Is it wrong?

Buddy'sParents · Oct 11, 2008

I don't know if anyone watches Private Practice, but on Wednesday's episode they had a couple who wanted to have a baby. Nothing wrong with that, but test results revealed that they were brother and sister. Further investigation showed each set of parents, respectively, chose a sperm donor and happened to choose the same one (or the same one was used repeatedly simply by chance).

When the couple (married, by the way) first learned of this, they decided to stay together and still wanted to have a baby as they were soul mates with similar interests. They said they felt complete.

Is it wrong for them to stay together, knowing they are genetically linked, though were not raised as brother/sister, nor by the same family?

Is it okay for them to stay together because they were not raised together and are only brother/sister in terms of "blood"?

For those that don't watch. As the episode neared the end, the wife had decided to have her tubes tied because she wanted to be with her soul mate. The doctors met with them one more time, telling them it would not be good, etc..etc.. Then she found out her husband discovered that they were brother/sister before they were married and she got upset and left.

Zoom · Oct 11, 2008

That's just...squicky. But it's also a cultural thing, though a very widespread one for the most part. There are very few cultures that ever allowed brother/sister matings/marriages, usually cousins were as close as they got. So I think it's wrong and Lord knows the genetics of having kids by your sibling is just disturbing, but I've heard of more than a few instances where first cousins or siblings wanted to get married because of the closer connection they felt.

Buddy'sParents · Oct 11, 2008

I forgot to answer.

I find it horrifying, to be honest. Not only is it wrong, it's sick. So many things wrong with just the mere idea. *shudders*

Squishy22 · Oct 11, 2008

I think its wrong and disgusting. Even if I did not know, the day that I was given the news that I was dating my BROTHER, he would lose all of his attractiveness just like that. No way. Siblings are not meant to be together romantically, period.

darkchild16 · Oct 11, 2008

If it were me I would be gone but that is also thinking as a person who was raised as the person in mind as their brother. If we werent raised that way would it still be the same? I have blood relatives that I trully dont consider as relatives.

I also use the fact that I have a father out there I never met anything. What if one day I met one of his sons from a different woman. Would I love the man any different if I hadnt known before. If we formed a romantic bond before a family bond?

But no I would not have kids with him.

Zoom · Oct 11, 2008

We feel that way because most of us have been raised with our siblings as siblings. Siblings generally hate each other, at least a little bit. Biological imperative or something. But like Breeze said, if you just randomly met someone one day and had no idea until a blood test was done, however long that might be, how would that affect you?

I say this having to fight a gag reflex at the mere thought of incest :rofl1: Just so you know.

darkchild16 · Oct 11, 2008

so do I Zoom I could not continue to screw anyone related to me but eh

Squishy22 · Oct 11, 2008

Its just hard to imagine having sexual relations with you brother. Even if you didnt realize he was your brother at the time.

I know some people date men 20 years apart or more. What if you fell in love with an older man and then found out he was your father? That makes me sick just to think about it.

Toller_08 · Oct 11, 2008

I watched that episode and didn't know what to think. Part of me thought it was ok, I guess, since they didn't grow up together or anything and didn't find out until they were already in love. Then another part of me was repulsed by it, as I can't imagine being in a happy relationship knowing the guy I was dating was my brother. It'd just feel wrong and disgusting.

Squishy22 · Oct 11, 2008

Toller_08 said:

See, thats exactly how I would feel. The relationship would quickly lose its appeal. I just would not be able to live with myself if I continued the relationship. I dont think that not growing up together changes the fact that the two are very closely related... blood related. It would hit me really hard right in the gut to find out something like that.

I guess it depends on the person. I've heard about this happening before and then having kids as well. Not that I agree with that.

darkchild16 · Oct 11, 2008

It is really something I think about when I date guys from home. I dont know my sperm donors name. What if the guy had the same father. I dont know how many woman my father slept with or who. I have thought about what if. Just in case and its weird. I know of a time where I almost dated my cousin but not by blood. I didnt know he was my cousin and didnt find out until I almost had sex with him. Do I feel differently about him no, I had a great time with him and loved him would I go back and do it again with the knowledge I now have NO. So I dunno.

ma-vie-en-vert · Oct 11, 2008

Honestly if I found out that my fiance/husband was really my brother, I wouldn't be able to look at him the same, nevermind want to have a child with him.

Considering they never knew, it really wouldn't be wrong for them to be together, because how are they supposed to know about a mistake a sperm bank made? But having a child together? Definitely not.

Romy · Oct 11, 2008

Toller_08 said:

This pretty much sums up how I feel too. I guess this is an advantage to interracial marriage.

. Probably has something to do with our primal attraction to guys with accents, lol.

Anyway, it reminds me of a friend of mine. Her mother was adopted. When her mother finally tracked down her birth mother, she got the story of why she was put up for adoption.

Apparently,they showed up at her fiance's parents house together.
He said, "hey dad, we're getting married! Isn't that great?"
Dad said, "No, you're not."
Boy said, "But we have to! We will! We're in love!"
Dad said, "NO! You CAN'T marry HER!"
Boy said, "But we have to, she's pregnant."
Dad said, "Crap. Your dad, and her dad, is me. You can't get married."

So...being half siblings they couldn't get married and the baby was put up for adoption. She's perfectly healthy herself. My friend who is her daughter, is a genetic dwarf though, something she is extremely proud of. I don't know exactly how much it has to do with an inbreeding on one side.

Saje · Oct 11, 2008

Well I would never be able to look at Steve again if I found out he was my brother!!! <gags>

However, I can understand why people would want to. And I guess they would be half-siblings? So it's marginally better... I guess. It's still heeby jeeby gross but I wouldn't judge people if they did stay together. I just hope they never tell me!!! :rofl1:

milos_mommy · Oct 11, 2008

I voted not sure.

Personally, I think if I found out the person I was in love with, or married to, was my brother, I would leave or divorce him, for reasons stated about. It just seems wrong.

However, I wouldn't think anyone else was wrong for doing so. If they're in love, and want to stay together, fine. I think it would be wrong of them to have biological children, though.

DemitriousK · Oct 11, 2008

Apparently I'm the weird one here, because I don't find anything wrong with it. Genetically speaking, they should adopt... If it were me, I don't think it would bother me one bit... But I would understand if it bothered my partner (heh it DOES bother my partner.) I mean with all there terrible things that happen in the world its awesome that two people find and love each other. so what if they're incidentally (and unknowingly) related. I think that when you think of incest as gross you're thinking of incest for incests sake... clearly this is not the case here. the fact that they were related wasn't what drew them together (as is the case with the gross kind of incest.) But just as i understand that it grosses nikki out I understand that it grosses you out. It just doesn't seem, to me, like a very pragmatic outlook.

ACooper · Oct 11, 2008

DemitriousK said:

I can see Dem's point, and I sort of feel the same way.

I didn't see the show, but they were unaware when they met/fell in love. They didn't/couldn't have children..........I don't see the point in separating. Though having that knowledge would definitely wear on the relationship and I doubt it could survive even if they tried.

If you bring religion into it, yes, the bible says it is wrong in Leviticus. But again, that would be for obvious reasons of bringing a child into the world IMO.

I think it would "gross me out" more if a STEP brother and sister (like my own kids) who have been raised TOGETHER as siblings started dating. *shudders*
Not much chance of that happening here though because they have that sibling-ness, hehehe

jess2416 · Oct 11, 2008

I know for me specifically, if that happened to me, AS SOON AS I found out it was a sibling it would be over, no matter what, just the thought of it makes me sick....

Not to mention, what the child would have to endure when people found out that its parents were siblings, and thats just not fair, and to those couples well I think its pretty selfish of them because they arent thinking about the child, they are thinking about themselves..

Lilavati · Oct 11, 2008

Because I'm pretty sure I don't have a brother out there, its hard for me to judge. I think I'd be pretty freaked out if I discovered Mike was my brother (and wonder how the heck my father pulled it off!). But, beyond that . . .

I wouldn't judge. THey decided not to have children, which is the only really rational concern in the issue. Other that that . . . its their business, not mine, and I can't begin to judge the validity of their love. So, I answered "Okay." Not because it doesn't make me a little squimish, but because I can't really say there's anything wrong with it . . . they met each other, fell in love, and made love before they knew. Their relationship isn't even the same as illegitimate half-siblings . . . their connection is not through human beings as human beings, but through milky fluid in a test tube. Its purely genetic. If they hadn't been tested, if they had not had a problem having children, they would never have known, or had any way to know.

Maxy24 · Oct 11, 2008

I don't think it is wrong to stay married but I think it's wrong to have children together. I mean imagine falling in love with your husband, being deeply in love, I can't imagine the knowledge that you are related would make you love the person any less, you may just be grossed out, perhaps too much to ever have the same relationship, so you leave, but that's only because you have been taught it is wrong your whole life. I think it is icky because I think about it from the standpoint of a relationship with my brothers, and because I have been taught it's icky and wrong but it is truly just a relationship with a guy you love and then you find out you are related. I mean what if you found out tomorrow your husband was related to you, would you just leave him?

There was a show on House like this, a young couple who were neighbors since child-hood were ill and it turned out to be a genetic disease, but the chances of them both having it without being related were slim to none. They end up being brother and sister (through one parent) She leaves him and he is devastated.

Is it wrong?

How do you feel about it?

Wrong?

Okay?

Not sure?

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