fierce loyalty to their owner and also not liking to be separated for long periods of time from their owner's...companion dog completely...both on his own and as much as I can teach him too.

Loki has been housetrained for quite some time and hasn't had an accident in months. His crate sits in plain view and is open every day for him to sleep or rest in, but he never does. Occassionally when I've been working with him on "no bite" when he plays a little too agressively, and he ignores my command, I have put him in the crate for a time out. If he snarls at my brother again, the way he snarled at him today, I simply must discipline him and because I'm reading that not all ppl support crate use for a time out..what other recommendation is there for disciplining him on this issue.

When I get back on my feet we are both going to obedience training but until then...I keep getting great advice and help from all you good ppl! I really appreciate it. Please continue to respond! I'd love that.

Thanks.
Lisa and Loki

 

[Doberluv]

If your brother has fits of anger, it is natural for your dog to behave defensively....hense the growling. Never punish a dog for growling. He telling your brother to stop frightening him or he'll bite. If you interupt that growl/bite sequence, the dog is likely to go straight for a bite.

Your brother needs to act like a leader, not a squabbling beta dog. This invites squabbling from your dog. A leader is calm, quiet, assertive and patient and non-physical or violent/emotional. Your brother can become a leader if he takes part (as you do) in being the provider of resources, having the dog earn things he likes or needs. Look up Nothing In Life Is Free dog training. You'll see what the practice is. This, along with doing some of the training....a few basic obedience skills every day will help. Your brother must understand that he needs to treat the dog with respect in order to be a respected leader that the dog will trust and like. Trying to dominate and push a dog around by harshness ruins the relationship between humans and dogs and does not make for a good leader.

I recommend a few books; The Culture Clash (Jean Donaldson) and The Other End of the Leash (Patricia McConnel)....Don't Shoot the Dog (Karen Prior). These books will teach you (and your brother) how dogs learn and about their behavior. They are not humans and don't think the same way. They're amoral and don't think in terms of "right or wrong." So many people forget that they're animals and treat them by projecting human values and ways of thinking onto them. This is what ruins dogs and trust between them and their humans.

When your dog does something like bite when playing, remove the reinforcement (you) and end the play time and attention. Reinforce/reward for behaviors you do like. I can't recommend those books enough.

Try to have a heart to heart with your brother. Good luck.

 

[Roxy's CD]

Doberluvs hit the nail on the head. I couldn't agree more with you A leader doesn't have tempertantrums, or have to beat anyone into submission...

Maybe just have your brother ignore him, but as soon as Loki, sits in front of him, or lies down by his feet, have your brother give him a treat. Reinforce that mentality, of calm and eliminate the nervousness.

 

[lisaandloki]

Once again, I am enormously grateful for this advice and I will immediately purchase these books! I'm also going to be letting my brother read this post! It's been very hectic and stressful these past 5 days with moving once again and Loki had to be crated a majority of the time (for his own safety) as we had all the doors open moving things in and out. He was NOT happy about this, but things are beginning to calm down and soon I'll be able to re-establish a consistent routine. Loki has been pretty grumpy and I expected that, so it comes as no surprise. He's been through so much change in a 60 day period he just doesn't know what to expect. We have tried the treat thing and it helped alot. I'd be grumpy too if my life was disrupted and my routine was a little haywire! Many thanks again for all the support and advice!

Lisa and Loki