"Its Not Gonna Work"

[PixieSticksandTricks]

This has nothing to do with the other thread or peoples opinions on it. Its actually something I hear regularly and really okay yeah it has to do with age difference.

So yeah Jesse is 25 soon to be 26. Im 19 soon to be 20. We have been friends for a couple years now and as most know we're now "together". My mom supports my relationship 110% because to her age means nothing and she loves Jesse. Our fellow bandmates support us and a handful of our other friends do as well.

As for the rest of our families heck no lol. My grandma thinks he's a perv because why would someone in their 20s want to be with a 19 year old? His mom thinks im all sorts of wonderful things lol.

But the main thing I hear from my family and his is its not gonna work. The age difference is too large and blah blah blah. I don't see the age difference as a big deal. Everyone swears it be a huge issue. It gets really annoying honestly. Do I think we will last forever? I have no idea. Do I care? No I really don't because right now im the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Though he is leaving in two weeks to go visit family in the UK and that will suck.

I just get tired of hearing it constantly how it won't work or last. Its kinda like when I tell people I really don't want kids. And then the proceed to try and convince me different. Its just like "Shut up and worry about your own lives". Last time I checked none of these people were psychic .

Sorry just a rant. It just gets really old hearing everyday how doomed my relationship is. As far as im concerned they can all bite me.

This is not directed towards anyone on Chaz.

 

[release the hounds]

well just by a matter of odds you could say it "isn't going to work". Jeez if it "worked" with everyone I was ever involved with or dated, or liked at any point, I'd have my own polygamist sect with 100 wives and who knows how many kids.

People like to voice their opinions for various reasons. But as long as you realize the choices you make affect you, and you're happy and comfortable with them, then keep on making it "work".

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

If it was based on normal odds I wouldn't care. But people are like "Oh he's that much older than you. That will never work hun". Im aware it may not work but not because of his age. Not all relationships work. I have been in 4 physically abusive ones, one where I was cheated on. I would like to enjoy this one without people jumping down my throat about something as trivial as age. It could be alot worse.

 

[+meg]

I know exactly what you mean. Seriously, those people need to respect your feelings and you obviously don't care of the age difference and it's your decision; lay off. As long as you're happy, that should be the only thing that matters. Tune out the others. And to add... "It's Gonna Work"!

 

[CharlieDog]

I know how that is. People told Steven and I all the time it wasn't going to work, because his family (except for his father) is a certain race, and I'm not. His family is god fearing Christians, and my family consists of mainly agnostics and atheists. Well, our familys religious views have no freaking bearing on how well Steven and I get along. Which is just fine thank you. I want to tell them to take their heads out of their asses and bite me.

 

[milos_mommy]

Well...is age the ONLY problem people have, or is it their excuse?

Because that isn't a big difference...at all. At 20...not many people should be telling you someone in their mid-twenties is too old for you. Is it possible your grandma doesn't like Jesse for some other reason?

It's stupid for anyone to say it's not going to work because of the age difference. It's not a big age difference. And what do they even mean "work". Do they mean you won't get married and be together for ever? Do they mean you'll end on a bad note? Relationships don't always have to "work" or "not work". Sometimes they just are.

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

Well...is age the ONLY problem people have, or is it their excuse?

Because that isn't a big difference...at all. At 20...not many people should be telling you someone in their mid-twenties is too old for you. Is it possible your grandma doesn't like Jesse for some other reason?

It's stupid for anyone to say it's not going to work because of the age difference. It's not a big age difference. And what do they even mean "work". Do they mean you won't get married and be together for ever? Do they mean you'll end on a bad note? Relationships don't always have to "work" or "not work". Sometimes they just are.

Thank you!! Lol. Honestly my grandma just doesent like him. He's a long haired "rocker" with no college education and he' s just kinda bumping his way through life. Which the same could be said about me... Other people I have no idea. I think the only other reason friends think it may not work out is we are in a band together. But for some it is just the age factor which to me is dumb.

I think with "work" means different things from different people. I think they just don't think we'll last period. Im not evening looking at marriage or forever and neither is he. Im just enjoying the here and now and whatever happens happens.

I have no idea if any of that just made sense lol.

 

[+meg]

It made perfect sense to me.

 

[zoe08]

There are going to be people who would tell you its not going to work no matter if he was the same age. They just use stuff like that as an excuse.

I am 21 and just got married to a 26 year old. We have been together since I was 15 and him 20. So don't listen to the age difference thing.

Some people just don't like to see other people happy.

 

[PixieSticksandTricks]

There are going to be people who would tell you its not going to work no matter if he was the same age. They just use stuff like that as an excuse.

I am 21 and just got married to a 26 year old. We have been together since I was 15 and him 20. So don't listen to the age difference thing.

Some people just don't like to see other people happy.

Im so gonna use you as proof that it can work out lol. And I think your right about some people not wanting to see others happy.

 

[noludoru]

Because that isn't a big difference...at all. At 20...not many people should be telling you someone in their mid-twenties is too old for you.

:hail::hail::hail:

Exactly. Just tune it out. Not that that's easy, but it's probably better than starting a fight over something that's none of their **** business anyways. The way I see it? If you are over 18 who you are dating is none of anyone's business but yours, even if you're under your parents' roof. If they don't like him/her, fine, don't bring te person into the house. If they're not fine with it, though, they need to deal with it in some other way than bothering you because it's YOUR choices.

 

[sparks19]

Well... I know it's not exactly the same since the ages are different but I have been with Brian since I was ... wait let me count lol.... just turned 23. Started talking when I 22. (if my math serves me correctly lol) he is 7 years older than me so when we started talking he was 29 (probably 30 by that point since his birthday is earlier than mine).

I knew my mom would be totally cool with it .... GOSH I love my mommy. But I was kind of concerned how my dad would take the fact that I was dating a man 7 years older.

At my going away party my neice blurted out "he's 30 and you are only 23? He's so much older." and my dad said "it's only 7 years older... not a big deal" I was surprised.

I have dated men much closer to my age and it was a disaster. I love Brian VERY much... he always jokes that he is robbing the cradle but we are at the same point in our lives despite the age difference. He was once married to someone closer to his age who was very selfish and manipulative so age does NOT equal compatibility.

Do what makes YOU happy... as long as you are safe who CARES.

 

[puppydog]

How about just telling them that you are fully aware that statistically it will probably not work out but you do not care and it has nothing to do with his age either.

 

[Renee750il]

Or just look at them blankly and say "did you hear something?"

Or you can always just walk away in the middle of the bullshit and leave them talking to themselves. Kind of like training a dog by not rewarding unacceptable behavior or dealing with a tantrum by refusing to validate it with attention.

 

[HoundedByHounds]

Honesty coming...

IF the only reason he were with you was you are young...because that is what he likes (and some men do indeed prefer young appearing women their entire lives the way some like blondes or very fit or big girls) then guess what? It might not work.

YOU are the only person who knows why you are together...and if there is a lot more to your relationship, whatever anyone else says is caca.

I am just putting the above, out there.

I would hazard to say that MOST relationships a 19y/o has...are not going to the the only one's they have from now to age 70...I do think that is a fair statement. But that's a far cry from telling someone their relationship is going to crash and burn...that to me seems personal and inappropriate.

 

[bubbatd]

My son just married a gal 14 years younger .....he's 51 and she should be old enough to know what she wants . I wish them well . She's very leveled headed and he is a Peter Pan !

 

[cinnamon]

Thank you!! Lol. Honestly my grandma just doesent like him. He's a long haired "rocker" with no college education and he' s just kinda bumping his way through life. Which the same could be said about me... Other people I have no idea. I think the only other reason friends think it may not work out is we are in a band together. But for some it is just the age factor which to me is dumb.

I think with "work" means different things from different people. I think they just don't think we'll last period. Im not evening looking at marriage or forever and neither is he. Im just enjoying the here and now and whatever happens happens.

I have no idea if any of that just made sense lol.

It makes sense to me If he makes you happy, then go for it. Age is irrelevant. My husband is ten years older than me, but most important we have the same values, beliefs in how to raise kids. I actually prefer older men anyway.

 

[Gempress]

Well...is age the ONLY problem people have, or is it their excuse?

My thoughts exactly. People often say innocuous things like that as a polite way to cover more painful reasons. For example, instead of saying "Josh is a womanizer, an absolute loser and will completely ruin your life," they'll say "Oh sweetie, isn't he too old for you?"

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Josh is any of those things! I was just making an example.